The Assassin and the Sorceress Ch. 08

...

I sat down to dinner with Esther's family, and her parents were happy to be introduced to me. But the conversation was slow. I didn't feel very cheery after the knowledge Esther had just unloaded on me. I was quiet because I was afraid of saying something stupid if I opened my mouth. They were nice to me despite my quietness, but there was some nagging feeling that they were only pitying me. It wouldn't have been the first time. Even though they invited me with open arms, I felt they secretly didn't want me there. I ended up excusing myself early, saying I should probably go check up on my parents.

I couldn't be mad at Esther for what she had said to me. Somehow, she had been harsh, yet at the same time far too forgiving. I thought about all the anger I had held onto as a girl, all the violent fantasies I would lose myself in after I would get picked on. Was I really as well-meaning as she had said? Would she have still believed I was well-meaning, but misunderstood, if she had known I had looked through her window at night in secret and used magic on her?

Esther's theory of why so few people had like me growing up was a hard truth to bear, but it made all too much sense. I had been completely oblivious to all of the awkwardness she had mentioned, but it agreed with this notion I had of some secret language everyone else but me could speak. Was it really so simple as that? Eye contact and body language? Could someone so smart as me really have missed something so simple and obvious for all those years? Well, yes. It seemed I was gifted in every area except the areas that mattered. In important matters, I was a bumbling fool.

4

The next day was the Autumnal equinox, the twenty-third of September, I remember. I was feeling somewhat better, but the hard truth of Esther's words still hung over me. I decided I needed a friend to make me feel better.

I decided to find Matthew in the woods. Of all my friends, he was the one who seemed to judge me the least of all. I was never worried about impressing him at all; I could truly be myself in front of him without worrying about coming off the wrong way. Fooling around with him was when I was most at ease; I was almost as comfortable around him as I was by my lonesome, and that was saying something.

I had come up with several ideas involving him that I was almost tempted to act out. What I had done to Esther had excited me like nothing before, but I had felt so bad about it. But what if I did things differently with Matthew?

In one fantasy, I would create some mystical shrine out in the woods, dedicated to some forgotten pagan god of erotic pleasure. I would tell him about this amazing place I had found in the wilderness a few miles outside of town, and we would hike there together. There could be nude statues with exaggerated features: gigantic breasts and nipples, cocks the size of my forearm, maybe even something to make even my generously sized slit look average. I could make mythical creatures: mermaids, fawns, wood nymphs, whatever my mind could conceive of! I envisioned a stone terrace, or maybe a gazebo, with benches to sit on, pools to dip into, soft patches of grass to lie on, succulent fruit trees to eat of... it would be out own, private Eden! We could throw off our clothes and be Adam and Eve!

Who had created it? How old was it? Had anyone else ever discovered this place? Unanswerable questions, all of them. I could tell him that I feel a strange magic to this place, and why shouldn't such a fantastic place be magical? Maybe he would even agree. And then, magical things could start happening! Maybe his penis could suddenly start growing, along with my breasts. He wouldn't suspect it was really just me doing it. I thought of that recurring fantasy of mine where my nipples suddenly get stuck to a wall, much to the shock of those around me. Maybe I could decide to rub my labia against the stone cock of one of the statues, one lying on its back with the thing jutting up into the air, far too large to actually fit inside me. I could act surprised when my labia suddenly cling to it, and I find myself trapped! I would enjoy seeing Matthew's shocked reaction, and having him try to help me get free. And, just like with Esther, the strange bond would release as soon as I had had an orgasm.

And maybe, once I had figured out how to get free, I could dare him to try something next. I thought about his long, stretchy foreskin that he loved to have tugged on. Maybe I could make the tip of his foreskin get stuck to a pillar or something. He could tug and tug to his heart's content, and nothing in the world would threaten to break that grip before he'd had his pleasure! Oh, I would have loved to watch him doing that, too! Watching his penis and foreskin stretch out to the max as he pulled futilely against it would have made me so hot! Would he enjoy it, too?

Or maybe, if I was really feeling daring, I could skip the pretense altogether. Could I even tell him about the Oculus? If there was anyone I could reveal my magic powers to, it would probably be him.

But should I?

If I trusted he could keep a secret, and also not freak out upon seeing real magic, maybe I could finally have someone to act out my private fantasies with! Having someone to share those deep secrets of mine with would ease so many of my burdens! Not just my magic powers, but my strange, secret desires that had unfurled themselves recently.

And if he knew about my powers, I could do anything for him that he wanted! We could have fun sculpting our bodies together! I could make his penis longer and wider, as huge as he wished! We could play around with different sizes, from generous to truly obscene! We could have fun making him more muscular, taller, broader shouldered, or anything he wanted! Then I could take on any shape he desired. I could satisfy his wildest dreams for him, no matter what they might be!

And... if he only knew I could do magic, I could finally get him to understand why fucking me wouldn't get me pregnant! To feel him finally side his cock into me, his custom-fit cock, would be the best thing I had ever felt! Oh, the fun we could have together, if only I dared to reveal my deepest secrets to him!

And, if I could tell him about the Oculus, I could also tell him about Verus and the foolish pact I had made with him. And confess all the horrible things I had done with those powers, and now wished I hadn't. I needed somebody to talk to, someone to help share the burden of these terrible secrets. If there was anyone I could confide in, it was probably him.

Did I dare to act on any of these ideas? As it turned out, it didn't matter. My meeting with him didn't go that way. Fate had other plans, it seemed.

I found Matthew in the woods in the late afternoon, as I had so many times that summer.

I called to him. He turned slowly.

"Oh. Hi, Morgana," he said, unenthusiastically, then turned back to his gathering, nonchalantly. That was uncharacteristic of him.

"I've had a bad few days," I said. "Actually, the past month hasn't been great for me. I've been feeling sad lately. I need someone to make me happy again. You were always good at that."

"Oh. Sure," was his only response.

"Have you had a few bad days as well? You seem sad, too."

Matthew only harrumphed.

For several minutes I tried to get him to say three words in a row. When I put my hand on his shoulder, he pulled away. When I lifted up my shift to show him my vagina, which had infatuated him before, he took one glance, then looked away, uninterested. After a few minutes, I think he finally just lost his patience.

"If you want someone to make you happy, why don't you go find Gaius?"

"What? He's practically betrothed to Susan, now! And I promised to leave the two of them for each other."

"Oh. Is that why you want me to make you happy now? Because I'm the only one left for you?"

"What? No! Well... maybe. I don't know." I was so shocked at his sudden coldness towards me, I couldn't think of anything helpful to say. I took a deep breath, and tried to remember what Esther had told me. Matthew was jealous of what I had done with Gaius. That question had clearly been rhetorical. Therefore, giving him a literal answer about why I couldn't have Gaius cheer me up wasn't going to help the situation.

"You're jealous of what I did with him." I thought of bringing up that conversation we had where he agreed that what we did was only for fun, and that we didn't need to be exclusive to each other. I decided not to. His sister had been right; I had only pressured him into saying he agreed, while in his heart he didn't.

It turned out to be the right choice. After all, any apology offered alongside excuses isn't a true apology. Matthew sighed and turned slightly more towards me, even making eye contact for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Matthew. I should have been clearer about what we were from the start."

"You were already... doing stuff with him by the time we had that talk, weren't you?"

"Yes. I'm sorry. I should have had that conversation with you before I did it."

"Did you get him to... you know... that thing I wouldn't do with you?"

"I... yes. I did."

He made a face as if I had stabbed him right in the heart. But should I have lied to him about that? No, I don't think I should have.

"What if you had gotten pregnant? Would you have married him?"

"I told you, no child will quicken in my womb."

"But what if you were wrong about that?"

"If, by some miracle, I became with child? I don't know. I didn't have a plan for that. But it didn't happen. And now that Gaius and I are done, it won't happen."

"What if he hadn't chosen Susan? Would you have married him?"

"No, I wouldn't have. And I don't think he would have married me, either. It was only for fun. Just like us."

Matthew didn't respond.

"Do you not want me anymore? If you want to call it off, I suppose that's your right to do. It would make me sad, though."

"I... I don't know."

"If you don't mind me asking, how long have you known about me and Gaius?"

"A while, I guess. Gaius told a few people."

"A while ago? So why are you only mad about it now? Did something happen?"

"I don't know. I was thinking, I guess."

"Thinking. Okay. Would you tell me what you were thinking about?"

"Just that maybe what we did could have been for more than fun. It's like..." After this, Matthew seemed to finally find his tongue. I don't think I'd ever heard him say so much at once. "It's like there was something special between us. I've always had a hard time fitting in and getting people to like me. And I know that you are like that, too. No offense, but I think it's true. We share that in common. And you were nice to me. You were nice to me in ways that only my family had been before. I mean, of course I'm talking about more than just the things we'd do out here. But I thought that special bond of ours would grow into something. And even if not marriage, maybe boyfriend and girlfriend at least. But when I heard that you did that stuff with Gaius as well, it's like you didn't see anything special in us. It was only for fun. And I don't know if I would want to be boyfriend and girlfriend with you now anyway, now that you've seen Gaius, too. I know he's bigger and stronger than me, and a lot richer, and better at talking to people, but you never had any kind of special bond with him. It's like you wanted your prize man with his big muscles and big dick and all his wealth, when all I had to offer you was true happiness!"

"Matthew! That is not true at all! I was never choosing him over you! I wasn't even..." I trailed off. Something was very odd about the last thing he had said. Not only was it uncharacteristically poetic for him, I could swear I had heard those same words uttered before.

"Wait. Where did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Say that last thing again. Verbatim."

"Why?"

"Just do it. Please."

"I said I thought you went for Gaius because he's more manly than me and comes from a wealthy family."

"And? Matthew, I'm not mad at you for saying that. I need you to repeat those words verbatim. Please."

"When all I had to offer you was true happiness."

"That's what I thought. Did you come up with those words by yourself? Or did someone tell you that?"

"I think it might have been a dream."

"A dream? Do you remember anything else about this dream? Matthew, please tell me. I need to know. I'm not mad at you."

"I dreamed that somebody came to talk to me. He said he wanted to be my friend. He said that you were using me, and trying to corrupt me."

"Who was he?"

"I don't know. It was just a dream."

"Just a dream? It was apparently real enough to make you mad at me, so I think this dream is important. What was his name? What did he look like?"

"He never told me his name. And I never saw him. I think he was hiding behind the trees. All he said was that he was a friend who had been watching me for a while, and he was concerned about me."

"You need to disregard everything he told you! He is no friend! Has he ever tried to speak to you again?"

"Calm down! It was just a dream! I'm sure it doesn't mean anything."

"I'm not so sure about that. If you dream about him again, or if he tries to talk to you again, tell me immediately!"

Uneasiness was starting to show in his eyes. "Wait, you know about him? Did you have dreams like that, too? Who is he?"

"Yes, I've talked to him, too. I don't know who or what he is. He's not human, and he has nothing but ill intentions."

"Not human? Should I be afraid of him?"

"No. As long as you don't listen to what he tells you, he can't hurt you."

"How do you know about him?"

"I think that will have to be a story for another day. I'm sorry, but I need to be alone now. I need to think. Matthew... thank you for telling me that."

With that, I left him. I wandered and I wandered, deep in thought. I eventually found my way to our meeting spot at the creek. Usually, this place was where I could feel at peace, but not tonight. All I could think about was that this was where Verus had spoken to me last. I kept walking. I followed the overgrown path beyond the bridge as far as I could trace it. The path took me to the crest of a small hill, where I sat with my back against a tree, facing the setting sun. Tonight was the autumnal equinox, which meant I was looking at the last few minutes of the best summer of my life.

There was little doubt in my mind that Verus had turned Matthew against me. And what of everyone else who had suddenly come to antagonize me? Rebecca? Orson? Even Susan's getting together with Gaius. Had all of this been Verus' doing?

I remembered what the cave had done to me; any bitter thoughts, any anger, any hatred that was simmering in my heart would be brought to a rolling boil as soon as I entered the cave. How could I forget how intoxicating it had been for me to feel all of that bitterness justified? If he convinced me to hate all of Ash as a child, he certainly could have turned some of Ash against me. I had been strong enough to let go of the hate he had wanted me to feel. So, he had simply turned to others to do his work for him. It had worked.

I thought about all of the misdeeds I had done: putting magical curses on Rebecca and Orson, having my way with a helpless Susan, spying on others in their homes. I was no longer proud of any of these things. I resolved that I would do these things no more. I would not use the power of the Oculus against another person ever again.

I sat there, trying to clear my head, trying to find peace. I tried to convince myself that I had discovered Verus' ploy, and his influence over me had ended. But what I didn't realize right then was that I had already gone too far.

And so, I watched, pensive, as the sun set on Ash's final summer.

5

The knock came on my door the next evening, late at night. Foolish me, I thought it was Matthew come to apologize, just as his sister had before. I was so certain it was him that I threw off my covers, slid into a nightgown, and ran down the stairs, ignorant of how that knock had been far too forceful for meek, young Matthew. Outside my door I instead found a retinue of Ash's guards who had come to arrest me. The allegation was witchcraft. I went peacefully. I will never forget my mother's and father's confused protests. My poor mother and father. How could I have done this to them?

...

I had been waiting in the dungeons of Ash Keep for hours beyond my counting, possibly over a day, when I finally heard footsteps descending the spiraling stairs. Two men were speaking to each other, and though I couldn't hear their conversation, their tone was grim.

Then I saw the bottom of the steps being lit up by the approaching lantern, and four men emerged. Two of them I recognized well It was Abel, the Lord Magistrate of Ash, and a man I had seen at his side several times, always wearing priest attire. Following them was a pair of guards.

Lord Magistrate Abel was a grim man, to say the least. He made few appearances to his subjects, and even then, only to address rare matters he couldn't leave to his subordinates. He never smiled, and he spoke little, at least as far as the villagers ever heard. His age showed in the grey hairs around his otherwise black hair and trimmed beard, and in the deep lines on his brow, no doubt brought about by many a scowl. We knew little of his past, only that he was a former military commander, now quite past his prime. Whatever adventures or misadventures he'd had in his younger days, he seemed to rue being left in charge of such a forgotten backwater as Ash, if the town gossip was to be believed. What shame had he brought upon himself in battle that had earned him this punishment?

But Lord Abel didn't frighten me nearly as much as the old clergyman who followed him at his side. I knew even less about him; not even his name. We knew him only as the vicar. Whoever he might have been, Abel confided all his trust in him. The pastor who gave sermons to us commoners seemed to fear him. The few times I had seem him speaking to our pastor, he seemed to regard the pastor as little more than a swine-herd, who tended the filthy creatures the great vicar couldn't be bothered with.

They stopped in front of my cell and stared at me for a moment, sizing me up, deciding what to make of me.

"This is her?" the old priest asked, his raspy voice carrying an eerie strength that seemed to defy his decrepit frame.

"Yes, this is the one. How do you advise we proceed?"

"We look for signs of Satan's influence. Inspect her. Look for marks on her body, or abnormalities in her psyche."

"Florinius, unlock her cell," Abel ordered.

One of the guards, the chief jailor, produced a ring of keys and unlocked my cell.

"Leave us."

Both the guards left, ascending the stairs leading aboveground. When the two men were alone with me, Abel opened the door to my cell and stepped inside.

"Well, then," he said to me, "let's have a look at you like the vicar said. Undress. Now."

I hesitated, but in the end obeyed. With an annoyed sigh, threw the shawl off my shoulders, then pulled my shift up over my head and threw it unceremoniously onto the cot next to me. I was rarely modest about my body, and the lecherous gazes of these old men was something I could certainly bear, though it gave me no pleasure like when my friends gazed upon me.

"Everything."

I sighed again, and pulled off my boots and stockings. The cold, grimy floor of the dungeon felt positively disgusting against my bare feet. How much rat feces had coated these cobblestones over the countless years I dared not think.

"What are we looking for, exactly?" Abel asked his vicar.

"Anything out of the ordinary, anything unnatural that may mark the Devil's touch. Make a note of every peculiarity."