tagHumor & SatireThe Beaunies Tragedy Ch. 01

The Beaunies Tragedy Ch. 01


Henry Lawson entered into the prison after a long day in court. He got a phone call from a client he barely remembered, but his assistant reminded him that he was on a hundred thousand dollar retainer, and promised twenty four seven service. The name was familiar, but he couldn't quite place it, as he read it off a card, he scribbled the name his assistant had told him, Michelle Beaunies. The name kept repeating over in his head as he was led into a small room with a steel table and two plastic chairs bolted into the table.

He took a seat and opened his briefcase going over the files that were faxed over to him at court. The charges were countless, leaping off pages at him, murder, assault, fraud, robbery, armed robbery, conspiracy to murder, count after count. Henry looked at his expensive watch, fidgeting in his expensive suit against the hard plastic uncomfortable chair. He didn't notice until the door slid shut and the locks clicked, that his client had entered the room.

She was small in stature, but her long blonde hair and bright white smile lit up the room taller than any giant could. The orange jumpsuit completely hid her figure, but you would have to be blind to see that she had an exquisite body underneath it. She had a face that reminded him of a girl on the Video Game channel his step son always watched. The guards at the prison said she looked like two thousand and seven Playmate of the Year Sara Jean Underwood. She slid into the seat opposite Henry and flipped her hair over her head and smiled at him. Henry thought she didn't look a day over twenty five, but her birth date indicated she was thirty six years old.

"You didn't bring my coffee? I specifically asked your secretary and he told me he would take care of it," she said speaking first.

Henry thought back to the first phone call hearing something about coffee and just thought it was nonsense, until now clicking in his head.

"I'm so sorry Ms. Bones, that was my fault," Henry began to apologize.

Michelle cut him off raising her finger at him and said, "It's Beaunies, like Bow and niece together, BeauNIES! Got it?"

"Yes again my apologies Ms. Beaunies. I'm sorry, please I'll text my assistant and he can bring us your coffee," Henry said.

"And cigarettes, unless you got any?" She asked.

"Sorry I don't smoke," Henry replied, texting his assistant, who immediately replied. "Excellent, he shall be here in ten minutes. I'm sorry but I've been in court all day, I haven't even had a moment to be fully briefed on your situation. Why don't you tell me what's going on?"

"I really wish you had a cigarette," Michelle said, leaning her head on her arm, her elbow resting on the table. "So like everything we talk about has lawyer client confidentiality right, it can't be used in court, or you can't tell anyone? Like a doctor patient thing?"

"Yes that's right, it's privileged information," Henry said.

"Okay, where to begin?" Michelle asked herself.

"Just start at the beginning," Henry said calmly.

"I guess it all started when I was 18 and got pregnant. It was from my high school sweetheart, who later became my husband. We were the all American couple, him football quarterback captain, and me head cheerleader, and little old me gets pregnant on prom. His parents gave him a bunch of shit telling him he's gonna burn in hell if he didn't marry me, while my parents were just supportive of whatever. But being young and stupid I marry him, and we go off to college together, while my parents raise my baby boy."

"Right, your son that's accused of murdering your husband?" Henry interrupted.

"That's right, see even though I just had a kid, my parents didn't want me to lose out on experiencing college and having a life, so they took care of him for his first four years, so when I graduated college and came back home, it was weird being his Mom all of a sudden, we just clicked and became like the bestest of friends!" Michelle said smiling wide.

"And so I graduated with a Bachelor's in Child Psychology, and a minor in Acting, which was pretty much worthless. Luckily my husband was into financing and did really well, until the market crashed, and he lost all our savings. That was when my son came up with an idea, which pretty much saved our lives."

"The same son that's accused of murder?" Henry asked.

"Yes, the same," Michelle said rolling her eyes. "Since my parents raised him, my dad was always kind of a nerd and spread that to my son, which I always just thought was super sweet and encouraged him reading comic books, playing videogames, watching R rated movies. But my stupid husband wanted him to play sports and do manly stuff, but he took more after my family side. I'm the most athletic of our family, the rest of us are just kind of skinny and uncoordinated. So my son was always kind of a disappointment to his father, because he wanted to read comics and play dungeons and dragons, instead of throwing a baseball around. He would always say to me, 'Mom, I can kick butt in Madden, not on the real field so why should I go out there and get my butt kicked by a bunch of meatheads?" He was just so cute!" Michelle swooned.

"I notice you never say your husband's name," Henry said.

"Why should I? He turned into the world's biggest hypocrite asshole, and he's dead. Obviously I'm the grieving widow right now; I can grieve how I want. You know after he lost his job in financing, he took a job selling cars, it really fit him, he was such a sleazeball. Ever since college I picked up the habit of smoking weed, but when he started selling cars, he developed a nasty coke habit. Doing eight balls a day, snorting off the sink in the bathroom and sell sell sell cars! Meanwhile I was a stay at home mom to a really smart kid that was off in school, do his homework and chores, and play videogames. I got bored so I got really good at baking sweet treats. One day I caught him smoking from my stash and he made a comment about baking it into my treats, and well, that's how Beaunies Magic Space Cakes were born!"

"Wait, you are the Beaunies of the Beaunies Magic Cakes Empire?" Henry asked.

"That's right, when we got big I kind of tried to stay out of the spot light, but it's hard when you become the official spokeswoman, that's why we moved out west," Michelle said.

Henry Lawson's assistant walked in after a buzz of the doors announced his arrival.

"Finally coffee!" Michelle squealed. She stood up and gave his assistant a big hug, taking the iced mocha chocolate chip whipped topping venti, lighter, and pack of cigarettes. She lit one up immediately and used the lid of the coffee as a makeshift ashtray.

"Thank you, you may go now," Henry said to his assistant, who promptly left.

"After he gave me the idea, I spent a few months tinkering, and I found a way to make a sweet treat, with weed in it, but no weird aftertaste. But the real trick was, I found out how to do it in a way it could be easily mass produced, hence where the Beaunies Magic Space Cake was born! For the past few years my small business blossomed into a huge money maker for my family, making our lives much easier, but my husband had just spun into a horrible depression, not interested in pleasing me at all, always stressed out feeling worthless, and my interest turned completely to our son, turning into this charming young man that I couldn't help but begin to lust for, wishing hubby just was gone, but a divorce would mean half of my company going to him, who had nothing to do with it, half of it away from our only son, which was just not fair. Not fair at all!" Michelle said exhaling a cloud of smoke.

"I can see how you would not want to take something you built with your son away, a jury can definitely sympathize with that," Henry noted aloud.

"Especially when I became the breadwinner, it drove my macho man husband insane! He felt completely worthless, and his coke problem got out of control! He was going crazy with my money, cheating on me with cheap strippers and whores. I had no choice, but I forced him into rehab. I thought it would be the right thing to do, but it became the worst thing for our family. He turned to Jesus in rehab and became a fanatic Christian, sure he was sober when he went home, but he was a nightmare for me and Chris!" Michelle said, she ashed her cigarette in her coffee lid, before she continued. "Chris and I are so much alike, our thoughts, beliefs, so laid back, and chill, wanting to just smoke and live, while his Dad was depressed and looking to the church, which we both think is ridiculous, and he soon begins preaching at us, making him infinitely more annoying, driving us both crazy!" Michelle said smacking her hand on the steel table.

She took a moment to sip the straw in her iced mocha, Henry watching noticing her pink lips wrapping around the tube, sucking away thinking of wanting those lips on his cock.

"So of course he couldn't get a job selling cars, so I had to give him a job at my company, since I became President, even though I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I partnered up with some smart investor and he takes care of the business, I just come in and make sure things run the way I like, and get paid. Quality control stuff you know? So I make he who shall not be named work fifty hour weeks in my company at a simple desk job, while I start to work from home more and more, working only a few days a week at the office. His long work days away from home make things easier for a little while, but he just becomes even worse at home at night, preaching his rhetoric to us, driving us insane," Michelle said, and continued. "Meanwhile I hadn't been fucked in weeks, and because of his stupid beliefs all my sex toys had been confiscated, so I couldn't even pleasure myself. It was so frustrating I just wanted to scream. That was when the thoughts began, about how I just wished there was a way to be rid of him, and magically replace him with my son." Michelle said, and Henry looked at her in shock.

She just smiled, sipped her iced drink, and said, "He would bitch to me about smoking weed as a nightcap, when he was the one using my money that was helping cancer patients across the country. And the way he treated Christopher! Having to listen to him rant about how he's a sinner for being a regular teenager, driving me nuts!"

"I can see how that would be very difficult for you and your son to adjust to," Henry said.

"Chris had it the worst. One night he confessed to me how he was beginning to imagine different ways he could kill his own dad like in all the horror movies he watched, making him suffer for being such a ridiculous hypocrite, and treating his awesome mom like shit. How he doesn't even deserve to breathe the same air as me, wishing he could just be gone forever and spend the rest of his life with just me." Michelle said.

"Sounds like your son will be able to build a strong defense. I'll be able to extend my services for him as well," Henry said, fishing for a card.

"Oh that won't be necessary Mr. Lawson, I have an excellent team already representing him. I just used you because I remember putting a retainer on you in case I got slapped with divorce papers. I didn't think I would have to use it for murder charges, but such is the life of a pretty rich lady in America."

"Right, well Ms. Beaunies, why don't we talk about what led up to the killing of your husband?" Henry asked.

"I guess it was the week he went to the Western District Distribution Conference, we send someone every year to run a booth, just give out samples and stickers and t-shirts. I figured a week away from him would be great, plus it was a week after Chris' eighteenth birthday, so it would be a nice break for him. That's when everything kind of went crazy in our lives," Michelle said, travelling off into a sordid tale of lust, darkness, sex, rage, love, violence and depravity.

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