The Best Man

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- Thank you.

My voice sounds faint and weak. He sinks back down and lies against me till our breathing calms, and I savour his heavy presence, steadying me as I come back dow to earth. Eventually he helps me to my feet and holds me tightly as my legs threaten to give way. He smells better than ever and I nuzzle into his neck, conscious once more of his superior size.

- You did so well, baby. You took it all.

I feel ridiculously proud. We stand holding each other for what seems like a long time.

- It's late. I guess I should go.

- No. You should stay.

He kisses me long and deeply and my head swims again. I feel his cock hardening against me once more. When I open my eyes he is gazing down at me.

- You've had a big night. The least I can do is give you a big breakfast.

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4 Comments
SantanderSantanderalmost 12 years agoAuthor

Thanks for your patience with the lack of quotation marks if it makes the story difficult to read - I wanted to try something more free-flowing. I have seen this style used in numerous published works.

SacramentoBearSacramentoBearalmost 12 years ago
Disagree with "anonymous"

There's nothing improper about this writing style - maybe not the way you write, but perfectly legitimate. The conversation flows naturally and develops a real momentum because of its heat; you can hear them talking in your head. You'd lose that if it was full of "he said's."

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Couldn't follow the conversation

I admit, I stopped reading halfway through the first page because it was simply too difficult to follow who was saying what. Please learn how to use quotation and speech properly in your writing.

EX: "Yeah, I'm kind of sweaty." I'm nervous - shouldn't have said that. He leans in close, his face near my neck, breathing me in.

"Don't worry about that. How about me?" His voice so close to my ear, low, quiet, resonant.

Simply by pairing these two speech lines with the paragraphs around them, they are then tied more specifically to the people in your story. If you're not comfortable doing that, then stick with the simple 'he said' and 'she said' qualifiers.

And by not giving the characters names, it made it even harder still to follow the dialogue. While keeping it in first person helped some, it still wasn't enough. Learning how to write proper dialogue is crucial to creative writing though. I hate being negative, I really do, but it made this story so impossible to follow that I stopped reading it, even though the plot line was intriguing.

LarryInSeattleLarryInSeattlealmost 12 years ago
Whew!

I need a cigarette.

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