"Excuse me, Miss, but-"
"Please, just call me Lindsey." She interjected cheerily. I smiled slightly at the informality and nodded before continuing.
"Lindsey, who is Makarov? And why does Chris not seem to like him?" I asked. Her face sullied for a moment before her reply.
"His name is Viktor Makarov. He is, Like Chris, one of our top agents, and have as such, taken these necessary actions that your are being decided upon."
"You mean the augmentation?" I said in surprise. I don't know why, I couldn't imagine anyone being so well build as him, other than Rae.
"Well, your augmentation would be for different characteristics, considering theirs was in maximizing their functionality as an Agent as well as other things." She said. "But you can't tell anyone I told you that" she said with a wink.
I giggled, similarly to a child who was just told a secret. I nodded before she then continued. "As two of the best agents our facility has, they obviously tend to compete to see who is the more outstanding agent. They are both better than each other in different areas, but that never stops them."
I didn't understand. Sure, he may have some kind of rivalry with him, but what did they mean? What would happen to me if Makarov guarded me? Since he first heard it, he was trying to think over the different things he could mean, and some of them made him shiver. He wouldn't, it would be so unprofessional... Of course though, it was just an excuse I made up in my mind to try and reason against it. I looked down at my small frame, and wondered what exactly would make him want me like that. In my eyes I was a meek little man that wasn't exactly a catch, looking more a good 2-3 years younger than my actual age, that and the fact that my hair ran just above my shoulder blades meant I was easily mistaken for a girl. Thinking about it, that's probably why.
After about 20 minutes of driving, the car pulled to a stop and the blacked out window rolled down to show an intercom attached to a smooth white stone post. Looking out the windows, I saw that the same sort of stone post were set up at regular intervals for several meters, connected together with black fencing. When she verified herself, she rolled up the window again and the car continued forward, up a long straight road and pulled round to the side. A few moments after we parked, the car door was opened by the driver, and I got out, almost collapsing under myself.
There was a huge beautifully decorated garden, with a ornately decorated fountain and neatly trimmed hedging. A gravel path lead round the garden, weaving in and out of hedges and trees, dipping down to a picnic area to the left and again on the right, facing a small pond. "What the hell is this place, a palace?"
"See for yourself." A heard Lindsey say. I turned to face what must have been the largest house I had ever seen. With crisp white marble steps leading up to the elegant entrance way, large windows lining the delicately carved stone walls, it was one of the most extravagant homes I had ever seen. "Welcome to the Varien Estate."
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loveing it
OoooooO!!!!!! I love it more more MORE !!!! Lol I can't wait for the next chapter pls !!!! Don't make us wait to long pls o and I have know problem if you turn him in to a super soldier mutant bionic thingie just pls pls PLS !!!! Let him make it a hell of a challenge for them and drive them to the point of insanity befor he ses yes if he ses yes and then again after wards after all you don't have to be strong or brave to turn someones live into a nightmaremore...
I was very frustrated in the beginning to be honest with the ridiculous talk of if you want info you have to sign an agreement or agree to do something we won't tell you about. We won't tell you who we are, etc. The end at least gave some info from Lindsay. this main character annoys me at times with his self-pity and stupidity. He's running from this psycho but goes to the park blocks from his house and falls asleep on a bench. I think that a beta reader would do wonders in helping you round off a story that could shape up to be interesting. I'm very interested in what this estate is and what they want to do to him. What types of abilities would they 'augment'? Are the guys made into supernatural creatures or what? Why are these murders happening when this organization has these agents?
There is also the attraction between Chris and him and now this other agent coming into it should up the ante. Ashley is so needy, understandably so given his history, but it makes it easy for him to fall for whoever gives him some attention.
A beta reader can help you catch little things like, the kid never got dressed after he woke up in boxers and a shirt! The could catch a change in name and help you round out the story and predict questions the readers will have. All authors have them, esp. the successful ones. so, I hope you consider asking for the help of beta reader or editor.
Aside from that, I hope you give us some real info in the next chapter so it doesn't seem so crazy that someone would let people sweep him into a world and fight he doesn't know the first thing about. Why is Rae after him? What could Stewart have to do with it and why target someone he supposedly cared about? What is this organization? Is it supernatural or what? Why isn't Chris watching Ashley?more...
I truly hope I'm wrong, but
This story rings of horror. I HATE horror. Like loathe entirely. That entire genre should disappear. Life - real life - is hard enough. Why would anyone want to load up their free time/fantasy life with something horrible? I will never understand it.more...
Can't wait for the next chapter
I love the way this story is developing. The thrilling plot line, the changes and surprises and the clear confusion in the head of the hero. I am intrigued and excited by the narrative and mature use of the english language.more...
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