The Carnal Remedy

Lieutenant Robert Edward Grayson leaned back into his reclining chair, and grimaced as excruciating pain shot down his spine.

The pills that they had given him last week weren't doing shit. He had been enduring the lasting effects of his injury for almost ten years now, and almost nothing seemed to ease his suffering.

Sleep, and the occasional bottle of whiskey were the only things that allotted him any relief. He had already attempted to end his life at least a half dozen times, but each and every instance had ended in complete, and utter failure.

The bottle of pills he had taken had been pumped from his stomach.

The razor he had used to slice through his wrists hadn't been sharp enough to create enough damage, but he had resiliently hacked away at his skin until his brother had found him sitting in a pool of his own blood on the bathroom floor.

He had even tried to crawl through the upstairs window in order to jump from the roof of the house, but his day nurse had found him long before he was able to pull himself all the way through it, and had promptly called the police.

He had spent two weeks in a psych ward after that attempt. Why couldn't they just let him die?

What was the point of him continuing on this way? He couldn't work. He could barely walk, and any time that he needed anything someone had to bring it to him.

What kind of life was that? It wasn't one that he wanted to live, and he just wished that everyone would leave him alone so that he could end things in a dignified manner like a man.

Reaching towards the end table, he grasped onto the television remote, and swore as it slipped through his fingers to land on the floor beside his chair.

Taking a deep breath to brace himself, he leaned slightly to the right, and nearly cried out in agony when the movement pulled at the vertebrae in his back. He knew that he wasn't going to be able to reach it, but the stubbornness in him made him try regardless.

The remote was nearly a foot out of his reach, but he managed to bend a little closer by pivoting his waist as he leaned. His fingers were dancing back, and forth willing it to come to his hand when it was abruptly snatched from the floor, and out of his sight.

Collapsing back into his seat, he lifted his harsh blue gaze to glare at his older brother.

"Why didn't you just call me? I was right there in the kitchen," he said with a sigh.

The question only made Robert's expression darken. "Fuck you, Louis."

With a shake of his head, his brother set the remote on the end table. "You really need to let go of this hostility, Bobby. It's not helping anyone. Least of all you."

Robert's lips pinched together, and his jaw tightened. "When you've spent a day in my shoes then you can tell me how to feel. Until then I would appreciate it if you would keep your little tidbits of advice to yourself."

Expelling an aggravated breath, his brother shrugged. "Fine. You've got it. Your new nurse is here. Do you think you can be civilized enough to say hello, or do you plan on scaring him off like you did with the last one?"

Robert's mouth tilted in cynical amusement. The last one had barely been strong enough to lift him from the bath tub. After dropping him twice, Robert had sunk beneath the water, and had refused to come back up.

"That last kid you had here was an idiot. If you've found another one just like him you might as well just send him on his way now."

Louis rolled his eyes at that sentiment before shaking his head again. "It's times like these that I wonder why I haven't put you in a home," he said in exasperation.

Robert grinned at his older brother. "Fuck you, Louis."

Running his slender fingers through his greying hair, Louis shifted so that he was peering out the window of their living room.

"I'm glad our mother isn't alive to see what you've become, you know that? She's probably rolling around in her grave."

"Probably," Robert agreed. "I doubt it's from this. If she's rolling around then she probably got an eyeful of that beast you brought home with you last week."

His brother turned to look at him in surprise, and then he scowled. "Selma Jensen is a very nice lady."

Robert smirked with spite. "I'm amazed that your bed didn't come crashing through the ceiling. I would assume that thing has a weight limit."

Turning his head, he reached for the remote, and clutched onto it tightly before facing his brother once again. "She would have been doing us both a favor if it had since I sleep in the room right beneath yours."

Louis's only response was to cluck his tongue in disgust.

Waving the remote at him, Robert urged him to move. "I want to watch television. You want to get your scrawny ass out of the way?"

"Gladly," Louis spat out.

With his fingers curled into fists, he moved from the spot in front of the recliner, and marched back towards the kitchen. He was several feet from the doorway when a young man walked past the threshold, and paused in front of him.

Turning back to face his little brother, Louis sneered. "This is your new nurse, Joshua." Craning his neck, he glanced towards the man in question. "Joshua, this is my invalid brother, Bobby. Have you worked with children before?"

A small smile passed across the nurse's features as he looked from one of them to the other. "I have an array of experience in a lot of different areas," he stated pleasantly.

Robert frowned as he inspected his new nurse. It was another kid, and this one appeared to be even more useless than the last. He couldn't be more than twenty years old, and by the look of him he hadn't worked a hard day in his life.

He looked like he belonged in some fashion magazine. Not in the pale, blue surgical scrubs that he was wearing. His honey colored hair was too long for military standards, and it seemed as if a comb had never passed through it before. His face was also too pretty.

How was he going to rely on a man who looked like he spent most of his days moisturizing rather than doing the things that men should be doing?

"I see you hired me a Backstreet Boy," Robert grumbled in disdain. "Does he sing?"

Before Louis was able to answer, Joshua took a step forward. "Quite well, actually. Although I haven't had reason to do so since college."

The directness of his gaze, and the crispness of his response made Robert pause momentarily. "Is that so?" he finally replied.

Joshua smiled politely in return without breaking eye contact. He simply nodded while clasping his hands at his back.

Robert noticed the familiarity of the stance immediately. "Ever been in the military, kid?"

With a slight shake of his head, Joshua stood fast. "My father was stationed at Fort Leavenworth, but I knew from an early age that I wished to pursue a career in the medical field."

"How's that working out for you?" Robert wondered with disinterest.

Joshua smirked at the question. "I guess we'll see."

When Robert only grunted in response, Louis took the opportunity to interject. "I need to get to work. Are you going to behave if I go?" he asked his brother crossly.

Robert glared as he turned his head to look at him. "I'm thirty two years old. What do you think?" he spat.

"I think I had better call to check on you during my lunch hour. You have an amazing capacity for causing trouble."

Robert grinned snidely. "Fuck you, Louis."

Ignoring the goad, Louis turned towards the nurse. "Remember to keep sharp things out of his reach, or you're going to have a mess on your hands."

Joshua nodded solemnly before reaching out to place his palm on Louis's arm. "Your brother is in good hands. I don't want you to worry." He followed the statement with a reassuring smile, and Louis expelled his breath before nodding.

"I should be back by three. Feel free to call if there are any... issues."

Nodding curtly, Joshua turned to walk with him to the door. Once they were out of earshot, they spoke for a brief moment, and then Louis glanced towards the living room nervously before turning to leave the house.

Robert watched them suspiciously from where he sat in the recliner clutching onto his remote. When his brother turned to peer in his direction, he quickly looked away, and lifted his hand to turn on the television.

After a moment, he heard the sound of the front door opening then closing, and he knew his brother had left.

A few seconds later the Backstreet Boy returned, and Robert made every attempt to ignore his presence.

"Have you had breakfast yet this morning?" he inquired.

"Breakfast is coffee," Robert bit out. Steering the remote towards the end table, he pointed towards a mug that sat near the edge.

"That sounds extremely nutritious," Joshua divulged. "In order to build your strength back up, you need to eat. What would you like me to make you?"

Robert frowned, but refused to look away from the television. "I'm not hungry."

Joshua's voice remained cool, and calm as he responded. "I didn't ask if you were hungry. I asked what you would like to eat."

Lifting a disparaging brow, Robert finally turned his head to look at his keeper. He couldn't keep the scowl from his visage. "Are you deaf? I said I'm not hungry."

In return, the nurse perused him dispassionately. "I know this must be very difficult for you," he finally stated.

Robert squinted with irritation before glancing away. His eyes became riveted to the television screen, and he stoutly refused to comment.

"It doesn't have to be this way," Joshua informed him. "You are not paralyzed. Not yet. You can still come back from this."

Robert's eyes widened in blatant disbelief, and his lip curled slightly in disgust.

"You don't know shit about shit," he angrily growled. "You're just a stupid kid that still thinks wishes come true if you believe hard enough. There aren't enough birthday candles in this world to fix me. So, why don't you get the hell out of here, and just leave me alone!"

Joshua wasn't about to relent. "I can show you how different it can be, Bobby. If you give me the chance."

His words only infuriated Robert further. "Don't call me that. Only my mother, and my idiot brother call me that. You can address me as Lieutenant Grayson, or sir. Whichever you prefer."

Joshua's steady grey gaze didn't falter as he looked into Robert's hostile blue eyes. With a tilt of his head he acquiesced. "As you wish, lieutenant. Your breakfast will be ready shortly."

Without another word, he turned on his heel, and entered the kitchen leaving Robert staring in mystification at his departing figure.

With an abrupt shake of his head he turned back to the television while grumbling beneath his breath.

***

Ten minutes later the aroma of something delicious wafted into the room. Robert stubbornly attempted to ignore the rumble that passed below his rib cage as the scent reached him, and continued to flip through channels.

When Joshua finally appeared in the entryway to the living room, and placed his hands upon the doorjambs, Robert made every effort to behave as if he were completely oblivious to his presence.

"Your meal is ready," Joshua informed him. "Why don't you come into the kitchen, and sit down to eat?"

Robert flipped through several more channels as a frown passed over his features. "I'm crippled, you moron. How do you expect me to get there? Do you want me to fly?"

Joshua didn't acknowledge the blatant rudeness. "No. I don't expect you to fly. I expect you to walk. Get up."

Robert's gaze paused on an infomercial while he responded. "Why don't you go fuck yourself?" he answered with friendly enthusiasm.

Dropping his hands from the doorway, Joshua entered the room. He approached Robert's recliner at a casual gait, and paused once he stood before it.

Bending at the waist, he slammed his palms on top of the arm rests of the recliner before leaning in so that they were nose to nose. His grey eyes were fierce as he peered into Robert's startled face.

"I don't typically have to fuck myself, lieutenant," he bit out. "I can usually find someone who is willing to do that for me."

It took Robert a moment to recover from his surprise, but when he did his blue eyes became molten with rage while his mouth tightened. "You need to back up," he growled in warning.

Joshua didn't waver as he held his position. "Or what?" he taunted. "Tell me, lieutenant. What ARE you going to do?"

The question made Robert's eyes immediately narrow. Lifting his hand from where it rested on his thigh, he reached to push the younger man back, but his wrist was quickly snatched up by Joshua's fingers before he forced it down onto one of the arm rests.

When Robert tried, and failed to lift it, his expression grew volatile with anger. His other hand closed into a fist, and without preamble he swung as hard as he could towards the young nurse's head.

To his astonishment, it was quickly caught in midair, and then both of his wrists were held prisoner against the armrests of the chair.

"You little fucker!" Robert seethed.

His teeth gritted, and he used everything within him to try to pull away, but it was to no avail. He couldn't gain his freedom with strength alone. After a moment of struggling, he leaned back into his chair, and sat glaring at Joshua with loathing.

"Do you know why you can't escape this, lieutenant?" Joshua asked calmly. "It's because you're weak."

"Fuck you!" Robert snarled.

The harshly spat epithet only brought a discerning smirk to the younger man's face.

"I was military!" Robert raged. "You don't know who you are fucking with. I will end you!" he threatened.

Joshua nodded in understanding. "Maybe once upon a time, but not anymore. Now you're just a sad, old man that sits in a chair day after day withering away."

Robert's mouth pinched with resentment. "I am not old," he muttered in denial.

Joshua's brows lifted, and then he angled his head into a patronizing position.

"You're not?" he said in mock surprise. "You sure act like you're old. Refusing to exercise to strengthen your body. Letting everyone wait on you hand, and foot to avoid doing anything for yourself. That sounds like an old person to me."

Robert's jaw tightened in fury while his blue eyes began to redden around the edges. His frame shook with the power it took not to completely lose it.

"I'm hurt," he responded tightly. "It hurts to do things."

The strength of emotion behind those few words did little to phase Joshua as far as Robert could see. His expression didn't change in the slightest.

"I know that it does," he finally said. "The longer that you sit in this chair, the more it's going to hurt. It's why your pain pills are no longer working, and it's why you can't fight me off. Your muscles are beginning to atrophy from lack of movement. It's only going to get worse with time unless you do something about it."

Robert's brows furrowed, and then he broke eye contact by dropping his gaze. "What's the point?" he stuttered petulantly. "I'm never going to have any real kind of life like this. Who is going to hire me like this? Who is going to want me like this? I'm broken, and useless."

Joshua's fingers abruptly lifted away from their hold around Robert's left wrist as his hand shot out to grip the back of the older man's neck.

Pushing his fingers into the short length of his dark hair, he gripped a handful tightly in his fist, and jerked his head back sharply.

The abrupt manhandling made Robert's gaze widen as he was forced to meet the young nurse's contemptuous gaze.

"That is complete, and total bullshit," Joshua uttered with disgust.

Tilting his head, he leaned in quickly, and pressed his mouth roughly to Robert's lips. Just as swiftly he pulled back, and stared into the stricken man's face while he continued to scowl.

"You are not broken," he insisted. "You've just given up."

Robert was dumbstruck. Held frozen in place, he could only stare as his lower lip moved in an effort to speak. After a moment nothing came out, and then he blinked.

"You kissed me," he choked out.

Joshua nodded slowly without remorse. "Yes, I did," he stated simply. "Still feel like a dead man?" he casually wondered.

Instead of responding, Robert's blue eyes darted back and forth as his brows furrowed with confusion. "Why did you do that?" he whispered.

The question brought a smile to Joshua's lips. Leaning back, he scratched the side of his beautiful face as he straightened. "I did it because you needed it. I did it because I wanted to."

With a slight shrug, he turned away from the recliner, and began walking towards the kitchen. "Come have breakfast," he said in departure. "When you've finished eating we'll give you a bath."

Robert was stunned as he watched him walk away. When he had completely vanished from sight, he sat for a moment contemplating his options, and then he sighed.

Pressing his palms into the armrests of the chair, he slowly, and very painfully rose to his feet.

***

His expression could only be described as wary after he took his first bite of the omelet that sat before him. Chewing it slowly, he kept his blue eyes trained on his nurse who sat in the chair adjacent from his.

"How is it?" Joshua wondered curiously.

Swallowing with difficulty, Robert cleared his throat. "It's okay," he answered quietly.

"I had to make due with what I could find since you wouldn't tell me what you wanted. I'm glad that you're enjoying it," he replied.

"It's fine," Robert assured him. "I haven't had eggs since my mother died."

"She used to make them for you?"

Robert nodded as he looked down at his plate. "Every morning before she went to work."

"Your mother sounds like she was a nice lady," Joshua commented.

"She was," Robert agreed. Frowning, he took another bite of the omelet.

"How long has it been since she passed?"

Robert hesitated before responding. Biting the inside of his cheek, he glanced up from his eggs to meet Joshua's inquisitive gaze. "A little over a year," he finally answered.

"Is that when the suicide attempts started?" he asked next.

The question brought another frown to Robert's face before he looked away. "I see my brother has been pretty chatty."

Joshua shrugged. "It's listed in your medical history. I would have discovered that information regardless."

Nodding in acceptance, he continued to eat. When Joshua pushed back his chair in order to stand, Robert paused while chewing to stare at him nervously.

The young nurse didn't seem to take much notice of his apprehension as he moved away from the table. "I'll get your bath started while you finish up here," he said absently.

Turning his head, Robert resumed chewing as he watched him leave the room.

***

The journey to the bathroom took more than five minutes, and it required everything Robert had left within him to accomplish it. Each step was agony, and sent jarring spasms up the column of his spine.

It was only his second attempt at walking today, but he already felt exhausted, and his entire frame was trembling by the time he reached the side of the tub.

"It will get easier the more you do it," Joshua assured him quietly.

Too shaken to speak, Robert simply nodded in response while staring down into the water.

When his nurse reached out to grasp onto the top button of his shirt, his entire frame jerked in surprise before he forced himself to still.

Joshua's strong, deft fingers slid one button after another from their holes until the entire length of the material was gaping open. The shirt was pushed easily from his broad shoulders, and then was tugged down the length of his arms.

Once he was free of it, Joshua simply dropped it to the floor before reaching for the button of his pants.

"I can do it," Robert assured him. "You don't have to."