The Case of the Missing Boyfriend

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At the Opera house, Charlie escorted Shendude to the back row and went to go get ready.
Shendude, alone and blind in the dark, decided to try and find a bathroom. Groping and walking along, he encountered a wet skin like substance on either side of him and heard some music. He rubbed his eyes with the wet substance and was suddenly somehow able to see. Trying to get his bearings, he noticed that he was in some sort of dark entry way. The walls felt like a large pussy.

Going in, he entered an average sized room with a bed and a computer hooked up to the Literotica website. The computer was the fastest laptop bar none, as was the Internet connection. A few hamburgers were near the entrance and Shendude cleaned them up. Inside a fridge, he found a wide assortment of Jamaican beef patties and ginger beer. He realized then that the music playing was Bob Marley.

A whole library of sci-fi books was on a shelf. Shendude felt very comfortable as he looked up at a sign on the wet wall that read, "Lola's Place." He decided to spend some time translating the books from Jamaican English and write some kick ass sci-fi stories.

Back at the building destroyed by the meteorite, the lonely meteorite kid woke up from his nap as he heard his kid brother burning past Venus and taunting him with names. Pulling back his radioactivity, he blasted off to join his family on the return trip away from the boring planet called Earth.

Suddenly, the sex starved zombies turned into regular people. They looked at each other and figured that since it's Valentines Day anyway, why not fake being zombies and have one wild orgy before returning to their boring lives. Jimmy Page looked around and saw his band mates and they played for a few hours before going out and getting stoned and having some good ole fashioned sex with one another.

Ms.Read meanwhile had finished Carney and felt rather confused. "I am sorry I took advantage of you detective."

Carney smiled. "Listen dame. I know I am just a fling."

"Yeah. I really do love Charlie. He's my boyfriend. I guess I just caught you on the lay-up"

"But why haven't you been with your boyfriend today?" Carney asked.

"He said he was too busy. Needed to get ready for the show," Ms.Read said.

"And what about your girlfriend Charlie? What is your feeling towards her?" Carney asked.

"She's a girl. I mean I love her. Her burning hot nipples and pussy tastes like so delic'. She can get me off with multiples in like no time. I love the way she smells. She just gets me so horny. I mean your cock is interesting in the way it moves, but like all cocks it's really gross. The sperm tastes like throw-up. I feel like disgusted just being next to you much less having sex with you. If God would drop an A-bomb destroying all men in the world I would be great. All you men should just get up and die. But…"

"But?" Carney questioned.

"But I guess I got to marry a guy because it's the right thing to do."

"Why don't you be a lesbian?" Carney asked her.

"What's a lesbian?" Ms.Read asked back.

Meanwhile, the two Princesses tracked down MJL and Darkbee at the Opera that was about to begin. The sisters used a simple first level spell and their weapons were rendered useless.

MJL and Darkbee looked at the Princesses with shock.

Princess Babygrrl sees them both hand to hand and spoke. "You are brothers."

Smiling Princess Rydia gives her sister a kiss on the cheek.

Darkbee looked over at MJL and asked, "When you pee do you shake your leg three times and make a noise like Curly from the three stooges?"

"Of course…who doesn't?" MJL responded. He looked down at Darkbee's hand and saw he was wearing an identical mood changing ring, one only found in Count Chocula cereal boxes.

MJL asked, "What color are your farts?"

"Broccoli flavored going outward around two meters in each direction and lasting around twelve seconds before dissipating in a north eastern direction," Darkbee responded.

MJL's face broke into a big smile. "Mine too".

The two brothers kissed and the princess's shared a big hug.

An usher told them all to sit down, as the Opera was about to begin.


"The Phantom of the Cock Era"

The curtains are lifted as twenty men stand in a row on stage. Only their dark outline can be seen. A slight drizzle gives the impression that they are all in a shower. As they all move in unison 90 degrees it can be seen that they each stroke their cock with perfect timing. The orchestra begins and singing fills the Opera house.

(To the melody of "Ballad of a Thin Man" by Bob Dylan)

Wecome to our Shower Room
Grab your penis with your hand
Go get yourself naked
And put some lotion if you can
Try to make it hard
And try and make it stand
Imagine what your lover will say
When he gets home

Because oral sex is happiness
Unless it turns out to be someone else
Someone like…Phantom Jones

You love getting head
And you ask, "Suck me some more?"
And when he gets around finishing you
You go to pay off that whore
And just then you discover
That you left your wallet next door
And the cum gets spit
Back on the floor

Because oral sex is happiness
Unless you fail to pay someone else
Someone like…Phantom Jones

The audience feels sticky drops fall down upon them as the curtain goes down. Carney and Ms.Read grab their seats in the front. There is a change in melody. Actors move out the parts as a voice over sings the lyrics.

(To the melody of "Simple Twist of Fate" by Bob Dylan)

Paris Opera 18...81
Two girls competing for a part there is one,
One with a golden voice the other with a frog caught in her throat,
And the golden voice no deep throat, and the frog voice girl she got the part.
Was it the Phantom or a simple twist of fate?

Paris Opera 18…82
Frog voice girl gets some rotten reviews,
New girl brought in to sing the part; word spreads that she's a quick lay,
But she mentions that she's gay, and a sand bag knocks her dead
Was it the Phantom or a simple twist of fate?

Paris Opera 18…83
Frog voice girl finds a man to marry,
She says that he's a real asshole; but he's got himself a big cock,
And his wedding gift was a clock, that blew up and blast him dead
Was it the Phantom or a simple twist of fate?

Paris Opera 18…84
Opera's closed Frog girl's full-time whore,
New team brought into revamp the show, but they think that there's a ghost,
And they follow the smell of French toast, and they find maple syrup on an empty mask
Was it the Phantom or a simple twist of fate?

Paris Opera 18…85
The new opera is buzzing alive,
The new star can't sing but is a real smash, she's got a triple D sized breasts,
But she complains someone grabs her dress, but the pay is worth the feels
Was it the Phantom or a simple twist of fate?

Paris Opera 18…86
The new star disappears in some smoke magic tricks,
The search goes on and word gets spread, there's a Phantom in our midst,
And you can hear "Suck on my tits", getting whispered inside the walls
Is it the Phantom or a simple twist of fate?

the curtain comes down. After several moments a new scene has started. Charlie, dressed as a man with a cape, has a covering over part of his face. Ms.Read watches his every move.

(To the melody "Tangled Up in Blue" by Bob Dylan)

Early one morning 10 feet below
I was eating French toast in bed,
Looking at this babe with giant tits
Thinkin' about her pussy instead.
I took her down many years ago
Big tits were my thing
Then after a while she was pestering me
About that wedding ring.
I just threw up and felt kind of scared
Marriage was not my thing
Killing people in the Opera
Seem to be just what I did and so I knew
I was tangled up and screwed.

I thought about bopping her over the head
And dumping her into the lake
I knew she couldn't carry a tune
And I found out her boobs were fake
And then it hit me what I really did want
Was just to be in love
To have a woman that I always could love
Instead all that killing stuff
So I let her go up to the Opera
I knew she would turn me in
But she slipped upon a banana peel
She had a con-cuss-ion. But could she sue?
I was tangled up and screwed

I heard a voice in the Opera
After past so many years
It was such a beautiful voice I heard
I had to bring her down right here
My face is scarred so I wear a mask
And as I stood above the stage
The Opera owner offered her a job
Only he paid the minimum wage
So the golden voice said that wasn't enough
And I became enraged
She ran out that very moment
As I slipped and feel on stage. I was black and blue
Tangled up and screwed.

The curtain goes down once again as the Charlie a.k.a the Phantom lies on the ground. Ms.Read's eyes are on Charlie the whole time.

As the curtains rise again the Phantom has a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

(To the melody "Just like a Woman" by Bob Dylan)

Ms.Read, she's my best friend

(Charlie starts taking his/her clothes off as she sings and walks slowly off stage)

Yes, I love her, from now 'til the end
I propose to you right now
You make my heart go pound
There's just one Charlie for you and she wears her dresses down

(Ms.Read walks towards her)

Your eyes, your smile, your lovely face
You taste just like a woman, yes, you do
You make love to me just like a woman, yes, you do
And you make me feel like a woman
And no Phantom (mask removed) is gonna break your heart.

Ms.Read and Charlie kiss. The curtain falls as applause rings out. The princesses shoot off fireworks as they rush to greet their sister.

"That was so Goth. Hi. I am your sister Rydia," Rydia says in giggling fashion.

"And I'm your other sister Babygrrl. Oh give us a kiss you hot lesbian," Babygrrl says.

As the girls embrace Carney makes his way to the exit. He notices a pretty girl and as he approaches her, his cock twists and he falls down. He gets up and looks at Lola smile from the back row. Her belly seems to have gotten much bigger. Getting up Carney sees the pretty girl vanished.

Ms.Read smiles. "Charlie I had a dream once that I would be surrounded with girls in the Zen room. I wonder what that means?"

It's late sometime just after midnight and Valentines Day is a thing of the past as Detective Carney walks back to his flat. Tomorrow he'll have to find a new secretary.

"Who knows? Perhaps another client will come in tomorrow. No doubt it'll be some dame," Carney says. He never notices that a long sheet of toilet paper is stuck to his foot.

The End

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5 Comments
sr71pltsr71pltabout 16 years ago
Exhausting

Confusing in a confused way. A lot of fun. Tickets to this show should have come with a road map. The bonus feature of a full opera was "something else"--in a good way.

mjl2010mjl2010about 16 years ago
Fantastically Weird and Funny!!!

Freddy!!! You pervert you! You wrote about sex and not even with a dead person! I thought this was great. Had fun reading it and everything else I had to do with it. (no telling now)

HA! You better keep writing or I'll come to the beach and kick your butt! MJL

DarkBeeDarkBeeabout 16 years ago
How can I not like this?

I mean, the guy gave me a 7-foot cock (but not enough brains to know what to do with it... damn!).

Totally weird, in a good way.

DarkBeeDarkBeeabout 16 years ago
How can I not like this?

I mean, the guy gave me a 7-foot cock (but not enough brains to know what to do with it... damn!).

Totally weird, in a good way.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
Spaniard in the Works

Freddy - It's taken me over 20 minutes to clean off my screen.

This is - incredible. Genius. And I'm sending you the bill for my surgery - guts all over the place.

No one ever decided whether John Lennon was a genius or just insane. Either way, the wit and energy of his work, and yours, favorably compared and even more accessable than his, brings tears to my eyes and joy in my heart.

And a drop or two of other things..*kiss*

Please, please please continue to write and post. This is incredible.

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