The Change

Rhonda had tears running down her cheeks but she forced herself to look at Haley and smile.

"Before you go, two things," I said to Jim. "One, I want you to call me every day to make sure that I don't have anything I need for you to do. And second, I want you to write me a long letter. In that letter I want you to tell me how things got started between you and my whore of an ex-wife. I also want to know why you cheated on your wife. I saw her today and I can't imagine anyone in their right mind cheating on her. She's one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen outside of TV or the movies. I just don't get it."

"Is she prettier than me?" asked Rhonda.

"Yep," I said. "And she's built better too." Jim got up to leave. He nodded his head and quickly scribbled down "Thanks, I'll e-mail you the letter." Then he walked out of the room leaving me with my wife.

"Ryan, can we go and sit on the sofa in our living room," she asked. "We have a lot to talk about."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because, we can't get past this and start to rebuild our lives if we don't talk," she said.

"No, Rhonda," I said. "What I meant was why would I want to bother talking to you? You haven't done anything but lie since this whole thing started. When the divorce papers were served and I came home you tried to lie to me along with your fuck buddy. You claimed it had only happened once. Neither of you knew then about the videos."

"Then you lied to our parents. Even now they have no idea what this is about do they? Then you pretended not to know what I was talking about when I asked you about the way the two of you talked about me. So, why Rhonda...? Why should I believe anything you told me?"

"Because, I only lied because I was so afraid of losing you," she said. "You and Haley are my whole world. I'd do anything for you."

"Anything except keep your legs closed," I snapped. "Anything except keep the vows we made when we got married."

"Ryan, I never meant to hurt you," she began.

"What you mean is you never meant to get caught," I said. "Remember when you talked about what would happen if I did find out? Remember how you said that I was such a wimp that I wouldn't do anything?" She hung her head and started crying.

"It's always funny until someone gets a divorce," I laughed.

"Ryan, I've admitted I did it. I'm sorry. I'd do anything for this not to have happened. I swear it. All you have to do is tell me what I have to do to make this up."

"Ryan, we've been together for a long time. On the road to forever there are bound to be ups and downs in every relationship. You can't just give up and throw in the towel every time something goes wrong."

"We're a great team. We take care of each other and our daughter. We always have. If you've listened to my conversations with Jim then you also know that things between he and I were lacking. But I never scrimped on you. I was always attentive to any and all needs you had. I would have died before I knowingly hurt you."

"Bullshit," I spat. I quickly looked across at Haley to assure that my outburst hadn't upset her. She was beginning to yawn in her playpen.

I turned back to Rhonda with anger written all over my face.

"You weren't attentive to shit," I hissed, barely loud enough to be heard. "...Unless it was the need to fuck Jim. I was in pain from the moment I found out about the two of you. I was screaming on the inside and I know you felt the pain. But all you cared about was getting your hole filled. So you should be glad now because there's nothing to hold you back anymore."

"What do you mean?" she asked. "I have much more to hold me back now. These few days that we've been apart were a nightmare. All I have done is laid on my bed and cried and prayed that you'd give me another chance. I kept saying it over and over again. Heaven help me find a way to dream within this nightmare."

"All I saw was me trying to go through life without you. It was hell. I saw you bringing Haley up without me and someone else replacing me in my daughter's heart. I know that you won't forgive me twice. I'll never do anything to even make you think I looked at another man. My time of cheating with Jim or anyone else is over."

"You'll find someone else," I said. "And you haven't seen the last of old Jim. I'm sure of it."

"He makes my skin crawl," she said.

"Yeah, since you got caught," I snapped. "Did you sign the papers yet?"

"Of course not," she said. "I've already told you, we're not getting a divorce and you don't want one. You love me and I love you. Why the fuck would we get a divorce? Ryan you're being over dramatic. Just tell me what it'll take for us to get over this?" she said then in a softer voice. "Ryan I miss you. I won't mess up again."

She reached for me. A gesture she'd done so many times over the years that it was like second nature her. This time though, things didn't go the way she expected them to. As quick as a snake I grabbed her hand just before it touched me. "Don't ever touch me," I told her. "We both know where your hands have been."

She looked me in the eye and saw that I was serious.

"Rhonda, I allowed you to come over here so we could talk like adults. You refuse to see reason so there's no need for us to continue to talk. You need to get yourself a really good lawyer. I wanted this divorce to go through easily. I have no intention of paying you for fucking up my life, but I'm not going to be ruthless about it."

"I want Haley and the house. My intention is to give you a small but reasonable lump sum up front. No alimony, because, as I said I have no intention of paying you for ruining my life. I'm also going to make Jim pay you. Since he fucked you, he should help to support you. It's only fair don't you think?"

"I was also going to allow you generous visitation rights..."

"No," said Rhonda again. "This isn't right." She had a crazy look in her eyes.

"Ryan, don't you read the papers? Lots of people have affairs. It doesn't have to end in a divorce. I love you. I've told you that over and over again. I never loved Jim, it was just sex."

"I'm not the people in the papers, Rhonda. I want a divorce. I'm trying to let you stay in Haley's life. But I want you out of mine. If you don't agree to this and force me to, I will get nasty. I'll drag your name through the mud so badly that you won't be able to stay in this town. It'll embarrass your whole family and ruin Jim's. Is that what you want?"

"No Ryan, you know what I want. I want my husband and my family back," she said.

"Rhonda, you have your copies of the papers," I said. "I'm trying to be nice so I'll give you three days to get a lawyer and get me the papers back signed. After that I'll draw up new papers listing the true reason I want the divorce, restart my suit against Jim and even call your parents into court so they can testify about the way that you lied about why we ended our marriage."

She didn't say anything she just got up and started to leave. She looked back at me and shook her head.

Very early the next morning, I had a visitor. I was feeding Haley a bowl of oatmeal made just the way she likes it. Haley likes her oatmeal with strawberries and just a touch of cinnamon. She was smiling and pointed at the window.

Rhonda's mom was standing there.

"Good morning favorite son in law," she said cheerfully. "After I leave no one will ever know about this visit. I came over for two reasons. The first of course was to see my adorable granddaughter." She kissed Haley and rubbed her cheek.

"The second is so you and I could have a talk."

I nodded and looked at her. She took over feeding Haley. "You don't mind do you?" she asked. "I have a feeling that I might not get to do this very often anymore."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because I know stupidity when I see it," she said. "I also know the pain it causes and I see that pain in your eyes. Rhonda fucked up didn't she?" I just nodded.

"That girl is as stupid as the day is long," she said. "All that crap she was giving us about the two of you just needing some time apart. I can't believe she'd be that stupid."

"How did you know?" I asked.

"Honey, a woman doesn't cry over a man she's left because HE fucked up. She may get really pissed at him. She may sit around calling him every name in the book, but she won't lie in her bed crying over not getting a man back unless SHE did something wrong. But Ryan let me tell you a story that no one knows, okay."

"Okay, but only because you're my favorite mother in law," I said.

"Ha ha," she laughed. "I'm your only mother in law. Anyway, this happened about twenty years ago, to a couple I know. They loved each other a lot. They had a great life and not one but two small children. But the husband got into kind of a rut. Maybe he looked around and envied some of the single guys he knew. Maybe the day in day out routine of going to work and coming home and helping to take care of his kids just got to him."

"Well, he ended up doing a very dumb thing. He had a few meetings with a woman who was not his wife and I'm not talking about business meetings either. It took a few weeks, but his wife found out about it and threw him out on his ass. She gave him what he wanted. She filed for a divorce. She went out and started looking for work so that after the divorce she'd be able to take care of her kids."

"Her husband decided to try to fight the divorce. After a few days away from home, he regretted what he'd done far more than he ever thought he would have. He missed his kids and he really missed his wife. That other woman was great to have on the side, as kind of the icing on top of his cake. But he discovered that his wife, his boring little stay at home mom and wife, she WAS the cake. So he went home begging and pleading for her to take him back."

"His wife told him that she was dead set on having the divorce, but for the sake of the kids, she would give him one year to get her to call it off. He could move back into the house and start playing daddy again but he had to earn everything else. He had to sleep in the guest room. They would speak to each other civilly for the sake of their kids but anything else he had to earn. At the end of one year if he hadn't convinced her that he deserved another chance, the divorce would go through and he couldn't contest either the divorce itself or her property settlement."

"There would be no counselors, no therapy, none of that touchy, feely, windbag, psychiatric shit, just him busting his ass to convince the woman he loved that he did love her and that even though he'd fucked up he should have one more chance."

"And bust his ass he did. Being away from his home and family was all it took to show him what he'd taken for granted. He realized then how much he missed his kids and how nice his home was and how hard his wife worked to make it that way. When people started calling her about some of the job applications she'd put in, he also started to realize that his wife was still an attractive woman and she could have had someone else in a heartbeat."

"It was still a tough row to hoe, though. She made him jump through all kind of hoops, but eventually they fell back in love again and even had another baby, don't ever tell anybody this but that third one, might have been a mistake, cause she's not too bright and doesn't know how good she has it." She smiled at me.

"I guess Ryan, what I'm trying to say is that people are human. We're all going to make mistakes. We're sometimes going to hurt the people that we love most. And that sometimes, not every time, but sometimes, it's worth giving them a second chance. I'm not saying we should make it easy on them. If they want that second chance they should have to bust their ass to earn it. But sometimes it's worth it. Even if that third kid of theirs isn't too bright; every time I look at this little angel I'm glad he got that second chance."

I was shocked. "That was you guys, wasn't it?" I asked. She just nodded and smiled.

"Ryan, don't tell anyone," she said. "Except for me, Ted and now you, no one knows. Our kids don't even know that their daddy cheated on me. But I have to give him credit; he's never given me any reason to ever suspect him again."

"And Ryan, it's going to take you some time to get over the hurt. Even twenty years later, I can sometimes see something that happens on TV and just get pissed at Ted all over again. It's more a case where I know that he hasn't done anything in twenty years for me to distrust him, but you never totally forget. You can forgive with all of your heart and move on, but a small kernel of that pain is always going to be with you."

"You just have to decide which one is bigger, the love you feel for that person, or the pain they gave you. It's one of those decisions that no one can make for you."

I smiled at her and took her hand. "You do know that no matter what happens you're her grandma, right. I would never take her away from you or put any kind of restrictions on when and how you could see her. You can visit her every day if you want and have her spend the night with you when she's older. No matter how this works out. You know that right?" I asked.

"I do now," she said hugging me.

Later that evening, a nice older lady stopped by my house. I'd signed up with an agency to find a live in nanny to help with the house and take care of Haley. She was a really nice lady but I think she was a bit too old. Raising a young child takes a lot of energy and I didn't think she had it. Haley also didn't take to her. I didn't want someone that Haley would have to grow into.

Over the next few days, I had a couple of ladies stop by almost every day. I still hadn't found anyone yet.

Jill, who was about twenty four and very pretty, stopped by for her interview at the worst possible time; we were about halfway through her interview and I'd just introduced her to Haley when Rhonda came to the house. She took one look at Jill and started crying and launched herself at Jill.

After pulling them apart, I had to explain to both of them what was going on.

"Rhonda, what's wrong with you?" I asked.

"You haven't even given me a chance to fight for you and our marriage yet and you're already dating," she whined.

"Rhonda, Jill is interviewing for the nanny position," I said. "We're not dating and she's far too young for me."

Maybe it was the look on Jill's face when I said that,or the tiny shake of her head, but Rhonda launched herself at her again. I had to reschedule Jill's interview so I could get Rhonda to calm down.

"Ryan, I will do anything it takes to save our marriage," said Rhonda, as soon as Jill left. "I don't want some teeny bopper putting my daughter to bed and then going to bed with my husband."

"Jill is twenty four," I said. "And she's the youngest person I've interviewed so far."

"I don't care," snapped Rhonda. "For the sake of all the years we've spent together you owe me one more chance Ryan."

"I don't owe you shit," I said angrily. I tried to calm down. "Did you get a lawyer?" I asked.

"Ryan, please don't do this," she whined. "Can, I tell you a story?" she asked. She then went on to tell me the same story her mother had told me. Only she told it from the point of view of the man. I realized that her father had told her the story. And then like a bolt of lightning striking me, I knew what I had to do.

"Rhonda, that story is corny as hell," I said. "How could the woman ever trust that guy again? How does she know he never cheated on her again and just didn't get caught?"

"He'd never cheat on her again," she snapped. "He loved her. He came too God damned close to losing her forever and he knows he won't get another chance."

"That was twenty fucking years ago," I said. "People were more honorable back then. Now a days people lie through their teeth just as easily as they tell the truth. In this day and age you'd need, well; I'd need some kind of collateral."

"What kind of collateral would you need, Ryan?" she asked excitedly.

"We're not talking about us, are we?" I asked. "I thought this was your people from twenty years ago."

"Well, if it was us?" she asked. "What would it take?"

"Well, I guess I'd want the divorce papers signed and notarized. I'd want them to include me having custody of Haley and no alimony. Basically, they'd say that we were divorced and you were flat out on your ass with nothing but your personal belongings. You'd have to move into the guest room and earn your way back into my heart and my bed like your f...I mean the guy from twenty years ago did."

She jumped up and through her arms around me. "Ryan, we can do this we can save our marriage, you'll see," she said."

"It's over Rhonda," I said. "Our marriage is over, but I need you anyway. Maybe we can start over and build an even better one, though."

She leaned over to kiss me and I pushed her away. "When can I move back in?" she asked.

"As soon as I get and go over the papers," I said.

Two days later, Rhonda came home. She was so happy, I thought she'd bust every time I looked at her. She tried everything she could to get herself back in my good graces.

She cooked even better than I remembered. She was excellent with Haley. I had to keep telling her that I wasn't ready for touching or conversations yet. I stayed icy towards her. I was civil but nothing more. Every time she tried to do something extra for me, I refused to accept it. If she prepared a special meal for me or did something out of the ordinary simply because she thought I'd like it, I simply didn't eat it or accept it.

I also took to leaving pictures of her and Jim around the house. At first every time she found one she'd cry. The she just started tearing them up.

Speaking of Jim, he wrote me a very long, tear filled letter about why he'd betrayed his wife. Rhonda wasn't the first time he'd betrayed Starla. She wasn't even the second.

Starla had caught him once and told him that if he ever did it again their marriage was history. I guess that was why he was willing to do anything to keep her from finding out.

I often had Jim do the stupidest things. I'd call him up in the middle of the night and have him rush over to our house to take out the garbage if I didn't feel like doing it. It was really fun because he lived way across town.

I guess after a few weeks Rhonda started to think that we were doing better. One night, after Holly went to sleep, Rhonda came into my bedroom after her shower.

"I've been feeling like I'm more or less just the maid around here," she said, leaning over the bed. "Do you know that a lot of guys in your situation would be fucking their maids? I'm sure that Jill bitch would be fucking you by now, so what's the difference?"

"The difference is that I only have sex with someone when I'm in love with them," I said. "I'm not big into sport fucking. That's your thing. And maybe I would be having sex with Jill by now but the last time I checked, you aren't her."

"Ryan Honey, I miss you. Do you know how long it's been since you made love to me?" she asked. "I need you bad."

"Yep," I said. "It was the night before I heard you telling Jim over the phone about how much you liked what the two of you did and what a wimp I was." She sat there on the bed with tears falling down her cheeks. She looked at me and shook her head.

"Ryan, you have no idea how sorry I am that any of this happened," she said.

"Yeah Rhonda, I really do," I said. "I'm the one who got kicked in the nuts by hearing what his wife really thought of him. I'm the one who found out that you took something I thought was special and shared by just the two of us and just gave it to some asshole for fun. You were the one who just shit on our marriage, not me. You see Rhonda, it's worse for me because at least you had a choice. You're the one who did this to us. Now get out of my room. Any time you don't like what's going on, you're free to just walk the fuck out of here. And to tell you the truth, I don't care either way."