The Chaos Theory

Josh stared blissfully into space, Bill grinned.

"Do you play Croquet and Tennis and have family picnics?"

"Oh yes, that's positively encouraged , well actually it probably compulsory, but you have to love warm flat lemonade and jam sandwiches. When we were young we used to call ourselves the Famous Five, after the children's stories, but we didn't have a dog as a fifth member, so we imagined him. We'd go on adventures and right wrongs."

"Amazing, you make it sound like it was great fun."

"It still is, we really enjoy it, there's no television, no internet, no mobile phone access, perfect."

"Ohh! I don't think I'd manage a week without my cell phone."

"You would, there's so much going on you'd never worry about the outside world."

"Sounds bliss!"

Issy sighed and grinned, Geoff grinned and drank his beer.

"Where does everyone sleep?"

"Oh well the three ladies share the second bedroom. Mum and Dad have the master bedroom of course. Youngsters and any younger girls get the spare rooms and the old barn is a dormitory for all boys, aged twelve and upward, mentally as well as physically."

"Sounds like a well rehearsed plan goes into operation."

"Well yes and the boys also get to have cold showers and pee outdoors."

"Nice"

"It's very character building, toughens you up and makes a man of you."

"OK I trust you on that."

"Well I'm going to set up the supper, Geoff more drinks. No Bill you and Professor Greening sit back, we can manage."

"Please call me Josh, Issy."

"You got it Prof."

"I give up."

Later after they had finished with no major mishaps, apart from Bill knocking her water glass over and Josh spilling his beer onto the table as he took a new pint from Geoff, they returned to the lounge for coffee.Issy arrived with the pot and cups and saucers arranged on a large tray.

"Issy, could I have a mug, it's probably safer!" Josh said.

Bill grinned and rose, walking out leaving laughter in her wake. Geoff tried to hide his grin as Issy sighed. They heard the crash in the kitchen and the shouted "sorry!" from Bill. The sounds of something being swept up came through. She came back red faced and grinning,swinging a mug.

"What have you broken?" sighed Issy as Geoff pulled a cushion across his face to hide his laughter. Josh grinned like an idiot.

"Oh nothing really. That red dish was it expensive?"

"Oh no that's Le Creuset and yes it's hideously expensive. Bill please try to be more careful. I'm running out of crockery."

Geoff by now was hysterical, tears rolling down his face as he flapped his legs uncontrollably.

"Geoffrey Martin Hemsworth, I will thank you to control yourself when we have company!" Issy rebuked, a smile spreading over her face.

"Awww come on, Issy your adorable sister's doing you a favour, she's letting you replace the old stuff much quicker than you planned." Geoff said, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Hey Prof, do you wanna go take a look in the cupboards too?" Geoff spluttered before dissolving again.

"Geoff!" Issy screamed as Bill laughed out loud.

Josh just grinned and reached for Bill's hand.

"I think it's marginally safer if I sit here actually."

"I agree."

"Thanks Bill"

Later Josh stood in the hallway and held Bill close to him.

"Well thanks awfully for a terrific evening, I had a really good time."

"Me too, do you want to see me again?"

"Are you kidding, I would love to see you again, are you sure you want to see me?"

"Oh Yeah! I mean yes please."

They came closer, Bill tilted her head slightly and aimed at Josh's mouth.

"I... I ... I.."

Josh got no further as her sweet warm moist lips met his, he sighed and pulled her closer. They held the kiss and as it developed, their lips opened into a sensual lingering exploring, loving one.

"Mmm, good kisser..."

"Yes you are and ..."

"Don't talk, kiss me again,"

Issy, hmmphhed and they parted, faces red and smiling.

"Well I hate to interrupt this cozy conversation but regrettably as most of us have work tomorrow I think goodnight is in order,"

"Oh yes, gosh err. goodnight Bill until we meet again."

Josh pumped Bill's hand as she looked surprised and flushed.Issy put her hand to her mouth and turned slightly a short giggle escaping.Walking out he waved and turned away.

"Josh!" Issy called,

turning back he saw her jangling her car keys,

"I'll run you back," she shouted.

"Oh no I couldn't presume to, honestly. Anyway the walk will aid my digestion, but thank you." he shouted as he walked away.

Turning he walked into the brick gatepost of the driveway. Wincing, he turned again and waved, seeing Bill's concerned look and Issy's smile.

Setting off he walked quickly along the road. Turning right, he passed a series of elegant mid twentieth century detached houses, timber framed, with large double garages. Each was set in their own grounds and fronted by large gravel drives which had lawns either side. The lawns lead to neat walls and gated entrances. Twenty minutes later he realised he should have turned left instead of right. The mistake would cost him an extra fifteen minutes walking. He laughed at his own stupidity, just as he felt the first drops of rain patter down on him.

He arrived back at Hall just as the gates were closing, he nipped past the Gatekeeper and smiled. The Gatekeeper laughed at the wet bedraggled figure crossing the square to his flat in the College buildings. Outside his door on the green baize board a half dozen notes and an envelope were pinned to it. A bottle of milk sat warm on his doorstep. He shook his head and picked it up. Opening the door he put the milk and notes on the hall table with his keys.

Stripping off his clothes he walked to the bathroom. Turning on the shower, he waited until it was barely warm, before standing under the thin stream. Gradually both the water and he warmed up and his skin flushed pink again. The purple colour under his nails gradually lightened and he flexed his fingers, enjoying the warmth, such as it was. His body was uniformly hairy and slightly pudgy and whilst he had muscles they weren't well defined and he had no intention of developing them.

He played a lazy game of squash once or twice a week, with a colleague or someone from his tutor group and neither won or lost heavily. He tended to walk most places, although in all honesty it was never more than to the lecture rooms, his tutor room or the refectory for lunch or his evening meal. He ate sparingly, occasionally he had a big meal and drinks but these tended to be high days or holidays. He enjoyed the company of his fellow tutors and masters, they in turn watched in admiration as he bumbled his way through their lives.

His students and those attending his lectures were uniformly amazed at how this inept, bumbling man became Professor Joshua Greening PhD a man capable of enthusing his audience and carrying them along with him when he spoke on that days subject. He was used to applause on completion of his sessions, his entire dialogue spoken without reference to notes and delivered with passion, verve and intelligence. He answered questions with skill and accuracy almost to the point of pedantry, but delivered with a smile and a grace many envied.

The following day he gave a series of lectures and finished each with a question and answer session, impromptu and again without notes, they ranged across the whole syllabus.

"Hey Prof. we're going to the Ship do you want to come?" came from the leader of a noisy group of Final Year students, as his attendees finally began to wander out from the last lecture of the day.

He enjoyed these after lecture sessions, where he was able to mix with them informally and try to understand the modern mindset and the latest idioms. Often he was the centre of attention as he recounted an infamous episode from his childhood. Many pints later he would remember he had a tutorial or one to one in less minutes than it took to run the distance to the tutor room he occupied. Begging for release from his audience, he would run back through the College to whoops and cheers as the passing crowds realised Greening had done it again.

"Sorry, must pass on it this time, papers to mark, yours in particular," he grinned, as the leader waved and the others pushed him through the door.

Late in the evening, as he sat in his rooms reading the presentations and submissions, he wondered what Bill was doing. His phone rang and as he reached out to answer, he knocked over the pile of papers he had placed on the table by his chair. Flustered he answered the trill ring.

"Three, eight, one, five.. hello?" he almost sang.

"Hi Prof. it's Bill, you sound cheery,"

"Good lord, what a coincidence I was just thinking about you,"

"You were?"

"I certainly was, how are you?"

"I'm good, kicking my heels a bit and wondering if you fancied meeting tomorrow for a beer or a walk or anything really?"

"Wow, err, a beer with you would be lovely, where shall we meet?"

"Do you know the Unicorn on Stoke Lane?"

"Vaguely, is the one with the big rear garden and the aviary?"

"I think so, Issy suggested it."

"Ohh! well fine when?"

"Tomorrow about six thirty?"

"Umm, yes that should be fine, do we eat there?"

"Could do, Issy says it's 'OK' so I guess the food should be edible."

"How absolutely wonderful, well I look forward to that."

"Me too, bye!"

"Yes, goodbye.. Bill..."

He heard the dial tone as he tried to think of a final message for her. Placing his phone down he looked at the mess on his floor, sighed and moved to sort it out.

Bill danced back into the lounge and sat next to her sister on the sofa.

"He said yes," she grinned and reddened.

"Thank God for that, I dread to think what you would be like if he'd have said no," Issy smiled and put an arm round her sister.

"I will miss you when you have to go back you know."

Bill smiled and kissed Issy on the cheek.

"Me too big sis and I'll miss Geoff too."

"Yes the adorable devil loves you like you were his own sister," Issy hugged Bill and they sat together reflecting on their shared sisterhood as the television played to itself.

"Talking of which, where is Geoff?"

"In the bathroom, reading," sighed Issy, as she released her hold on Bill.

"Do all Englishmen read when they crap?"

"Bill!"

"I just wondered," Bill made a face.

"I have very little experience on the subject, except for Geoff."

"Has he always done it?"

"I refuse to answer that question, the subject is closed."

"You sound like Mother, that's what she would do if the subject offended her."

"Ladies do not discuss.. err."

"crapping?"

"Bill, please that is not a word I think you should use, especially in this house."

"What else can I call it, shitting, defecating, using the can?"

"BILL!" Issy shouted, just as Geoff walked back in, a newspaper clutched in his right hand.

"What's all this shouting ladies?"

"I was just asking Issy if all Englishmen read when they..."

"Bill!"

"..shit?"

"Wouldn't know, why?"

"Nothing!"

"I do, if you need to know?"

"Thanks."

"Bill can we please change the subject, you're not twelve anymore and playing up in that tree house with Martin and George."

Issy mentioned the names of two boys who Bill used to hang out with.

Bill grinned at the memory of the large timber hut in Martin du Plessis's garden tree. They had played Doctors and patients. They had played peeing games too. Bill astonishing the boys with the height and length she could make, especially after large quantities of Martin's Moms cloudy lemonade had been consumed. She also remembered the look of astonishment on Mrs Du Plessis face when Bill owned up to being the originator of the stream of pee which had soared out over the lawn one particular afternoon, soaking the family's pet dog. She had been grounded for three weeks after that episode.

"Ahh, the arc of pee!" said Issy with a grin, as she watched her sisters face remembering.

"How did you know?"

"I know the look, boy did Dad go to town on you! apparently Mother took the call from Martin's Mom and went white."

"I was sore for days after Dad finished with me."

"I got grounded for a week for not looking after you properly." Issy moaned.

"Hah!"

"What does that mean?"

"You know!"

"No I don't know, What?"

"You were making eyes at Martin's elder brother!"

"Oh My God! Scott du Plessis," Issy screeched.

"Exactly! Scott "Blond Skateboard God" du Plessis. Tanned and tight buns Scott du Plessis. You had a real thing for him."

"And he was gay and didn't care who knew it, came out that summer."

"Major bummer."

"Totally sucked, I cried for days, as did my girlfriends."

" I am here you know!"

"Oh Geoff you are my one true love.."

"Thank you."

"..at the moment." Issy finished. She and Bill laughed and linked their arms.

"Yes, very good, hah, hah, get the doctor my ribs cracked."

"Aww Honey you know I love you and adore you, don't you?"

"Of course I do," Geoff smiled.

"Sucker," stage whispered Bill to Issy. Issy snorted and cupped her mouth with her hand.

"Smartarse!" said Geoff with a grin. Issy rose and stepped over to Geoff, sitting on his lap and smiling.

"Hey Bill, how's the love life going, have you spoken to the Prof. recently?"

"I've arranged to meet him at the Unicorn tomorrow for a drink and a meal."

"Oh ho! the Sisterhood strikes while the irons hot."

"you will so get yours Hemsworth, trust me, I will get you back."

"Look forward to it sunshine, bring it on as you Americans are fond of saying."

"Just watch your back, I strike like a Ninja, in and out in seconds."

"Sounds like our sex life honey." Issy fluttered her eyelids at Geoff, then smacked his arm.

"I felt that!"

"Good, you were meant to."

"What did he do?"

"Never mind... Geoff!" Issy smacked his arm again a broad smile on her face.

"I can't see what he's doing, oh!" Bill's face flushed as the penny dropped and Issy laughed, Geoff's grin a mile wide.

"I think I should go to bed, goodnight."

Bill stood red faced and left. As she passed through the door, she heard Issy yelp again and giggle in a distinctly sexy way. Bill grinned, they were so happy together, it was such a pleasure to be around them.

The following night Geoff dropped Bill outside the Unicorn and told her to ring when she needed picking up. She thanked him and closed the door. Geoff punched the horn and drove off. Bill looked around and saw the entrance. Careful with the placement of her feet she stepped down into the bar. She saw Josh looking pensive and glancing around, a pint glass half full in his hand. His face lit up as she gave a little wave and walked towards him.

"Hi,"

"Hi yourself, how long have you been here?"

"Oh! all day practically, I was afraid I'd be late and you'd have left in a huff because I stood you up."

"Really?"

"No, actually, I've only been here about fifteen minutes, I tried to be early so I was here to see you arrive, and I have. What would you like to drink."

"The usual please."

"OK indifferent Chardonnay coming up, here."

Josh handed Bill his pint and went to the bar, returning shortly with a large glass of chilled wine.

"Really strange, it's actually French, who'd have thought it."

They swapped glasses and raised them to each other.

"Cheers,"

"Your Health, mmm this is good."

"Really? Look do you want to find a table and have a look at the menu?"

"Sure, that would be nice."

The pub was full but not packed and they found a table in a corner, near the fireplace.

"I bet this is cosy in the winter," Bill said wistfully.

"Hmmm, I expect so, I don't come here that often, although at the moment it is my favourite haunt."

"Hah! because of me?"

"Exactly, because of you, I can't believe you wanted to see me again."

"Well there's strength in numbers, and I can be very relaxed around you, since you and I share a cosmic bond."

"Ahh yes the clusterfuck principle, hmm, I think there's a lot of mileage in this you know."

"We should meet often to compare notes."

"yes, I think by pooling our resources we could have a working hypothesis fairly quickly."

"Although it will require a lot of intense research and full time co-operation."

"I like the sound of co-operation, especially the full time bit."

"Good, shall we choose something and then return to the subject."

"OK Prof."

"Good."

They silently looked through the menu, each glancing at the other before smiling and returning to it.

They chose and ordered. After thirty minutes the meals arrived. In true British Pub tradition it was magnificently indifferent. The vegetables were slightly overcooked and rapidly cooling on cold plates. The pie Josh had chosen had a rather rubbery texture and an indescribable meat and gravy gloop inside. Bill's fish defied description but was allegedly salmon, however, it was not unpleasant.

They chatted back and forth until as they finished eating the conversation stilled.

"Dessert?"

"I don't think so, that was rather..."

" ah, maybe, err, different?"

"Yeah, different probably describes it, hmm, now what Prof.?"

"Another drink, coffee?"

"I think two glasses of wine is about all I can manage tonight, and British coffee is a beverage I can't quite get to grips with, sorry."

"No that's fine, I quite understand, I hate the stuff."

"Really? but you drank Issy's?"

"Yes, well she'd gone to all that trouble to make it, it would have been rude to say no."

"You are so damn polite Prof."

"Absolutely, where are we without our manners, politeness costs nothing but means a lot."

"Your Mother?"

"Oh yes and Daddy too, they were sticklers for politeness and good manners, please and thank you, may I instead of can I, thank you for having me."

"Before or after sex?"

"I.. I... I wouldn't know, actually." he looked into his lap.

"It was a joke, or at least it was supposed to be." She also looked down.

"Right, yes I get it..."

"Sorry"

"What for, I misunderstood, no harm done, word of honour."

"You are so different from any man I've ever met, Geoff aside,"

She took his hand and his face brightened.

"Look I'll pay for this and then walk you home."

"No this is a Dutch Treat, we both pay our own half. I can't ask you to come out and then expect you to pay now can I?"

"But, oh no! you have that look Issy has when I've lost some papers again, I'm not going to win am I?"

"Absolutely not old thing." she mimicked his accent accurately.

"Touche, ok Dutch it is, but next time we toss for it."

"I have a two headed penny."

"I bet you have."

"Let's settle the tab and walk,"

"Yes lets."

They paid and left the Pub, the air still and warm, the walk refreshing.

"Prof.?"

"Yes Bill?"

"do you really like me, I mean am I a good date?"

"Was this a Date?" he emphasised the word 'Date'.

"For sure, wasn't it for you?"

"Well of course but I wouldn't presume to assume you would treat it that way."

"Really, why is that?"

"Well you are young and pretty and to be honest, way, way out of my league."

"You think so?"

"God yes, I never, ever thought I'd meet someone as beautiful and lively as you, let alone enjoy the luck of two dates with you."

"Two dates?"

"I count the pub and the meal at Issy and Geoff's as a date."

"You cannot be serious?"

"Yes I can, my life is a series of cockups joined by a collection of boring days, until I met you that is. Life has looked up a hundred percent since then. No a million percent, at least."

"You're funny, why are you so down on yourself?"

"Experience, I know that out there I have a twin who is living life to the full. Right now, his coffee's cold and he's forgotten his umbrella on the wettest day of the year wherever he lives, because I've met you."