The Cheater Gets Cheated

This is just a little tale where the rabbit catches the fox.

Life these last six months has gone from bad to worse. Four years ago I fell crazy in love with the sister of a coworker and I raced into marriage with a stupid grin on my face and not a thought in my brain. I believed she was everything I was looking for, but now I realize I was projecting most of that onto an empty slate. She played the part and had the look, but I never saw what was lurking underneath the surface. Let that be a lesson to you all; take your time and be sure.

Sheila was expert at making a man feel like he was that one in a million and everything in the world. I realize now she was expert at getting what she wanted. She played me like she played everyone and I never saw the real woman behind the facade until she decided I no longer mattered.

The last year she was increasingly detached. She went from caring and attentive to disinterested and aloof. The changes were slow at first; but her mistake was that in the last half year the changes were happening fast, and she let me see it. She stayed out late with "the girls", but I knew that most of our friends could not stand her; they just pretended for my sake. They saw through her long before I did.

I knew what I had to do and I made the call. His name is Harvey Mattison and he's a private investigator. I didn't need him to tell me something was wrong. I knew that for myself. I wanted the facts. Sheila had me in the dark, and I wanted him to shine some light on what she was up to. It took him all of a week. I felt like such a fool! Sheila was a very busy girl and I was a very clueless husband.

Harvey was a great help. He gave me his formal signed report along with photographs and video, and I immediately did two things: I made an appointment with my doctor to get a broad spectrum of blood tests for every STD known and I arranged to meet a lawyer specializing in family law. Family law is code for divorce. It's true what they say, "A picture is worth a thousand words." A good picture speaks to you. Can you imagine what a video of your wife fucking some dick-shit says? It doesn't speak; it screams "Get a divorce, now!"

My lawyer was a great help. He said, "Forget what you know, don't confront her until we're ready, and don't tip her off. Since you're worried about STDs, you probably either have them already or you don't. Just to be safe, you have the flu now. You can get little bottles of diced onion at the food store. Get one, stick a pinch up your nose or rub some juice under your eyes before you walk into the house, and I promise the tears will flow and your nose will run. She won't even try to have sex with you. Then, if you are running out of excuses, go on a business trip. Can you confide in your boss?" I told him I could. "He needs to send you to the beach for a week." We both got a good laugh out of that.

So the wheels of divorce were set in motion. I started thinking to myself, "I wonder how this will play out? Will she cry? Will she deny everything until I confront her with the photographs? Will she make excuses, blame me, say it didn't mean anything, or just curse me? She'll curse me..." I was almost looking forward to it, but reality was so much sweeter.

It was a week after my second sit down with Harvey. My lawyer worked fast. I had the divorce petition and I was ready to confront the bitch. It turned out that she was ready, too, and she threw me a curve. I got home and there was a Mercedes in the driveway. I had to park on the street. I knew the car well, although I'd only seen it in photographs and I'd never met the driver. I walked into the house and I was immediately confronted by the smirking faces of dick-shit and the slut.

"Bill, sit down. We need to talk."

It was so hard not to smile! I wanted to break out into laughter, but I held it together. This was going to be more fun than I had anticipated.

"Bill, I've been unhappy for a long time."

"Shelia, we've only been married for three years. We've known each other for four. You've been noticeably unhappy for one year. You've been having an affair for at least four months. How am I doing so far?"

"Um,... I mean,... yes, I guess that's about right. You knew?"

"I suspected."

"Well then, this won't be such a surprise to you. Bill, I'm leaving you and I want a divorce. I'm entitled to half of everything, but if you don't make it difficult I won't take more than I'm due."

"That's so very kind of you."

"No need to be sarcastic."

"So, you mean it's not kind?"

"What? No. I mean yes. Stop changing the subject. This marriage isn't working. I'm leaving."

"Okay."

"That's all you have to say?"

I glanced at the smirking ass behind her and nodded. "Who's dick-shit?"

"Bill! Don't be rude. It doesn't become you. There's no reason for you to know my friend's name. He's just here to give me moral support."

I had to laugh at that. "What support? What about your behavior is moral, Sheila?"

"I don't deserve that, Bill. I didn't mean for this to happen. It just did. I've been a loving wife for you. I've indulged your inadequate efforts in the bedroom. I've fixed your dinners. I've taken good care of you, but I deserve more. It's as simple as that."

"Oh, it's not simple at all, Sheila! You had the private investigator I hired running all over town for a week!" I was laughing now as I looked at dick-shit. "So, Henry, does your wife Barbara know about your adventures with Sheila?" They didn't expect that! Henry's face turned pale, and he dropped into the chair behind him as Sheila was left to do her goldfish impersonation (mouth open, lips moving, nothing coming out). "I'll take that as a no." I glanced at my watch and said, "She will know any minute now." I could read the panic on his face. Clearly, he was not ready for Barbara to know.

"Tell me, Henry, do you think that a wife who cheats on her husband can be faithful to her lover?"

Sheila's panic ratcheted up and she began to shake.

I walked across the room and held out some eight by ten glossies. "Here, Henry, these are photographs of Sheila fucking a guy named George Ellison last Tuesday. I don't know if he is one of her regulars, but can you believe the size of that shlong? How does he swing that thing without spraining a muscle?"

Henry's face went from shock, to fear as I approached, to rage at the sight of Sheila screwing George. I'm guessing he didn't know.

"And yes, my dear wife, at this very moment George is being given photographs of your adventures with Henry. Also, George's wife, Peggy, is getting photographs of you and George playing hide the salami, so she will probably have some thoughts to share with George. I wonder what George will say to you at work on Monday? He is your boss, isn't he?" Sheila had that classic deer-in-the-headlights look.

At that very moment, the phone rang. "I wonder if that's George? You'd better get it. I can entertain Henry until you get back."

Sheila didn't move.

"No? Then maybe you'd like to see these. It seems that Henry here has been just as busy as you and when he's not making a deposit in the Bank of Sheila he's bending his secretary over his desk." I gave Sheila a few photographs of Henry banging a very buxom redhead in his office. That seemed to wake her from her stupor.

"Ok. So, let's see if we have covered everything. Sheila, you've been fucking Henry behind my back and now his wife Barbara knows all about it. Henry's been banging his secretary behind your back. You've also been fucking George behind Henry's back and now Henry knows all about that. And George's wife, Peggy, knows about you with George and I threw in a few photographs of you with Henry and Henry with his secretary just so she understands what kind of tramp her husband prefers. That reminds me; I did get tested for STDs, but I'm still waiting on the results. You might consider the same. Barbara is probably going to divorce Henry, Peggy will probably divorce George, and George will probably fire you. Oh, that's what I forgot. I have arranged for your company to get the same pictures of you and George together along with a law suit from me since you were riding George's salami on your lunch break. I don't think either of you will have a job come Monday. I also gave Henry's company photographs of him banging that redheaded secretary, so his employment prospects aren't good." I turned toward Henry and said, "Sorry, Old Man, but I just don't like your smarmy face!"

When I was finished the room was quiet. I had succeeded in wiping those smug looks off their faces, so I stepped into the kitchen to get a beer. I heard voices in the living room, but I had no interest in what they were saying. When I returned Henry was gone and Sheila was sitting on the sofa.

I took a moment to calm down. I didn't want neighbors saying they heard me threatening her. "Here are the divorce papers, Sheila. Read them. Get a lawyer. Sign them. If my lawyer doesn't hear from you, we'll have you served. It's a no-fault state and the division of property is fair, but that doesn't mean I can't or won't send photographs to your parents, sister, cousins, and every friend you ever had."

I waited to let that last remark sink in. "In case you were expecting me to move out, you can forget about it. I like my own bed. You can move into the guest room until the divorce is settled, but if you bring any of your (how many?) fuck buddies into the house, please understand that I will kill you both. I'm willing to play by the rules, but I will not be cuckold in my own home. I hope you take me seriously when I say this, Sheila. You aren't worth going to prison for, but there are limits."

Shelia was gone in the morning. I had no idea where she went and I didn't care.