The Christmas Wish

Madison reached over and took Bill in her hand. She began to slide her hand up and down his shaft, all the while looking directly into his eyes. It took little time for him to become firm and hard. Once she felt him sufficiently hard, she leaned back, holding her arms up for him to mount her. He did, she guided him inside her and lay back. Bill began to pump into her with long slow strokes that she enjoyed. But within only a few minutes, Bill became more and more aggressive, plunging into her with little grace and more brute force. While she didn't enjoy this as much, it was mildly exciting to feel him lose control. She tried to help him as he grunted and plunged inside her. She felt his body stiffen as his climax took hold. She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist as he came inside her. Then it was over.

She let herself out of the room, carefully closing the door so as not to wake Bill. She walked quickly down the hall to the elevator, pushed the down button and was grateful that the doors opened without much delay. She pushed the button for the lobby and tapped her foot impatiently as the elevator descended the seven floors.

She returned to work, being careful to come in the front as she always did and went into her office. She told her secretary she needed some time and then tried to come to grips with all that was bothering her. That afternoon with Bill had to be the last time. Even though she was very fond of him, it wasn't love. She loved Parker. That was the truth. What she had with Bill was something else. She had been too timid to tell him today but promised to write him a long letter, telling him that it had to be over. She owed him no explanation: he knew this was a temporary thing. He would understand.

She also thought about Parker and their life together. She loved him without question and the thought of losing him was frightening. That thought alone caused her stomach to clench and acid to course up her throat, burning. How could she justify to herself her affair with William Bethel? There was no justification that meant anything, but she had done it anyway. If Parker ever found out, he would be devastated. That she could do this to him was almost enough to break her will. She fought the overwhelming fear and guilt that crashed over her with determination and promises to change. It was almost a losing battle and the grief threatened to destroy her but she came through it without breaking.

Once she got hold of herself again and dragged her mind back to the present and the reality that was her life, her next thought was that somehow she had to break through the malaise that was strangling their marriage. That distance that was growing between her and Parker. That she could be the cause of it never entered her mind. In order to protect her from the guilt of her affair, her mind had built a wall between Madison and the reality of her situation. That wall cut her off from the truth but she didn't recognize it yet. It would come home to stay sooner that she realized.

Thanksgiving was only a week away when Parker told her that he had some last minute business to take care of and he would be gone most of the week. When she complained, he simply told her that he had to take care of it now so he could spend Thanksgiving at home with family. She wanted to argue but he simply turned away and ignored her. His attitude hurt, but she let it go since he had promised to be there for the holiday. She continued to work on the dinner plans and carry on her duties at Wishes. Again, Parker's attitude did not register on her conscious mind as a problem. Nothing was going to spoil her dinner and her life was back on track. She was convinced of that.

Carol came over early with George, who immediately retired to the den to turn on the TV. Football was to be the salvation of his day. Carol helped with the preparations and together they got the table set, everything in the oven and on the stove, condiments placed, sides readied and the turkey right on schedule. As things started to come together, Evelyn and little Billy came in, followed by Blair and Peter, her husband. The last one to arrive was Parker Sr. who had gone into the office earlier that morning. Evelyn said that Jr. would be along as soon as he could get off duty. He wanted to be there by dinner for sure.

Madison followed Parker upstairs as he began to change clothes. She wanted a word with him before they went down to the family.

"Parker, what's wrong? You've been withdrawn and acting strange now for a couple of weeks. Is it something at work? Is something wrong?"

Parker continued to dress in his casual clothes, carefully hanging up his suit jacket and slacks. He didn't answer for the longest time and Madison was about to repeat the question when he turned, looked at her with the coldest look and answered.

"There are problems, yes. I'm just not ready to discuss them with you yet. Maybe later after the children leave."

He turned back and continued to dress. Madison looked at his back, taking note of the coldness in his voice and felt a small stab of fear in her breast. She wanted to force him to talk to her but knew that this wasn't the time. Instead, she rose without another word and walked back down to the kitchen. But for the first time, a question rose unbidden from a crack in the wall that shielded her from the truth. Could he know? But, as quick as it appeared, it receded into the background and her calm returned. No, of course not. He didn't know! That would be too terrible to consider.

The dinner was a success and everyone enjoyed the closeness. It was rare that they were all together this way. Parker Jr. had arrived just in time for dinner and was even now finishing off a second piece of pumpkin pie. He and his dad were talking together and occasionally a laugh would spill out, making Madison smile. It was good to see them together. She was relaxed and pleased at the way things had turned out. She began the big job of putting things away with help from Carol, Blair and Evelyn. They made short work of it, making take-home plates for each of them. Parker and she wouldn't need that much for just the two of them. She was glad to see most of it gone to good homes.

It was well into the evening after Carol and George, and Blair and Peter had gone. She was sitting with Evelyn in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee while Parker and Jr. had gone into the den for some private talk. That wasn't unusual for the two of them. Billy was sound asleep on the couch in the living room while Madison was listening to Evelyn talk about his latest exploits. They were laughing about something when Jr. came into the kitchen. He stopped, looked at both of them without smiling, and then spoke to Evelyn.

"Get Billy up and ready to go. I want to leave as soon as possible." He turned without a word of explanation and returned to the den where Parker was standing. They walked in together and the door shut again.

"What in the world's gotten into him? They must be fighting about something for him to act like that. I guess I better get Billy ready to go. He'll be impossible until I do. Can you take the food out to the car while I get him ready?"

"Of course. I'd like to know what's going on but I guess we'd do better talking to them alone. You go ahead. I'll get the stuff out to the car."

It was only ten minutes before they were gone and the doors were closed for the night. Madison brought a cup of coffee into the den where Parker was still sitting and sat down in front of her husband.

"OK. Now are you going to tell me what happened? The two of you have a fight or something?" I've never seen Jr. like that, so upset and angry."

Parker looked at Madison for a few seconds before he replied to her question. "He was angry with someone that caused me a great deal of pain. He wanted to do something about it but I made him promise to keep it quiet for a while. That's all."

"Who caused you pain? Was it someone at work? Did one of your clients do something to hurt you?"

"No one at work. Someone here at home. Can you think of who that someone could be? Someone I love so much that her betrayal hurt me more than I could ever have imagined? Caused me pain unlike anything I have ever felt before? Betrayed everything I ever believed in?"

Madison heard the words but she was unable to respond to them. The roaring in her ears was so loud she couldn't think. She wrapped her arms around her chest, trying to fight off the sudden chill that stabbed through her. Her heart was pounding but was unable to keep the blood from draining from her face, leaving her dizzy and unable to focus her eyes on Parker. She tried to speak but her throat was closed tight, making it difficult to breathe. She had to go to him, to make him take those words back, but when she tried to stand, her legs failed her and she fell sideways onto the side table, hitting her head. That was the last she remembered.

She woke four days later in the hospital. The first person she saw was Carol, sitting beside her bed holding her hand. When her eyes opened, Carol jumped up and went into the hall, yelling for a nurse. All Madison knew was that her head hurt and she felt stiff and sore all over. She couldn't remember how she got here or what had happened. She was confused and very tired. She was drifting back to sleep when the nurse came in and poked at her, making her frown and mumble in irritation. The nurse seemed satisfied, did some things to her that she didn't understand but finally, left her alone. She went back to sleep.

As her eyes opened sometime later, she saw only a dim light coming from the hallway outside the room. She knew it must be the middle of the night because there was no sound coming from the hall. She felt better, her head had stopped splitting and the aches were less than she remembered, but she was so very thirsty. She looked around but couldn't see anything. She moved her hands, preparatory to sitting up when she hit the call button. She pushed it first, hoping a nurse would come and find the water for her. She couldn't even talk. She was so dry. A nurse came almost immediately. She turned on a small light behind her bed and spoke to her. She was able to communicate her desire for water and the nurse poured a glass from a decanter beside her bed. She sipped blessedly cool water through a straw and felt much better. The nurse took her vital signs and told her to rest. She then turned out the light and left.

Madison was beginning to function again and she felt wide awake and not ready to sleep. She lay there, trying to remember how she got here. She remembered Carol when she woke, but Carol didn't say anything. But, before Carol, where was she? Was she at work? Did she fall or something? Maybe she hit her head. That was a possibility since it was hurting so badly. She reached up to feel the bandage she expected and found one. It was just a little one, so a head injury was probably not the reason. She was pleased that this was the case. She should be able to remember.

Slowly, as she relaxed and let her mind drift, she began to see images of a dinner. It was a dinner with family: then she remembered. It was Thanksgiving and all of her children had come home. Carol and her brother George were there as well. They had a wonderful dinner, and everyone had enjoyed it. She remembered Junior leaving last but not much after that. She and Parker had coffee together in the den after everyone left and they talked about, . . .! It was like a sudden jolt of electricity that went through her. She remembered! Parker knew! He found out about her affair with William! Oh, God, he knew!

As she remembered, and the pain of her betrayal and Parker's knowledge of it stabbed through her again, she began to moan and twist in her bed. The memory of it was so intense. What had happened after he told her? She couldn't remember any more. Just the sudden pain and then . . . nothing! As she flailed about, the nurse came running in, snapping on the light and trying to hold her down. She was fighting her, trying to stop the pain in her heart and the pain in her mind that threatened to split her apart. She felt a sharp prick and then, nothing.

She was floating, wondering if she had died and this was the afterlife. She felt nothing. Her body was disconnected and she was watching those around her. There was Carol, sitting beside her bed, Blair beside her. Evelyn was also there. They looked so worried. She was fine! She felt no pain, but she did wonder why she couldn't move. She looked at her arms and legs, and found no shackles. She did try to move one hand and found it did respond. That was something. She drifted back into her body. She tried the other hand and it also responded. So, she could move. She tried to speak and words did come out.

"What happened?"

The response from the others was immediate. Carol leaned over and said, "Thank God, you're back. You're going to be OK now. You had a heart attack and were recovering but then you went into a convulsive fit and they had to restrain you. You're OK now, just a lot of meds making you feel so slow."

She looked up into the face of Carol, sitting there with so much concern. She was holding her hand and Madison knew she had to tell them the truth. "I know now what happened. I remember now. I was talking to Parker and he told me that he knew. Somehow he knew and he told me he did. That's all I remember before waking up here in the hospital."

Carol was looking at her strangely and without understanding. She looked to Evelyn and Blair but both shook their heads, indicating that they knew nothing. Carol turned back and asked the question they all were wondering about.

"He knew what? What did he know? He's not said anything to any of us. The only one who might know is Junior but he won't tell Evelyn anything. He just keeps saying it's all your fault. We don't know what he's talking about."

Madison tried to stop the tears from coming but it was hopeless. She was more in control now that she remembered it all. The heart attack must have happened just as he told her. Maybe that's why she had the attack. Trying to kill herself first? Possible.

"I had an affair. An affair with Bill Bethel. Somehow Parker found out and he told me when Junior and Evelyn left Thanksgiving evening. He found out!"

The shock on their faces was almost comical. Shock, despair and disbelief. Carol was the only one that had an inkling that something like this was possible. Evelyn and Blair had no idea and were finding it hard to believe. Blair looked at Evelyn and nodded, beginning to see.

"That's why dad hasn't been in to see you! He checks every day with the nurse's station to see about your status but he won't come into the room. He wouldn't say why. Now I guess I understand."

Parker hadn't been in to see her at all? That was more than she could take. She turned her head away from the three and let herself go. She cried herself to sleep. She knew then that it was over. Parker would never forgive her. She knew that and she did it anyway. Why? That was the question she couldn't answer. Why?

The doctor's told her the next day that she could be released in a day or two, once all the tests were complete and her diagnosis was confirmed. They told her the attack was mild and the blockage was open so she should have no complications. She was cooperative and did whatever they asked of her, but she had no real reason to want to leave since she had no idea of where she would go. Home was probably not the best idea. No one but Carol had been back to see her so she had no idea of what Parker was thinking. She was sitting in one of the chairs in her room the day she was due to be discharged when Parker came in. She was surprised to see him and stood as fast as she was able. Somehow she felt she needed to be standing.

"Parker! I'm glad you came. I have so much to say to you and I don't know how to begin. I just want. . . . "

"Please, Madison, sit down. I need to say some things and then I'll go. Please, sit."

Madison sat, not knowing what else to do. It was clear Parker was in control. He wasn't going to let her speak, probably because Parker, as an attorney, understood the uselessness of excuses and pleading. He stood while she moved back to the bed and pulled herself up and onto it. He was dressed in a dark pinstriped suit with a starched white shirt and a dark blue tie. Because he worked out frequently, his stomach was still flat and his stance ramrod straight. His shoes were shined to a gleam as usual. He was impressive as he stood there with his clear blue eyes magnified by the wire rim glasses he wore. His hair was pure white and combed back over both ears. His face was still handsome: sharp chin, aquiline nose, and clear tanned skin. He was an impressive man, standing six foot two inches, and she had always been so proud to be beside him whenever they went out.

"You're to be released today. I'll have a car at your disposal until you're able to drive yourself again. You can have the house. I've moved into the club until I make other arrangements. I've left all the accounts active and nothing will change."

"Can't you stay at home? I'll move into the guest room so you can have the bedroom. We can talk about everything. Please, Parker, let me try to explain to you what I did. I know you can forgive me if you only try. I'm so sorry that I did it."

"No, I can't forgive you. We've been married twenty-six years and you know me better than anyone on this earth. Why would you think I would accept what you did? Why would you ever think that? Please tell me that. Why would you think I could live with this?"

"Because it meant nothing! I was stupid and I made a mistake. That's all it was; a mistake. It'll never happen again and I can make it up to you. We owe it to our children to try to make it work. Please Parker, please!"

"I'm sorry. I can't. I understand you told Blair and Evelyn, but I never intended to tell them. I told Junior only because he had to know for financial reasons. He promised not to tell Evelyn. I don't know about George. I called him when you had your heart attack, but I didn't tell him anything."

"They had to know what I did. I had to tell them. God, Parker, I'm so ashamed of myself. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"Yes, I believe you are. But, as I was saying. I'll file for divorce next week. I'll have my firm handle my end and I've asked Harold Palance from Palance and Palance to handle your end. I want everything to be fair."

That was it. Madison broke down in tears and couldn't stop. She cried again and held her head in her hands as Parker looked on. If he had any feelings of compassion, it wasn't obvious as he simply let her cry. He waited until she was done before continuing.

"I want you to know that I'm doing this for several reasons. First, you betrayed our vows and broke our contract with each other. Second, you did it without any attempt to give me a chance to correct any wrongs that you perceived in our marriage. Finally, on a more personal note, you humiliated me in front of several of my junior lawyers and some of my friends. You were seen at the Hilton the first time you met William Bethel."

I was shocked at this revelation. I never even thought about what other people saw or thought. I was blind to everything. I was stupid, blind and thoughtless. No wonder he found out. How could he not?

"I found out by accident. I was in the restroom at the firm when I overheard two of the young men talking about you. They thought it was amusing that the big guy's wife was cheating on him in public. They didn't know I was listening. When they left, I called one of our investigators and had him follow you. It was several weeks before the next time but he was there. I have it all."