The Collector 14

I'm going to do something a little different for this entry. Several people have noted that with all the good and great blow jobs I've gotten, I must have gotten a few bad ones as well. Yes, there have been a few clunkers and plenty of mediocre ones. For obvious reasons, I haven't written about any of these. But apparently at least a few people are interested in hearing about bad ones too.

Since I realize that these people probably don't represent a majority of readers (and since it's not nearly as much fun reliving a bad blow job), I'm going to make this entry a brief collage of some of the bad head I've gotten.

I don't know if I'm writing this for those people who slow down and look when they drive past a car wreck, or for the women who want to know what not to do with a cock in their mouths, but here it is. For those of you who aren't interested in bad blow jobs, I'll keep this as brief as possible. I'll get another regular entry posted soon for your sakes.

In the interest of keeping it brief, I'm going to cut right to the chase. As you know, I usually like to give you some background on each woman and explain how they came to be sucking my cock in the first place. It helps build up the anticipation of the act and it's always more interesting if know something about the woman doing the deed. But there's not really any point in building up anticipation to what I've already told you will be a bunch of bad blow jobs. So...

Bad BJ number one was a huge disappointment, primarily because there was a lot of anticipation on my part. Carla was a big email flirt and not shy about telling me the things she wanted to do to me, often in great detail. Fortunately (or unfortunately, as it turned out), she was ready and willing to put her mouth where her email was.

We had been out a couple times for drinks, and she was a reasonably attractive woman. A little on the skinny side, but a nice body. Her face was pretty and she seemed to have an okay sense of humor (which I've found is really kind of important). At any rate, I had taken a little time to get to know her before the emails got hot and heavy, so I was very much looking forward to Carla going down on me.

We went to her apartment after our third date and everything cool right up to the minute we got down to business. First, Carla wasn't much of a kisser. That is, we kissed a lot, but she either wasn't very into it, or just wasn't good at it. There just was no passion in it at all.

As we made out, I naturally let my hands roam over her body, but I just got the sense that I wasn't turning her on. Carla continued to make out with me, but I just never felt like she was getting hot.

Things didn't progress the way she had indicated in her email. In fact, they hardly progressed at all. Finally, I undid my fly and put her hand on me. Even then, she didn't really take any initiative. I eventually had to take it out for her as well.

Without looking at me at all, Carla leaned over and put the tip of my cock in her mouth. She made a couple of very shallow bobs on it, never getting much more than the head into her mouth. She held me near the base with her thumb and forefinger, in kind of a pinching grip. Then she gave a few short licks on either side of my shaft before bobbing a little more on just the head.

At this point, I was starting to wonder what had happened to the way she described how she planned to do things. She had been very descriptive.

"I want to kneel naked in front of you while you rub your fat cock all over my face."

"I'm going to caress your balls with my tongue while I slowly pump you with my hand."

"I'm going to suck you so deep, you'll beg me to let you unload in my mouth."

These were only a few of the things she had written to me leading up to this night. Now, as I sat on her couch, all she was doing was some tentative, shallow bobbing that was so uninspired I was in danger of losing my erection. I didn't really know what to make of the situation.

I guessed she sensed my restlessness because she suddenly started bobbing deeper and faster. It was kind of a strange thing though. Just before she did, I felt like she had taken a deep breath or something. Like a person about to jump into a swimming pool would. The deeper bobbing still wasn't very deep, taking in less than half of me. And making matters worse, she was going at a cartoon-like pace, which was about as un-sensual a thing as I can imagine.

She slowed down pretty quickly. It was just too ridiculous a pace to keep up. But the resulting sucking was still without any passion or sensuality. It was like I stuck my cock in an automatic sucking machine, and one that was set for small dicks at that.

One good thing about having gotten so many good blow jobs is that it gives me something to think about while I'm getting a bad or mediocre one. As Carla bobbed listlessly on my shaft, I relived in my mind some of the better blow jobs I had gotten. Fortunately, those still turned me on enough that I managed to cum before Carla did anything to screw things up.

She didn't swallow and in fact she didn't even suck me at all after I came, so I wound up tucking a dripping cock back into my pants. She was also a very different person to me afterward than before. I don't know how to explain the change, but it was clear she expected me to leave. I don't know if she wanted me to leave, but she definitely expected it.

Okay, as far as bad blow jobs go, this one is right down there near the bottom. Ordinarily, I'd score this one about a two or three. But the disappointment after all Carla's talk knocks it down to about a one and a half. About the only thing she did right was to not stop before I came.

I don't understand how a woman can talk the talk so well and then completely fail to deliver even a portion of the goods. I think that maybe she loved the attention she got (via email) from me when she was talking like that. And maybe she preferred the virtual sex of explicit emails to the deed itself. But she didn't really make me work that hard to get her to actually blow me, so I have trouble believing that was it.

There's also the possibility that she was just inexperienced, but, again, I don't think that was it. She was in her mid-to-late twenties, which I know is no guarantee. But the way she talked and described what she planned to do... I don't know. I guess it's possible a woman can know how to describe a great blow job but not have a clue as to how to actually give one. But it just doesn't seem likely.

I put the whole thing down to a woman who wanted a man's attention and went about it the wrong way. If she didn't really want to suck my cock, that's fine. I don't think any less of a woman who says no. If she didn't want to blow me, she shouldn't have written those emails. And if inexperience was her problem, she should have just been up front about it. I prefer women who know what they're doing, naturally, but wouldn't reject a woman or hurt her feelings about her lack of experience. Basically, I think Carla was just not being herself, pretending to be someone else to get attention. That's never the best way to go about things.

Bad blow job number two was from Hailey. She was a friend of another woman I had met on an internet dating site. Things between me and the friend never really took off, and she wound up fixing me up with her friend Hailey. Hailey was several years older than me, late thirties, had wavy dirty blonde hair that fell to her shoulders. She had a decent body for her age, but nothing to write home about. Her breasts were a little saggy and her ass had that flat look that comes from spending too many hours sitting in a chair. But she had a very pretty face, nice eyes and overall, was a very attactive woman.

Now her friend and I never got past first base, so neither of them really knew me to be a player. Hailey apparently didn't date much herself and so it took a while for things to heat up between us. It was several dates before I ever saw her apartment and a couple more dates beyond that before anything more serious than some heavy petting took place.

We were on her sofa, watching a movie with some wine and popcorn when we started making out. We had made out a few times before and it was pretty good. This time I was more aggressive than I had been in the past, getting my hands up under Hailey's bra to caress and pinch her nipples and running my fingers up between her thighs to rub her pussy through her slacks. Things kept going and getting hotter, so naturally I kept going.

I got Hailey's top and bra off and had one breast in my hand, the other in my mouth. Hailey was writhing and moaning as I kissed, licked and massaged her breasts. Encouraged, I slipped a hand to the top of her pants and rubbed her belly softly before sliding my fingers under.

My hand slid under her panties as I reached further down her pants. I could feel her wriggling under me and I knew I could make her cum with my fingers. Suddenly, Hailey squirmed out from under me and grabbed my arms and told me we needed to slow things down a bit.

Okay, I don't want anything that's not freely offered, so I went back to caressing her breasts and eventually worked my way back to rubbing her mound through her pants again. When I undid the button on her pants, she stood up and stood up fast.

Now I pretty much know how the game works. Hailey was obviously getting turned on and getting into what I was doing, but at the same time things were going a little faster than she was ready for. I knew I had been pushing her a bit that night, seeing just how far I could get. And I knew she was not likely to let me get very far. She was, I don't want to say prudish or uptight, but call it sexually conservative.

Anyway, I figured I had better slow down because Hailey didn't seem ready to go any further. So after she put her top back on, we sat and watched some more of the movie. I left it up to her to start things up again and eventually she and I started making out again. But once my hands got anywhere near her pussy, she stopped me. Now, I'm human and I can get frustrated like anyone else. I had been patient, but getting the door slammed on you a half dozen times in a row had worn me down.

I was thinking we should probably call it a night when she started kissing me again. We got into it hot and heavy for the umpteenth time. This time when I got my hand on her crotch, she let me rub it for a while, moaning encouragingly the whole time. But as soon as I tried to slip my fingers down in there to feel that hot wetness, she pulled my hand away.

Instead of getting up or moving away from me though, she started kissing her way down my chest to my stomach. When she got to my pants, she fumbled around for quite a while before finally wrestling my stiff cock out. She brushed her hair back behind her ears, bent over on the sofa and started giving me a very timid sucking. She didn't go down very far when she bobbed and she paused often. After a few minutes, she stopped and asked me if I had a condom.

Now I have to admit, I lied when I said I didn't. The reason is simple: I assumed if I had a condom, we would wind up fucking. Now that would have been all well and good, but she had been putting my cock in her mouth and I wanted her to keep on sucking it. Turns out my assumption was wrong anyway. She didn't want to fuck, but she didn't want to suck me without a condom either.

The compromise was that I wouldn't cum in her mouth. Yeah, that was a mood spoiler for me. I went along with it and when I got close I told her and she finished me off with her hand. She practically ran to the bathroom to wash off her hand and bring back a washcloth to clean everything up. Everything about her actions just seemed to say that the whole thing was very distasteful, pardon the pun, to her.

As you can probably guess, she didn't give me a good blow job. I don't know if she didn't trust me and was worried that I'd cum in her mouth, or if she just didn't like having cock in her mouth at all. But it was tentative, halting and a little frustrating. And as for jacking me off for a finish, I don't need a woman to do that for me. If she's not going to do something for me that I can't do for myself, what's the point?

The bottom line is Hailey, for whatever reason, clearly was not giving me head because she really wanted to, or really enjoyed it. She sucked my cock like it was a chore. I guess she did it as much to avoid having sex as anything, but I almost would have rather gone home unsatisfied. The willingness of a woman to do what it takes to please a man is one of the major reasons blow jobs are so wonderful in the first place. Take that away and all you have is a mediocre way of popping a guy's top. And guys already have one of those.

Score her a one. A woman who doesn't go down on a man because she wants to is never going to give a good blow job. And if putting a cock in her mouth, or the taste of cum or anything else about it is going to put her off, then she really doesn't like giving head enough to be doing it in the first place.

Carla and Hailey were bad blow jobs because their hearts weren't in it. In my opinion, sucking a man's cock is one of the more intimate and passionate things a woman can do. The half-hearted approach of these two women pretty much guaranteed they wouldn't give good head.

And for any woman who thinks that she gave good head if the man cums, these two cases should set things straight. I'm a man. I want to cum. It feels good to cum. That doesn't mean that a blow job that made me cum was necessarily good. If I'm getting bad head, I can think about something else to help me get off.

Anyway, those first two blow jobs were plain bad because the women giving them didn't really want my cock in their mouths in the first place. At least, that's how it seemed to me. And if that's the way it seems, then that's probably how it was. It's a pretty obvious difference between women who suck cock because they enjoy it and those who do it because they feel like they should, or they have to or any other non-reason like that.

The next couple of women that I want to add to my Hall of Lame weren't unwilling or unenthusiastic. They were just bad at sucking cock. Their technique was either ineffective or just plain painful. They're the kind of women that might have, with some coaching, become good cocksuckers. But apparently they never got it. Neither one was all that young--both were mid-thirties--and neither showed any hesitation at taking me into their mouths. I can only assume that they had given plenty of head before, just to men who either were afraid to discourage them by criticizing or were so happy to have a woman suck them at all that they didn't complain.

Anyway, Daphne certainly had no lack of enthusiasm. She was a cute redhead with a bubbly personality and lots of energy. She was the kind of woman who is easy-going and playful in bed, which I really like. But unfortunately, she wasn't good at giving head. She put a lot of effort into it. That wasn't the problem. The problem was her teeth. For whatever reason, when she sucked my cock, her teeth ripped into me quite a bit. And with all her enthusiasm, she bobbed quite vigorously, only making it hurt worse.

Now when a woman's teeth dig into me, I've found that moving around, changing positions even slightly, can sometimes reduce or eliminate the problem. But I couldn't find any way to make Daphne's teeth stop tearing at my member. I could feel her teeth were rubbing against me in a few different places, which is probably why shifting around didn't solve the problem.

I don't know if she just didn't have her mouth opened wide enough, or if she didn't bob straight down my shaft. It wasn't just how rapidly she bobbed, which is something causes a lot of women to get a little sloppy with their technique and can result in some teeth marks. Even when Daphne went slower, she managed to catch me with her teeth, although not quite as badly as when she was going at it full steam.

We tried it with Daphne on her knees and me standing, her on her knees and me sitting, her on the sofa leaning over me... And in each position I shifted and shuffled around trying to minimize the damage. Nothing really worked though and much as I hated to do it, I wound up having to finish the job by hand. At least Daphne was cooperative. She held her lips tight around the end of my shaft as I stroked my load out into her mouth. And she swallowed it all down too. That was nice, but it didn't make up for the fact that my cock was sore for three days after.

Score Daphne a three. Energetic she may have been, but a good cocksucker she was not.

Then there was Janice, who was sort of the opposite of Daphne. Janice was a cute, round-faced, slightly chubby woman who had an unusual smile. The way she smiled seemed like she was thinking about something different entirely. It was a strange thing, and I don't really know what it has to do with her cocksucking ability, but it was one of the things about her that struck me right away.

Anyway, Janice, like Daphne, showed no hesitation or unwillingness when presented with my erect cock. She pounced on it quite eagerly. The only problem was, she didn't close her lips around me. Instead, all I felt was her tongue on the underside of my shaft. She bobbed rather rapidly, but somehow managed to keep her mouth open enough that I could hardly feel anything. It was very weird to watch the back of her head bobbing up and down in my lap but feel almost nothing.

Janice, probably because of the way she kept her mouth open, was something of a slobberer too. Now I've had friends tell me that they think it's sexy when a woman slobbers all over their cocks. I like the way my cock glistens when a woman has wet me down with her saliva, but I don't really get into big gobs of spit dripping from me. It's not that it's a turn off, it just doesn't do anything special for me.

I guess I should explain that I was sitting on Janice's sofa and she was on her knees between my legs. She had two fingers and her thumb wrapped around the base of my cock and was giving me a gentle tug every third or fourth time she bobbed. Janice was clearly getting into what she was doing. There was no doubt about that. It just didn't really feel like anything. The little tugs she gave me with her fingers was the most physically stimulating part of her blow job.

Also, because of the way we were positioned, and because Janice had a thick tangle of dark hair that spilled over my lap, there wasn't much to see. She was wearing tight jeans and the way her back was arched, I could see down them to her thong underwear. Watching her thick frame go up and down and looking at her big round ass was a little stimulating, but not enough to make up for the lack of sensation from her poor sucking.

Janice was a quiet, keep-your-head-down-and-suck type of cocksucker. She didn't stop to look up at me or talk or really do anything but bob up and down on me. I don't think that's a bad thing in itself and if she had done a better job of wrapping her lips around my cock, I probably wouldn't even have mentioned it here. But the combination of her bad, open-lipped technique and her lack of doing anything further to mentally stimulate me made for an especially unmemorable blow job.

The little tugs she was giving me eventually got faster until they matched the pace of her bobbing and it was those short strokes that eventually got me off. Janice didn't close her mouth when I came, so the load I poured into her mouth ran down my shaft, over her hand and dripped onto my balls. Not that I could really tell. I was already soaked down there from all of her slobbering. It was quite a mess and all I can say is I'm glad it was her sofa and not mine.

One nice thing Janice did at the end, after my cum had run out of her mouth and down my shaft, was to rub my softening cock all over her face, kissing and licking it. I appreciate a woman who worships my cock like that, and rubs my cum-covered shaft against her cheeks, lips, chin and eyelids. That's sexy. It's kind of like swallowing, because it happens after I've cum and therefore isn't part of the physical pleasure of the act. But it's the reason I give Janice a three instead of a two or lower.