The Conception Deception Ch. 06

"Fair enough," I said. "That makes a lot of sense. But if you don't mind, I'm not in the mood to consider real estate this afternoon." With that, I powered up my amp and plugged in my bass, and Mona chuckled while she pulled her guitar back out.

We arranged a couple of chairs and ran through some of the songs on the album she had recommended. After her little speech, we didn't talk much; we just enjoyed sharing what we had in common. After another hour, our fingers needed a break. Mona put her guitar away and said, "Just as well, I need to leave soon anyway."

"Work?" I asked.

"No, I...I'm going out with Tristan- your waiter from last week," she watched my eyes for a reaction. I tried to show only mild disappointment, but who knows what she saw.

"Russ," she said, "I like you. Don't read too much into this Tristan thing. He's nothing serious, just...well, think of it like a charity case."

"A what?"

"I know, it sounds weird. After it's over, I'll explain it to you. He's a special project of mine, one I started because I was a little bored. It wouldn't have even happened if we'd started jamming a few months earlier than we did..."

"Mona, to be honest, you're about as coherent as Rusty right now."

"Stoned Rusty or sober Rusty?"

I looked up to consider that question, then said, "Sober Rusty."

"OK, I can live with that. Just hang with me, handsome. But if you and Claire end up becoming a thing, I wouldn't blame you."

I bit my tongue to hold back all the possible responses to that line. Instead, I went with, "Yeah, but I think Steve might."

Mona just smiled to herself and said, "Yeah...I saw that too. Anyway, I'll see you around."

Just before she got out the door, I decided to risk a little more, and said, "Hey, just so you know. Claire and I...we have a really unique friendship...but it's just that. Really."

"If you say so. But please, all I ask is that you shoot straight. I don't play games- I won't play games. OK?"

"I promise."

*******

Life went on. For the next few weeks, everything was normal. Marco and Becca were adjusting to life with five kids. The Rainy Day Band got together about once a week, and outside of jamming, Claire and I just saw each other in passing. She did send me a text one day saying, "Just got back from the doctor's- everything is looking good!" I guess she was about eight weeks past conception at that point, though technically it was her tenth week of pregnancy.

Mona and I didn't go on any dates or anything, though she did say, "Soon." Once a week, though, she would come to my apartment and we would play songs together. I loved watching her face when she would play a particularly involved riff- her eyes would almost close but her eyebrows would go up. Her lips would purse together and move just slightly, almost singing the sounds into existence. I really started to believe there could be something there- something serious. I was even willing to trust her about the mysterious Tristan situation.

It was during one of those times- a Thursday evening- when our music was interrupted by a knock on my door. We both stopped, not sure if we'd heard anything or not. Then it came again, an urgent pounding. Worried we had upset the neighbors, I flipped off the amp and went to answer the door. Mona started putting her guitar away, saying she should be going anyway.

I wasn't too surprised to see Claire at the door. What surprised me was that she was holding her purse, clutching her arms around herself, and in tears. She was squeezing her legs together and her hair and clothes were a mess. Mona walked up behind me as Claire said, "I'm bleeding...and it hurts. You have to take me to the hospital."

Mona pushed past me and guided Claire into the apartment- the first time Claire had been inside. I was already putting on my shoes and grabbing my wallet and keys.

"Who did this to you?" Mona asked sharply. Claire seemed confused, and I rolled my eyes. Gently leading them both out the door, I said to Mona, "Claire's pregnant."

That remark earned me the craziest look I had ever seen from Mona. I shot her the sternest look I could muster, and she backed down. Mona helped Claire down the steps while I pulled my car up. We had a wordless ride to the hospital. Mona sat in the back with Claire, who leaned up against her and wept. When we got there, Claire stepped out of the car and looked at me. She said, "I'm so scared." I pulled her close and hugged her for a moment. "Me too," I said. Not exactly comforting, but for once I was honest.

We walked into the outpatient area, and Mona checked Claire in. I told Mona she didn't need to stay and that she was welcome to take my car home. Marco could pick us up later, I thought. Mona rolled her eyes and said, "Don't be an ass. I'm staying."

It took a while before we could see anyone- at least an hour. As we waited, Claire leaned against me and closed her eyes. Mona silently got my attention, pointed to Claire's belly, then pointed to me and mouthed, "Yours?" I nodded. She made a face that said I needed to explain. I mouthed, "Later." She was content with that, thank God.

When Claire was called back, the nurse looked at Mona and me and said cautiously, "Is...the father...here?"

I held my lips shut and looked at Claire. She was a little groggy, but managed to rub her eyes and say, "No father. Just me," then followed the nurse back.

"We'll wait for you," I told her.

While in the waiting room, I explained in general terms what was going on. That I had agreed, as a stranger, to help her get pregnant, but that a friendship developed. I told her that we had an arrangement that would keep me out of the kid's life- legally and financially, at least. Mona looked at me skeptically, but not angrily, and I said, "Hey, you've got your 'charity case' and I've got mine, right?"

She laughed a little at that, then said, "I guess I'm in no position to judge." Then she leaned into me and let me slip my arm around her. I guess we both needed a little human contact that night. I felt sad that Claire was alone.

*******

It was late- almost midnight- when we got home. Claire hadn't said anything since we left the hospital, and Mona made sure she was OK to walk before leaving us in the parking lot.

"I'm not an invalid," Claire said, attempting some humor.

"Honey, when a woman asks if you're OK getting home, she means, 'Do you want me to leave you alone with this guy?'"

"Hey..." I protested.

"No offense, big boy, but I don't know how she's feeling right now."

"I'm fine, Mona. Russ can take care of me."

I gave Mona a playfully smug look, getting an eye roll before she walked away. Claire and I walked up to her place, and she pulled my arm to bring me into her apartment. I sat at a bar stool in her kitchen while she pulled out some snacks.

"It's a miscarriage," she said flatly, handing me a drink. She put some pills in her mouth and washed them down with water.

"I'm so sorry, Claire."

"The nurse told me they're a lot more common than you would think. It's just that people don't talk about them."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping our drinks. Suddenly, the dam burst and Claire started crying again.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry," she said in between sobs.

I didn't know what my place was, what I should do. I put a hand on her back and waited. After a few minutes, Claire straightened up and wiped her eyes. She sniffed as I pulled my hand back. Trying to regain her composure, she said, "So...I know the deal was you were supposed to get me pregnant. And you did that. But I didn't anticipate that I might lose the baby. So I don't want you to feel any obligation, and I don't want to mess things up with Mona for you...but would you at least think about trying again, once this is over?"

I was quiet for a while. I didn't want to make a bad situation worse for her, but I couldn't give her false hope. In retrospect, I should have waited for a better time, but I felt like I had already waited too long. And I was overestimating her emotional state at the time.

"Maybe you should think about finding someone else."

She sniffed and said, "I understand."

"No...you don't. I mean, you deserve someone better. I...I haven't been totally honest. Morgan...didn't just assume things about me. She had me tested...and the doctor said I was unlikely to get her pregnant. That's why she left."

Claire just stared ahead, her eyes still wet. After a minute, she said, "You...lied?"

I was going to say that I had just withheld that information, but that seemed like a nuance. "Yeah. I lied. I'm sorry. At the time, I was just lying to some weird neighbor that was offering me sex. But after a couple months, after getting to know you, I was actually planning to call it off- I couldn't stand treating you that way, giving you false hope, taking advantage of you. I felt like scum. I went and talked to Marco to make sure I wasn't breaking the contract if I just ended it. But then that week you were pregnant, and that was like a dream come true for me, too, so..."

Still expressionless, still staring ahead, she said, "And Marco...did he know all this when he made the contract?"

"No. No, I've never told anyone. Just you. I'm...sooo sorry, Claire. I didn't expect to become friends, I didn't expect to care. I was going to say no from the start, but then you said it was like a one night stand, and I thought I could play that game for a month or two and then you'd give up or find a boyfriend. It just...it got out of hand..."

"I'd like to be alone now, please," she said, still not moving her eyes from whatever point on the wall she was staring at.

I would have been a fool not to honor that request. As I opened the door, I said softly, "Please don't hate me. I really do care about you."

"Please just go," she whispered.

I did.