The Cowboy Way Ch. 11

I'm Back

Ryley reined Cheyenne to a stop at the top of the pasture. He pulled his black Stetson down against the cool wind that was blowing from the north and sending a chill through his oilskin duster. The temperature and direction of the wind reminded him again that winter was approaching with an unnerving persistence that was common to Colorado. Yet the promise of a cold, snowy winter did little to dampen his spirits and he doubted it ever would. Everything had worked out in the end, or so people said, though Ryley knew this was only the beginning.

It had been just about three and a half years since Ryley had met Britney at her concert not far from where he now sat. So much had happened in that time that it defied the imagination. He shook his head, recalling the significance of his journey and it had indeed been a journey.

A little over a year ago he had gotten a call from Jessica Simpson. She wanted to thank him for everything he had done and especially for getting her in touch with Faith Hill. Apparently Faith had given Jessica the key to saving her marriage, though Jessica assured Ryley that it had been he who had given her the courage to use it.

They had talked for quite awhile after Jessica had congratulated him on storming back onto the NASCAR circuit. Ryley had asked her about the comment she had made about a vision quest while they were shooting her video. He hadn't understood then, but the more he thought about it, the more the comment had bothered him.

" Jessica," he had said. " What the hell is a vision quest?"

" It's a special journey, Ryley."

Ryley had shrugged. " So?"

Jessica sighed. " A vision quest is a journey someone undertakes in order to discover themselves, whether they know it or not."

" Why do I think you were trying to tell me something back then?"

" Because, Ryley, you're on a vision quest. You obviously don't know that. But you seem to be missing the point of it."

" And what might that be?" he had asked, with a humoring tone to his voice.

Again she sighed. " Ryley, a vision quest is a journey at its heart. And a journey is circular. At the end of a journey you should find yourself right back at the beginning."

That comment had floored Ryley, not at first, but within seconds he could see exactly what she was saying. The past several years of Ryley's life had distanced him from everything that had made him who he was. Slowly, though, he was coming back around to his beginnings.

Ryley took a deep breath, filling his lungs with cool fresh air. He sighed, smiling down on the house he had built; the home she had helped it become. The house had originally been a barn. The barn originally belonged to the rancher that had sold Cheyenne to Ryley ten years ago. Ryley bought the barn from the man and contracted a special company to come in, disassemble it, refurbish, and move it to his land. The barn was built on a new foundation and modified to be a home. Ryley loved it simply because it was so simple, so comfortable, and it suited him unlike any building he had ever been in.

Across a simple, yet expansive lawn in front of the house sat an even larger barn, its massive doors swung wide open. Ryley could see several of his ranch hands working to feed and clean the horses inside.

Yet for all that lay before him Ryley was still a cowboy at heart. Well, even that wasn't accurate anymore, for cowboys were stereotypically wanderers. Toby Keith had said it best; Marshall Dillon never hung his hat at Kitty's place. But for Ryley, everything that mattered to him in the world had just stepped out onto the front porch.

Ryley squinted, focusing on the woman he had fallen in love with and whom had fallen in love with him. Giving Cheyenne a gentle nudge with his spurs, Ryley let the big horse pick his way slowly down the hill and across the pasture. She turned and saw him, leaning against the railing to watch him approach, her long hair blowing lazily in the breeze. Ryley smiled as he thought back over everything that had happened and how long it had taken him to find the peace he now felt with the world.

Thinking back, he had to admit that the end of his journey, or vision quest, as Jessica had put it, began the first night he spent with Roselyn Sanchez. Ryley smiled, recalling that night and Roselyn's question. That question had been a strange one, but Ryley hadn't even considered saying no to it.

TWO YEARS EARLIER

" Ryley," she whispered. " Could you love me for the video?"

" What do you mean?"

She sighed. " I haven't been loved in a long time, Ryley. I want to know, if you can't love me in life, will you love me in the video?"

So that was it. This incredibly gorgeous woman hadn't been in love in so long she wanted a romance for the video. Ryley found it strange, but not unheard of. He had known quite a few women from the realm of Hollywood and stardom that were so good looking it was actually hard for them to find true love. He was even sure there had been a couple of movies made based on the idea.

" I don't know what to say," Ryley said as he kissed her on the forehead.

She looked up at him. " Say yes."

" Of course, Roselyn. I'd love to love you."

When Roselyn admitted that intimate secret to Ryley she had triggered something inside him. The event was subtle, hardly noticeable. Things may have turned out differently, except for one thing. As Ryley was drifting off to sleep with Roselyn cradled in his arms, sleeping like an angel, her long dark hair spilling over the blankets, his cell phone rang.

He picked the phone up off the floor without disturbing Roselyn and before the ringer could wake her. Holding the phone to his ear, Ryley cleared his throat.

" Hello?"

" Ryley?"

Though he didn't move, Ryley woke up almost instantly. " Mandy?"

" Yeah," she replied, sighing. " Did I wake you up?"

" Almost," he replied. " What's up?"

" I miss you. I need to see you."

" I miss you too, Mandy," he said, suddenly becoming aware of his other hand, which was still caressing the silky skin of Roselyn's back. He didn't bother to stop.

" But you don't want to see me?"

Ryley sighed. " No- I mean yes, I do. Where are you now?"

" Nassau Coliseum."

" Where's your next stop?"

" North Carolina. We're putting on a show in Charlotte. We'll be there on Monday."

Ryley swallowed. His parents lived in North Carolina. If he went there he knew he'd end up going to see them. The encounter wouldn't be pleasant, but he knew it would be necessary if he'd ever be able to love Mandy.

" I'll call you when I get there," he responded.

" Okay," Mandy said and by the sound of her voice he knew she was smiling.

Ryley hung up the phone and set it back on the floor with his clothes. Roselyn stirred and when he turned to look at her she was look king up at him, her dark eyes storms of emotion.

" Who was that?" she asked.

Ryley didn't want to lie to her. " The girl you were talking about before."

Roselyn looked heartbroken. " Oh," she whispered and looked away for a moment. When she looked back at him Ryley was touched by the sadness in her eyes.

" I'm sorry, Roselyn."

She shook her head. " It's okay. I just wish I could have more than tonight."

Ryley kissed her gently. He knew as well as her that words could not convey the emotions of the moment. She lowered her face to his chest and they both fell asleep.

The following day was spent filming the rest of the video. He gave her the romance she had asked for. There was no doubt that anyone who saw the final results of their efforts would see two people completely in love with each other.

But, on the morning following that day, Ryley left. He didn't leave Roselyn so much as note. He was a cowboy through and through. Even though he wanted to fall in love and settle down, both he and Roselyn knew that it wouldn't be with her.

What they had shared was special, but not a potentially lifelong relationship. So Ryley had pointed the GMC west and drove nonstop until he made it to the Kline's ranch. He put Cheyenne up in the stables and got one good night of sleep before heading east in the Camaro with the T-tops off.

It took him three days to make it to Charlotte. He found himself sitting in the idling Camaro watching the sun come up over Charlotte Motor Speedway. Ryley wasn't sure if it was the vibrations of the motor or his own emotions, but his hands were shaking as he stared at the outside of the high wall, which marked turn four.

That racetrack had been Ryley's stomping ground many years ago and had given birth to the Sandman, as his fans had called him. But that was then and this was now. He would never drive on that track again. Instead he had more important business to attend to. Turning right, he drove for another twenty minutes before turning into the driveway of a house he had known well.

As Ryley climbed out of the now silent Camaro he was shocked at what he saw. Where once there had been ruin and decay now rested a flawless green lawn and lavishly manicured flowerbeds. Looking down the driveway he could see the open doors of the garage and the gleaming grille of a Pontiac GTO.

Ryley walked down the driveway into the backyard, barely noticing the garden, which overflowed with tomatoes, lettuce, cucumbers and many other vegetables. As he neared the car Ryley had no doubt that the musclecar glaring back at him had been his very own creation. It was the car that had made him a legend on the streets of Orlando where he had grown up, the same car that Mandy Moore had seen him driving when she first laid eyes upon him.

Trailing his hand along the fender, Ryley circled the car. Someone had obviously put a lot of work into it. The hood sat open, the engine compartment empty, but gleaming from hours of detail work. Whoever had worked on the car was obviously preparing to drop a new motor in.

Everything he was seeing at that moment went against everything he could remember. His mother had been a useless drug addict, a woman who only showed the slightest glimmer of motherly love once in a blue moon. She never tended to the garden or the yard or any of the stereotypical motherly duties.

Ryley's father had been a raging alcoholic. His job took all his energy and was usually him at his best. When he would come home he would be drunk and crazier than a shithouse rat. Inevitably he would end up beating the shit out of whomever he felt deserved to be bloodied and defeated. For a long time this had been Ryley, that is until he had gotten big enough to hit back.

After that it ended up being Sean or Ryley's mother, though more often than not it had been Sean. One would think that a father like that would breed two good for nothing sons. However, Ryley had learned from his father, though it took the end of his career in NASCAR to really teach him his lesson. After that one fateful night he had stopped drinking and partying and gone into seclusion.

That act had lead to Sean's breaking point. Sean had always been as much of a hellraiser as Ryley, though Sean often went further and did it quicker. When Ryley left it didn't take Sean long to go over the edge, carjack that woman and then get killed during the ensuing car chase.

All these memories made it impossible to believe that his parents were responsible for what he now saw. It was impossible. Maybe they had sold the house and the car in one shot and the people who bought it had done all this. In Ryley's mind it was the only logical explanation for what his bewildered mind was now trying to comprehend.

When he turned around he saw a woman standing outside the garage. She looked very familiar. He had never seen her skin so colorful or her eyes so bright, but there was no mistaking her. She was the woman who had brought Ryley into the world and she was regarding him with eyes that were brimming with tears.

"Mom?"

She nodded. Ryley walked over to her and without hesitating wrapped his arms around her, hugging her. Slowly, she wrapped her arms around his waist as if she didn't believe he was really there. He felt her crying, it was silent, the tears of a woman who has been beaten until she knows making any sound to attract attention could be catastrophic.

Ryley released her and she stepped back, holding him at arm's length to look up at him. He took his hat off, holding the Stetson in his hands and turning it over and over. She smiled up at him, her green eyes staring deeply into his blue ones.

"You look much better than you do in all those pictures," she said.

He smiled. " I hope so. You look better than I've ever seen you."

She smiled. " Come inside, there's a lot we need to talk about."

Ryley nodded and followed her inside.

LATER THAT NIGHT

Ryley still couldn't get over how clean the house was. It wasn't spotless, mind you, but it was immaculate when compared to the sty it had been while he lived there. In fact there were many things different.

He had eaten a dinner his mother had prepared. Despite the seeming normality of this situation, Ryley couldn't remember the last time she had made dinner. Besides that, the food was pretty good, though it could have been his appetite, which was ravenous, thanks to three days of convenience store food.

They had talked for hours. Ryley hadn't let her skirt the main issues, though. He had outright demanded to know what had happened to bring about all that he saw. In retrospect, he thought he might have come across a little harsh. However, despite this seeming about face in behavior, Ryley couldn't bring himself to just let the past go. Not yet anyway.

His mother had talked for a solid hour while she prepared dinner. It seemed that following Sean's funeral and days after Ryley had left for good, both mother and father had looked at each other for the first time in years. Not glancing, which everyone does, but really looked at each other.

What they saw horrified them. They saw in each other and in themselves two people who had failed in life. They saw two people who had brought about the ruin of their oldest son and the death of their youngest. One might have thought these realizations would drive mother back to drugs and father to drink, but not in this case.

What Ryley now saw was the result of seven years of ongoing therapy, individual and group counseling, not to mention plain old determination. Both parents had decided that they had to change and fast. They wanted to be there in case their son ever returned, so they could apologize and maybe be allowed back into his life.

" Just like that?" Ryley asked as he sat at the table after finishing his meal.

Mrs. Hale nodded.

" And Dad?"

" He's so sorry about all those years, Ryley," she said.

" Well that doesn't take it all back, does it?"

She shook her head. " No it doesn't. I just hope you can forgive us."

" Where is he?"

" He should be home any minute. He was in Raleigh, at a swap meet, looking for a motor for Sean's- I mean your car."

Ryley nodded. " He's put a lot of work into it."

She nodded. " It's been part of his therapy. I think it was his way of keeping you and Sean alive."

At that moment they saw a set of headlights sweep across the windows and come up the driveway. Ryley could see the glare of them in the grille of the GTO, which he could see through the screen door in the kitchen. He heard the sound of a pickup coming to an idle, which ceased within seconds. The sound of the door opening and closing on the truck caused Ryley to stand up, his body tensing automatically.

Within seconds he saw the dark shape of his father coming up the stairs and pausing outside, his hand on the handle of the door. Ryley stared back at the shadow he saw, unable to discern features. After a few moments, the door opened and his father stepped inside.

Ryley was almost six inches taller than Frank Hale, the man who once used to beat him bloody on a regular basis. The man's hair was much grayer than it used to be and his skin even more creased by the sun. Ryley regarded his father with a cool, barely contained malevolence that he couldn't help.

As he stared at his father, he could see the man returning a look that was so much like a look of complete failure that Ryley began to feel his rage subsiding. He saw his father's hands trembling just moments before his lower lip began to quiver. At that moment, Ryley knew it was up to him.

" Dad," he said, his tone low, neutral. " It's been awhile."

Frank nodded, opened his mouth to speak, stopped, took a deep breath.

" I've practiced for this moment for so long," he said, his voice wavering, but as deep and baritone as Ryley remembered. " But now I can't remember what I wanted to say."

Frank looked at his wife then back at Ryley, who was still as solid as a rock.

" I'm sorry, son. If I could take it all back I would. I can't, but I'd like to try and be the father I never was."

Ryley stood there, feeling his chest beginning to heave. He was confused, though. He wasn't trembling with anger, as he had thought- no, known he would be. Instead, he was overcome with sorrow. Sorrow over his brother's death, the death of his own career and the death of his entire childhood. For some reason, one he couldn't put into words, he was ready to forgive his father for all past transgressions for the promise of having the father he'd never had.

Without hesitating, Ryley stepped forward and threw his arms around his father, hugging him. Frank was overwhelmed, unable to move or speak. He looked at his wife and then wrapped his arms around his son, hugging him as hard as he could. Soon he began to cry, joining his son, while they silently exorcised years of demons.

" Welcome home, son," Frank said. " Welcome home."

ONE WEEK LATER

In the week he had been home Ryley had learned what it was like to have good parents. The change that it had evoked in him was subtle, yet immense. The implications of that change would be awhile in divulging their secrets. Besides, Ryley was having a blast with his father, who seemed to have more knowledge about the world than he had ever thought possible.

They had spent day after day working on the GTO. Ryley had taught his Dad a lot about working on cars in those hours in the garage. Frank had known basic car knowledge and enough to get the GTO back to its gleaming beauty, but not enough to begin to solve some of the mechanical issues. So Ryley had taken his father on a performance crash course, showing him tips and tricks as well as repairs.

The time had flown so quickly that Ryley had forgotten to call Mandy. He didn't remember until he heard something on the radio about her concert that night. Cursing, he had slid out from under the car and retrieved his cell phone. He dialed her number and waited while the phone rang. After getting her voice mail he left a message and hung up.

Frank walked around from the front of the car where he had been installing a new set of brakes. He opened the refrigerator and took out two sodas, handing one to Ryley.

"Thanks, Dad," he said, opening the can.

Frank nodded. "Important call?"

Ryley shrugged. "Do you know Mandy Moore?"

Frank smiled. "Your mother has kept me updated these last few months about the rumors and everything in the papers about your uh- love life."

Ryley smirked. "Yeah, it makes for good reading I've heard."

"You want to tell me about it?"

Ryley thought a moment. His father was only trying to be fatherly, which seemed sincere enough. But Ryley wasn't sure if he should bridge this gap. After a full week he had to admit that his old man had definitely done an about face. However, Ryley's love life was his private life, his heart's desire, and discussing that subject with his father was probably the last thing he should do. So, fuck it, he did it anyway.

He told Frank everything. Ryley told him all about Britney, running into Brooke Burke again, the job at the ranch, meeting Steve Benedetti who gave him his job. He told Frank about Mandy, Christina, Angelina, Jessica and Roselyn. Of course Ryley censored the details, but he laid out the basic groundwork of all that had happened and why.