The Crystal Rainbow Ch. 02-05

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Christine straightened and a relieved smile crossed her normally solemn features.

"I shall leave this place beholden to no one and with a clear conscience. A true fresh start."

She grabbed the worn, large carpet bag from the trunk and quickly placed her two plain black skirts, her one black blouse, her one white blouse and her undergarments into the bag. Removing the food sack, she tied it to the strap of the bag. Christine placed the bag on her bed and then slowly pulled her bed away from the wall. She knelt, removed a loose floorboard and retrieved a brown, leather pouch. Quickly returning everything to its rightful place, Christine sat on her bed and opened the pouch.

"Well, hopefully this and the money in my purse should be enough to buy me passage on the train to Paris and lodging for at least a week. After that, well, best not think on that too deeply."

She drew the drawstrings tight and tied it closed. Leaning down and lifting her dark blue skirt, she carefully stuffed the bag inside her boot. She wiggled and shook her foot until the pouch lodged itself beneath the arch of her small foot. Lowering her skirts, she hopped off the bed. After smoothing her skirt, she walked across the floor, listening carefully.

"Good! I do not hear a thing. Almost ready to go. I must write that note."

Christine went to the rickety bedside table and opened the small drawer, removing a scrap of paper, quill and inkwell. She quickly wrote the note, blew on it until it was dry, folded it over once then wrote the housekeeper's name on it and left it leaning against the lamp.

"Now, one last thing and I shall be ready to leave."

She knelt on the floor next to the bed and snaked her hand beneath the mattress. After groping for a moment, she withdrew her hand, in which she held a small coin purse. Christine stood, her hand unconsciously smoothing her skirt, hefted the small purse and then placed it in the bodice of her corset. The young woman removed the cloak from the hook on the back of her bedroom door, quickly secured it about her shoulders and pulled the hood over her head. After glancing about the room one final time, she slung the carpet bag over her shoulder, blew out the lamp and left the room, which had been her home for the last nine years. And, never once did she turn back.

◊ ○ ◊ ○ ◊

"Afraid? You? Helen, I have never known anything to frighten you. How can a girl frighten you?"

The woman turned and silenced him by placing her finger to his lips.

"Hush! Look!"

She breathed and pointed down the hallway. Erik's eyes followed Helen's guiding hand just in time to see a door open and a small figure cloaked in black slip into the hall. The dark shape closed the door and quickly began to make its way down the corridor away from the frozen pair. Erik released a breath, which he had not been aware he was holding.

"That was a close thing. Now where do we go? Where is the girl? Are we close?"

"Of all the times you could pick to talk too much, you choose now. Erik, as you ask your questions, she is slipping away from us. The cloaked figure was the girl. Come! We must make haste! She intends to leave the chateau tonight." Helen paused for a moment, her head cocked to one side in silent contemplation. "In fact, she is leaving now. I hoped she would wait and leave tomorrow night as that is when we told everyone we were leaving, but it seems she is a hasty little thing. Bloody hell! We must hurry! Follow me and follow my lead, if we are lucky enough to catch her. I have an idea."

The woman seemed to fly along the corridors with the young man's long legs straining to keep up with her. Making one last turn through a doorway, Erik halted abruptly as he found himself in a large kitchen. The breathless young man searched the room for the older woman, but she was not in the room. After casting his eyes around the room a second time, he noticed an open door and as he approached it, he heard the sound of Helen's softly mumbled curses. Erik bit his lower lip to still the smile from spreading across his mouth.

"Just in time, too! She would have cracked me a good one if she had seen that grin."

The woman held several jars in her arms and waddled to the large rough hewn table. She placed the jars on the table.

"Erik! Make yourself useful and open those for me. Shit! Where on earth do they store the bread in this kitchen?"

A sudden gasp caused both the young man and the old woman to turn towards the source of the noise. Erik felt his entire body erupt into flames at the sight that met his eyes. A beautiful young woman stood staring at them from the doorway. The hood had fallen from her head, releasing her dark mass of curls from its restraining grip and shining through her thick lashes were her curious eyes.

Helen paused then turned towards the girl. Without revealing her relief at the sight of the girl, Helen spoke.

"Good evening, Mademoiselle. Do you happen to know where the bread is stored? My companion and I find we are in need of something to stave off our hunger. Can you help us, Mademoiselle?"

Erik smiled at the sound of Helen's enchanting voice and noticed that the girl had not run away, but had taken several steps closer to Helen. The girl hesitated as she glanced towards Erik. As their eyes met, he felt a fire engulf him for the second time that night. Her reaction to him surprised and pleased him. She smiled and he watched as he saw her rigid posture relax. A slow smile warmed her expression.

"You are the pair that sang for the Comte and Comtessa tonight. I heard that you have heavenly voices. I wish I could have heard you sing." She paused. "Oh! How rude of me. You were inquiring about bread, Madame. Allow me to fetch it for you. Please, take a seat, both of you and I shall return in a moment."

The girl carefully unslung a rather large and careworn bag from her shoulder and placed it on the floor next to the backdoor. She scampered through another doorway and quickly returned holding a large loaf of bread in her hands. She set it on the table in front of Helen.

"Here you are, Madame. Can I help you find anything else? A knife? Perhaps plates and cups? Something to drink?"

Erik watched as Helen drew the girl under the calming spell of her voice. Outwardly, he seemed his normal, placid self, but inwardly, his tumultuous thoughts blazed.

"Those eyes! I know those eyes and those curls, but it cannot be! She is not real. She exists only in my dreams. And, yet, here she is. My angel and Helen's niece are one in the same. How can this be?"

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2 Comments
JamesMcIntyreJamesMcIntyreover 15 years ago
I have to agree with anonymous

<P>I think an editor is essential for your story. This would help to address a number of areas. I know this is fantasy, but some grounding in the world of reality is necessary to ensure readability.</P>

<P>1 Plotting problems. The woman has 'kidnapped' a nine year old boy without knowing about his parents or whether they might be concerned by his absence.</P>

<P>2 Long paragraphs are much harder to read on a screen than on paper. You should endeavour to shorten them for online reading.</P>

<P>3 Punctuation. Over use of exclamation marks reduces their impact and effectiveness.</P>

<P>4 Inconsistencies. In chapter 1 there were French words. Now they have gone and a Scottish word appears. Where are we?</P>

<P>5 Even in fantasy I think that the dialogue should be believable. It reads in a very stilted fashion that is hard to relate to the characters.</P>

<P>6 Various minor grammatical and punctuation errors also detract from the story.</P>

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
Good

But it is too much information all at once and bounces around a bit. It is confusing and sort of difficult to follow. Good tale, though. You should consider and Editor to help with the continuity. ^_^

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