The Curse of the Scots Ch. 07

Emily came out wearing an adorable little one piece dress, ruffled collar, long sleeves with ruffled cuffs. She had on white stockings and black patent leather shoes. Angie had put her hair up in pig tails.

I could see she was pretty uncertain, maybe a little scared. I whipped out what I hoped was my very best daddy smile, "Who's up for breakfast?" I ran off the list.

Angie yawned and said, "Just coffee for me."

I started to pour her a cup. I plunked in some cream and sugar. I remembered how Angie liked it. While I stirred it I asked Emily, "And what about you little lady?"

Emily shot me a pensive look, "Could I have some French toast?"

I smiled as broadly as I could. I thought if I smiled much bigger my teeth would fall out, "French toast on the way!" I grabbed a soup bowl, two eggs, and some milk. I broke the eggs and dropped the yolks and whites in the soup bowl. I followed it up with the milk. I started mixing the stuff up.

Angie sat on a dining room chair and watched.

Emily sat on a stool over close to me at the kitchen counter, "So you're my real daddy."

I grinned, "I sure am."

"Mommy always said you were mean."

I slipped from smiley to sincere, "I've been pretty mean in the past, especially to your mommy, but not anymore. You'll never see me being mean to your mom, and I mean it."

She asked, "Why?"

"Why was I mean?"

She nodded.

I'd already plopped two pieces of bread in the batter, and they were cooking away on the skillet. I tried to answer her, "I guess when you love someone, I mean really love them, you act in ways that don't make any sense."

"You love my mommy?"

I placed the French toast on a plate. I pushed the butter and syrup toward Emily too. I looked at Angie, "I love your mommy very much."

Emily asked, "Do you love me?"

I put a napkin beside her plate while she used a fork to cut up her toast, "Yes, I love you too."

Emily kept shoveling the toast in her mouth. I wondered if she ever learned how to chew. She told me, "I have a pony."

"I know that, his name's Johnny."

Emily drank some of the orange juice I'd poured out for her, "How did you know?"

I cast a look at Angie. Angie had already found out I'd gotten the pony, but I didn't know what she'd told Emily. Angie nodded so I guessed it was all right to tell Emily the truth, "I got him for you."

Emily put her fork down. She was finished anyway, "You did?"

I nodded.

She asked, "Why?"

"You're my little girl. I love you. I wanted you to have a pony. Do you like him?"

She smiled, "Yeah, I like Johnny." She turned to her mother, "Time for school." She got up and started for the front door. Then she turned back and looked at me, "You'll be here when I get home?"

I smiled, "Sure will." I had a lot to do today, but I knew no matter where I was I'd stop and get home so I could greet her when she got off the bus. Imagine, one day, in one day she'd completely taken over my life. What a great thing to have happened.

Angie helped Emily into her jacket, she put on her own, "I'll be right back."

I looked around, "Don't try to walk her all the way back to the bus stop. Why don't you drive her to school?"

"Cayden I haven't driven in years. My father took my license. I don't have a car. You know that."

I turned and threw my keys to the Lexus at her, "You need to start driving again. We'll get your license later when you get back."

As they walked out the door Emily stopped and turned around. I knew she was looking at me, "I wish Auntie Caprice was here."

I didn't look up, I kept fiddling with the dishwasher, but I replied, "I do too."

++++++++++

Who am I? Caprice? Lauren?

I took my time driving to Rochester. I had to think. Not think actually; I had to try to figure things out. I know I was scared. What would I say? After what I'd done to these two old people, what could I say?

++++++++++

I reached Rochester and followed the GPS toward my old home. Once I got in the old neighborhood things started to jump, no dribble, out at me. I drove by my old high school, then the middle school, and last my old elementary school. I kind of remembered them, but I couldn't put any life in them. They all looked old and sort of bedraggled.

Somehow I knew where our church was; it was called Highland Presbyterian. I saw my dad's name wasn't on the billboard anymore. I guess he must have retired. It felt funny; I'd expected it to be there.

I drove down to the old neighborhood; down my street. I remembered the houses; they all looked a little more haggard, but otherwise things still looked the same. Well I thought they did. I spotted some familiar landmarks. Remembered when I was a kid someone had bought one of those mirrored globes and put it in their front yard. It was still there. Some trees had been cut down. I remembered the trees because I saw the stumps.

I recognized most of the stuff, but in a lot of ways it all still seemed foreign to me. It was like I knew about all of it, but was somebody else's memories. Everything was familiar, but nothing stood out.

At last I reached the final address; 8257 Sycamore. I drove by kind of slow. Whoever lived there must have just bought a new car; it was a Chevrolet. I remembered, my father always drove Chevys. I drove down, made a U-turn and passed back by. I saw and remembered the rose bushes. There was a swing on the front porch. I remembered that.

I passed by as slow as I could and tried to get a glimpse in the backyard. My mind crashed! I saw and remembered the swing set. When I was a little girl my dad and I had put it up together; or more honestly, he put it up while I talked and skipped all around. I remembered I wore all kinds of buttons and little medals on my shirt. I had some kind of plastic ring, and I had I think an Ariel wristwatch. I'd had on a Mickey Mouse Tee shirt. We'd gone to Disney World. I remembered that. I remembered my dad! I remembered how much I adored him. I worshipped him.

It was over for me. I started to cry. I could hear his voice as he quietly scolded, "Now Lauren; what would Jesus do? You know how much we love you." I had run away. I was a cruel little bitch. Jesus would never forgive me for what I did.

I pushed my foot down on the gas pedal. I had to get out there. I started to remember things. My mom, her apple pies, bread pudding, her aprons, choir practice, dance lessons, girl scouts, my dad at the piano. I had to get away! I'd had the perfect life, the perfect family, the best mom and dad, and I'd run away! Why?

I drove to a nearby motel, a Motel Six. I got a room, bought a six pack of Pepsis, went in, cried, and tried to go to sleep. I had to figure this out. I knew I had to see them, see my mom and dad. Damn, I knew I couldn't do it. I'd hurt them so much. I lay there on the bed and tried to remember.

++++++++++

I lay awake all night and tried to remember. Mostly I cried. I didn't remember much, mostly snatches of this and that; going to New York to see 'Cats'. I had Madonna records, a unicorn poster, rainbow wallpaper. I remembered sleep overs. I had girlfriends. I got good grades in school, all A's. I liked English, hated history. I'd run away. I think there might have been a boy. I must have run away to be with him; he turned out to be something other than what I thought.

I remember Buffalo, after that I think Detroit. I remember taking drugs, being locked in different rooms. I remembered Chicago. I think I'd been taken to Indianapolis. I know I remembered Scranton, then Harrisburg, and last East Berlin or was it Dillsburg.

Yeah I'd been around, or been passed around. I remembered a few men, not many, not near as many as I should. I think I'd had an abortion once. I remember being beaten, slapped a lot, not having anything to wear and not enough to eat. I remembered Fraternity parties; the Frat boys were among the worst. There'd been bachelor parties, and team parties, and company parties, and birthday parties. I remember cucumbers and zucchini being shoved inside me. There'd been black men, white men, and Asians. Oh yeah I remembered the black guys; talk about overrated, most weren't as big as a typical white boy, not that I cared or that it really mattered.

By sunrise I realized I couldn't find a reason why I'd run away; I just had. Now I had to find a way back. I thought I'd keep an eye out on my parent's house. I'd watch; maybe I'd follow, see what they were doing.

Damn it. Who was I? What was I doing? I'd been fucked, beaten, shackled, tied, gang banged, name it and it happened, and now I was afraid to face two helpless old people. Twelve years, twelve years I'd been tossed around, passed around, and beaten, and I couldn't handle two old people? Shit!

++++++++++

Cayden gets called out.

I'd been driving my tractor down the road changing from one set of fields to another and thought I'd stop in at the Gas & Go and get a soda. I'd been cutting the tall grass on the edges of the fields so it would be easier when we pulled in with the harvesters. I liked Pepsi. As I was just opening the can, just about to remount my trusty old John Deere when some guy showed up out of nowhere.

He walked over to me, "Hey you Cayden McLeish?"

I turned around. He didn't look like much, "Yeah," once I would have said 'what of it', not anymore. I asked, "What can I do for you?"

He held out his hand and gave me this smarmy smile, "My name's not important. Most people just call me Spike."

I could see why. He had his hair all greased and up in a row of spikes. I replied, "Like I said, what can I do for you?"

He smiled that greasy smile again, "We have a mutual friend, a guy named Vince. You remember Vince. He lives up in Pennsylvania."

I glanced over at his car; a late model Camry, Pennsylvania tags. I remembered Vince was the guy who sold me Caprice. I must have paled because his smile got wider.

He said, "You do remember. Vince wants to know how Caprice is doing. He wants to buy her back."

I held my breath, "She's not for sale."

Spike, still smiling, asked, "Do you know where she is?"

I let out a sigh of relief. His remark led me to believe they didn't know anything. I answered, "Yeah I know where she is, and like I said, she's not for sale."

Spike made an offer, "Vince said he paid close to $5,000.00. He's willing to throw in another thousand. How about it?"

I replied, "Like I said, she's not for sale. She's not into that lifestyle anymore. Got herself a husband, has a kid on the way, moved to New York." OK, so I lied, but these people weren't getting their hands on her ever again.

Spike really smiled then, "So Caprice finally broke free, got herself a man, and now she's having a baby. Well good for her. You don't remember me. I was there the night you bought her. I always sort of liked her. She was a tough kid; never cracked, never broke, and I mean lots of guys tried." He started to turn to walk away, "I'll tell Vince. He was only half interested anyway." He looked back one more time before he got in his car, "If you ever see her, tell I said Hi."

I didn't budge or move a muscle, "Like I said, she moved away. Nobody sees her anymore."

The guy Spike got in his car and drove off.

So that was the end of Vince and Pennsylvania.

++++++++++

Rochester, New York.

I've been hovering around the old house for more than a week. I've seen both mom and dad. It breaks my heart to see them. They're both so old and frail. Daddy uses a cane. He's all hunched over; not anything like the strong man I vaguely remembered. Mom looks like she lost fifty pounds. She was never a very big woman, but now she looks skeletal. She's the one who gets out the most. She has a kind of pattern. She shops mostly at the Walmart, but she gets gas and donuts at a Dunkin Donuts near the house. She doesn't do much else. I guess, being so frail, she's a little afraid. They needed to be taken care of; that would have been my job; I've let them down.

++++++++++

I decided to follow her into the Walmart. Why not; maybe I'll see something that might stir up some old memories. I was lying to myself. I remembered enough. I was just scared. I watched as she parked her car in a handicapped spot and went in. She had kind of a shuffling gait. I waited a couple minutes and followed.

I felt sick; sick to my stomach and sick in my heart. Here I was hiding; hiding from my mom. I should be there with her. I know I'm a coward. I'm not the girl my mom and dad raised. I know God was setting aside a special place in hell just for me. I felt like everybody was watching me. Christ, I felt like a roach and someone was getting ready to shine a light on me. I never felt so alone in my life. I never felt so scared. I never felt so ashamed, so alone. I wished Cayden was...I could drive back and tell Cayden they didn't want...No...I...he. God I'm such a coward.

I saw her as she got a cart and started toward the aisle where they kept the cleaners. I thought I'd slip around and discreetly watch as she shopped. I kind of hunkered down and walked along a parallel aisle. I started looking at some of the stuff in the aisle I was traveling. I thought I was doing pretty well. I reached the end of the aisle and turned the corner.

Jesus!

She was right in front of me! She's standing right in front of me. Christ Jesus! She's looking right at me. Holy God! She sees me! She recognizes me! My mom knows who I am!

My mom's face; her face went completely white. Her mouth dropped open like she wanted to say something.

I gasped! I put my hand to my mouth and I gasped. I turned around and ran away as fast as I could. She saw me. My mom, she saw me! What was I going to do? I ran straight out to the parking lot. I ran out to my car. I found my car, I fumbled with my purse, got my keys, unlocked the door. I jumped in, and I drove back to the Motel Six as fast as I could.

On the way back I started to cry. I started heaving. My stomach twisted into a million knots. I needed to throw up. What was I going to do? I had no idea. I was so scared. I ran in my room, closed the door, and ran and hid in the bathroom. Oh I wanted to die. I couldn't stop crying. What if she had a heart attack? What if she had a stroke? What have I done? I might have killed my mother!

I cried. I couldn't stop. I was so scared. I felt so all alone. I ran in the bathroom. I curled up and hid in the shower. I just couldn't stop crying. I can't do this! I just can't. I'm so afraid. I need help! I'm so alone. I need someone! I need...

++++++++++

Back from my farm work I was staring absentmindedly out the back window when the house phone rang.

I ignored it. Angie went and picked it up. I just sat and looked out at the sky; the gloomy October sky. It reflected my mood.

Angie called over, "Cayden."

I turned around, "I hope it's important. I'd hate to think the damn phone awakened Emily."

Angie held out the phone for me, "Cayden, it's Caprice."

Caprice! I jumped from the sofa and hurried to the phone, "What's up. Did she say anything? Is she all right?"

Angie just held out the phone, "She doesn't sound so good."

I grabbed the phone. My mind was going in a million different directions. Had she gotten hooked up with that Vince? Had she gone someplace and got into trouble? I took a deep breath, "Hello."

I heard her voice. It was like the sun had come back out. Sparrows were singing! Was that a whippoorwill? It felt like spring time!

"Cayden?"

"It's me."

"Cayden I need you."

I had a bunch of questions, "Are you all right. You didn't have a wreck? You're not hurt. You didn't get mixed up with anyone..."

She interrupted, "I saw them. I saw my mom and my dad. My mom saw me. Cayden I can't. I just can't I'm scared. I'm so scared," I heard her break down in tears.

"OK, where are you?"

She was crying and sniffling and coughing, "I'm at the Motel Six just outside Rochester off of #I 81," she sniffed again, "In room 115."

I breathed a great sigh of relief, "OK, you're not hurt. You're not physically injured. You didn't wreck the car. Ok, all right; just stay there. We'll be there in a few hours."

She was crying and blubbering like a baby. I'd never heard anything like it; certainly not from her. Through her tears she whimpered, "Cayden I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid. Promise me, promise you'll come."

I wanted to cry too, but not because I was sad; I was jubilant! She needs me! I replied, "Don't be afraid. Angie and I will be there as soon as we can. We'll call every couple hours just to keep you up to date."

She was still crying, "I'm scared Cayden."

She's scared! I inadvertently tightened my stomach and flexed my biceps. I guess I unconsciously puffed up my chest because Angie gave me a funny quizzical look. I kept talking, "Caprice it's me, Cayden. Have I ever let you down?"

She stopped crying and I heard her sniff, "No."

I had the situation in hand; God, I was made for this! I very calmly told her, "Good. You know me. Angie's figuring out the time and route right now," actually we hadn't done anything yet; "we're on our way. You sound tired. I want you to get a shower. Take a hot shower. Go to bed. Get some rest. Don't worry. We'll figure this out when we get there."

She started crying again, "I love you Cayden. I knew you'd come for me."

Oh music sweet music; I answered, "Always sweetheart. Now you get yourself a nice hot shower. Put on something comfy and go to bed. I bet you haven't eaten. Why don't you call out and get some pizza or something. Call a Papa Johns; get a medium pizza with extra cheese," I knew she liked that, "We'll work it out. It'll all be fine."

She whimpered, "OK."

"All right now hang up the phone."

She asked, "Can I talk to Angie?"

I said sure. I handed the phone to Angie, "She wants to talk to you. Keep her calm. Think of things that will keep her busy. Get her to go to bed. I'll pack up some stuff," I added, "Oh yeah, you're coming too."

Angie held the phone. I could hear Caprice on the other end. She'd stopped crying. Angie asked me, "What about Emily?"

I hesitated, "I don't know. Do you think we should take her? This could be pretty traumatic."

Angie didn't blink an eye, "I think she should go too."

I wasn't so sure, "We'd have to take her out of school."

Angie was firm, "They'll be good for each other," and then she added, "She'll get to see her daddy be a hero."

Wow! I liked that. I shrugged, "Well if you say so."

Angie talked to Caprice for a few more minutes; then she started collecting clothes for herself and Emily. Maybe fifteen minutes later she was at Emily's room, "Emily, Emily honey."

I watched from the hallway.

Angie whispered, "Emily you and I and daddy are going to see Caprice. She's in trouble and needs us," I heard her add, "she needs your daddy."

God I felt good! I liked the sound of that, daddy the hero.

Emily was wide awake, "She's not hurt?"

I heard Angie murmur, "No Emily, she's just scared and alone. We're going to be her rescue party."

Emily was up and on the side of her bed, my old bed, "I'll get dressed. I'll pick out a stuffed animal for her."

Warmth seemed to permeate the whole house. I felt like I was in some stupid Hallmark movie.

Angie graced her daughter with a soft smile, "That's my girl."

++++++++++

It took us about a half an hour to get organized and packed. I decided on the Lexus; that way Angie, though she still didn't have her license, could give me a break every once in a while as we drove. We got the Motel's location on the GPS, and we were very nearly on our way when the phone rang again. It was Caprice again.

Angie got the phone, "Yes?" Caprice asked to talk to me again.

I got the phone.

"Hello Cayden?"

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to say; you don't have to come if you don't want to."