The Day Before The Day

"I can see her lyin' back in her satin dress
In a room where you do what you don't confess.
Sundown, you better take care if I find you been creepin' round my back stairs.
Sundown, you better take care if I find you been creepin' round my back stairs."
-Gordon Lightfoot, "Sundown"

The strobes turned off, leaving the stage lit by the spinning disco ball in the center of the room. The stage lights came up as the DJ walked out to center stage, mic in hand; slipping a little on some of the formerly coffin-shaped giant cake on his way, but recovering in time to not fall. Behind him, Julie picked up the last of the discarded lingerie from the stage, including the outfit she'd worn for the number.

"HOT DAMN! Wasn't that great, guys? I mean, yeah, we've all heard about the girls who strip at their boyfriend's bachelor party, but how many of them bring friends? And put on a show like THAT? I don't know about you, but I, for one, am never gonna hear Bela Lugosi's Dead or Bloodletting the same way again! Let's all give Julie another hand!"

Everyone at the party cheered or lifted their beers as Julie gave the DJ a peck on the cheek before leaving the stage. She bounced down the steps, giving the audience a couple last jiggles of her tits along the way. The DJ continued.

"I think we're all happy you two came home for the wedding. Welcome back! And let's have one for the Man of the Hour! Where are ya, Troy? Where's the only guy I've ever met whose bride and best man are the same person?" A spotlight shone around the audience a couple of times as the DJ looked out into the crowd. Some of them applauded prematurely before the DJ said "Uh-oh! Looks like he's gone, and so are your two friends. Maybe they're back up in the suite waiting for you, eh, Julie?"

An "OOOOO" went through the room and a path cleared for her. She walked up to Claire, who'd been waiting with a hotel bathrobe for her.

"Hey," Julie said, taking the robe and putting it on. She took out the fake fangs and stuffed them and the lingerie into the robe's pockets. "Thanks. How long ago'd they go up?"

"A couple minutes into your solo number; guess you got him too worked up. Him, Susan, Brenda, and that other girl."

"Other girl?"

"Yeah, the one who didn't get the message 'dress casual,' I guess." Claire gave Julie a smirk. "Hey, thanks for flying us all here. Er...I know I said I wasn't up for being part of the show, but seeing all of you up there...got room for one more in the suite?"

Julie's face wrinkled a little bit as she quickly connected some mental dots. Susan had picked the "Brides of Dracula" theme and Julie had been worried that with her past issues, she'd have a problem putting on a show for an audience, but she'd insisted she wanted to do it, so Julie had been a little distracted making sure she was ok. Then she took in what Claire had asked and realized she'd been making a face for several seconds.

"Oh, no, that look was NOT for you, Claire! Yes! Absolutely, come on up, but er...mingle for about an hour first, ok? Ya know, keep the party going for us; we've got the lounge for the whole night. There's just something I've gotta take care of."

Claire stepped closer to help her tie the belt around the robe, then gave her a passionate kiss as the people around them cheered again. "Ok. But don't take TOO much care of him before I get a turn, ok?"

Julie hugged her and gave her breast a little feel as the hug ended. She quick-walked out of the lounge toward the hotel elevator, the "fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck" under her breath now audible in the late night silence of the lobby. The fucks continued as she waited for the elevator, all the way up to their floor, and down the hall to the Bridal Suite.

On the table as she entered the room, next to a large bouquet of roses (She bristled a little when she was what kind.) was a large package and an expensive-looking open laptop. On the couch behind them, Troy was sitting naked with Brenda riding him reverse-cowgirl. Julie looked over to the bed and saw Susan naked and curled up like a sleeping kitten.

"Hi, hon," he said between thrusts. "She was here."

"Fuckin' Helena," Julie said, slamming her fist on the table and knocking the roses onto the floor. "I tipped the doorman AND the bellboy AND the guy at reception an extra hundred each to let me know if any expensive sports cars or limos turned up!"

"She got to all of them. And she's back to Helen while she's in town. She's waiting for you on Skype."

"And let me guess: You two can't stop or cum until after I talk to her." Troy nodded again. Brenda continued mindlessly bouncing on his cock, unaware that Julie had even entered the room. "Ok, THIS! This has just made the top of my 'If I had a time machine' list: Kill Hitler, stop myself from shoving you into the pool on your 6th birthday, invest on the ground floor of IBM; foursome with you, JFK, and Audrey Munson; and don't teach her how to do our thing!"

"You...ungh...didn't have...mnn...to invite her...ohh..."

Julie walked to the minibar and grabbed two little bottles of bourbon. "And let her find out on her own? And that she wasn't invited? That's, like, how every fairy tale begins, Troy, and I said I didn't want a fairy tale wedding!"

Their conversation was cut short by the sound of an incoming call on Skype. Julie walked over to the laptop, took a deep breath, slammed the contents of one of the bottles, and hit Answer. The screen filled with the image of a woman with short black hair and long, curled bangs. An emerald tiara sat on her head, matching her earrings and necklace. A smile of delight was on her face.

"Julie, dear," she said as if they'd just bumped into each other on the street. "How delightful to see you!"

"Helen," she replied as if she'd just bumped into someone she'd hoped to never see again on the street. "You're looking well."

"That's Contessa to you, and I'm looking SENSATIONAL, darling!"

"Ok, Cuntessa. I see you got the invitation."

Helen gave a wink and kept smiling. If she'd picked up on the "cuntessa" thing, she ignored it.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world! And you got the laptop. It's yours, just the first of my four presents for your big day. Don't worry, there's nothing nefarious on it. The box is for Troy, he can open it after we talk."

"And I suppose some Best Buy cashier is out of a job for letting you walk out with it."

"Nonsense! Paid cash in full," she said, waving the receipt in front of the screen so Julie could see it, holding her thumb over the price. "I don't have to do things like that anymore if I don't want to, and I wouldn't skimp for my oldest, dearest friends on their special day. Now, be a peach and take me over to the other couch. I can barely hear you over your hot librarian."

Julie took a deep breath, carried the laptop over to the coffee table by the other couch in the room and sat down at it. "Her name's Brenda, and she's not 'ours,' Cuntessa."

"Oh, they never are these days, are they? When did you stop calling them fucktoys again?"

"After Madrid, when I saw you last."

"You should have stayed with me. The Count had a cousin who was a Baron. Not as loaded, but just as old and with just as bad a heart. You could have fucked him into an attack in half the time I took, and Baroness Julie has a lovely ring to it."

"Yeah, see, I'm not greedy enough to kill someone for their money and title."

"Nonsense again! The Count passed with a smile on his face banging a woman a quarter his age. What man doesn't dream of going out like that?"

"Mine," Julie responded, cracking open the second bottle. Helen bristled for a second at that and Julie took a victory sip from the bottle. "What did you do to Susan?"

"Who? Oh, the other one. Don't worry, I had her pegged for one of Troy's little 'wounded birds' right off. I'm sure the poor dear's suffered enough, so I just had her take a nap, she'll wake up whenever you want. And he was mine first, honey. So were you, come to think of it."

"And I won't deny it was fun, but you always take things too far, Contessa!"

"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers out there are starving to death. You, me, him, we've all got an advantage over them, why SHOULDN'T we use it?"

Julie took another drink. "Because we don't know who else out there has it too! What if there's some group of people who can do this and won't appreciate high profile stuff like marrying royalty and dealerships just GIVING us flashy sports cars? Or some government group? We could all wind up..."

"Locked up in Area 51 with electrodes up our asses, yes, we've had this talk before. And if there was someone like that, we probably wouldn't be having it again. If they haven't come for me by now, they're not going to."

Julie looked over to the other couch. A mix of ecstasy and frustration was on Troy's face as he grabbed Brenda's tits and she continued riding him, oblivious to everything but him thrusting deep inside her.

"Look, Troy and Brenda would probably both like to orgasm and rest at this stage, so why don't we skip the 'Join us, Mr. Bond' 'You're mad' part so I can stop neglecting my guests?"

"Ok, good form, Pan, good form. Speaking of, I'm sorry I had to miss the last part of your performance. Why don't you open that robe, let me see what I've been missing."

Julie was reluctant, but knew Helen wouldn't let them go until she did what she said, so she stood up, untied the belt, and let the robe drop to the floor, discarded stripper clothes spilling from the pockets. She'd shown all their friends in their hometown everything Troy was getting tomorrow, and now she was showing Helen too.

"Mmm..." Helen said, looking her up and down. "You've still got it, woman." Julie turned to give her a view of her ass and winked over her shoulder.

"You can't have set all this up and gotten far after, so you're still in the hotel somewhere, probably the penthouse. Why don't you come back to the room and find out just how much I've still got?"

Helen chuckled. "No, right now, this is fun. I'm sure that would come to an end quick if we were both there."

"Maybe not," Julie said as she sat back down and gave Helen a brief glimpse of her bare pussy before crossing her legs. "Maybe I've missed you more than I've been letting on."

"Or maybe you think you can get me so turned on that I'll run right back down there and you'll put me in a headlock until I let Troy and Brenda cum. I'm sure if I let you try hard enough, you might succeed; but neither of us wants a black eye on your big day, so I think I'll just say my peace give you the rest of my gifts and let you enjoy your party." Helen picked up a martini glass and waved it at someone off screen. A hand took the glass and immediately brought her a new one. Julie groaned a little while waiting for her to continue.

Helen removed her tiara as she spoke. "First off, I think it's great that you're both taking a new last name. I mean, why YOU'RE doing it, no question; I can completely get how tired you must be of it. I can see why Troy would too. I mean, it's only six letters, but somehow, people who've known us all for years can still get it wrong. So yes, do that. But 'Equals?' REALLY? No, I never could have done that to them if you'd been there. You'd have stopped me one way or another. So yes, it's a nice, sweet, bordering-on-saccharine sentiment; however, I wanted to let you know that WE both know it's bullshit, honey. No man is your equal. OR mine."

Julie leaned forward, looking straight into the camera lens. "Maybe not, Helen. But I WANT to be his!" Helen took a sip of her drink and smiled.

"And that's what I wanted to hear, Julie. It's not a bad ambition, either. I had it once."

"You went to Europe and found your Count instead. I came back because I realized who mine was."

"Then you better never forget that. Because the second you do, well...Count Troilus has a nice ring to it too. Ok, I've said what I have to. If you want to let Troy rest and open his gift," She took another drink. "It's the same trigger phrase as always."

"So say it, then."

"Nope. I want YOU to say it."

Julie frowned, then groaned, then finally looked over at Brenda and her fiance's sweat-covered bodies before saying it.

"Helen can always make Troy launch a thousand ships."

The two of them began screaming, Brenda thrashing her head in all directions as Troy's whole body stiffened and he shot his load into her. The two of them collapsed on the couch, two bottles of water sitting on the end table next to them. Brenda drifted off to unconsciousness as Troy grabbed the bottle and put on his smoking jacket. Julie gave her bourbon another sip.

"Oh, Propappou's jacket," Helen said with a delighted smile. "I didn't even notice it before in the lounge lighting. You know, I went to see Troy's parents when I came into town, he wasn't buried with them."

Julie took another drink. "When the doctors said he didn't have long, he wanted to go home to the old country for the end. We buried him with the family there."

Helen nodded. "I'll stop by on my way back home."

"Thanks," Troy and Julie said together, Troy now sitting up.

"Hey, Troy! Hope I didn't wear you out too much."

Troy managed an exhausted smile and took Julie's hand. "Julie can make me launch a MILLION ships. Don't worry about me."

Helen sighed at that, but kept smiling. "Ok, Math Boy, open your package. Erm...the less-used one." All of them giggled a little as he walked over to the box and opened it. He pulled out a certificate of authenticity, then the giant styrofoam blocks inside, and opened them up. Both his and Julie's eyes widened.

"Is that..." Julie asked. Troy read the certificate for a moment, then answered.

"Yep. Certified original movie prop: The Galaxy Pleasure Unit Hypnowheel from 'Our Man Flint.'"

"You bitch," Julie yelled at the screen. "I wanted to get him that! First you snipe my bid, then THIS?"

"Don't worry, Sunflower, there's another part of it too."

"Oh, there's something else in here." Troy reached into the box and pulled out a two-piece red bikini and a black wig. He couldn't see Helen's face on the screen anymore, so craned his neck towards the laptop. "These aren't authentic too, are they?"

"Ha ha, no. Accurate reproductions, though. Well, that's gift number two. Gift number three is your reception and honeymoon. I know you plan to have it at the hotel and spend the honeymoon here in town, visiting old friends...as well as OUR kind of old friends," she licked her lips at both of them. "So, I bought the hotel. Your credit cards are being refunded right now, you've got unlimited credit at the hotel shops; everything's on me. Go ahead and order a hundred lobsters from room service; I'm expecting that."

"Thanks, but we won't do that," Troy said, plugging in the hypnowheel and setting it on the coffee table in front of Julie. Julie put the bikini on as they spoke. It was her exact size. When she was done, he tossed the wig to her. "I'm sure Julie had the talk with you about staying below radar."

"Yes, yes, of course. And, of course, I didn't listen."

Julie put the wig on. "So, I hesitate to ask, but what's gift number four?"

Helen stood up and stepped back from the laptop waving her arm behind her. "Why, all of this, sweetie. Sniping your auction, crashing the bachelor party, stealing Troy and your...friends away to play this little game, all the other little things. I've given you the best gift of all."

She slipped the straps of her evening gown over her shoulders and let it fall to the floor, showing the two of them everything like Julie had earlier. Someone handed her a halter top and mini skirt. She slipped into the skirt, then went back to her chair and gave the two of them a good closeup of her breasts before continuing.

"Once you've said your I Dos and you're living happily ever after? I've given you an excuse to get back at me." She pulled on the top. "And I can't wait for it. For tonight, I'm heading back to the party to pick up some toys of my own. See ya in the morning."

Julie scowled at the monitor. Or tried to. It ended up a half scowl, half grin and a sigh.

"I love you, you fucking cunt."

"Right back atcha, you skanky cow. Toodles." And with a kiss blown to the camera, Helen switched off. Troy switched the wheel on and watched it turn for a moment before bending down to give Julie a kiss.

"Oh, we'll get her, hon. Not tonight, and not tomorrow, but soon."

"I know, Master. It's gonna be fun as hell."

"But right now, I've just GOTTA do this!"

"Me too, Master. Get started already," Julie said as she closed her eyes. Troy checked her eyelids, then stood with his arms folded.

"Repeat," he said. "My sole purpose in life is to bring pleasure to my companions."

"My sole purpose in life..."