The Dentist

Maia had to give up dance. Lea never got her pony, and Sophie never got a chance at anything; there just wasn't any money.

I suppose things would have stayed that way. Eugenie's mom finally passed, and as it turned out she owed more than her estate could cover so we had to find a way to pay some of that off. I think we could have gotten out of it, but we weren't that kind of people.

My mom didn't have any money, and even if she did when she died it would have to be divided up three ways. I was hoping she'd hang on a long time, because I knew when she died my brother and sister, even though they loved me, would want to sell the house. They weren't doing all that well either. The economy had gone in the toilet, and we were all just working people.

Yeah the clouds had rolled in, and it didn't look like there was any silver lining. I lay there night after night staring at the ceiling while I listened to my ex-wife downstairs softly sobbing. I couldn't say how many times she said she was sorry. She's constantly begged me to forgive her. What was I going to do? I forgave her.

Then one night while I was lying there alone in my gloomy little world Eugenie peeked her head in the door. It was winter, the living room wasn't well insulated, and I don't care how many blankets a person can pile on a sofa it's not the same as a bed. She said she was freezing and she asked me if she could come to bed with me. What could I say? She wasn't my wife anymore, but she was the mother of my children. I lifted the blankets and she climbed in. Pretty soon we were snuggled altogether. It felt good having her warm body pressed up against me again. If I closed my eyes I could almost pretend it was like before. It wasn't though.

I few nights later she wanted to do me. Who was I to say no? I let her. A few nights after that we were snuggling and spooning and kissing and hugging and yeah maybe we were crying a little too.

Our late nights in bed all that winter became important times. We'd lie there. I'd listen and she'd whisper and often weep. I was right about the dentist. I still lie in bed and sift through the things she said when we there in the dark. I think the darkness afforded her a sense of anonymity that allowed her to be a little more willing to talk.

I can hear her as she whispered, "Chase that man Gilchrist, he loaded my head with fantasies about living the rich life, traveling, meeting famous people, and all sorts of unrealistic notions. I saw myself in Italy on the Spanish Steps chatting with Sophia Loren. I was in Switzerland with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Chase I believed everything he said; he was so clever and witty. He told funny stories. He had money. He was so self-confident. He told me how pretty I was; how he wished he could take care of me. I never had to worry about anything when I was with him. Chase when I was with him I could pretend to be somebody else. When I came home all I saw was problems."

I had little to say about the dentist until she started to talk about how he started to change after they got married. I tried to stay quiet and calm when she talked. She explained how he became different after they got married. I thought about what she said to me.

I can hear her now, "Chase, the dentist; he took drugs and pain killers. Some of the things he took brought out a hidden monster I never knew was inside him. He'd hide things, and then blame me for losing them. At first he just spanked me or made me sit in the bedroom closet"

When Eugenie told me about how he spanked her I got annoyed, because sometimes when we were married we played little spanking games. I'd paddle her fanny with my hand until her cheeks turned pink, but I never hurt her, and the sex afterward was often more intense. I know she sort of liked it, well a little bit once in a while anyway. I never made a habit of it.

She told me when they went out with his friends he'd say things that were meant to embarrass and make her seem childish and immature in front of them. She said sometimes when they were at home he said she was childish and needed a 'time out' so he'd lock her in the in the kitchen pantry. If she said anything he'd make her stay in longer. If she couldn't hold her water; he'd spank her for that.

She told me they started to have fights; the real fights were over the girls. She'd realized she'd been neglecting them, but when she tried to include them in anything he'd get mad. He didn't like children. He wanted to send them away to some private boarding school. She said that was the first time he really beat her.

She told me how he beat her with his belt. He did it because she reminded him they were her girls, not his, and she would decide, not him, what schools they went to. That was the night she knew she was in real trouble. He threw her on the bed, ripped off her nylons and panties, and used his belt to flay her behind. He made deep red stripes and cuts on her cheeks. After that he started slapping her and hitting her. That was when she started to deliberately keep the girls as far away from him as she could. Whenever they went anywhere or did anything she made sure the girls didn't go.

All the things Eugenie told me about Gilchrist made me feel sad and angry, but I felt she'd brought a lot of that on herself. I listened but I didn't feel much empathy.

I think the most heartrending things she delved into were her feelings about me and the girls; that was when she confessed her darkest secrets. I was right about almost everything. Maia's cancer terrified her; it almost destroyed her. I do remember her crying and how I held her close at night when we went through Maia's first bought of treatments, but after the second go round when I was sick I wasn't there for her. She started to blame me for Maia's cancer and my being sick.

She ended up hating me and hating the girls, and yes she did sometimes wish she'd never gone to see me when she found out she was pregnant. She confessed if she hadn't gone to find me she could have gotten an abortion and none of the things that happened after that would have occurred. There never would have been a marriage, she never would have had any children, and she would never have had to deal with the responsibilities of family life and motherhood. She could have become a lawyer, made a lot of money, and married a famous celebrity. That was when she cried the hardest because she loved me so much, and she loved our children more than her own life. She obsessed about her feelings of guilt.

I really felt her pain in those times. I tried to reassure her they were just fantasies driven by stress and desperation, she'd been overwrought, and in despair. I tried to console her; I explained everybody has bad thoughts. I told her to try to stop focusing on her guilt feelings; I told her how much the girls loved her, and how they adored her. I think that might have made Eugenie feel even worse.

Hell, I didn't know what to say. My feelings for her were confused. I hated her, but I still loved her. She'd destroyed years of hard work, but the things of real value were the little people asleep in the other room, and they were safe and sound. I knew we had to go on. I knew it could never be like it was, but my future, her future; our futures were intrinsically and irrevocably intertwined. No we couldn't go back, but we had keep trying, our girls deserved the best we could give.

So now I'm lying here. I'm awake; it's 4:00 in the morning on a Saturday. Tomorrow, actually later today, my mom, my ex-wife and my three kids we're all going to another wedding. Another much younger cousin I never knew I had is getting married. So as I look up at the ceiling I'm thinking; isn't it funny how things had just sort of come around almost full circle.

I thought about a lot of things. I'd married a self-admitted slut, but we'd had a near perfect marriage until the leukemia and the MRSA. I believed stronger marriages than ours had collapsed under the weight of lesser misfortunes.

I thought I'd held up pretty good for a guy who'd lost everything. I mean I'd lost my wife, all our property, and for a while I couldn't even see my kids. But I'd never lost my self-respect. I'd been pretty good. I never doubted myself.

Did I ever wonder if the dentist was ever any good in bed? Sure I did. But did I wonder if he was better? No, not once; first he was already a two time loser, and second I knew Eugenie's problems never had anything to do with our sexual activity. Oh she might have said some things, but she said a lot of things over the years. She'd been quite a bitch from time to time, but I was no angel either. No the sex had always been good. I always knew, and know, how to ring her chimes. Her infidelity was a symptom of her despondency more than anything.

Did I feel pissed? Sure did! But I was a martial artist, and the centerpiece to any of those art forms is never how many boards someone can break, or who has the highest fastest kick; it's about who has the most self-control. Pissed Yes! Out of control? Never! A man must learn to control himself in times of great stress. Then again I do wish the policeman had been a little later arriving at the dentist's house that night.

Will Eugenie and I ever get married again? I know she'd say yes in a New York minute. I know the girls all would be ecstatic. Do I want to do that? Do I want the aggravation, the grief, and the uncertainty? I don't know. I just don't know. Sometimes I'm happy we're just here together. Then there're other times I remember all the pain and unhappiness.

One thing I do know. I love my ex-wife. I don't want to lose her, not again, and we need to find some way to get these kids what they want and deserve. I'm still young. I've been thinking. I'm a math teacher. I know numbers. I'm not stupid. I could still teach and also start my own business. After all what have I got to lose? I know this; if I do I'll have a very reliable secretary. She sleeps with me every night. In fact she's cuddled up beside me right now.

Life does seem to have a way of just going on. I'm going to hope and pray for the best.

The end.

A follow up for anyone still there.

I prefer a Hallmark ending. I really wanted to end this story on a happier note, but I think Chase turned out to be a pretty stalwart fellow, and I think we got a pretty clear picture of Eugenie's difficulties. And last, needless to say, as with nearly everything I write on this site my protagonist will always put his children first.

One more thing; any political references were strictly for the story so if you decide to comment don't get sidetracked. And oh yeah, Gilchrist was a dentist; don't read anything into that either.