The Diary of Mark Jones Pt. 01

This is the beginning of many parts. You may find it a slow set up, but I think the character development is necessary, as is the plot development.

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MONDAY 21st JUNE

I saw her at first across the hall as her heels clicked sharply while she walked. She was wearing long black pants with one of those white almost see through blouses that cling to the skin. All of this I noticed almost immediately. What stood our more than anything else though, was her hair. Gorgeous red curls that flowed almost half way down her back.

She was walking away from me and I wondered briefly who she was, but then returned to my computer screen and hit send on the monthly report to my CEO. But you don't want to know about that.

My therapist thinks keeping a journal of my more intimate thoughts will be beneficial to me. It will help me let things out in the open rather than holding on to them.

Sandy doesn't know I noticed the red head, honestly I don't know if she would care that I did. She doesn't like to talk to me much these days. Too self-conscious or something.

TUESDAY 22nd JUNE

I saw her again. Her names Tanya. She has one of those almost immediately disarming smiles. You know, the kind someone throws your way and you instantly want to just say hi and invite them for a coffee. So i did. She's the new secretary for my CEO, Tom. Hired yesterday, interviewed a couple of weeks ago apparently - although I didn't know.

Anyway, Sandy and I talked a little today. She says she wants to talk more but doesn't know how. Feels I'm always judging her because she's never able to provide what I need. She's talking about the sex of course. After five years of trying I'm just nearly at an end of my rope. Sometimes I initiate and she's too tired, or feels too sick, or is afraid it will hurt, or just not in the mood. Once she even stopped half way through, told me it was a lot of fun but she needed to sleep. I know my therapist says I need to talk to her about that, but I have before. What good will it do now to bring it up again? It'll just hurt Sandy more. I can't do that. I won't.

WEDNESDAY 23rd JUNE

I love her perfume. Tanya's. It kind of lingers when she leaves. She stopped by for coffee today, I can clearly remember her legs as she perched on the end of my desk. She has green eyes and they kind of crinkled as she laughed. I can't remember why she laughed; probably a corny joke I shared.

When I arrived home from work Sandy was here too. We kissed, but she drew away. She just doesn't enjoy kissing. Something happened when she was younger. I'm sure it was some kind of abuse, but I didn't know that before I married her and I thought we didn't have sex before marriage because she wanted to wait. I was respecting her. I was clueless there'd be no sex after marriage either. And the fact she doesn't even like kissing. I know I'm not bad at that, but it does make me doubt myself. Maybe she's really fine with any physical intimacy and I'm just not who she needs. Perhaps I just can't touch her the way she desires. I don't know. What I do know is that it's not working right now. But it's only day 3. This could take months, even years. Or so says the therapist.

THURSDAY 24th JUNE

Nothing happened today. Can't remember anything worth writing anyway.

FRIDAY 25th JUNE

As I was locking my office, Tanya came by. She brought me my favorite blend of coffee. It's Brazilian and I picked it up during my last trip there. No idea how she knew I liked it. Probably mentioned it in conversation or something I'm sure. Anyway, I'll keep it at the office so it's here in the morning. I can just smell that blend.

As she gave it to me our fingers touched briefly and I caught her eye. It was one of those moments where there's a slight surge of electricity and then our touch parted. She smiled demurely, I swear there was a hint of a blush and I moved on quickly. I can't linger on that particular feeling.

Sandy and I went for a walk tonight. It was brisk but fun. Then she pleased me. Stroked my penis. Gave me a wank. It was good but frustrating. I want more. It's her I want to touch. Sexual release is one thing. Intimacy is something else entirely.