The Diary of Mark Jones Pt. 03

FRIDAY 2nd JULY

Tanya never saw me today and I'm grateful. This morning I was tormented by thoughts of the kiss and her sweet, alluring, seductive body. I wanted her.

But now it is night and Sandy lays sleeping peacefully and soundly by my side. The lamp is on and I can see her face in its soft warm glow. Her dark hair is tucked behind her ears and I can barely make out the brown skin of her neck where the blanket does not hug her body quite as tightly.

I want her. I want my wife. I want my wife in ways I do not believe she can conceive. I want to offer her my strength, want to smell her scent upon my body, within the deep inhalations of my breathing chest. I want to feel her legs part as my mouth offers sweet kisses of peace upon the wet folds of her intimate desire. I want to feel the shape of her thighs as my fingers spread her shapely figure in their purposeful exploration of her need.

I want this because I know what it will mean. I want her to feel the offered strength my soul brings when my manhood first slides between her tight but moistened sex. I want her to feel the rhythmic pulses of compassion as we slide together. I want her breasts to know the touch of her man as his tongue slides across each nipple, circling in ever more beautiful patterns and caresses.

I want her to feel the urgent release of her anxiety and worry as shuddering waves of pleasure push them from her being. I want her to understand the merging minds of two forgiven souls locked in delicate embrace, as much about the unity of thoughts and desires as the stimulated coital love of sex.

I want her to know the shielded embrace of a lover she has frozen out from within her personal prison. To know that escape.

I want her body, want her beauty, want her soul.

SATURDAY 3rd JULY

It started bright enough. I made breakfast for Sandy and she enjoyed it, flashing me that winsome smile that once captured my heart. We ate our food with laughter, and made small talk about the day. In the afternoon we napped together and I felt her body against mine. We were, it seemed, at peace.

In the evening we fought about sex. She wants a child and I will not give it to her, not until we have experienced love making consistently again without the need to make one. I will admit, this is my own concern; that I will be used just to make a mother of her - and then cast aside. If I am honest, I realize that this sexual tension had wounded me too. I wonder now, if she does desire me? I question if she does want me? Is she sexually aroused by me? Should I be offended if I am boring to her? Friendship is nice, but I didn't get married for friendship. I married for love. Yes, for the friendship kind, but also for the eros kind. The kind I feel for her.

SUNDAY 4th JULY

Independence Day y'all. It was a fun day but tiring. We went to visit Sandy's family. It was fun and the food was great, but it left us both very tired.

MONDAY 5th JULY

Work again. I saw Tanya in the hallway. She smiled, I smiled back. As we passed she gave a small wave with her fingers. A coy one which brought a tint of red to her cheeks as she turned. I fought the urge to watch her ass sway as she walked, and I strode quickly to my office. Tom called me and asked if Tanya and I could take a trip out of town. Our last one had been successful and he thought that we made a great team. Together we might bring some business from out of state. I told him I'd think about it and he frowned, wondering why I wouldn't jump at the chance -the free hotel and the extra money.

That's what did it. Sandy wanted money and this could bring more in. She'd be less stressed, less tense, perhaps more willing to let go of the anxiety she hid inside. Tom smiled, he wanted his best man on the job.

We will leave on Friday. For the weekend.