The End And The Beginning of Me 04

I stopped staring at my plate, raised my head and looked straight at him "What do you mean we started on the wrong foot? I didn't lie to you. When would I even have had time to lie to you?"

"Remember our chat at the café? I'm sure you do. It wasn't that long ago. Well, when I ask a question I expect to get the truth."

I kept looking directly at him "I don't know what you mean. Everything I told you was true. I had no reason to lie. Besides, what could I possibly have lied about?"

"I asked you why you became the invisible girl an..."

"And I told you" I jumped in not letting him finish his sentence. "I didn't lie."

"Lying by omission is still lying. Who is Mark? And before you answer I'll just point out that you are a sleep talker. Just in case you didn't know"

Mark! That name just made me sick. I pushed away my plate, got up from the table and went to sit on the sofa.

Even with my back turned to him I could feel his eyes following me, taking in every move I made. I could just imagine him as a wolf, carefully hidden in the trees silently watching as his prey goes about its business oblivious of the imminent danger. Sitting down I avoided looking in his direction and just stared and the turned off TV while playing with my ring.

"Are you going to tell me what I said in my sleep?"

"No. So, who is Mark?"

"My ex. Mr. Prince charming himself. At least, he was in the beginning. Look, I don't know what you want me to say, we were together, then he found someone else and we weren't together anymore. It's like I told you before, either I was too much or I wasn't enough."

"He doesn't sound like prince charming to me. He didn't sound like it last night either"

"What do you want?! I mean really, why are you here? What's the point of all these games and riddles and... Oh, I don't know everything! What do you want from me?! I told you, he's gone. What's the point of talking about him?" by now I was fighting to hold back the tears. I sure as hell wasn't going to cry in front of this stranger.

Is he a stranger though? I'm not so sure anymore. But I don't even know his name. My mind was in frenzy and then all of a sudden I noticed the silence. He wasn't saying anything, and I half expected him to get up and do something annoying like he did last night. I turned to look at him but he just stared at me from his chair at the table without saying a word.

It was a deep silence. The kind of silence that begs to be filled with sound. Any sound. After a couple of minutes I just couldn't take the silence any more. "He wasn't good for me. I thought he was. I was wrong. I pushed myself to be more than I thought I can be because he kept saying that I'm not good enough. And once I was more than before he said I was too much. That he couldn't handle me anymore and so he left. Not before he made sure to tell me how I ruined everything." He still said nothing. Just kept looking at me and waited as if my explanation wasn't enough. I knew it wasn't but I really didn't feel like talking about this anymore.

I turned my head looking for the TV remote and as I moved my hand towards it I heard his chair move a little and I stopped. He still wasn't saying anything and the silence was driving me crazy. Fixing my gaze on my ring and twisting it with my other hand I felt the words come out in an attempt to fill the space with noise. "I don't know what I was saying in my sleep. But the last time we talked was after I found out about the other woman. Honestly, I didn't care. At that point I was just happy to have him out of my life and I told him that. Things were said and he left." I finally turned to look at him "there, satisfied now?"

"Not good enough. Try again."

I could feel my frustration bubbling to the surface but I knew what he meant so I just took a deep breath, pulled my knees up to my chest and stared at an invisible spot on the floor. "I may have told him something about his manhood and the fact that the only way he can keep a woman around is by making her feel worthless without him. He got really angry and tried to show me what a man he is. I ended up with a black eye, he ended up with black and blue balls." I was smirking now "I think I won."

I heard the chair scrape the floor and he sat down on the opposite side of the sofa. Close but too close. The perfect distance in that moment. "If you won why give up? Not everyone is an idiot like him."

"I know. I just don't think I can do this again. Besides, I'm not sure I'm cut out for the whole relationship thing. I can be very stubborn sometimes and I tend to argue about things"

"No shit!"

I looked at him smiling "Yes shit!"

"I like that smile. It goes well with your face. You need to smile more"

He got off the sofa and went back to the kitchen to re-heat our dinner while I sat there watching this strange man owning the kitchen as if he were in his own home. This was such a weird situation and yet somehow felt normal. Just a couple having dinner. Except we weren't a couple, I didn't even know his name. I didn't know anything about him. Although that wasn't really true was it?

What did I know about him?

He's smart. His eyes spoke of cunning intelligence and wit. They were dark but not dangerous. Not to me. He calls himself the wolf and I can see why. He walks like an Alpha wolf, aware of his surroundings at all times and aware of his place in it - at the top. No fear, no hesitation... no, take that back. There is something there, maybe not fear but something else; I wish I could put my finger on it. He's so fucking good at looking calm and in control.

The noise of plates being placed on the table and the chair being moved brought me back to the moment and I went to sit at the table. We were facing each other but while I could feel him looking at me I focused on my plate. I was trying to steal a few glances at him when I thought he wasn't looking but he was always looking and smiling that annoying smile of his. The one that says I know you're uncomfortable and I love it. The one that makes me so angry and annoyed and frustrated because I know it's true.

He still wasn't saying anything. I guess he wasn't joking when he said this is my opportunity to talk and ask him questions. If only I knew what to ask..."So" I said. Finally looking at him "what happens now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, forget that. It wasn't a proper question anyway."

"No. It was and I want to know what you mean. So just say it."

"What happens now? I mean, we finish dinner and then what? You go home? You stay here watching me sleep again? We start dating like those couples at the café? I don't know what to expect from you. I'm pretty sure dating is not an option. Besides I think we're past that already. So what happens now?"

"It depends. It's up to you. What do you want to happen?" And then I saw it in his eyes. The brief, tiny flash of tension and anticipation gone almost as soon as it appeared. Almost. "I told you. I don't know. I thought you were joking when you said those things about king of the castle"

"dungeon"

"whatever. But I'm not sure you were."

"I wasn't."

"But I don't know what that means. I mean, I've got a basic idea but that's about it."

"And?"

"And I don't know. I'm not sure how it's supposed to go. What you want me to do and what happens when I don't. I have a tendency not to really follow instructions."

"I noticed."

"And besides..."

"Yes?"

"Nothing. Silly really. Never mind."

"Look, the only way this can really work is if you tell me what's on your mind. I can't answer un-asked questions."

"umm...please don't take this the wrong way but I find you a little intimidating." He started laughing again and his face lit up. "Good. I told you you're smart. I am intimidating. But I'm not dangerous. Not to you anyway." He got up, took the plates and put them in the sink.

"I think it's time I'll be leaving. It's getting late and you have a lot to think about. But until you make your final decision I have a few tasks for you. First, you need to go shopping for clothes. Nothing baggy and grey. Tomorrow anything that doesn't fit you is being thrown out. Second, if you are going to work at the café, the corner booth is off limits. Understand?" He must have seen the change in my expression "Don't argue about this! I will throw away your baggy old clothes and you'll have nothing to wear but this lovely red dress of yours and if I see you sitting in that booth I'll lock you in the house again. Understood?"

"Yes! Understood! Sheesh!"

"What did that fork ever do to you except feed you when you were hungry?"

"What?"

"The fork in your hand. What did it do to you?"

"Nothing"

"Then why are you abusing it like that?" He was wearing his smug smile again as I noticed that I've managed to bend the fork almost completely out of shape.

"Angry much?" He asked as he was about to leave the apartment. "Yes!"

"Good! Good night. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Wait! I don't even know your name."

"It's Adam."

"I'm..."

"Danielle. I know" he said as he left the apartment and closed the door behind him.

I kept sitting there for a few minutes trying to get my thoughts sorted. No luck there, I may as well just do the dishes and go to bed. At least the dishes won't take me long. Two glasses, two plates and one fork. Two. It's been a while since there were two of each in this sink, maybe too long. I shook my head as I got up. I can't believe I am even thinking about this. I don't even know for sure what this is. Oh well, a nice shower and a good sleep might help clear my mind.

I get to the sink and I see a small note on the counter. When did he put it there? This is my phone number. Feel free to call me if you have any more questions or an answer. A big grin appeared on my face. Got you now mister! So he wants me to call him with an answer. He'll just have to wait. I may be a little rusty but I can play games too.

I finished the dishes in no time, took my laptop with me and got ready for bed. I don't usually use the laptop in the bedroom but I decided to do my own research before I go to sleep. Words like BDSM and dominance weren't new to me. Mark (ugh!) used to think of himself as a dominant man and I liked the sound of that. Turns out he was just an abusive man. But it did leave me a little wary of this whole concept. Adam on the other hand... Adam. A great name. I always loved that name, short and melodic somehow... I shake my head to remove the stray thoughts and get back on track.

Where was I? Adam. Right! Adam. He sure is a dominant man and I like that. I think that's what attracted me to him in the first place. But most of the things I saw here are scary and he is too. I mean he chocked me till I passed out for fuck's sake. But he didn't hurt me. Not really. What if he will? He won't. Can I be sure he won't? It depends I suppose on the definition of hurt. All these sites and articles! Some are actually interesting. Others are Hell No! But he won't hurt me like Mark (ugh!) did. What if he gets tired of me? What if I'm not enough? What if he's expecting some doe eyed girl that will do everything he says all the time? I can't do that. And I argue a lot. And why would he even want to be with me and all my stupid baggage? What if this all a game for him? I can feel my defenses dropping a little and the tears are on the verge of forming. I'm not sure I can take it if this is only a game. I feel my heart racing and I put the laptop down. I think I'm having a panic attack. Is this what a panic attack feels like? I need some air. Now!

I quickly got dressed and out of the apartment for some fresh air. As I got out of the building my breathing slowed down a little but I was still hyperventilating. I moved to sit on the small stone wall next to the building. There was no one around, the street was completely empty and quiet, it must have been later than I thought. I was in such a hurry to get out I didn't even look at the clock. Not that it would have mattered. I was in no state to think about that anyway.

I still wasn't able to calm myself so I decided to take a short walk down the street. After a few minutes I saw someone jogging in my direction on the other side of the street. I continued walking but something didn't feel right anymore. I turned around but there was no one behind me and the jogger was long gone by now. At that point I really wished I had thought of taking my phone with me. I decided I had enough fresh air and turned around to go back to the apartment.

By the time my building was in sight I was so on edge that when a cat passed by I almost screamed. As soon as I got over the cat scare an arm was thrust around my neck rear chocking me while a hand covered my mouth. My hands shot up to grab the arm around my neck in a futile, desperate attempt to break away. I tried to remember self-defense techniques I saw once online but I could barely think straight. "Stop fighting! I said Stop fighting!"

That voice! As soon as I realized it was Adam I put my hands down. He removed the hand from my mouth and forcefully spun me around to face him. "What the fuck are you doing outside at this hour?"

"I had to..." I started to say but he just grabbed my arm and started pulling me toward the building. "Wait! You're going to fast!" I was scrambling to keep up and my arm was beginning to hurt. "STOP! Please!"

He slowed down just enough to let me keep up but he kept pulling me towards my apartment without saying a word. Once we were in he pushed me down on to the sofa and stood towering above me with a look in his eyes so dark and menacing that instantly reminded me of the night we met. "What the fuck were you doing outside at that hour?" his voice between a shout and a growl. "What if it wasn't me out there? Do you have any idea what could have happened?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't think it was that late. I just really needed to get out of here for a while. I... um...I think I was having a panic attack. I wasn't thinking straight. I really needed to get out of here."

"A panic attack? Why?"

"Well, after you left I started looking at stuff on the internet. You know, trying to get answers to some things on my mind and one thing led to another and next I knew is I needed to be out."

"Did you see the note I left you?" I nodded "Them why didn't you call me instead of going to the internet?"

Oh fuck! I really don't want to go there but I don't think I have a choice. Oh fuck! "hmm... I had a feeling you would really enjoy yourself at my expense if I called you tonight so I decided to keep you waiting and not call tonight so I left your number in the kitchen."

He sat down next to me and in one swift movement grabbed me and pulled me over his knees. "What the fuck are you doing?! Let me go!"

"I told you I'd spank you. I just didn't think it was going to be this soon. Do you realize your silly game could have ended really badly? And you could have saved yourself the panic attack too." I tried to push myself off of him but he held me firmly in place.

"Stop moving or I will just spank you more and harder. You're lucky I'm letting you keep your clothes on. Now stop moving!"