The End of Evil Ch. 12

As she drove home, Donna thought about Bob's words about looking through the gates of hell, feeling all the things that she had thought were true somehow being bent and distorted by the lenses of pain and injustice. A random thought crossed her mind, that it must be this experience; this standing too close to the flame was what had twisted R. P. Sanders into the thing she was. She wondered to herself as she pulled into garage if evil begat evil. Her pain eased as she saw Junie open the door and come out to meet her, Bob following behind her. She smiled to realize that there was an antidote to the disturbance in her spirit. She sighed as she felt them lift her from the car and wrap their arms around her, "Oh god, I needed this."

Again Donna found herself needy for the gentle loving contact of the ones she loved to ease the sense of dissonance that seemed to keep her on edge. She was amazed to find herself asking for some time on the teeter board, craving to feel the intense connection that balancing with Junie meant, craving the focus and peace that the equilibrium brought.

When Bob lifted the flogger she found herself reluctant, "Master, I have experienced too much pain today. This feels wrong; I beg that you spare me this." When Junie volunteered to bear the lash Donna found herself blinking and turning away, unable to find pleasure in the sounds and sight of Junie's submission, sensing echoes of Monica's terror and agony in her heart.

Sadly, Donna started to slip out of the room when Bob turned, his face concerned, "Is this feeling wrong to you as well, my goddess?"

Donna blinked and nodded, for the first time a tear slipping down her face. "All I can feel is sadness and horror right now. I cannot sense our girl's surrender or pleasure."

Junie whimpered and choked out, "I am sorry." Then she turned to Bob, "Untie me, please. We need to stop." Once again Donna found herself enfolded in the arms of her lovers and something slipped inside her and she began to cry, soft deep sobs. She clung to them tightly and let the tears flow down her face.

When she calmed, Bob lifted her chin, "Is this too hard? Is going to this trial dangerous?"

Donna took a deep shuddering breath. "It is very dangerous. But it is like something started that I need to finish. If I stop going now, I will never find closure. I almost feel like I would have this seed of evil planted in me and, without the finish, it would stay and grow. Somehow I know once it is over, it will be exorcized. But until then I will be wounded and I will need your love to survive."

Bob gently kissed her face, "I will respect your wisdom, my goddess. Junie and I will limit our play for when you are not home. We will save all our love for you." He kissed her more deeply and looked into her eyes. "So, my goddess, do you think you can find your pleasure?"

Donna giggled a tiny, giddy, gulping laugh, "I hope so."

Together Bob and Junie gently urged her to their bedroom, their hands and lips caressing her skin, soothing her spirit. There was no feeling of dissonance, just soft gentle relaxation and healing as she lay back and let them worship her. Again she murmured, "Oh god, I needed this."

In the morning all three got ready and drove the SUV down to the courthouse. They parted ways and Bob and Junie went to wait in the room assigned to her. Junie had brought some cards, a jigsaw puzzle, magazines, and a crochet project she was working on. When she was packing her bag, she complained, "I wish I could bring knitting. I like knitting so much better than crocheting." Knitting needles were on the long list of restricted items not allowed into the courthouse, along with knives, matches, scissors and dozens of other things.

Agent Durant was not at the courtroom door, but the bailiff, Billy, true to his word, came and got Donna a few minutes before the doors opened. Donna tried to ask him how long he had known Agent Durant, but he laughed and joked, "Too long, way too long." And then she was inside and he was heading off in another direction. Again, Agent Durant was there before her. She sat down next to him and looked at him, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"How do you do this day in and day out, year after year, and not let it get to you?"

"Sometimes it does get to me, ma'am. I focus that energy into trying to bring the bad guys to justice. I go to church. I talk to god." He made a wry face, "I drink a beer at the end of my day. It is not so much the alcohol as the ritual. I know that when I have that beer I don't have to think about it anymore. It took years to learn how not to think about it, though." He turned to look at Donna, "This is harder than you thought it would be, isn't it?"

Donna nodded, "Yes, I was all excited to see the show and learn about what happens. I had no idea how it would tear at my spirit. I am just a wreck when I get home every night."

"Would it make you feel better to know that you are going through exactly what every green FBI agent goes through when they start this job? It's a normal reaction to feel overwhelmed by the tragedy."

Before Donna could ask how many green FBI agents end up quitting, the bailiff called the court to order. Monica was wearing a simple white blouse and a plaid skirt. Her hair was down and looked fine and wispy around her face. She nervously kept pushing it back behind her ears. Again she carefully avoided looking at the defense table, keeping her eyes on David.

Dan Cavalier stood up and walked back and forth a couple of times, apparently lost in thought. He turned and looked at Monica and asked, "Miss Bond, how many different sexual partners have you had?"

Donna felt herself stiffen and then became aware that there was a general intake of breath in the courtroom. Monica looked at Mark Freeden, her eyes wide and pleading, but when he didn't object she answered, "Three."

"Is that counting Sam Card?"

A wave of muttered protests swept across the courtroom. Donna felt a surge go through Agent Durant's body and he made a low grunt like he had been hit in the stomach. Instantly Mark Freeden was on his feet objecting and simultaneously the judge's gavel was rapping sharply on her bench. The judge leaned over and snapped to Monica, "Do not answer that question, young lady." The judge gave the defense attorney a baleful look, "That was way over the line. I ruled you could question this witness as to her sexual history so you could establish somehow that the defendant may have had some explanation for his actions. I did not make that ruling so you could just hurt her all over again. You will limit your questions to sexual history prior to the crime and only to those sexual experiences that would have some bearing on the crime."

Dan Cavalier smiled at the judge and shrugged. He turned to Monica, "Okay, prior to the crime, did you agree to meet with the man your boyfriend called James Conrad with the sole purpose of having sex with him?

Monica's voice was quavering, "Yes."

"Have you had sex with a stranger before?"

"No."

"Your former boyfriend said you refused to do this at first. But you changed your mind. Why did you change your mind?" "Harry said he knew the guy. He said that he wanted me to do this."

"But your boyfriend said you refused to let him do a lot of things. You refused to let him tie you up. You refused to let him spank or whip you. You could have continued to refuse, why didn't you? "

Monica looked confused, "That's not true. I did let him do those things once. Harry always said I should try things first before I reject the idea."

"But you did not like them?"

"No."

"Were you the one that said that you would only have straight or oral sex, nothing kinky and that the man you were meeting must use a condom?"

"Yes and that I could leave at anytime I wanted."

"Did you tell these rules to the man you were meeting?"

"No, sir, my boyfriend did."

"How do you know your boyfriend told the man these rules?"

Monica was looking a little irritated, but she took a deep breath, "My boyfriend told me that the man had agreed to these rules. I believed him."

"But he lied to you when he said he knew the man."

Monica did not answer and Donna realized it had not been a question. She was very impressed that Monica was so controlled on the stand. Dan Cavalier looked at Monica, "Did you find the idea of meeting a stranger for sex erotic?"

Monica took a deep breath, "At the time, yes."

"Not anymore?"

Monica looked at the defense attorney and without looking at the defendant she pointed a quivering finger at him, "That man took a knife and cut my vagina to pieces. I have spent the last year in and out of the hospital getting it put back together again. I have nerve damage; I can't feel down there anymore. So, no, I don't find anything erotic anymore!" Her voice was shrill and angry.

Donna could see the jury looking at Monica, their expressions a mix of concern and sympathy. Donna looked to see that Sam Card was looking at Monica, but instead of smiling, he had a puzzled frown on his face.

The defense attorney seemed to ignore Monica's outburst. "So when you went to the hotel room, were you excited about having sex with that man?" He pointed at the defendant.

Monica took a deep angry breath. "When I went to the hotel room I was scared and nervous. I was not feeling sexual at all."

"Why did you go in?"

"I don't know. I guess it was because I said I would and I did not want my boyfriend to think I was a prude. He was pretty much fed up with all my saying no to the things he wanted to do."

"So after you went in, the first thing the defendant did was to push you to the floor?"

"Yes and he cut my face. He threatened to cut me again if I screamed." "After he tied you to the bed, after he gagged you, he would talk to you about liking it?"

"Yes, but I was gagged; I could not say I did not like it. I could only shake my head. But he kept doing it."

"But when he asked if you wanted to fuck, you nodded yes?"

Monica's voice was quivering with emotion, and Donna was amazed to realize she was more angry than anything else. "Yes, but only because I thought it meant he would stop cutting me. I was cut all up and down my legs, breasts and stomach. I was afraid of dying; I just wanted him to put down the knife. Instead he used it to rape me. After that I started hoping I would die, just to make the pain stop."

The defense attorney returned to his table. "I have no further questions."

Mark Freeden stood and approached Monica, "I have only one more question for you, Miss Bond. I am going to show a knife and ask if it looks like the knife that the defendant used to cut you." He picked up a plastic bag that held a knife, "I want to put into evidence this knife. Miss Bond, does this look like the knife that Sam Card cut you with?" Monica looked at the knife and nodded, "Yes, it looked just like that."

"Could it have been this knife?"

"Yes, sir."

The District Attorney held up the knife to the courtroom and there was a ripple of movement in the gallery as people leaned forward and jockeyed for vantage points, all looking at the knife that Donna knew Junie found in her car. Donna realized that the big District Attorney had waited to introduce this piece of evidence until now because Junie would be next.

When Monica left the room Judge Waldenback looked at the clock and announced to the court, "I am going to adjourn for the noon break now. Be back at 1:00." Agent Durant turned to Donna and with a clear warning in his eyes said, "I promised Monica I would eat lunch with her today." He looked grim, "Her mother will be there too. Nothing personal, but I just don't want to deal with anyone else today." Donna was tempted to joke with him about being tired of her company, but she just shrugged, "Bob and Junie are here at the courthouse. Don't worry about me, I will have company. Where are you planning to eat so we won't accidentally run into you? If Monica and Junie see each other we won't be able to keep them apart."

Agent Durant laughed, "I was thinking about Thai. There is a place up on 5th that I was going to take her to."

Donna nodded, "Okay, we will head the other direction." David Durant gave her a grateful look. "There is a sushi place down that way and a good Italian place."

"Well, I will let Bob and Junie decide, but I think Tiramisu sounds yummy. I will see you at 1:00." Once she was in the hall, Donna dug out her phone and called Junie, "Meet me in the hall, sweet Junie, the judge broke early for lunch. Come on out of your hidey hole." Donna's heart warmed when she heard Junie giggle before they hung up.

When Junie caught sight of Donna, she squealed and waved eagerly. She grabbed Bob's hand and practically dragged him to where her Mistress stood. Donna looked carefully at Junie, and saw she was tense to almost the breaking point, yet had a frenetic brittle energy that was making her eyes too bright, her face flushed, and a fixed, brittle grin twisted her face into a frightened clown's mask. Taking Junie's hand, she made a soft hushing sound before Junie could speak, "Take a deep breath, girl; you have yourself all wound up."

Junie took the breath, inhaling quickly and thoughtlessly, her eyes wide and scanning the people around them. Her voice was distracted, "Do you think Monica is here? Could we have lunch with her?"

Donna shot Bob a frustrated look, "No, Junie, we are not going to have lunch with Monica today. Look at me, take another breath slower and deeper this time." While she spoke softly, this time Donna's voice took on her cool icy tone.

Junie looked at Donna and blinked and for the first time her brittle smile faltered. She muttered, "I am sorry, Ma'am." Junie took a deep, slow breath and released it slowly.

Handing Junie her briefcase, she said coolly, "Carry this for me." Then she took Bob's arm and turned and walked towards the exit, ignoring Junie as she walked along behind them. Donna looked up at Bob and asked, "What have you two been up to? She is about to self-destruct and we have not even started."

Bob gave her a helpless look, "She was sitting really quiet, crocheting. I was reading. We weren't even talking. When her phone rang, she shrieked and came up off her chair like she had been electrocuted. She went from zero to this in an instant."

"Well, she is going to need to calm down or she is not going to be able to testify. Luckily we have a long break before we need to be back at the courthouse. Let's get something to eat and then take a walk. The waterfront looks like a good place to use up some of that energy."

They ended up at the Italian place and, after they sat down, Donna looked carefully at Junie again. Her eyes were still wide and glassy, but the ghastly grin was gone. "Okay, girl, tell me how you got yourself so wound up."

"I guess I was trying so hard to not be afraid, trying really hard to be calm. I was sitting there crocheting and crocheting, just doing the same stitch over and over, rehearsing the questions in my head. I guess I didn't even notice how tight I was holding myself, until my phone rang." Junie began to giggle, "I almost peed myself." Then she bit her lip, her eyes flooding with tears, "I am sorry. I am fucking up already." Her voice was strangled.

"Are you hungry?"

Junie shook her head, "No, Ma'am, I don't feel nauseous, but I don't feel like eating either."

"I am going to order you an Italian Soda. I want you to drink the whole thing. The sugar and extra fluid will do you good. What flavor do you want?"

Junie squirmed in her seat and looked at the menu, "Um... lemon?"

"Good girl. We will have time for a walk before we need to be back." Donna looked seriously at Junie, "Monica just got done with her testimony and she was awesome. She really kicked ass."

Junie smiled tremulously, "That's good."

Bob and Donna ate pasta with fresh tomatoes and garlic, soaking up the olive oil with French bread while Junie sipped on her drink through a straw. Donna ordered Tiramisu for both her and Junie, and when Junie just picked at the rich dessert, ordered her to eat. "Eat, girl, you need something in your stomach. And this is too good to let it go to waste." Junie grimaced, but dutifully ate the whole thing.

Donna made Junie carry her bag again and they walked down to the riverfront and began to walk a little more quickly, taking longer strides. The low heels of her new shoes rapped sharply on the sidewalk. Junie's shorter legs made her have to hurry to keep up. It was cool and the clouds in the sky were low, but it looked like the rain was going to hold off for a while longer.

As they walked, Donna wondered that Bob had not taken such a strong lead in their circle since they had gotten to Portland. He seemed to be talking less and deferring to her decisions more. Yet there was a solid, reassuring presence about him. It was like he was content to stand back and observe, holding his power in reserve.

Dropping back, Donna took Junie's arm. Her voice was low and compelling, "You can be calm and brave at the same time, girl. You do not need to fight the fear and nervousness. Acknowledge it but, at the same time, decide that you will not let it push you. Think about the teeter board; think how impossible it is to balance when you try too hard. Think about how it feels when you relax and surrender and then you just start to float. When you are up on that witness stand I want you to look at me, look into my eyes and think about balancing." Junie slowed and stopped looking up at her Mistress with wonder in her eyes. Her voice was soft and strangely triumphant, "Oh, Ma'am, of course. It is that simple."

Donna looked at her watch and turned around, "Let's head back. I want to get there early enough to get my seat. I will be right behind the prosecutors table."

As they headed back, the sounds of several sirens went off. Instead of going away they seemed to get louder and closer. All three of them watched curiously as three police cars came down the street nearest the waterfront walk, driving fast, lights flashing and sirens blaring. It seemed like sirens were going off all over the city and they all seemed to be coming to the downtown area.

When they neared the courthouse it was obvious that whatever was going on was happening there. At least a dozen police cars were parked outside the building and a large crowd of people were gathering around the outside of the building. Donna could see that a cordon of uniformed police officers was blocking anyone from entering into the tall building. The crowd was growing quickly and milling nervously, Donna overheard someone say something about it maybe being a bomb scare. She pulled Junie and Bob to the back of the crowd and, pulling out her cell phone, tried to call Leena, but the call went directly to voicemail and then the phone notified her that the voice mailbox was full. Next she tried to call Agent Durant, but there was no answer.

Frustrated, Donna put her phone away and scanned the crowd, trying to see anyone she recognized to ask what the hell was going on. As she turned she jumped to see the slender form of the tattooed street girl standing next to her, an excited grin on her face. Leaning over Donna spoke into the girl's ear, "Do you know what is happening?"

"Word is some prisoner escaped."

"Do you know who?"

"The guy on trial, the one that cut that girl, Card."

Donna felt a rush of ice cold terror cascade down her body. "Fuck."

The girl looked at her in surprise, "Friend of yours?"

"More like an enemy."

The girl nodded knowingly and then turned to watch the excitement. Junie was nervously watching the people around them, too distracted to even notice that her Mistress was talking to someone else. Donna pulled Bob's head down and whispered furiously in his ear, "Rumor is that Sam Card has escaped. Don't tell Junie. Let's go home, now."