The End Pt. 01

"You two have been spending a lot of time together," Wanda said to Carlie when they were alone at lunch. The group had been working together for a couple of months.

Carlie smiled. "And getting a lot of work done," she said, pointedly. Wanda rolled her eyes. "Well, doing a lot of that, too," Carlie added, smiling. "We connected from the moment we met. I honestly don't know why."

"How's the work going? The real work that we all came here to do?" Wanda teased.

"Really well. We've brainstormed with a couple of the teams and mapped out several scenarios for consideration. Each one has its own unique features and set of requirements. We think the group will like a couple of them."

"And then what?" Wanda asked.

"What do you mean?" Carlie asked.

"After all the decisions are made and the project actually begins? What about your scenarios?" Carlie looked puzzled, not sure what Wanda meant. "Where will you go? Where will he go?"

Carlie looked away from Wanda. She did not want Wanda to sense her real feelings. "I don't know." But Wanda could sense Carlie was sure of her feelings but not Marc's.

"I thought so," Wanda said quietly.

"I don't want to say good-bye but we will be working in different cities. I can't go with him. I've gotta get back to my own company. And he can't go with me."

"He could."

"How?"

"He could quit the project and go with you."

Carlie shook her head. "I would hate for him to do that. He's really excited about the project, and he would have to give up his share of the company. He needs that for his family."

Wanda was quiet. She tried to decide whether she should ask Carlie the bombshell question. "Yes, but does he need his family, anymore?" On the day Marc arrived at the 'retreat,' Wanda asked about his 'girls.' He gave her a bland, vague reply which consisted of, "They're OK." She sensed something was probably not OK, but she did not intrude on his family privacy.

"Oh, God. What are you suggesting? Wait, don't say it. He might want to leave them and be with me?" Wanda nodded, thinking it should be obvious to Carlie. It was, but Carlie did not want to admit it.

Wanda looked into Carlie's eyes. They had known each other a long time, but had never talked about their private lives. "He might. What about you - what would you want?"

"I don't know," Carlie lied.

"Yes, you do. Don't lie to yourself. You want to be with him."

Carlie's eyes began to fill with tears. This had become the most emotional event in her life since Jack died. It reminded her that she did not like emotions. She could handle other people's feelings, but not her own. "Yes, but that's so wrong. I can't allow it. He has to go back to them. I'd feel terrible if he didn't."

"But you'd feel worse if he did?" Wanda wanted Carlie to confront her deepest, conflicting feelings.

"Yes, dammit! I really want him, but I don't want him to hurt anyone else. He's not single, and I am. From the beginning, I knew this could only be temporary." No she didn't, Wanda thought. She didn't know or care what could happen. She just wanted it.

"Have you two talked about it?"

"No. I didn't want to break the spell by letting the real world in." That 'spell' had become the most important thing in her life. She was in love with Marc.

"Sooner or later, it's gonna have to come in. Doesn't mean you lose the spell. Maybe there's a way to keep it."

"There isn't. I'd have to keep him and I don't want to do that."

"Yes, you do."

"Yes, I do." She burst into tears. "What am I gonna do? I can't just send him home and never see him again. But I can't keep him, either. This is so fucked up." They were quiet for a few moments. Wanda patiently waited for Carlie to continue.

When she did not, Wanda asked, "You've been happy, haven't you?" Carlie nodded.

"Very happy. For the first time since I lost Jack," she said. This confirmed Wanda's suspicions about the depth of Carlie's real feelings.

"You're gonna have to talk to him and ask him what he wants and prepare yourself for an answer you might not like. That's what's keeping you from talking about it isn't it?" Carlie nodded.

"Yes, I might find out that he wants to end it and go home. I don't know if I can handle that."

"You're gonna have to find out, eventually."

"I know."

A month later, Carlie and Marc finished breakfast and were lounging in bed. "I wanted to talk to you about the end of phase one of the project," he said. Here it comes, she thought. "The next phase is to lay the groundwork. Find space, find staff, and stuff like that. And it means, you and me, well..."

"We'll be leaving here," she said tentatively.

He nodded and hesitated before he continued. "And I don't think I can do that," he said. He looked directly into her eyes, wanting to make sure she would hear what he was about to say right down in her soul. "I don't want to go anywhere without you."

She had no idea they felt the same way about each other. She thought this was just a fling that went horribly wrong when she fell in love with him. Now he revealed he was in love with her. That changed everything.

She put her arms around him. She decided to take the risk, be honest with him, and expose her true feelings. "I love you." They looked at each other. They both knew they had just stepped in a huge pile of shit.

"I don't want to go back. That's not my life anymore," Marc said. "It's somebody else's life, not mine." They had crossed a boundary. A moment ago they were two people with a boundary between them. Now they had a boundary around them; they were truly bound to each other.

"But they're your family," she pointed out. Now it was his turn to cry.

"I know, but I don't want them anymore. I want you. I would rather just pay child-support than go back and live with them knowing I really want to live with you."

"But your obligat-"

"Shut up about that!" His vehemence startled her. He apologized. They were quiet for a moment, and just looked at each other, struggling with their feelings.

She felt she had to lighten things. She smiled. "Well, do you think they would let me join your little harem?" she teased. He looked at her, and suddenly wanted to be inside her where he belonged. He pushed her back in the bed and she opened her legs for him. "Fuck me, baby," she said. "Give it all to me. I love you."

He entered her with a force and urgency he had never felt before. He felt he might lose her if he could not find a way to end his old life with Jane, Paula, and Julia. He wanted to be inside her, inside her womb, attached to her, inseparable so he could spend the rest of his life inside her world, a world he had come to love more than anything else in his life.

He finished, and they lay quietly for a time. She felt she had seen something new about him, but did not know what it was. The way in which he needed her thrilled her. His intensity would frighten most women, but she welcomed it. It was the way she had always wanted a man to desire her. Not just her body, her breasts, ass, vagina, lips, or eyes. But a deeper need for her 'allness' - for the essence of her being. Her Carlie-ness.

Marc wanted her right down to her soul. And she wanted to give it all to him, and keep nothing back. She wanted to be Marc's woman. She wanted him to be inside her even when he was not inside her. She wanted to feel him fucking her, loving her even if they were nowhere near each other. She wanted to feel his life coursing through her body, his passion thrusting into her, all the time, every waking moment, and even when she was asleep.

Finally, he said, softly, "I don't know what I should do."

She thought about it for a few moments, and then said, "I think you should go home. Stay for a few days. See how you feel when you're with them instead of me."

He sighed. "I don't know. They were mad at me when I left. We've only spoken a few times. They might not want me anymore."

"If you go back to them with that attitude, you're never gonna know your real feelings."

He nodded. "You're right."

"Think about it. Let me know when you decide."

He was quiet for the rest of the day. She hoped it was because he was lost in thought, and not because he was avoiding the decision he had to make.

When they were at dinner she asked, "Have you decided?" She was surprised when he nodded.

"I'm not going back. I don't need to see them again. I will arrange to send two-thirds of my income to them."

"Don't do that. It will be like you died. Think about it - Jane lost her husband to a car crash. I lost Jack in a plane crash. We both know what it's like when your husband dies. You were there for Jane when Walt died, right? If you never go back, it will be as if you died, too. Are you sure you want to do that to them? Think about it."

"You're making this complicated."

"This is important."

"The only other way I can see to do this is to go back and tell them the truth and say goodbye."

"Finally, we get an adult idea; one not based on avoidance."

"This is what you wanted?" he said. She nodded. "Why didn't you just say so?"

"The idea had to come from you, and it could appear only when you began to understand certain things. Now you have. I'm glad. I knew you could do it." She hugged him. He hoped she was right.