The Exarch & the Errand Girl Ch. 17

"I tried to teach Kiera all this, for years. She refused to learn. Yet she would have stood for Exarch because I expected it of her. And this council might have elected her merely because they believed in me. But I don't expect this of you, Rouran. It is a great deal in a very short amount of time, and a significant responsibility. You were not born for this life, you were not prepared to serve in this office as a child.

"And yet, I wish for you to serve. I hope you will serve. I believe you will make a fine Exarch. Better, perhaps, than my own daughter, though I know she is a capable woman herself. I believe that the city will flourish under your rule. Because you do not covet it, as I did when I was your age. Because you are not born to it, as I was. Because each time you have chosen to take a single step forward, you have traveled leagues further than anyone would have thought. In coming to Tia Vashil, in becoming my clerk, in investigating Sorcerer Arthir's murder, in just climbing this dias right now. And you can choose to take just another step further forward, and go another twenty leagues if you wish.

"But you must choose, Lady Rouran. You must choose for yourself, and for the city. No one here, not even me, can choose for you," he said.

He paused, and dropped his hands, taking both of hers in his.

"But whatever you choose, I know it will be the right choice."

Rouran went to say something, but floundered for words. A tear slipped out of her eye, and she felt like a fool in front of the entire court. Her own father had never said something half as...as prideful in her as Lord Ked had just said. It was not something she was used to hearing and she didn't know how to respond.

Still, Lord Ked had put the choice in front of her and she knew she must make her decision, one way or the other.

She folded Ked's hands together, squeezing them softly before letting him go and turning back to Mistress Heldi.

"House Metil—House vai Metil, I mean," she said. "Oh, shit."

There were giggles from the audience, and the voices stung Rouran's pride. She took a very deep breath, gathering herself, then raised her chin and looked Heldi in the eyes.

"House vai Metil stands for herself," she said.

Before Heldi could speak, Lord Islan cleared his throat.

"Chair Heldi, may I speak?"

"Now is not the time to make a case for your Exarchy, Lord Islan," said Heldi."

"That is not my intent, Mistress."

"Very well."

"Since the voting is against me, I wish to alter my vote. These things should be done with one voice. House vai Auin stands for House vai Metil."

Lady Kalo sighed.

"House vai Banda stands for House vai Metil as well," she said.

Heldi smiled.

"The Guild of Sorcerers of Tia Vashil recognizes Lady Rouran vai Metil as lawfully elected Exarch of the city of Tia Vashil by unanimous agreement of her peers. Lady Rouran, you are charged by the Guild with protecting the welfare of the citizens of Tia Vashil. You are the voice of the Vashili to the Guild and the voice of the Guild to the Vashili. The Guild urges you to remember the many great men and women that came before you and served their city loyally and true and charges you to do the same.Hum indi qul vashi; Our will is the world. And this is our will."

To Rouran's great surprise, there was another eruption of applause, this one not started by Lord Ked at all. The High Council of the Guild rose to its feet, the men and women of the Guild's leadership smiling at her as they clapped. Heldi reached forward and took her hand.

"Congratulations, Rouran," she said, low, so that only Rouran could hear. "I know you will do well."

"I have no idea what I'm to do," she said.

"Lord Ked had even less when he put the diadem on for the first time," laughed Heldi. "You will do much better."

She kissed Rouran on the cheek and then turned her around to face the crowd. Lord Ked, Lady Elina and Sir—Lord Tau were waiting to receive her, to lead down the dais. Lord Islan nodded at her, though he did not wait to join her in descending, not that she blamed him. He must have been furious. In the same instant she was raised to nobility, raised to the Exarchy. She glanced out into the crowd.

Somewhere out there, she realized, was Yvain.

* * *

The rest of the day had passed not unlike a hurricane, the sudden constant commotion and demands on her attention overwhelming her. The first order of business had to been to set a day for her formal coronation as Exarch, which would include a procession through the city, a city-wide holiday, and Rouran taking formal custody of the Exarch's diadem and baton, as well as sitting the Exarch's Bench in full view of the people of Tia Vashil.

Then there had been a dinner, and a dance, where it seemed like everyone of Noble blood without a spouse (and even a few with spouses) had wanted to dance with their new Exarch, to the point that it felt like one of the harvest dances back when Rouran was a girl. Back when Naklas had twirled her around a fire again and again until they were exhausted.

Except she hadn't been the center of attention back then. But in Tia Vashil, every eye watched her, studied her...every tongue seemed to be singing her praises, pouring sweetness into her ear, hailing her as the wise and glorious woman to lead the city forward into the next age.

Yet that evening, sitting in front of her mirror brushing her hair in the apartments she'd stayed in since becoming Lord Ked's clerk, she struggled to see what they did.

What she saw instead was a tired woman facing the end of her youth, wearing clothes too fine and the long hair of a widow.

There was a knock at the door, and when Rouran opened it, Lady Trali was standing there, her long nightgown and robes flowing around her, obscuring her feet and hands.

"I was expecting you to send a handmaid, my lady," said Rouran.

Lady Trali smiled, and the lines around her eyes bent in repose as she did.

"No, not for this request, Rouran," she said. "For this, I shall be your handmaid."

Rouran ushered her in, and Lady Trali floated into the room after her.

"Sit on the bench here, Rouran," said Lady Trali.

Rouran sat and Lady Trali took a seat behind her. She gathered up all of Rouran's hair in one hand.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yes," whispered Rouran.

"How much?" asked Trali.

"As long as yours," said Rouran.

She couldn't see Lady Trali behind her, but she could feel the other woman's smile. She heard the scissors she'd asked brought open, the blades whispering to each other as they did.

Her breath caught in her throat as she heard them close, the snip echoing in her ears as the weight her head seemed to lesson by half, and then another snip, and another, as Lady Trali made her way across Rouran's back, dismantling the Widow Metil as she went. Even when Rouran knew she was free of the great mass of hair, the scissors snipped away, extending her anticipation for a few agonizing minutes as Lady Trali trimmed and evened her hair.

"Finished," said Lady Trali.

Rouran leapt from her seat, flying to the mirror, glancing at her new reflection.

For a moment, there was a burning terror in her chest. She had made a horrible mistake, she thought. She had hated the length—hated how odd it made her look among the Vashili, hated how long it had taken to dry, hated how much care and maintenance it had taken from her every day.

But now she was free, and Rouran could not help but feel she'd regret it, that she already regretted it.

"You look stunning, Rouran," said Lady Trali, as if sensing her discomfort. "You look like a woman ready to lead."

Rouran started to say something, though what even she didn't know, and then, suddenly, she was sobbing instead, burying her face in her hands to keep it hidden from Lady Trali.

"Oh, my dear," said Lady Trali. She stood up and approached, reaching her arms out.

When Rouran made no move to accept the embrace, the other woman came to her, wrapping her together, her hands stroking the back of Rouran's head. Rouran turned and cried into Lady Trali's shoulder.

"Is it your late husband?" asked Lady Trali. "You've mourned him enough."

"No," said Rouran. "Maybe. I don't know."

She pushed herself back a little and looked Lady Trali in the face.

"I have mourned him enough," she said.

"Yes," said Lady Trali, endorsing the thought again. "Years of mourning. You have given him all he deserved and then some. You owe him nothing else."

"Naklas isn't the problem," said Rouran.

"Then what troubles you?"

"I don't know what I'm to do," said Rouran. "Every time I think I have my life figured out, something rips it out from underneath me, and I have to start over. I was a fisherman's wife, then he died. Then I was a fisherwoman, then the Clans came. Then I was the Exarch's clerk, now he's resigned! Now I'm the Exarch! What am I to do?"

Lady Trali stepped away, her hand trailing down Rouran's arm until she had taken Rouran's hand, pulling her back to the bench. She gathered Rouran's hands in her lap and stared at her.

"Rouran, there is no 'figuring out' lives. It's not a mystery you can solve. My husband, for all his wonderful traits, has this same flaw in common with you—he is absolutely sure he can simply plan his way out of every eventuality. He put so much effort and thought into ensuring Kiera would be Exarch after him. And you see where that got us—Kiera ran away! But I strongly encourage you to learn what he could not."

"What's that?" asked Rouran.

"That Vash wills what Vash wills, and there's nothing us mortals can do about it. We can plan, certainly, but it would be foolish to think we've got it figured out."

She paused, looking at Rouran carefully, then smiled.

"I hope you learn a thing Ked did learn, as well," she said.

Rouran raised an eyebrow.

"Get help!" said Lady Trali, poking a finger into Rouran's chest. "This is a city. You need smart people working alongside you, and preferably, if you can find one, a very smart, very brave woman to serve as your clerk. I shake my head to think of the things Ked would've accomplished if he'd had you by his side even ten years ago!"

Rouran blushed.

"You think so?" she asked.

"Oh, my, yes," said Lady Trali. "If this is what you do in a crisis, imagine what you would've done when we were prospering."

She smiled again, and rose from the bench, kissing Rouran softly on the forehead.

"Which is to say, my Exarch, that I look forward to seeing what you can do when we prosper again. And that both of us ought to sleep so that it can arrive faster."

"Thank you, my lady," said Rouran as Lady Trali made her way out of the apartments.

"That horrible Uda woman was by the other day," said Lady Trali.

"You know of Uda?" asked Rouran.

"She came begging for her children. I paid her, of course. Had her thrown out of the house when she tried to sell me information about you and Ked having an affair."

"I would nev—!" began Rouran.

Lady Trali laughed.

"I know, Rouran. Believe me, I know everything my husband has ever done. I don't seek your assurance on that front. I just wanted you to know that I will be the first to speak against anyone who says you've disturbed the happiness of my marriage."

She began to slip out of the door, then stopped.

"And you look very nice with your new haircut. It suits you. Thank you for letting me help."