Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click hereBefore hand: Thanks for taking the time to read this! This is my first 'real' story, so please go easy on me lol. My grammar isn't the best, this is raw and unedited, and so if you would enjoy being my editor I would appreciate it very much! Now, this story jumps from time to time, so you may seem lost or confused, but go with it. It makes you think...kind of lol. Thanks again! – Jay
UN
Through blurred vision, I strained my eyes to catch a glimpse of something in the darkness. A ringing shriek pounded in my ears as the pictures in my mind was fading into reality. Between the pounding in my head and the ringing in my ears, a giggle shot out, where I was. Its high pitched, sadistic sound penetrated my ears, filling my mind with the sound of terror.
As my senses came to, I decided to try and move. With an attempt to raise my left hand, a sudden pang of extreme pain shot through my wrist and up my arm; a searing, morbid pain with the intensity to let a scream out of my moisture-deprived trachea. Minutes passed as the pain dulled to an ache, yet unfortunately the short memory kept the invisible scar alive.
Damp, cold air filled my lungs with every raspy breath I took, drying out my throat and tract. The overwhelming sense of confusion, and the sense of location every human possess, seemed lost in a whirlpool of nothingness. The oblivion I was trapped in was a simplistic hole of questions and noted no answers. My eyes finally adjusted to the industrial style lighting as my pupils rested upon the unwelcoming image of The Laffer.
His beady, green eyes fixated upon me as his mouth spread into his sadistic giggle-uttering grin. Its glare widened as I stirred, and he spoke quickly with little fluctuation.
"Mmm...awake! Yes, awake, good! He shall be happy, oh yes!" his creepily enticed voice made my spine shiver," Awake! Now, happy, yes..." He perched in a crouch, his head resting in his ghoulishly white hands. The only factual information I drew from this impish creature was some form of psychopathic-delusion-schizophrenic maniac.
With a clasp of his inhumane hands, he sprang up as if someone had struck a match under his feet, and darted frog-like to the door on the other side of the room. Squeaking, followed by a loud slam signaled to me that it had left. The room was lit brightly as light poured through broken, dust covered windows. Boxes and barrels littered the room with a sense of helplessness and decay. Wire and glass among multiple other things shattered on the concrete floor which also supported iron-grid racks, seemed to give the place an even greater sense of the place parents always warned you about. A turned my head to my left to see what else I could find, as well as the reason of my pain.
My hand, suspended seven feet off the ground, nailed to a piece of wood. My eyes grew as I snapped my head to the other side of my body and noticed a symmetric image. Blood, caked and dry, clung to my wrist and the steel nail that penetrated my skin in the most perverse and grotesque manner possible. Bound with rope, I realized what has become of me. My head smacked a piece of wood from behind me, as I caught a glimpse of myself in a fracture of broken glass near my well bound and nailed feet. Crucifixion. The word echoed through my head as I became faint-minded. How...I questioned myself.
There was a loud, prolonged gutteral sound and the sound of metal sharpening on a grinding stone. I felt sick as the repulsive sound shattered the noiseless air, horrifying a situation where nothing would be a welcomed gift. The instant feeling to retch was suppressed only by the logistic sense of my stomach was a pit of air now, vomiting nothing would be senseless. As the sounds died down, I slumped my head in thought.
The sharpening kicked up again, the sounds rang with a vigilance in the prison-like area of this 'rundown warehouse." With the Laffer's reputation, I was sure things wouldn't end with a "Happily Ever After." The only thing keeping my arms from shaking was the unearthly numbness in my hands and feet, and the only thing keeping me awake was the excruciating pain radiating through my veins. The cold air kept, if only just a little, the pain from exponentially killing me, figuratively of course. Shallow and short breaths seemed to last a lifetime, multiple lifetimes passing by in mere seconds.
The realization of what had to be done made me sick once again. With a churning stomach, I took a deep breath, keeping a careful eye on the door and screeching sounds as well as my own larynx. I steadied my mind and cloistered my mouth, knowing one sound would distract the infernal demon from its "work". An overcoming dizziness grasped and wrangled my mind as my final minute pounced upon me with a weight heavier than lead.
It's too brief. The writing is unusual. Prob as bly not from an individual whose first lanquage is not an American English speaker. But, in the few words written, a mood is set and there is founation for character development. Stay with it, you've got promise. Be well.
It is good that you have begun writing, but the writing is dreadful by my standards.
You use words in a manner for which they were not intended. "A pang shot up my arm." Really?
There are too many adjectives and too little straight forward story. The last sentence and the last paragraph are really representative of the excess of adjectives.
"The sharpening kicked up again, the sounds rang with a vigilance..." The words are English, the writing is not.
"An overcoming dizziness grasped and wrangled my mind..."
I wonder if English is a second language for you.
Not at all sure what to recommend. You might try writing a simple narrative and allow only one verb and one or perhaps two adjectives per sentence.