The Film

Finally it slackened and I fell off Daisy and lay next to her on the floor. She was lying prone, trembling, her upper naked body completely coated with the sticky opalescent grey fluid, and when I stirred feebly and tried to touch her, she muttered "Don't touch me," and struggled to her feet and staggered out of the room towards the bathroom.

Or rather, she just made it outside the bedroom before all four of us collapsed with helpless laughter. Kelly emerged from her position to one side of the bed; she had stripped down to her underwear to operate the hose and she, too, was bespattered with the sticky goo she'd devised to be fake semen. The four of us rolled on the ground aching with laughter at the utter absurdity of what we'd just shot, and then Daisy, Kelly and I showered together quickly and sat wrapped in towels to watch the playback.

We agreed that the film needed something as utterly silly as this, and then we quickly

plotted out the end of the scene and shot the pickups. The scene ended with two classic shots of both Daisy and I sitting naked on the floors of our respective showers, each of us hugging our own knees and sobbing. The scene told everything that needed to be told; Daisy had left me. After that we went to the pub, because we had lost any remaining awkwardness after the pool scene and we needed to unwind after the daftness of the spunk-bucket scene, as Kelly called it.

***

It was after shooting that scene that we ran into a problem. We had realised that our initial treatment wasn't really going far enough. After I had been sodomised onscreen for real, and had (apparently) come all over Daisy, how could we top that? Being raped by someone in a frog costume was hardly going to cut it, even though Kelly was prepared to don a sticky, sweaty rubber costume and mime being my rapist.

Also, now we had filmed the breakup between "Alex" and "Daisy", my character had to be on his own for a while, or at least apart from her, so that he could get into more peril. We talked about it a lot over late night drinking sessions and afternoon coffee sessions and we could never come to a satisfactory solution.

And then, one night, we were in Kelly's place after she had cooked us a fabulous vegetarian chili. We all drank a lot of beer and then some tequila and then we were sitting looking at wet and messy videos on the internet.

"I have it," said Daisy slowly.

"What?" said Vanessa.

"Alex and Daisy can't get together again right away," said Daisy.

"Right."

"So he needs to be away from her. Maybe he needs to talk to someone else about it. He wants answers."

"I like it," said Vanessa. "He's being proactive."

"So he looks up people who can help and he finds . . . someone. Someone who claims to be an expert in when supernatural forces are attracted to be humans. Specifically guys."

"Okay."

"So Alex goes to him. And it's a guy. Maybe an older guy or maybe the same age. Not sure."

Daisy stopped and looked at us. I had a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"And the guy agrees to study Alex and see if he can figure out what's going on. And this involves Alex going to live in the guy's flat for a while. And after a while the guy starts to put Alex through tests which are designed to see how susceptible he is to, you know, paranormal entities. But of course they're actually . . . "

Daisy raised her eyes and grinned. I looked at the other two. They were grinning too.

"Hang on a sec," I said, "what are we talking about exactly?"

"Well, the guy is enchanted and he's working for the ex, right?" said Kelly.

"Of course," said Daisy.

"Oooh, wow," said Vanessa. "Loads of possibilities."

"But what exactly are we talking about?" I said, my mouth dry.

"Well I was thinking we could build slowly," Daisy said. "Like maybe it begins with him making you take your clothes off and then using various machines to sort of test the atmosphere. But then it gets more, um, physical." She grinned again, wickedly.

"What do you mean, physical?" I said, and I was alarmed to find that I wa getting an erection.

"He blindfolds you and makes you jerk off while describing how you feel."

"Oooh," said Vanessa, delighted.

"And then he has other machines he uses on you. To see what you're like under certain conditions. Like handcuffs. Then soon he's making you spend your entire time naked because he's not getting a result."

The girls were listening, fascinated with Daisy's idea. I was fascinated but also horrified. I hadn't signed up for being in a film where I was some man's plaything.

"And then," Daisy said, "he builds a machine which he actually uses to fuck you. He straps you into this thing and it buggers you out of your mind. And he still doesn't get a result."

"How does it end?" said Vanessa.

"Um . . . I suppose I come and rescue him," said Daisy with a shrug.

"Bit anticlimactic," said Kelly.

"There's only one way it can end," said Vanessa, and she looked at me carefully.

"Alex," she said earnestly, "you know what it is, don't you?"

"Tell me," I muttered.

"He's got to fuck you for real," she said softly.

There was a silence, because Vanessa had proposed something much more radical than we had ever planned. It was supposed to be a fake sex movie in which all the intercourse would be simulated, but already it was becoming something between an arty porn film and the documentation of how my three women friends got me, their closest straight male friend, to agree to let myself be fucked in nearly every conceivable way.

I really didn't know what anyone would think of me if I went through with it. I just knew that I didn't fancy men, but on the other hand I found the whole prospect of acting in Daisy's idea terrifying and arousing. I had never even kissed a man, and now we were talking about me being the passive partner in anal intercourse, for real, on camera.

"The only way I can see it working," I said, "is if we get a really good actor and he plays it like he's really in love with me. If it's just a shag thing it won't work. It'll have to be a love scene."

Vanessa came over to me and hugged me.

"Alex," she said, "after this, I swear I'll never make you act in anything again. And I'll tell

you what else. I will personally be your fluffer on the day."

And so I committed myself.

***

We didn't have to look too hard before we found our David, as we called the character.

He was a slim, good-looking, red-haired young actor, very pale and rather innocent-seeming but entirely at home with his sexuality. John was friendly, professional and I wasn't sure how good he'd be on camera but my doubts were stilled when we rehearsed - he lost all his slightly nervous, effeminate quality and became much more still and charismatic.

He was interested in what we were doing and when we showed him what we'd already shot he was gratifyingly impressed - especially with the opening scene, which he pronounced "very hot". ("Alex," you said, "can I just say that you have a great ass." I blushed.) Then Vanessa got a job on a film set that meant her being away for eight weeks. We had to shut the film down, but secretly I was relieved, as it meant that my moment of humiliation - the long sequence we would have to shoot with John using me as his sexual plaything - was deferred.

Vanessa had encouraged us to hang out as much as possible, so that John and I could be comfortable around each other. It was one thing to do a nude love scene with Daisy, with whom I'd once been intimate. It was quite another to do one with a man I didn't know. I found myself wondering what it would be like to make love with another man, and with John in particular. But I liked him a lot - he was warm, enthusiastic and intelligent, and good company. He and I started meeting for drinks to discuss the film and other things related to it. After a while he started to invite me to the gay bars where he met his friends. He introduced me to his friends, all of whom were perfectly friendly but who never seemed to find me even remotely attractive, which annoyed me.

Eventually, one Saturday night, as we sat in the noisy corner of John's favourite hangout, I summoned up the courage.

"John," I shouted in his ear - it was a very noisy corner indeed.

"Alex," he said, touching my arm in a friendly way.

"Can I ask you something personal?"

"Of course you can, sweetie."

"I've been having a really lovely time hanging out with you and your friends, and they're really lovely people."

"I know."

"But there is one small thing."

"Uh-huh."

"None of them have ever even slightly hit on me."

John nodded and waited for me to say something else. When I didn't, he looked at me quizzically.

"Well, am I so bad-looking?"

"You? Not at all. You're very cute."

"Thanks. But I suppose I just thought . . . "

"You thought what?"

"I kind of thought that someone might find me cute enough to at least flirt with me."

"But, Alex, you're not exactly celibate. I mean you used to go out with Kelly and Daisy and they're absolutely gorgeous."

"Yes," I said, "but I suppose I just wanted . . . oh, never mind."

I stared moodily ahead, aware that he was watching me with great amusement.

"Alex," he said finally.

"Yeah?"

"I'll tell you what it is."

"What is it?"

"You just don't project a huge air of . . . you're just not . . . "

"I'm just not sexy?"

John looked at me with an "Oh please" expression.

"Hey," he said, leaning into me, 'don't forget, honey, I"ve seen the footage. I know you can be sexy. Trust me, if you want to be, you can be a babe. You just don't really want to be one. You come across as very, very straight. I mean, it can be a little bit intimidating."

He laughed, and I had to as well.

"So I'm just a little bit scary?"

"Yes, you are. I mean, you've read everything and seen nearly everything and you're kind of alarming. But don't worry. Are you worried about the scene?"

I nodded. He looked at me with compassion and stroked my arm.

"Don't be, sweetie. It's gonna be fine."

"You do know it's supposed to be real, right?" I said, feeling strangely emotional. My throat was tight. He gazed at me.

"Yeah," he said.

"I"ve never done this," I said, looking back at him. "I"ve never been with a guy. I"ve never even looked at a guy. Well, no, correction - the only guy I"ve ever looked at is you, and that's because we have to do a scene together."

"You make it sound like it's gonna be such an ordeal," he said, smiling.

"John," I said, and I felt like I was about to cry, "I just don't know what I'm doing. I'm doing this film with the girls and I love them all and it's our thing, but already I hardly know who I am. I'm feeling all this stuff and it's just so fucking weird. And I don't know who to talk to about it. The girls are just so into it but the things that we do . . . they're so outside anything I'm used to. I don't know how I should feel about it."

"Nobody's saying you have to feel any particular way about it," John said. He had turned so that he was facing me, and was leaning in close to me. I could feel the heat of his body in his tight t-shirt.

"So what do you think I should do?" I said, looking at him, feeling the tears pricking at my eyes. He looked back at me, frank, young, younger than me by a few years and yet seemingly so much more experienced.

"I think you should relax," he said.

I nodded, dumb. He looked at me.

"Alex," he said, "I'm not a great judge of character but I think what you need most right now is a really big snog."

"That would be okay," I said softly.

He leaned in, and we kissed, at first rather tentatively but as I got used to his male face and body, more confidently. Then his tongue was in my mouth, and we were kissing harder, wrapping ourselves up in each other, shutting out the world in the private universe of the kiss.

He put his arms around me, and I relaxed into it, allowing his tongue to enter me, and then feeling his legs against mine, and not flinching away as I would normally have done but opening my body up to him.

He pulled back and looked at me.

"I think I know what you're thinking," he said.

"What would that be?"

"You're thinking we should get a cab."

"You might be right."

"And we should go back to my place or your place."

"Yeah."

"And get it on. Right?"

I nodded, shy, eager. He wrinkled his nose - a cutely feminine gesture.

"Yhere are so many reasons why that would be wrong," he said.

"And a few why it would be right," I said, looking him in the eye, enjoying flirting with him, enjoying being brazen.

"But you know it would be wrong," he said. "We can't just go home and fuck. It's gonna take away all the tension from when we shoot the scene. Of course I'd like to do it, god knows, I think you're cute and I"ve seen what you look like naked, but . . . we have to think about the film."

"You're right," I admitted.

"Even if I just let you fuck me," he said, "which would be my normal preference with a straight guy, except, straight, whatever - I mean, that's what I'd really like to do, if you want to know."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," he said. "Well, not necessarily just let you fuck me. There's a million things we can do in bed that aren't just about taking it up the ass, you know." He mouthed the last few words in a mock-confidential tone.

"Tell me about them," I said, genuinely curious.

And so, John told me. I learned a lot that night from listening to him, about the different ways men had devised to get around the way that their bodies were not necessarily optimally designed for mutual sexual pleasure. He told me about how to give a proper blowjob, about mutual masturbation, intercrural intercourse, 69ing, rimming, stuff I'd read about but had never heard anyone describe from firsthand experience.

"So you see how it's not all about just ass-fucking, right?" he said, and laughed and took a pull at his drink.

"I'm sorry if I jumped the gun," I said.

"It's not that," he said. "We're gonna have to do this scene, and I want us both to want it by then. I mean, don't you?"

"I suppose," I said.

"You've got to be more than just curious, Alex," he said. "You've got to really want it. Or else it won't work. Right now you're horny and you like me and you're in love with the idea of what it would be like to go to bed with me, but that's not much fun for me. You know how many drunk straight boys I've taken home?"

"I'm sure it's more than the number of drunk straight girls I've taken home," I said.

"Well, so am I," he said and grinned. "But . . . it's all going to be leading up to the scene where I . . . you know. I'm going to be fucking you. And I don't know what you've talked about with the girls, exactly, but . . . "

"We"ve talked about it," I said. "I said I would do the scene on the understanding that we wouldn't be faking it."

"Right," he said. 'so, at some point in the next few weeks, you're gonna be naked and I'm gonna be pushing my cock up your bum in front of your girl friends, and you'd better believe that I want you to be begging for it. I don't want you to be thinking about them. I don't want you to be thinking about anything but my cock in your ass. Because when I go to bed with a guy, that's all I think about. If we went to bed now, I would so be your girl."

"Would you?" I said.

John reached out and took hold of my cock through the fabric of my cargo pants. I made a little gasp.

"Oh, god, yeah. My ass would be yours, Alex. I've seen your cock and I would love to have it in me. I can do sissy like you wouldn't believe. You would ride me all night and I'd be begging for more. But in the scene it's going to be the other way around, and I don't top very often, so when I do I want my bottom to understand that I'm doing him a huge favour. Not that I don't fancy you, you understand."

"You fancy me?"

"Of course I do, you eejit," he said, giving my cock a squeeze that made me gasp. "I wouldn't be doing this film if I didn't. And I must admit that it is a bit of a treat. Most straight boys are so not into taking one for the team. They want to find out what it's like to do me. So I'm honestly grateful that you're stepping up and offering yourself."

"God," I muttered, "I just want you to fuck me, at this point."

"I bet," he said, amused. "But we can't do it."

"No."

"Which is not to say that I can't make you come, right now," he said. "Follow me."

I followed John through the dark club and into the surprisingly roomy gents. He led me into a cubicle and within a moment, he had gently but firmly reached inside my cargos and taken out my still mostly erect cock. He started pulling on it expertly while kissing me, and I was so surprised that I barely had time to react before I felt myself squirming in his embrace and moaning into his mouth as I felt my orgasm build up. He quickly dropped to his knees, took me in his mouth and swallowed as I came, whimpering quietly with surprise and shock.

As I panted for breath, coming down from my orgasm, I opened my eyes and looked at him. He looked up at me and swallowed, smiling.

"The next time I make you come," he said, "you won't be so collected about it. And I'll tell you what else. You won't be standing up, and you won't be wearing any clothes. Come on. You owe me a drink."

He led me out of the toilet.

***

After then, my crush on John faded. I stopped seeing him as someone new and fascinatingly different and I started seeing him as a friend and a colleague.

Which was just as well, because the time soon arrived when we had to shoot the whole scene between "Alex" and "David". We used Kelly's apartment for this, because it was relatively spartan and it was therefore conceivable that it would have been used by men.

We shot the initial conversation scenes in a day or so; it wasn't hard to do and John and I were comfortable with each other for the conversation to have an edge of something without toppling over into instant intimacy.

And then the day came when my fantasy was going to become a reality. Vanessa had scheduled it so that we could shoot the sex scenes between David and Alex in as short a time as possible. She wanted it to stay "fresh". It felt at the time more like she wanted us to not get too comfortable with the whole thing. I also felt more than a hint of prurience from Vanessa, about this sequence. I felt that she was distinctly eager to get down to the man-on-man business, and I wasn't sure how comfortable I was with that.

Still, I told myself that it was all for the good of the scene. And so we gathered, one Sunday morning, in Kelly's flat, and I dressed in my "Alex" clothes of t-shirt and cargo pants and sat sulkily opposite John in his expensive shirt and slacks.

DAVID:

I'm a little concerned that we haven't got a result yet.

ALEX:

Well, I'm not. I'm relieved.

DAVID:

Alex, you seem to forget that the point of these sessions is to ensure that nothing like what's happened to you before happens to you again. For that to work, we have to be sure that you are no longer a target for them. And you haven't been one, but it's only a matter of time.

ALEX:

What do you mean?

DAVID:

I mean that I think we have to provoke them. You haven't been presented to them in a way that will entice them. If we can entice them, we can figure out a way to send them off.

ALEX:

[looking uncomfortable]

What do you mean?

DAVID:

Do you trust me?

ALEX:

Of course I do, doctor -