The First Date

Finally, she was going to do it. She'd waited almost a year for him to become available, a very very long year. Now he was single and bringing over wine to go with her dinner. Krista checked her reflection in the mirror one last time, adjusting the long teardrop earrings so that they sparkled when the light caught them. She ran to the bathroom. Her hair was standing up in one spot, one very noticeable spot. It reminded her of Alfalfa from the Little Rascals. She dug under the sink, looking for her extra strength hairspray.

Three minutes later, she still hadn't found the hairspray, but had found an ancient aluminum styling case decorated with a billion stickers. Frustrated, Krista tossed the case back under the sink and was satisfied to hear it thud against the sink pipe. She stood up and settled on water. Carefully, she dabbed water on the errant hairs, forcing them down. They popped back up. She stomped her foot hard against the floor, breaking the heel on her high-heeled sandals. Cursing, she stooped down and grabbed the heel. That's when she noticed the can of AquaNet on the floor next to the toilet.

She sprayed her hair into place while dashing to the closet to replace the stupid broken shoe. The doorbell rang as she buckled the last strap into place. She smoothed her slacks down and went to the door.

Krista unlocked the dead bolt and with a flourish yanked open the door. The door hit the extent of its chain and slammed back. She heard it connect with something, then Mitya cursed and something glass crashed on the hall floor.

"Oh god," she mumbled, removing the chain and opening the door.

Mitya stood, well sort of stood, on the other side. He was holding his face, particularly his nose. He was half stooped, blood dripping between his fingers.

"I fink est brooken." He muttered to her.

"Oh god, come in." Krista grabbed his arm, jerking him into the apartment. "Have a seat, I'll get you some ice."

Carefully she filled a bag with ice and wrapped it in a hand towel. She also grabbed the roll of paper towels and rushed to him. This was not going as planned. She was supposed to feed him and then seduce him, not send him rushing to the emergency room with a broken nose.

Mitya took the ice and paper towels. He held the ice to his nose. The bleeding was slowing.

"I think you're burning dinner." He said to Krista as the pan on the stove boiled over.

"Oh shit!" Krista rushed into the kitchen. It wasn't burnt, just very done. She placed the pan on the counter and turned to look at him. "I'm sorry, if you don't want to stay for dinner, I understand. I can take you to the hospital if you want."

"No, it's ok. It's almost stopped. I don't think it's broken after all." Gingerly he removed the ice pack and touched it. It was sore, but he'd gotten worse from playing soccer. It would be all right.

"If you're sure." Krista's heart was doing cartwheels in her chest. She couldn't believe he was going to stay. "I fixed Broiled Oysters for dinner."

"Um, I'm allergic to shell fish."

"Oh, I didn't know." Krista thought for a moment. "No matter, we'll just order something and have it delivered."

"Pizza?" He asked sounding hopeful. Pizza was the last thing on Krista's mind. It wasn't very romantic and oysters were supposed to be an aphrodisiac, that's why she had fixed them. She didn't even really like oysters all that much.

"Yeah, that's fine." She smiled at him but wanted to pull her hair out. Nothing was going right. "Are you sure you don't want to do this another time?" She half hoped that he would say yes.

"Hey, don't worry about my nose. It's big and gets in the way." He joked. When it wasn't swollen and angry red, Krista thought his nose was pretty cute. "Look, why don't you order the pizza and I'll go clean up the glass from the hall."

"Ok," Krista grabbed the phone book. She had no idea what kind of pizza to order or where to order it from. Finally, she settled for a chain restaurant and ordered a large with everything. This would allow them both to pick off the stuff they don't like while getting the stuff they do like. She thought it was a pretty good idea.

Mitya came back in, the remains of the bottle carefully wrapped in the worthless hand towel. He tossed all of it into the trashcan and joined her in the living room. Krista searched for something to say but couldn't come up with anything.

"Want to watch a movie? I rented the new Samuel L. Jackson movie." She offered.

"Yeah, I haven't seen that yet." He moved next to her on the couch.

Krista grabbed the box off the table. Her DVD player had broken the week before. She was stuck watching everything on VHS. The movie had just started when there was another knock on the door.

"I'll get the pizza." She sprung from the couch, grabbing her wallet.

"Don't injure him; he might not be as nice about it." Mitya called after her.

"Ha ha," she replied moving into the tiny alcove that separated the living room from the entry way. After she had paid for the pizza she stood for a moment with her head against the door. She couldn't believe her bad luck tonight. Surely, pizza would make it all better. They could eat, have a beer and then... well she wasn't sure what would happen then. Better not to think about it.

"Hey Krista, where'd you get this movie?" He yelled to her.

"I rented it down the street." Great, now the tape's going to break, she thought, stifling a groan. She walked into the living room and only great reflexes kept her from dropping the box.

On the screen were two very busty women and both were very naked except leather chaps. They took turns kissing each other and a man that was still fully dressed. The man was obviously not Samuel L. Jackson. To her horror, the man didn't stay dressed for more than a couple of seconds. Suddenly, he too was left wearing only chaps.

"Maybe you should get a refund." Mitya shrugged, taking the box from her. "Wow, wonder how he got them in that position." He took a slice of pizza from the box and sat back down on her couch, cocking his head to one side.

Krista had no choice; she sat down next to him and took a slice of pizza. Suddenly the prospect of getting Mitya in her bed seemed impossible. There was no way he was going to stay after this. They ate in complete silence, both of them glued to the TV as the three found new things to do to each other. Mitya turned to look at her.

"Do you really want to sit here, eating pizza and watching porn?" He asked.

Krista gave a very weak smile and closed her eyes. This was a complete disaster. She had no answer. One of the women gave a shriek. Mitya kissed her. It caught her completely off guard and she jerked from him. The moment she did it, she wished she hadn't.

"Sorry, I didn't..." Mitya stood up.

"No, it just surprised me." Krista stood up too. She took the remote and flipped off the TV. Mitya raised an eyebrow at her.

"Kiss me again." Krista couldn't believe it. He had kissed her! She didn't know whether to faint or jump for joy, but felt like both were options. Mitya hooked his arm around her, pulling her to him. The kiss was long, deep, passionate. It left her knees weak. Eventually, she pulled away and began unbutton his shirt, kissing each section of newly exposed flesh. Then she couldn't move.

"Krista?" Mitya asked, he started to step back.

"No!" Krista screamed, "don't move, my earring is stuck on one of your buttons."

"Do you need help?" Mitya gave a slight chuckle. He finished unbuttoning his shirt and gently slid out of it, making sure to keep himself still in the front. When he'd gotten out of it, he began untangling her earring.

"This is such a disaster," Krista muttered.

"Nah, there's still hope for it. See?" Mitya let his shirt fall to the floor. "Why don't you take those off before you get them hung again." Krista took the stupid dangly earrings out and tossed them on the table. One slid off onto the floor. Mitya bent down to grab it.

"Don't, just leave it. It'll be fine there." She began kissing his chest again. Enjoying the feel of the light sprinkling of hair he had. With a quick flourish, he pulled her blouse up over her head and tossed it somewhere behind him. She knelt down, untying his shoe laces. He smiled as he kicked out of them. They landed somewhere near the dining room.

Next he began undoing his jeans, the button gave way easily. As he pulled the zipper down, it hung. He jerked on it a few times, without any success.

"It's stuck." He nearly yelled. Mitya couldn't believe his luck. Krista stared at him.

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, it's really stuck. Want to give me a hand?" As Krista knelt down, the power in her apartment went out. She fumbled in the dark.

"I have candles," she said, this might work for the better. She busied herself with lighting candles in all the rooms as Mitya continued to jerk on his zipper. Krista returned in time to hear the ripping of fabric as the seams around the zipper gave way. Mitya let them fall to the floor as the lights came back on.

The jeans had pooled on the floor revealing black boxers with smiley faces on them. Krista stifled a giggle, as the song "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" ran through her head. They looked ridiculous. Krista removed the smiling faces.

"Sit down on the couch," she whispered. Mitya did as he was told. The TV blared to life.

"...tion is a sin. But one that you can be forgiven, but sex with..." The Evangelist on TV screamed at them. The power outage had tripped something in the TV, causing the volume to go up. Mitya dug under himself until he found the remote and flipped it off. They both just sat for a moment, reveling in the silence. Krista noticed that somehow he was still excited. She was beginning to have second thoughts about this entire thing.

"Bedroom," he nearly growled at her. When she didn't immediately respond, he kissed her. Then nimbly picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. Mitya gently tossed her on the bed and began work on removing her sandals.

Krista lay back on the bed, letting his hands caress her legs as the first sandal came free. He tossed it in the general direction of the bathroom. Mitya cursed, then the second sandal gave a dull pop as it came free. Krista was pretty sure something had broken. That was two pairs of shoes that had gotten ruined this evening. She tried very hard not to care. His hands found his way to her waistband. It took him only a second to undo the button and pull them down off her hips. Her panties immediately followed, his fingers working deftly to remove the clingy material as she struggled from her bra.

"Wait." Mitya stopped and moved away from her for a moment. "I think I hear water running." Krista listened for a moment, she didn't hear anything.

"Must be the neighbors showering," she replied pulling him back to her. She flipped him over on his back and took top. She reached into the top drawer of the nightstand, producing a pair of handcuffs.

"And what do you intend to do with those?" He asked.

"There's a reason the headboard has bars," she smiled at him. She cuffed his hands above his head, wrapping the chain through the bars. He was secured.

Gently she took a condom from the same drawer and slid it down over his excited member. Krista lowered herself onto him. Finally, she was there. Finally, Mitya was in her bed and at her complete mercy. The thought excited her. She moved faster on him, listening to his breathing increase, become shallower. The headboard began hitting the wall. Her neighbors would probably complain tomorrow, but she didn't care.

Mitya moaned her name. She moved faster. The framed poster of Till Lindeman mounted over the bed fell, striking her on the head. She pitched forward, falling on Mitya, head butting him. His glasses slipped from his face. Krista rubbed the spot on her head.

"Ok, don't panic, but I can't see and I think something is on fire." Mitya said, trying to sound calm.

Krista tossed the frame from her body and looked over at the end table. Sure enough, a book was on fire. A candle had fallen on it.

"Ahhh!" Krista climbed from the bed, grabbed a pillow and began beating at the flames. The pillow caught fire. The smoke detector began screaming. She ran to the bathroom, slipped on the floor. When she'd managed to regain her footing she threw the flaming pillow into the tub and turned on the water, there was almost no pressure. In the distance she could hear sirens.

"Uh, Krista, could you uncuff me?" Mitya called from the other room.

Krista turned, lost her footing again and slipped on the wet bathroom floor. She couldn't imagine why the floor was wet. She crawled out of the bathroom and to the nightstand. Her bedroom had a funny wet smoke smell to it. It stung her nostrils.

The key wasn't there. She was sure the key had been right there. The book was now a charred ruin. The lamp shade was starting to look the same. She wondered how long it would take to put it out. The front door of her apartment crashed open. Within seconds, five people in full fire-fighter gear stood staring at her.

"Ma'am we need to evacuate the building." One of them said as another grabbed the fire extinguisher next to the bed and started spraying the fire.

"Um, yeah," Krista stood up. There was a loud cracking crumbling sound and the bathroom seemed to collapse. Water sprayed from the damaged lines all the way to her bedroom carpet. She was willing to bet she wouldn't get her security deposit back.

"Krista, the key." Mitya sounded pretty desperate.

"The key was right here." Krista turned towards the nightstand. It was covered in foam. There was no way she was going to find it now.

"Get a saw," one of the fireman said. "And some blankets." He seemed to be the guy in charge.

"Ma'am, we'll get your boyfriend, but you need to leave now." Krista let him lead her out of the room. Someone wrapped a blanket around her. They scurried her outside wrapped in a blanket.

A few moments later, Mitya was also escorted out. A police officer managed to remove the cuffs with a key without laughing. His glasses were still missing though. He stood next to her and leaned in.

"You did put a condom on, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because it's missing," he whispered.

"Maybe it fell off when they were cutting you out."

"I think it came off when you went to put out the fire." Mitya made a strange noise.

Krista thought about it for a moment. The light came on slowly inside her head.

"My apartment is ruined, I've been embarrassed almost to the point of death and now I have to go find a missing condom."

"Yeah, that's about the size of it." Mitya pulled her into his blanket. "What are you doing tomorrow night? I have an apartment we can trash."