tagFirst TimeThe First Night of Many

The First Night of Many


University was a lot different than I expected. In movies and TV shows, there were huge parties with students drinking until they could no longer walk, blasting music so loudly it could be heard around the whole block, girls flashing their boobs and had guys take shots off their bodies, smoking weed in the kitchen amongst tons of beer cans and leftover pizza crusts, making out with someone you just met just because, and of course the police coming to shut down the party because of under aged drinkers there and generally just how loud the party was.

What did I actually experience? I went to Bible study every Friday night. My idea of a crazy night was eating Vietnamese food after Bible study then heading to someone's house to have tea and play a board game until we all hated each other.

It may not sound like the best university experience, but I was actually in a happy place in my life. My Friday nights were always fun, I had a few close friends (as my uncle tells me, quality over quantity! Jesus only had 3 best friends), my grades were satisfactory, and I was working out regularly.

That's not to say I didn't think about romance or guys. Being a university student, I was surrounded by so many attractive guys. I especially enjoyed going to the gym for the added benefit of looking at sweaty guys brush their hair under their caps and seeing a trail of sweat in their fitted t-shirts. In those times and late at night, I found myself wondering what it would be like to kiss someone, cuddle, or even just touch another guy. I knew that by my ripe age of 19, lots of girls had already lost their virginities and had boyfriends or were at least actively dating.

I wondered if I was missing out on anything. I grew up in an Asian community, where most of my friends were either Indian or Chinese or of other Asian ethnicities. Losing your virginity was a huge deal amongst us. I recalled when my friends told me that they had sex for the first time with their long term boyfriends, all of us were really excited for them. It was always a huge deal and all of them waited quite a while until they felt they were ready to have sex.

It was even more conservative amongst my family. My mom had given me countless "Jesus is watching you" talks and how I needed to remain pure for marriage. This was engrained in my head! And I never even had the temptation to have sex! I always had to remind my mom that I was single and that she really had no reason to worry.

But once I reached university, I discovered that sex was taken lightly. As long as it was safe and consensual, you could do whatever you like. I was a little taken back by these discoveries but it didn't take long for me to accept this as the norm. Still, I didn't feel any pressure to hookup or even date. Sure I wondered, but sex or guys for that matter weren't such a big deal to me. I guess I just cared more about meeting new people and my grades.

I was even part of this student body that facilitated international exchanges amongst universities all over the world. I wanted to fill in my resume as much as I could and figured this could be a fun and interesting way to do so. And so this led me to meet a lot more people, not just students in my program or other Christians.

Stephen was the first friend I made in this international exchange group. While we were preparing a student's application to complete a work term abroad, he asked me if I wanted to come to a party Saturday night and I happily accepted. As normal as this event sounds, I was really excited; it would be my first ever university party! In all my 2 years in university, I had never even been invited to a party, let alone gone to one.

The week of the party was pretty uneventful, just my usual routine preparing meals, doing my readings, and going to the gym, so I was looking forward to that Saturday night. When the day had come, I rummaged through my closet a thousand times, looking for an outfit that could survive the unforgiving Canadian weather, but look cute at the same time. I marveled at how some girls would wear mini dresses bare legged with a puffy winter jacket, marching through the thick snow and freezing temperatures like troopers. I wouldn't be able to handle that, plus I heard that you were supposed to dress more casually at house parties.

'This one draws too much attention. It's too cold to wear this. I could fit this one now but a few beers later, that's not gonna happen. I look cute but I can't breathe. This one is too boring. I wear this outfit all the time. It's too cold to wear this. I have no clothes. Why do I not have any clothes?! Why does it have to be so cold outside?!' were my perpetual thoughts as I tried on all these outfits.

And when I finally decided on an outfit, I ended up choosing the first one I tried on—simple black jeans and a fitted weater, leaving a bunch of clothes on my bed and on the floor. I ended up straightening my hair as per usual then applied Vaseline on my lips because I don't really know how to do makeup and I didn't have the patience to try anything else.

I took so long to get ready just to achieve the "girl next door look". Deep down inside, I knew that I was hoping to catch someone's attention and finally experience university romance. Maybe a fling. Or maybe even a relationship (but I knew I was pushing my luck with that one).

Anyways, I heard a lot about pre-drinking but, like all these other things students supposedly go through, I had never done it. When I finally made it to Stephen's house, we began our pre-drinking. I admitted to Stephen that all of this was a first for me after taking a sip of the rum and coke he poured for me. He laughed but said that he wasn't surprised because I seemed like those good Chinese Christian girls who followed everything their parents said even if I lived away from home.

I always knew that I followed that stereotype, but like I said before, it didn't really matter to me. And so, after just taking two drinks, I was already feeling the effects. Having never really drank before, I didn't know my limit. Thus the magic of alcohol took over and I was soon opening my heart to Stephen, while he calmly sipped on his rum and coke and made fun of me. I admitted that even though I was pretty content with my life, I wanted a relationship. I wanted someone to cuddle and hold hands with and have intimate pillow talks with.

"Hold on, my friend Chris is downstairs." He suddenly cut me off, reading his phone and tapping a reply. "Mind if he joins us? Sorry I would've told you but I didn't have the chance with your drunk self and telling me your whole life story,"

I ignored his teasing and waved to tell him it was okay. Soon afterwards, his friend walks into his apartment. He looked like your average Canadian guy in his red flannel, white t-shirt, and khaki pants.

"Hey I'm Christian," he stuck his hand out to shake mine, introducing himself before Stephen even said anything. I was surprised with how low his voice was and how he kept such a neutral facial expression.

"I'm Vivian," I said back, shaking his hand.

"Nice to meet you Vivian," he flashed me a quick smile. Now that he was closer to me, I noticed how blue his eyes were and how thick his lips were.

I took another sip of my drink while still maintaining eye contact with him. He slightly raised his eyebrows at me; I couldn't tell if he was teasing me or something, but I immediately looked away from him.

"Have you been in a relationship before?" I asked him, the alcohol taking away my social etiquette.

"Oh God," Stephen sighed.

"Yeah, have you?" he said quite frankly, but I could tell that he was curious to see where this conversation was heading.

"No but I would like to," I replied.

Stephen sighed once more and said, "Okay enough drinks for you, we're going to head out soon." He took away the glass from my hand after I took one last sip.

Christian started to laugh at me. "That's good, you're too young anyways."

"What are you talking about?"

"Aren't you, like 16?"

"I'm drinking right now!"

"Hey no judgment, I had my first drink even younger than you."

"I'm 19!"

And with that, we began to argue about complete non-sense. At the time I didn't know that he was tipsy as well, which had amplified his sarcastic personality. He made fun of me for wanting to be in a relationship and said that I really didn't know anything, especially for how young I was. I don't remember what I replied back with, I just recall us bickering about relationships (which, to be fair, I really didn't know anything about) and then about school and then about random things like pizza toppings.

Stephen cut us both off and told us to get dressed because the bus was arriving soon. I didn't realize just how low my tolerance was and Christian had to point that out too when I stumbled into his arms as I tried to tie my boots.

"You're a fucking mess," he mumbled while he helped me to stand up.

"I'm fine!" I yelled back.

They both urged me to hurry up as we ran to the bus station. The alcohol had affected my coordination so Christian grudgingly grabbed me by the arm and nearly dragged me across the street. Even when we were finally on the bus, we didn't stop arguing about whatever it was we were arguing about. Never had I met someone who insulted me right off the bat and had to contend everything I said. It got to the point where Stephen had to step in and personally handle this.

"Vivian, can you please shut the fuck up?" he told me and I felt so let down that he took Christian's side and not mine.

"Why are you both so mean to me?" I complained. Somehow for the rest of the bus ride, the three of us actually managed to remain civil as we chatted about TV shows we watched recently. By the time we reached the party, I was still drunk and so my initial excitement about attending my first house party had doubled.

It actually looked like what I expected! I heard the electronic music even before I saw the house and when I saw the house it was glowing with technicolour. When I walked through the doors, I was greeted by the wonderful cocktail of cologne, perfume, sweat, and weed. There were a million pairs of shoes piled up in the foyer for what seemed like a million people here. A couple was passionately out on the stairwell and I saw a girl peeing behind the see-through door of the powder room.

"Hey Vivian! Hey Stephen!" Simran, the host of the party and one of the members of the international exchange group, popped out of the crowd and leaned in to hug me. I smelled the beer on her breath right away.

"I brought rum!" I said, happily showing her the bottle of Bacardi.

"Awesome! There's some chasers in the kitchen and I have some beer in my room."

Stephen took the bottle out of my hands. "You're not drinking any more of this. I'm not taking care of you. Simran, she's your problem now." And with that, him and Christian both left me alone with Simran.

We both shrugged and headed upstairs, carefully avoiding the couple making out on the stairs. We went to Simran's bedroom where there were red cups all over her desk and on the floor. Another girl from our organization was lying on the bed with her arms spread out, moaning to herself and mumbling about how terrible marijuana is. The other girls were smoking cigarettes while sipping beers from more red solo cups. I could still hear the music and its base nearly shaking the ground, but it wasn't so loud that I couldn't hear anyone.

I thought about Christian for a moment, but that quickly changed when Simran offered me a beer. Of course, I happily took it and sat down with the girl who was clearly high out of her mind.

With the help of alcohol, I quickly felt like I was best friends with Simran and Jane, the baked girl. It felt like we were talking for hours even though it had only been 30 minutes (I think), and I swear that each of us had recounted our life stories and even got to play therapy. I finally understood why university students loved drinking; it made you feel so good.

In the midst of my therapy session, Christian suddenly barges into the room. Parts of his blond hair were peeking under his cap and matted to the side of his flushed face. "Hey! You!" he yelled, walking towards me.

"What do you want Christian?" I asked lazily.

"When I see you..." he began and for a moment, my stomach dropped in anticipation of a compliment. "I just...I just want to kick you...in the face."

My smile immediately folded into a frown, my eyebrows creased and I narrowed my eyes at him. "What...the...fuck...is wrong with you!"

I swore at him and at that point I knew that I had drunk quite a lot because I hardly ever, ever swore. I felt delighted to actually say the f-word out loud for once. He marched over to me, his face scrunched up in annoyance, and he obnoxiously replied back, "You!"

Our faces became so close that I felt his breath on my cheeks and I could see my own reflection pooled in his marvelous blue eyes framed by his long blond eyelashes. I don't know what it was exactly, but I suddenly saw him differently. I used to have a more pragmatic approach to love, making fun of people who said love at first sight was possible. And yet, here I was with this annoying, obnoxious, sexy man. Though there was nothing logical about my feelings, in that moment, I knew I was in love.

I didn't know much about him, but I wanted to. I wanted to know everything about him. My insides turned upside down. My heart beat so fast I thought it was going to explode any second now. We were so close. So, so close. My heart continued to rapidly beat in my chest and I felt all tingly in my stomach with an energy pent up inside me. "When will you kiss me?" I demanded, noticing that he was checking out my whole body.

I never had my first kiss and I had always imagined that it would be really cute and awkward but romantic with a friend that I had a crush on for a while and we would finally go out on a date with just the two of us and we would eat ice cream and I would have some on my lips and he would point it out and then we'd look at each other, knowing we really want to kiss, and bam! It would be magical.

I didn't imagine it would be with a guy I had just met at my first house party with both of us having drank a little too much. But I didn't think about any of those things at the time, no, I just knew that Christian looked particularly handsome in the dim lighting of this old bedroom and that his lips were huge and so inviting and that there was obvious sexual tension between us since the moment we first met. I knew he wanted to kiss me too.

And he leaned down and I closed my eyes, feeling his lips touch mine. There were the cliché fireworks! There was the magic! He felt amazing.

But when he let go me, my lips felt bare and I pursed them, hoping that he would kiss me again. He cupped my cheek and brushed my hair out of my face then kissed me once more, this time with more aggression. Even though I have never kissed anyone before, it felt so natural with Christian. My lips easily fit between his own and he felt so good against my body. My hands found the back of his head and I grabbed some strands of his soft, golden hair and stood on my tippy toes so that I could better kiss him. In doing this, I stumbled into him and broke our kiss.

He laughed at me and held me in his arms so I could balance. Then he pressed his lips onto my forehead, slowly travelling down to my cheeks, and each kiss was delicate but hot, and he didn't neglect anything, from my chin, my nose, before landing on my lips once more.

As we kissed, he opened his mouth slightly and slipped his tongue into me. I was a little taken back at first but that was soon replaced by the discovery that his tongue felt amazing mine. He deepened our kiss, sliding his hands down to my waist and pulling me even closer to him. I was breathing quite heavily and making these noises I didn't know I was capable of making. He just felt so good, so good, and all we were doing was making out and rubbing our bodies against each other.

I suddenly became aware of the fact that we were in Simran's room and despite being drunk, I became shy and pulled away from him. "What's wrong?" he asked as he stroked my arm.

"Let's go to the bathroom," I daringly suggested.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise and before he could say anything more, I held his hand and made him follow me to the bathroom in the hallway.

I could tell that he was enjoying how assertive I was being and so was I. It was a turn-on to finally submit to my own desires and ignore the voices in my head that were telling me to slow down. Christian was gorgeous! I didn't know exactly what I wanted, but I knew that I loved kissing him and rubbing myself on him.

I locked the door behind us, relieved that we now had privacy.

Christian grabbed me from behind and pulled me towards him so that we were face to face again. "You're...not ugly," Christian told me as he played with my hair, never breaking eye contact.

"Really Christian?" I replied sarcastically and hit him on the head. "I know that you've been wanting to kiss me."

"I can't lie about that." And he resumed kissing me. He broke away for a moment, went to my ear and whispered, "I think you're really cute,"

As simple of a compliment as it was, my stomach flew away and my heart was beating so fast, and I wanted him, oh did I want him. I wanted to know what he looked like naked. He looked so good in his simple flannel and khaki pants. I couldn't imagine how much more without any clothes.

I sighed into his mouth when he pressed his lips onto mine again. The kiss was even more passionate this time as he twirled his tongue around mine and his chest was against mine and he held me so tightly against mine, I wished that I could feel his bare skin. Never breaking the kiss, he impatiently took his flannel off and threw it onto the ground. His t-shirt was thin and I could feel the lining of his back and the firmness of his arms as we kissed. I didn't realize how intense this all was until I bumped into the wall behind me, to which he then pushed me against so that our bodies were intertwined. His hands became more daring, exploring the small of my back, my bare arms, and my neck. I was still wearing clothes but every part of my body he touched felt like fire. Even with the music coming from below, I could hear the sounds of our kisses, becoming deeper and deeper.

He soon left my lips for my neck, giving me open mouthed kisses down the expanse of my neck, until he rested on one spot and gave it a firm suck. I squealed in pleasure, shocked that my neck was this sensitive. I noticed that his hat had fallen off and I could finally see his messy blond hair. I grabbed his head, holding him against me as he pushed me to the wall and sucked at my neck. This felt amazing.

He travelled lower to the top of my chest where my sleeveless shirt cut off. He gave me a quick peck before asking in a low tone, "Can I see you?"

I suddenly became aware of people screaming outside and the thumping of the base of the music below us and how we were in a small cramped bathroom that didn't have a toilet but had a shower and this was not exactly the ideal place for someone to see me naked for the first time.

But I was still drunk. And I still wanted him. Maybe not sex, but I really wanted to feel his skin naked against my own. I just didn't want it to be in the bathroom during a house party. "Do you want to come over?" I asked him.

His eyes widened in surprise but then he pursed his lips into a smile and nodded. "Yes,"

I imagined him without clothes once more and anticipated how delicious it would be to have him kiss my shoulders, to kiss his arms, to feel his stomach, to see his legs, to have him lie on top of me... "Okay, come!" I couldn't wait anymore.

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