The Flexi-Butt Championship

Then the music started. Amusingly enough, the song was "Fat Bottomed Girls." I fingered my cummy shitter as I walked in a circle with everyone else. At the first chorus, the music stopped, and people hurried to force the nearest dildo into their bowels. Damn, it was big! I felt as if I was shoving a butternut squash into myself. The audience counted off the seconds in unison: "One! Two! Three!" Just before they said "Three!" I felt my anus relax a little and the massive girth of the dildo slid into my turdhole. Whew!

I looked around me, and saw that my friend 7 and my frenemy 9 had successfully impaled themselves, but three male contestants were still struggling to bugger themselves. The emcee said, "Oh, I'm so sorry, 3, 5, and 6. Although you're out of the running, we do have a further activity for you; meanwhile, please come stand by the podium with me while we finish the elimination process. Up off the dildos!" I stood up slowly; I could feel cool air entering my gaping asshole when the dildo popped out. I was sorry to see 5 go. His dick was so long that it would have probably turned the corner from my rectum to my colon.

"Another round! Number 5, would you do the honors?" With a good-sport facial expression, he leaned over and pressed the red button. Now the dildos really did look like butternut squashes. The emcee shouted, "On your mark, ready, WHOAA! Hey! You're busted!"

I followed the emcee's pointing finger to number 1, from whose cunt a strong stream of piss continued to flow right onto the dildo in her chair. Now that was brazen! She was trying to rinse off its lube with piss. I don't think I have ever seen that tactic on "Survivor."

"Well, number 1, because you got caught, you are eliminated too. And that means we are done with the elimination round, even though we don't have five people yet! If you gentlemen will make your way to the cushioned rail at the back of the auditorium and bend over it, some of our fattest-cocked members are waiting to use your gaping rectal pussies for their pleasure. And number 1, we have a chaise lounge just for you. Ted and Charlie enjoy rubbing their cocks together, and they are really going to love rubbing them together through the wall between your pussy and your ass."

Part 7

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"Attention contestants! Even though almost half of you have already been eliminated from the Flexi-Butt Championship, we haven't actually made you flex your butts that much. Sure, you've had big dildos up your asses, and also each other's tongues, but we haven't really rolled out the really menacing shit for your shitters yet. Well, not to worry. To help us really challenge your sphincters, we brought in a special guest, who knows a thing or two about the subject. But first, don't forget to keep stretching and to keep applying lube! Partners, help each other out. We don't want anybody getting hurt in ways we can't jack off to."

I turned to dear sweet number 9 next to me, who had all the fingers of one hand up her ass. "That doesn't look all that effective. Why don't I help you stretch with this?" With that I rubbed my rigid cock against her pregnant belly. My bright-red tool glistened with a mixture of lube and the precum it had been steadily exuding for the last few hours.

As I expected, she said "No thank you, now fuck off," so I turned away, leaving a stain of lube and sperm on top of her unborn child. I turned to number 7, who seemed a little more interested. He was already bending over with his cheeks spread wide. I pushed my cock into his poop chute; his anus was so relaxed that I only felt his rectal walls caressing my shaft. I grabbed him by the hips and gave him a pump or two, trying to force my cock in as deep as possible. At the deepest part of his ass, I felt the rock-hard head of a new turd on its way down. So I bent him over even harder and fucked the turd back in as best I could. Then I pulled out and presented my own dripping asshole to him for service.

Then the emcee declared "All right, our guest is here! Contestants, get out of each other's asses and help me welcome..." But she didn't get to finish the guest's name, because the people in the audience had pried their hands away from each other's crotches to clap and cheer as wildly as they had for number 9 at the beginning. A very mild-mannered-looking guy walked up to the stage. He had sandy hair and looked about 40 or so; other than the fact that he was wearing a kilt, he looked like some guy you knew from the bowling alley. Obviously the people in the audience knew who he was very well, though.

And contestant number 2 apparently did too! He jumped down off the stage and ran for the exit. The emcee called after him, "Wait, don't forget your pants!" But he was gone, to laughter and more applause.

Once order was restored, the emcee turned to the guest in the kilt and continued, "Well, I think many of our contestants don't recognize you yet. Would you give us all 'the big reveal'?" To hoots from the audience, he turned around and lifted his kilt to reveal an extremely relaxed anus on top of two extremely pendulous balls. Then, as we watched, he reached back with his hands and tugged apart the wide lips of his anus, revealing a gape the size of a dinner plate! It was the Goatse Guy!

I still remember that Saturday morning from childhood when my sister tried to play a trick on me. We were sitting out on our front porch, and she had our mom's laptop on her lap. She said to me, "Hey, look at this skateboard!" and turned the screen to me. Of course, she had gone to "goatse.cx". Back in those days people loved to shock their friends by showing them this picture of an incredibly spread asshole, and that was the kind of reaction she was expecting from me. Instead, I pulled down my basketball shorts to my ankles and started jacking my instantly-rigid cock. My sister seemed as surprised by that response as she'd been expecting me to be by the picture. Eventually, Mom had to come out of the house and tell us to stop feeling each other's private parts where the neighbors could see.

And here he was in the flesh! Wow! I had to take my hand away from my cock for fear I would cum instantly.

The emcee said, "I have here our famous guest's bag of tricks!" She held aloft a large leather overnight bag; as she turned it in midair, various rattling, clanking, and knocking sounds came out. The guest of honor took it and disappeared briefly behind the curtains. He then re-emerged, walking a little stiffly. "For each round, he'll shove a few objects into his ass, and each of you in turn is going to reach under his kilt, receive something out of his ass, and shove it up your own. Extra points for feeling him up under the kilt. Hey, 4, you're first!"

With a start, I realized that 4 was the only remaining contestant outside our little three-way love nest. She looked barely eighteen and had a shaved head, a back and an arm full of tattoos, and a row of heavily clanking silver rings on her labia. I was guessing our guest was not going to get a very good feel-up from her, or anything else. Instead, she knelt behind him, with her face inches from his ass and motioned from him to spread his cheeks. He shat out a large kitchen whisk tool onto her waiting tongue. She took it in her hand and, holding it aside, licked the entire exposed pink surface of his inner rectum. Then, still kneeling, she popped the whisk into her own. What a contender!

From then on, it was a haze of enormous objects popping out of his obscenely pussy-like, noisily farting ass. He served two croquet balls to 7, a salt-shaker and a pepper-shaker to me, and a tacky ceramic figurine of a duck to 9. We each received these objects, kissed the gaping orifice that gave birth to them, and wedged them up into ourselves. The audience made us turn around to shit each item out. On the next round, as I was struggling to push a 1990s-era cellphone back out of my ass, the guy from the table right in front of me (the one who had showed me his girlfriend's boob) came up and ejaculated onto my face. Good to know somebody was having fun... this was work!

Eventually 4 and 7 could not get their objects into their asses and were gently escorted from the stage to be ass-raped on the back rail. It was just me and my sweetie! My cock twitched as I tried to engulf a large firm grapefruit, thinking about how her orifice would stretch as she soon gave birth. But I couldn't get it in! If 9 could get her next object inside, she'd win!

The Goatse Guy held his kilt high, exposing his rigid cock, as he dispensed the biggest buttplug I had ever seen. It looked like a miniature traffic cone, with a rim at least six inches thick. As the audience chanted "Harder! Harder!" 9 slowly forced it into her bowel, grunting and gasping with her ass held high in the air. She involuntarily emitted a splatter of urine onto the stage, which glittered as it caught the lights.

At last she had almost the whole buttplug in... but not quite! There seemed to be a dry, lube-less spot just at its rim, and her abused, inflamed sphincter was clinging to it. The pandemonium from the audience was deafening. She turned her head to me and formed her lips into a word. I thought, "Damn, trash talk at a time like this?"

But instead, the word she formed with her lips, her eyes fixed on me and welling with tears, was "Help?"

I didn't even hesitate. I leaned forward and slid my wet tongue between her anal rim and the buttplug, right at the dry spot. The buttplug popped in, and the crowd went nuts. She'd just won. Why the hell did I do that?

Apparently she was wondering the same. With the buttplug still in, she took a second to catch her breath and then looked up at me from her squatting position, with the first genuine smile I had seen from her all evening. "Damn, I guess I have to share the prize money with you, don't I?"

I said "Actually, you don't." I mounted her roughly and shoved my lubed cock deep into her pussy. My cock was gripped tightly inside her cunt by the buttplug on one side and the baby in her uterus on the other, and my cockhead was jammed against her swollen cervix. It only took me a few thrusts before I emptied my swollen prostate into her cunt, and, in a moment, I relaxed and emptied my bladder inside her as well. "No, my dear," I continued, "that will not be necessary at all."