The Fourth Wife

I also commented to my boss about the changes in my wife's behavior since her return. He suggested I talk with her major professor at the University across town since she was working closely with him. That seemed like a very good idea. It also coincided with my own previous thoughts. I immediately called his office and spoke with the departmental secretary. She set me up with an appointment a couple of days later, on Thursday of that week. I asked the secretary to tell him it is was about my wife's doctoral research and kindly not to tell her I was coming to consult with him. She assured me that all his appointments were confidential. I drove home that evening feeling somewhat better.

Since my concerns were piling up and I was beginning to seek outside help, I decided to do some inside mystery solving.

First on my list was to check our bank accounts, savings accounts and credit cards for unusual expenditures. These were easily accessed via my computer while my wife was on hers. The only unusual thing was that there were no charges for eight weeks while she was in southern Utah on her research project. Perhaps, I wondered, she had a university account to draw down on; a grant budget. The professor could enlighten me on that when we met. She did have credit expenses for the bus trip down and back. There were no other credit card charges and no withdrawals. Likewise nothing had been taken from our joint accounts in the way of cash before leaving.

Second on my list was to invade her privacy on her computer. I did not know how to do this. A quick telephone call to our resident techy computer geek in the home office solved that question. He said it would be much easier and faster for him to bring the programs needed and he would do the searches for me. He was convinced he could do in two minutes what would take me two weeks to do. We both laughed and he said it would not take long, perhaps a few minutes more than two minutes. I knew he was right and arranged a consultation fee.

During my trip the following day to the home office, I had lunch with my geek friend. I wanted to get to know him a little better. During the lunch conversation, he told me he had worked for the FBI in their identity theft unit. As a result, he had numerous contacts within the FBI plus lots of "know how" about identity issues. He enjoyed being an electronic Sherlock Holmes. Now his job was quite different. Among other things he was in charge of corporate security such as background checks, monitoring and keeping safe the research findings that our teams of geologists, like the one I was in charge of, sent to the home office.

Next we only needed a time when my wife would be out of our house for a few hours. I really hated feeling like I had to snoop around to find information that Susan should have readily shared with me. Her absence was not long in arriving. Susan soon told me she had to meet with her thesis committee the next week. She had almost completed her thesis. She would be gone all day Tuesday. Now that was the Tuesday after I would have the appointment with her major professor on the prior Thursday, which was day after tomorrow. I called my geek friend and he promised to drive down that Tuesday morning.

Nothing changed. No sex. No real kisses. No signs of her disliking me or avoiding me other than what was now common. Just a blank for interaction and sharing was all I now got from her.

What had become common now was that she would not show me even the outline of her sexy body. She always had on an oversize opaque robe, full length tank dress or her full length night gown. She didn't even wear the jeans she had liked so much. Oh, well, I thought, I am going to be patient for a while longer while I gather more information. I will soon confront her and force her to tell me everything or I was going to divorce her. Fortunately we had had no children.

I met Professor Young in his third floor spacious office. He was very pleasant and quite at ease. He offered me a drink of water which I accepted with a smile and expressions of thanks for his time. It seems his religion prohibits tea and coffee. It was nothing to me. Several questions were put to the professor.

First I verified that he was indeed my wife's major professor and primary thesis advisor. He was chair of her thesis committee even though he is department chair. Being chair is an administrative position, not academic.

Second I learned that my wife did have an account for expenses for her research, however she had to show receipts for reimbursement or show travel mileage on her automobile. No, he didn't know if she had submitted any expenses but his secretary could get a full accounting in just minutes.

He called his secretary over the intercom and asked her to get my wife's grant account ready to give to me later. I asked him about her statement that her research had taken an unexpected twist which required major revisions of her thesis. He stood and looked out the window for a moment before answering. It was true there were some unexpected happenings. Yes, she had used some unconventional methodology but her circumstances had required the changes. Susan and I should talk about what that all entailed. He didn't want to be the one to tell me about it.

I told him she wouldn't share that with me but had promised to do so once her PhD was assured.

"Yes," he replied, "Her changes had required quite a lot of revisions but all the committee members had expressed strong support for her research now that it was done. Susan's actual on-site time seemed a little long but variations like that are not unusual in doctoral level research. You should not read too much if anything into such a time extension. The committee would not have accepted her methodology a priori"

He stared out the window, not looking at me. Finally he turned saying, "Speaking as a father and as a husband now, not a professor, I need to tell you that you and Susan have to have an in-depth and rational discussion bout everything that occurred while she was doing her research." He was sure we were going to have lots to consider as a couple. He told me how important forgiveness is in a marriage and suggested that I might need to do a lot of this. My anxiety and suspicion level increased exponentially.

I told him I knew she was meeting with her thesis committee next week and hoped that all would go well so she could get back to being normal with me. He told me he had gone over her research several times. Her committee presentation and subsequent final orals would most likely go smoothly. He anticipated no academic problems from the committee. He said he thought that her degree would be granted this spring.

I told him of her ultra conservative dress. He had already noted that and seemed a little amused. He thought she was going a little overboard in identifying with her research community but still I should not make too much of it. His attempts to calm my fears were not working.

I asked if she had been using her audio set up with communicating with him or other committee members. He said yes of course. All of the faculty and graduate students had them installed on their computers. Certainly voice communications via computers was common and inexpensive. Communicating with any of her thesis committee was not permitted outside the formal group meetings, of which the next was next week.

I had only one other question for him. Did he know of her living arrangements while she was on-site? I knew there were no motels within ten or so miles and that she had not taken her car. She could not commute. He said she would be presenting and defending all her findings and methodology with the committee next week. Her living arrangements would certainly be part of her final presentation. She certainly was at liberty, from his standpoint, to tell me anything she wanted. He was not at liberty to discuss personal things like that without her consent.

He thought it somewhat strange and unusual that she had asked him not to talk to me about her living arrangements. He had no personal or academic interests in anything Susan and I talked about. He was obviously aware of my anxiety. He told me that doctoral candidates were almost always paranoid about keeping their research secret until the committee had approved it for publication. He went on to say that her total secrecy from me was certainly highly unusual.

I prepared to leave by thanking him. He inquired more about my own academic background. Upon learning of my summa cum laude graduation from a famous university in Colorado and my subsequent master's degree, he encouraged me to pursue my own PhD at his university. The chair of the geology department was a good friend of his so he was always looking for highly qualified candidates. I could sense the recruitment and thanked him but felt that if one PhD dissertation could stress our marriage like hers had then another would surely destroy us as a couple.

He smiled and said, "Not every candidate finds their research as difficult personally or takes it as personally as Susan has."

We shook hands and parted in a friendly manner.

As I was leaving, his secretary gave me a file of my wife's financial account activity for the past year. She told me that this was confidential information and should not be shared with anyone except my wife. The secretary was sure my wife had her account all this information stored in her computer already as Susan had submitted everything electronicallyAs I drove back home, my mind was a whirlwind of concerned activity. My suspicions had multiplied exponentially. Professor Young had done nothing to quiet my anxiety. In fact my paranoia seemed to be justified now, based on our discussion. Still there was no proof of infidelity. The likelihood seemed to be increasing and was highly suggestive of that possibility. The withholding seemingly harmless information from me, making me draw my own conclusions resulted in suspicion and paranoia. There was no air tight case for infidelity yet.

Arriving home I put the folder in my desk drawer until I was in the mood. I needed heavy exercise, a hamburger then my cello.

I did not mention my trip to see her professor. This was the first time that I actually withheld some important information from her. I felt badly because now I was participating in this infidelity of sharing. I hated to do that but could not find a way to disclose it without showing my hand prematurely. We talked of little nothings. I was really getting concerned about how our marriage was going. She asked me to understand the enormous pressure she was under. I told her it was of her own making. She disagreed.

I told her dressing in long dresses, refusing to let me see her body and her refusal of sex was leading me to believe that she had been unfaithful in some major way. Those behaviors could have nothing to do with her academic aspirations. It was becoming a major issue with me and was wearing my nerves raw.

"Susan, this has to change or our marriage is over. It already is in serious trouble."

She just grimaced and gave me her pat stoic unnatural smile that I knew was forced. My heart was breaking. She said if the committee approved her thesis next Tuesday, then she would tell me everything. She expressed sorrow for the anxiety I had. She did not express sorrow for having been the cause. She turned and went to her locked room. I went into despair.

Finally it was Tuesday. She was up early and, to my astonishment, she dressed in her usual long drab dress with her hair pulled tightly into the familiar bun behind her head. Even for such an important event as presenting and defending her thesis, she dressed in that terrible clothing. Seemed to me her clothing was more even more important for her thesis defense as she was not at all physically attractive. I knew she could be so much more so in modern dress with make up.

"Susan," I spoke with deep concern," you really should dress up for this event. You hold this to be so important. Don't you realize that part of your presentation is how you appear? People will judge you not just on your research but on your whole presentation. That includes your clothing."

My appearance at work was important and I wasn't even a candidate.

"Ethan, you don't know social studies academicians. You earth science majors and business people may think formal dress is important on formal occasions such as this but the social studies people could care less. You should see how some of the female faculty dress."

"Are they married to men?" I asked scornfully.

She gave me that arrogant academician look and left.

I was able to wish her well.

I called my geek friend and confirmed she had gone. He was ready to leave and armed for bear, as he put it.

He arrived with several small bags and containers with plug INS and other electronic devices and several discs. We sat at my wife's computer. I fed him all the information he asked for like name, social security number, mother's maiden name, birth date, etc.

He was into her e-mail in less than two minutes. He told me he was going to copy all her e-mails to a disc and I could go through them later. In about five seconds he had that done. Then he went into her hard disc, opening file by file, into sub-files and sub-sub-files, all password protected but his program gave us all her passwords. He copied everything onto discs.

He then went into her memory where the computer stores things I didn't know there was anything. He went into the hard disc and copied everywhere and every site she had visited. He copied her deleted files. He said he could copy every key stroke she had ever made. Her hard disc had so much memory space it could keep everything. He made several hard discs. He then went into her old "deleted" files; the ones that we think are gone when we delete them. He put these on the hard disc also.

Since she had a huge hard disc memory, he was able to retrieve everything she had 'deleted' over the past two years when she had upgraded her hard drive. Finally, he went through and erased every evidence that her computer had been hacked. He smiled as he was copying everything onto back up discs. I asked him why we needed two copies and he stated that one copy could always be lost somehow or stolen. If I had another full copy of everything from her computer at a safe place, the information would not be at risk even if someone were to find the set I kept at home. He suggested a bank deposit box.

We did not look into every file but simply saved them. I already knew that there just had to be really bad stuff on the discs, stuff that had the potential to destroy our marriage. I thanked him and gave him a nice personal check. I went to the bank and rented a deposit box in my name only and deposited the back up discs for safe keeping.

My wife returned after supper time having eaten in the city and having called me to tell me to grab a hamburger for supper. When she arrived she seemed happy. I asked her how the thesis critique went. She smiled and said it had gone even better than she had hoped. Her thesis had been accepted for publication by the University Academic Counsel. This is the official publications unit for the university. The committee had elected to conduct her final orals also. She had now completed all academic requirements for her degree. She was elated. There would be no further problems. Everyone concerned had reassured her. She was almost dancing.

"See," she said with exuberance, "I told you so. The way I dressed had nothing to do with how good my research was and how well I presented it."

I congratulated her again and again. She had succeeded in a most difficult task. Now she only had to wait until May convocation to receive her coveted Ph.D. I expressed high praise and congratulations. I wanted to give her a big hug. When I tried to hug and kiss her she turned away from me.

"I can't kiss you yet like we used to," she murmured.

"What the hell is this all about?" I inquired. "Your degree is assured. Your research is complete. You have a state high school teaching license. You have everything you ever put your mind to. Now is the time to put your mind and heart back into making our marriage what it once was."

She pulled away.

"We can never go back, "she said.

"What the hell is all this about?" I asked. "We don't have to go back, we have to go forward."

She took a step back. "I have been dreading and looking forward to this day at the same time. I still have unfinished business concerning the grant before we discuss anything else."

"You're delaying, Susan, and for no reason, "I accused her. "You're stringing me along! What is going on? No sex. No cuddling. No sharing. NO LOVE." I shouted at her. "Are we through? I can't take anymore of this. Are you leaving me or do I leave you?"

She looked at me with both sadness and irritation displayed.

"One more week, please, Ethan," she stated. "The financial part of my grant and the payment of the final graduation fees must be taken care of then we will have the long awaited talk and sharing time. Everything will be crystal clear then."

I got really angry. "You have a computer. Everything can be done electronically in a matter of a few minutes but you want a whole 'nother dammed week!"

This started another heated argument. It ended up that I accepted this last delay. I could not change her mind.

"Sweetheart, there will be no more delays after this one. If you try to pull this crap on me again, the only delay will be how long it takes me to find a divorce lawyer. Don't get me wrong. I hate divorce but this crap has to end. What you are putting me through is worse than divorce. It's living hell day by day. This is like picking the petals of the butter cups: she loves me, she loves me not. I don't think you love me so I'm not going to waste any more time picking petals and wondering if you love me. You simply could not love and trust me and treat me way you have these past five months."

I went out to take a long walk to try to cool off. I was truly angry, down deep angry and told her so. I would be back "when I get back."

She sat down on the couch in apparent turmoil of thoughts.

As I walked in the cool evening air, I knew I was close to the breaking point. On the other hand, this final delay gave me another week to review her university grant account and her computer files I now had without her knowledge. I could be loaded for bear in less than a week.

That night was a difficult night for me. I had trouble sleeping. I tossed and turned. Susan seemed to sleep fitfully also. I awakened her several times by thrashing around but she would go right back to sleep. I tried to calm down and finally dozed off into a noxious sleep.

I awoke early the next morning with my arm lying lightly across her belly. She was laying on her back breathing gently in a deep sleep. As I moved my hand she did not move. My hand slid to her lower abdomen. It had frequently been there before. It seemed an eternity since I had touched her body. I slid my hand slowly southward, easing lightly down to not awaken her but to feel for her pubic hair.

It always felt so soft and so sexy. It aggravated my early morning hard on. Something was very different. Usually her belly was flat when she was lying on her back. Now there was a smooth and noticeable lump protruding up from under her pubis. My curiosity was immediately aroused as I explored and felt her belly more thoroughly. I almost came unglued at the thought that flashed into my mind. This abdominal growth was smooth and rounded on the top. It was easily a hand width over her pelvic bone. Really it was almost at her navel. Obviously it was not tender as she had not awakened.

I withdrew my hand in horror. Now all her secrecy made sense. Her morning sickness that she had come home with but finally cleared up made sense. SHE WAS PREGNANT. The child could not have been mine for she had been on birth control pills when we parted. Now I remembered that I had not seen her birth control pills since she came back. She usually left them out with her tooth brush and cosmetics. The cosmetics of course were gone. She didn't use them anymore.