The Fourth Wife

I jotted down to ask her just where that money was.

"Ethan," she continued," the wives got along very well. There seemed to be no real disaffection to their joint husband; actually there was a bit of competition as to who could sexually satisfy him best. The issue that made my mother and me run away now, after several months of reflection, seems to be not as serious as I once thought when my mind was being driven by my emotions.

"I think it is important that everyone fit into their culture if they are to be happy. Girls do need to be introduced to sex in a caring loving way. I was terribly turned off by this at first but now I can accept it even though I know the outside society in which you live, and I used to live in exclusively, disagrees. Each culture has its own norms to live by. Some cultures wear no clothes at all, remember."

I interrupted, "Do you mean that raping a child doesn't turn you off any more? That's not just sick, it's evil"

She continued as if I had said nothing. Guess she didn't want to get off her script.

"Let me address the issue of not having marital relations with you. I know this is a real bone of contention with you. I am truly saddened. I have wanted to tell you why but up until now, I was sure you would fly off your handle. If you did that then I would also and the ensuing battle of personalities would have set my research back several weeks.

"Obviously Henry has not enjoyed sex with me since I left. I wanted to keep the multiple sexual encounters with him fresh in mind so having sex with you would most likely make me forget the details of our intimacies which I truly did enjoy. In an attempt to keep my memory clear, I had to refuse sex with you. When you first returned, the nausea that the pregnancy caused made me less interested in sex. As time went by, I began to understand that I was truly married to two very different cultures represented by two very different men who both love me in very different ways.

"I could not continue this way. In the outside society in which you live, I am married to you. We make tender slow cuddly love. I have truly enjoyed those times and have no regrets. You are an ideal husband for this culture."

"In the town where I lived as the fourth wife, sex was rougher and I was the submissive while he was the dominant. I came to enjoy that style of lovemaking also. In fact, it is far superior. I knew you could never treat me in that way. You are too gentle a person for that.

"Believe me, going without sex for these months has not been easy on me either. I have craved it. But I craved the wild, rough sex and Henry's enormous cock in my pussy. I have to do something soon about this dilemma. My thesis is completed and the pressure from that is relieved. I have to make a very crucial decision concerning my state of marriage. Who am I going to be married to? More importantly, which of these different societies and cultures do I choose to live in?

"Obviously I cannot live in both nor be married to both you and Henry. He would not tolerate me giving myself to you. If I choose to return to him, I have to not have had sex with anyone else when I return. That would be infidelity to him. I am pregnant by him. I am unsure that you can accept this child as one of your own if I choose to live outside with you.

"You have some right to believe that I was not true to you. Remember though that it all started with rape. I believe this child is the product of that rape. You notice that I am wearing your wedding band. I got it back from Henry when he took me as his fourth wife. He said I had to wear a wedding band and he didn't need to buy one as he had my ring already.

"It was only considerably later that I willingly and eagerly engaged in Dom/sub sexual activity with Henry. The sex with him, after the first couple of weeks was exciting and totally new to me. I loved it. I voluntarily told him I loved him and loved the sex with him. I told him I had come back 'home' to find out for myself if my mother had been wrong for leaving. I am now convinced she had been wrong. It was not until he had sex with his underage daughter that I had serious qualms about adopting the life style completely and becoming his permanent fourth wife.

"I tried to show my love for that life culture by dressing in their clothing. The tranquility of the ancient life style, the closeness to Mother Nature, the dependence on each other and the dominant protective male showed how life could be lived happily".

"I was disappointed that the other wives had not experienced the outside life and been able to actually choose their culture as I could. They couldn't freely adopt the communal life style since they had no experience in the outside culture like I had had. I have experienced the good and bad of both. Our society suffers from a superficial existence. This outside society is dominated by acquisition of things rather than nurturing relationships.

"Now that my degree is assured I can reflect on my future rationally. The challenge of teaching in that little town is something I can thoroughly enjoy. Being Henry's loving and caring fourth wife is something I have and am giving careful consideration to. My decision is between you and this outside society or him and his society and culture. This is not an easy decision. I love the academic life and will miss that when, or if, I return.

"True, now that I sneaked out, he may not take me back. That is a risk I have to take. I have been able to communicate with him through the friends I have in the nearby community. He is willing to forgive me and take me back but I will have to do penance. He is also demanding that I bring, in cash, the equivalent of what I would have contributed to the family while I am not there. He will not accept me back under any circumstance if I am not back immediately after receiving my PhD."

"Continuing on in my life with you in this society is my other option. I will need time to make that decision but I have to choose soon or lose the option of returning to Henry as his fourth wife. I ask you to give me that time."

Susan narrowed her eyes as she said, "I have told my thesis committee every detail. I left out nothing to them. I even told them how I had learned to enjoy the Dom/sub relationship. They know I'm pregnant. It means nothing to them academically and what they think of me personally is trivia to me. The PhD is what I was going for and now I'm going to get it."

"Now I am willing to answer any and all of your questions. I just hope you will be civil to me as I have been to you all day long."

I sat quietly for a moment in deep contemplation. My mind came into order rather rapidly. I realized that I had no need of the information taken neither from her computer nor from the grant accounting file. The tape recorder needed to be hanged so I did it. The tapes would be better than anything I could get anywhere else. I was unsure if I was more stoic or angry. What I had was a deep anger and a need for separation from this whole situation.

I took a deep breath, looked straight into her staring eyes and spoke, working hard to control my temper.

"You have forgotten several things in your decision making for your future. You know about the statistical decision tree. You have used it before, just as we have used it together. Opportunities bring the need for decisions. Decisions have consequences, both positive and negative. These consequences do not have equal probabilities of occurring. You know all this. Why didn't you use this statistical tool in your decision making?

"You have been acting foolishly. Your mind is confused by your emotions and you don't even see it. You have left out your most important consequence. You have not considered me. You have kept me out of your life so long that me and my feelings and emotions are no longer factors in your decision making.

"You have both forgotten and willingly trashed your wedding vows to me, to your family and to God. Do I not remember accurately your promising to have and to hold me and me only, for better or for worse; forsaking all others until death do us part? Yet you have taken another lover, a husband and bear his child. What more obvious could you have done to destroy me and our once beautiful marriage?

"You have pushed me out of your life. Your option for remaining as my wife is no longer a valid option. I have decided that our marriage no longer exists. I get to have a voice in that and I'm not waiting for you to decide to trash me for a monster cock attached to a giant of a bully. These months of isolation, secrecy and now the revelation of total infidelity to me have destroyed the 'us'. NO, my dearest wife, your option to continue being married to me is just as much my option as yours. I choose NO! Our marriage is now a NO OPTION to you. You destroyed your own option.

"You have no future with me. Tomorrow I will see a divorce lawyer. Your options are limited to bad or worse. One is you could try to go back to Henry, your real man. Your second husband, in that wretched evil town might take you back. Of course your third option is still open. You could take the path your mother took and raise your child without a father. Of course, there is the fourth and a final option; you could kill your self and your bastard child. That's a very bad one. Maybe someday, if you choose to not go back to your real man, you can find another sucker like me to be a parasite on. Of course there is a fifth option. You can become a lesbian and use a giant dildo and give your illegitimate son two mothers and no father.

Your child is not mine and I will not support you or it. I won't help you make any of your options come true. You are on your own there.

You can still earn a good living and support yourself and the results of your adultery. You do not need me and you will not have me for emotional or financial support ever again.

"You haven't needed me for months. You have tortured me for five months. If you choose to remain 'outside' as you put it, you will do so without my assistance or companionship. My past, present and future with you are all dead. Our relationship is dead, mind you! You killed it. We have no future. Knowing what I know, I would never remarry you after we divorce. You chose your research rather than your husband. You hose infidelity over fidelity. You chose lies over truth. You apparently have chosen adultery with Henry over your marriage vows. You have trashed me, my manhood, my marriage and some of my pocketbook.

"You never gave me a chance to compete and I would not have taken it if you had. When we put these wedding bands on that meant neither of us was available to anyone else. Neither would ever have to be competitive for the others love, support and sexual intimacy. You have used me and my income for support while you make wild rough sex, give your heart to another and get pregnant as a result".

"So this man you are choosing expects me to pay him a dowry to take you off my hands?" I laughed a harsh angry laugh. "Just how in hell do you think I'm going to do that?"

"I have my own grant money. I have enough in hand to get back in with it if I go back by July. I can still file for what remains of my grant money. I have the down payment on my novel also. That surely will be enough," was her angry answer, "You don't need to dip into your precious bank account to fund me. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Susan, you have used me. You have really used me, not loved me. My hard work has funded your adultery via your research. Your grant covered your tuition and academic fees. Everything else I have paid for by my income which I shared with you without any questions. You have not only been sexually infidel, but you have been financially infidel. Now I wonder if you didn't just marry me so you could live your own life and get your degree more easily. I have been nothing more than a step stool in your climb to your own goals. I see clearly what you have done. You have broken my heart and apparently you could care less for doing so. You even lied to when you told me loved me jus a little while ago. That has to be the mother of all lies and it came out of the mouth of the only woman I ever loved. Susan, I have lost any desire to even be around you."

She winced and shook her head.

"Ethan, I had nothing but love for you all these years. I had hoped that you would accept me. I am torn inside also. My heart is divided. I wanted you to show me how much you loved me by remaining faithful to me these past months without all your complaining and constant bitching. You lost out by letting your emotions go into free fall, spiraling our marriage onto the rocks."

I threw back at her, "Your heart is divided but mine is broken. You broke it and you can't fix it. You promised me to never let another man into it. I don't think you know what love or fidelity is."

"So you wanted me to show my love for you by accepting your adultery?" I yelled at her. "You wanted me to love you so much that when you chose to leave me, it would hurt even more. What kind of monster have you become? He is a monster. You have become like him. You deserve each other. Are you sure you are really in love with a domineering monster rapist male?"

I was furious again. She had confided all this to a group of her academic peers but she had refused to share it with me. Truly, I knew that I was, and probably always had been only a sideline in her life.

"Susan," my anger was evident as was the hurt, "are you going back to him? Do you know what your penance will be? Of course not! He is not going to tell you he is going to flog you half to death to teach you a lesson and to show his other wives that they better toe his line or suffer the same terrible consequences. You escaped once; that won't happen again. If you go back, you will die there, sooner or later but probably sooner. If he kills you will be buried in a pig sty and your death will be recorded as natural causes. I wager his beating you to death is considered the man's right and duty to an erring wife according to his religion. I can assure you your torture won't be easy or short.

"Most likely you will be flogged in front of all the wives in the town, and then taken home to be further beaten. Any man who will demand a dowry, who rapes his children, and who raped you will certainly take pleasure in teaching every one a terrible lesson of dominance and submission.

"They don't believe in the "outside" doctors so don't expect to get your broken bones and shovel handle gored pussy fixed. Very likely, you will lose your pregnancy as a result of the beatings and pussy goring. You better find out what your penance involves before putting your life and the life of your unborn child at serious risk. I'll have no part of that or of you"

Of course I had no way of knowing if anything I said was true or not. I just wanted to degrade her and scare her. I wasn't thinking of any kind of loving rehabilitation or marriage resolution. I was angry at being taken.

"As you so succinctly told me, 'I can take care of myself.' Well, you will surely find out if you go back. You told me he was a very strong physical specimen who could and would dominate you with the approval of the community. You better be very careful if you value your life and the life of his child. He will have no guilt in killing you or even his unborn child growing in your womb."

I had heard of women escaping from the darkness and evil of their culture. I could understand that. But how could an intelligent person such as Susan, a person who knew of freedom and equality and opportunity, willingly choose to return? Surely she was mentally ill. I could think of no other reason for her even considering a return. Was a monster penis attached to a domineering male that attractive that she would turn her back on her marriage vows, her husband, her family and her freedom? How had this evil possessed her?

I got up and walked around the now darkened room. The sun had set on planet earth and on my marriage.

"Susan," I muttered, "This morning I was only angry at you. Tonight I am tired of you and washed out. I am a defeated person. I am numb inside. I am feeling some anger still but sorrow, sadness, personal defeat as a man and as a husband has overwhelmed me. Isolation surrounds me. Nevertheless, I am feeling some sense of release from the hell you have kept me in. At least now I have closure on this part of my life. Now all I have to do is figure out what I'm going to do tonight and the tomorrows that follow. How I will get on with my life without you is my only concern now. You no longer exist to me. You and your concerns are no longer a part of me"

This latter I spoke quietly in despair. The emotional drain took over and I felt a hundred years old. I had been royally screwed and rejected by the one I had loved so dearly. Somehow I didn't care like I had this morning. The bruise on her face would heal but my heart was broken and would not heal.

I didn't even feel like attacking her. All I wanted was for this to be over with. I wanted her out of my life entirely. I wanted to forget everything about her and everything about my ever knowing her. To remember nothing would be better than to remember anything at all about her.

She just sat there. She said nothing. When I left, she was still sitting in the same position staring at the wall behind where I had been sitting. I walked out to exercise by fast walking and slow thinking.

I had unfinished business. She had created her own punishment but there was a man yet to feel the wrath of a capable and dedicated 'outsider' whom he had crossed. My intelligence, expertise and world wide contacts were to be pitted against a strong-willed, heavily muscled, uneducated giant living in isolation from modern technology. I willed to take no hostages. If we both perish, so be it but he surely would go first. There would be justice applied. To this I dedicated myself.

I slept on the couch. Early the next morning I called in for two weeks personal family leave. Susan had gotten up and fixed coffee.

"Susan," I said, "enjoy the coffee. You won't get any after you go back. There will be a thousand other things you won't enjoy but you will have that monster penis and you will have all the rough dominant sex your now well-stretched pussy can handle. Of course, you can raise your child in isolation from the world, and if it's a girl you will get to talk to her on the night before her twelfth birthday. She will get to enjoy her first sex via Henry's giant penis. She will be your gift to your real man of a husband in only a little of twelve years from now. Enjoy your life, Susan. You can take care of yourself, I'm sure. Ha Ha?

"We will be soon divorced. You can keep your fifty thousand deposit but remember, once you're back to your real man, your research and publishing days are over.

This house is going to be mine and mine only. Your name may be on the title with mine but I have made all the payments. No judge will give you an interest in it as long as you keep your fifty grand. I won't let you have your real man and any piece of this house to. That will happen only over my dead body. It goes on the market today."

I had plans for her 'real man' that I wasn't going too her or anyone about.

"You better make preparations for living somewhere else. I'm moving my stuff to the corporate apartment this afternoon. I'll get the rest soon. This house should sell easily."

"I am going to be legally free from you as I am now finally emotionally free. I will send you the name of my divorce lawyer in case you need to talk to me. From here on, we talk to lawyers, not directly to the other. Here is your cell phone."

I packed in silence without sharing coffee or another word. I took the tapes in case she and I got into a divorce fight. I was not going to say goodbye as I didn't see anything good about this situation. She had become a nonentity to me: just a piece of furniture that would have to be moved when the house was sold. The darkness of the past five months was giving way to the dawn of a new day for me.