The Freshman Ch. 19

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She interrupted her story to remind Jason about her anger over the tattoo incident the month before. "Tattoos bring back a lot of bad memories for me, Jason. Now you'll know why I'm never gonna let you get a tattoo."

The problem for Cecilia was that she continued to do well in her studies and did not want to give up that part of her life. She also saw what was happening to some of the other girls her age, who already were beginning to fall into abusive relationships and quitting school. One by one her old friends were disappearing from her classes. Some were already using crack, and some were already pregnant, but none of them was leading a life that she found appealing. The more the others were leaving school, the more determined she was to stay.

During Cecilia's sophomore year, Vicente's character changed dramatically. He was becoming much more aggressive and more demanding about sex. The sexual part of the relationship, something she had enjoyed at the beginning, became more and more onerous as Vicente's sexual appetites changed. To her horror he began experimenting having sex with mixtures of Viagra, ecstasy, and cocaine. When the drugs did not give him the results he wanted he blamed her. Several times he slapped her over his frustration from his own sexual performance.

By the beginning of the second year of the relationship Vicente was regularly using cocaine as well as helping Raul sell it on the streets. Cecilia became afraid of his mood swings and the constant threat of being punched or slapped. She felt horribly trapped. As for the community, the rules were very clear; she did not have the right to complain. She was his property, and it was her duty to keep him happy.

Vicente became even more bossy and demanding as the weeks went by. Cecilia's life at home was becoming increasingly unpleasant. Her only escape was school. She spent more and more time at school, hanging out with teachers and studying in the library. To her school was the only place that made sense. The world on the outside didn't make any sense.

When Cecilia learned that Vicente had another girlfriend, she confronted him about it and ended up with a bloody nose. With that she had enough. I'm getting out of this, she thought to herself. I've had it with Vicente and Raul. They can take their drugs and their gang and all the rest of their shit and stick it up their asses.

Using Vicente's other girlfriend to justify what she was doing, she broke up with him. Vicente got violent and smashed several things in the Sanchez' apartment, which set off a fight between Cecilia's mother, her mother's boyfriend, her brother, and Vicente. The issue that set off the fight was the broken items in the apartment, not Cecilia. In the end it turned out to be very fortunate that Vicente did break all that stuff, because it precipitated a vicious fistfight between him and Raul . The fight gave Cecilia her chance to slip out of the relationship with Vicente without having to confront her brother.

When she went to school the next day, Cecilia enjoyed a real sensation of freedom. She had done it, she was free! No more Vicente, no more bloody noses, no more cocaine-induced sex demands, no more pressure to join the girls' gang! She was done with all that! She was free!

The euphoria only lasted a couple of days. Before long, Vicente was back at the apartment, having made up with Raul and also expecting to make up with Cecilia. She fought the urge to take him back, sticking to her disgust over the fact he had another girlfriend. Her resolve not to take him back became even stronger when she found out that the other girlfriend was pregnant with his child.

After a week of arguing it finally seemed Vicente was ready to give up, especially since Cecilia's mother still was furious about what had happened to her apartment and ordered Raul to keep him out. Again Cecilia breathed a huge sigh of relief, except there was one problem. She had missed her period. So, it turned out that she hadn't broken free after all. Now she was stuck with having Vicente's kid.

A month passed, and several pregnancy tests confirmed the news, Cecilia was pregnant. What on earth was she going to do? Vicente already had another kid on the way and his behavior was becoming more erratic than ever. She couldn't go back to him. What the fuck was she going to do?

During that first month of being pregnant she made a significant decision. She decided not to tell anyone about the pregnancy until she could figure out how to deal with it herself. Of course her family would expect her to have the baby, no matter what. But did she want the child? She was consumed with hatred towards Vicente for what he had done to her, and now her hatred was focused against his child, the one that she was carrying.

She went to Social Services for advice. The social worker pondered her options, none of which seemed particularly appealing. Finally, having exhausted all other possibilities, he made a suggestion, that she consider having an abortion. The thought went against everything that Cecilia's community believed and was a horrible solution, but it was the only choice that promised her the possibility of staying in school and returning to her prior life.

For several days Cecilia struggled with the issue, but her hatred of Vicente finally pushed her to go ahead with the visit to the clinic. She asked the social worker to help her make arrangements, which entailed a trip into New York City. The procedure itself was grueling, humiliating, and left her in tears, but as she laid back and felt the instruments press into her, she kept reminding herself that it was her revenge against her ex-boyfriend. I ain't havin' your fuckin' kid, Vicente. I just ain't.

Cecilia returned to school somewhat changed. She had made her deal with the devil, ending the life of the child she was carrying so she could have her freedom back. There were times she felt horribly guilty about what she had to do, but usually she was able to direct her guilt as blame against her ex-boyfriend. Had he treated her better, she would not have felt so driven to have the abortion.

She became coldly focused on her studies. The guys remaining in school chased after her because she was so attractive, but she rudely rebuffed them. She spent the next three years of her life completely alone, pursuing a single mission in life. At all costs, she had to get her diploma and get out of the neighborhood. For the next three years, her obsession was graduating. She just had to get away.

She looked upon the Salsa and Rap-induced machismo of her neighborhood with loathing. She made no effort to conceal her contempt of the messages being constantly blared out through the loudspeakers and stereos of her peers. She jeered at her classmates' sexist Rap lyrics and in doing so further alienated herself from the other girls still attending the school. Anyhow, that wasn't how she was going to live. She was determined that never again would she take orders from a boyfriend or submit to anything a guy wanted. Instead, she would have to find a partner who was willing to submit to her and obey her. Never again could she relinquish control of her life to someone else, no matter how much she loved that other person.

When Cecilia finished her story she stood quietly at the window. Jason wasn't sure what to say. He had grown up in a community where abortion was not looked upon as much more than a simple medical procedure, but he knew that in the community from which Cecilia came, abortion was viewed very differently. To her, admitting to having undergone an abortion was a horrible confession. She had made a desperate decision that completely cut her off from the core values of her church, her family and her community. In Cecilia's mind, to keep her freedom she had to commit murder.

He knew better than to try to argue with her or convince her that what she did was no big deal. To her it was a very big deal. There would be no convincing her otherwise. He did have a question.

"I'm kinda curious about one thing. If you had to do it all over again, the abortion I mean, would you?"

"Yes, Jason, I would've. I didn't have any choice, 'cause I didn't wanna be Vicente's bitch. That's what he kept callin' me, his bitch. I ain't nobody's bitch."

Cecilia had opened the window of her soul to Jason, not out of any sudden weakness or vulnerability, but because she wanted him to understand her needs and what being with her would truly mean for his own life. He would have to surrender himself, because she couldn't have it any other way. There was no question that he would indeed submit to her. At that moment, following their night of difficult confessions, he became committed to accepting the life she had created for him. He had no choice, because the trip home and his memories of Heather Jones made him realize that, without Cecilia, the only thing he could look forward to in his own life was failure. He did not have a strong personality and without a partner who could force him to focus his energies, he would drift. He had the intelligence to succeed, but lacked the drive in his character. Cecilia, with her sharp commands and her willingness to use the belt on him, filled that void in Jason's life.

He needed her every bit as much as she needed him. Not only did he need her help with his studies, but he also needed her discipline and her ability to help him focus. He needed the love she was offering, a love that demanded he make the most out of himself and overcome his weaknesses.

Jason also knew, in spite of her assertion "I'm gonna have to be in charge, and you're gonna have to live with that," there were some things in life he would be able to teach her. Swimming was one example. Over time there would have to be more swimming lessons, because she absolutely had to learn how to swim. Another way he had influenced her was her increasing openness about her body. He noticed she was wearing underwear less and had begun sleeping in the nude. His goal next summer would be to get her to go to a nude beach and break away from her remaining inhibitions. Over time he would have the chance to change her in other ways, although he would have to do it quietly and on the spur of the moment. Obviously he could never change her by attempting to give her any orders.

----------

It was 3:00 in the morning, but neither Cecilia nor Jason was tired. Jason needed to go to the bathroom, so Cecilia escorted him out of he women's wing and waited for him to return to the commons area. When Jason returned, they briefly looked at the deepening snow outside through a bay window, and then went back to her room.

As soon as she shut her door, she ordered him to stand still so she could undress him. She went slowly, gently caressing his body as she took off each article of clothing. Finally his shorts fell to the floor and he stepped out of them. As usual, he was not wearing any underwear. He continued standing still while she lovingly caressed his bottom and gently patted it. He sighed with arousal and some anxiety, because by patting his bottom she was letting him know that he was due for a spanking.

That night there was no sensuous lovers' talk, nor was there any teasing about what a bad boy Jason was. She simply was in the mood to have him lie across her lap and spend the next hour studying, caressing, and spanking his lovely bottom. She kissed him, patted his bottom again, gave it a very light smack, and then quickly pulled off her own clothes. Jason understood he was to remain standing and not move until she gave him permission, but already he was fully erect.

Cecilia could not have picked a better night to spank Jason. He was in the mood to be spanked. He was in the mood to lie across Cecilia's lap, surrender himself to her, and endure the moderate pain and intense pleasure that he always felt when she punished him by hand.

She sat down on the bed and took his hand. She guided him over her lap and positioned him so that he was gracefully draped over her thighs. With her hand she gently pressed the insides of his legs to spread them slightly. She then instructed him to tilt his bottom up slightly so that he was spread and fully exposed. She gently brushed the backs of his testicles to tease him and then ran her finger up the middle, brushing past his bottom-hole. She tapped it with her fingertip and gave him a warning.

"I wanna see this until I'm finished with you. I want this sweat bottom of yours to stay relaxed. If you try to tighten up, I'm gonna have to get up and use the belt. I don't think you're gonna like that as much as my hand. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Cecilia."

He shifted up even more, inviting her to explore and study his backside before spanking it. She spent a very long time lovingly caressing and kissing that bare bottom, occasionally teasing his testicles or circling his bottom-hole with her fingertip. He loved it when she gently touched her lips to his bare skin, which soon would be pink and hot from the sharp slaps that were only minutes away. He was desperate with anticipation, loving every second of it.

She started gently at first, mixing soft slaps with caresses and kisses. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of helplessness and the sharpening physical sensations coming from his bottom. She took her time, enjoying the pinkish tone on his skin as it slowly darkened under her hand. She wished she could have him like this for days on end, because she really did enjoy giving him nice long spankings.

SLAP!...SLAP!... SLAP!... SLAP!... SLAP! After about 15 minutes, Cecilia's own excitement caught up with her. She began smacking him much harder and quit caressing his bottom. Her hours in the gym working out with Lisa were paying off, because now she had much more strength and endurance in her arms. She wanted Jason to feel the punishment, to give him a real spanking, not just a lover's playful pats.

Jason bit his lip and gasped. The pain was more intense than the last time she had given him a hand spanking, but it was just what he needed. To be over his lover lap, to be under her control, to have her belabor his unprotected skin with harsh slaps...yes, it was what he wanted. And yet, as the pain in his bottom increased, he also felt safe and protected. She was in control, she was his keeper and his mistress.

Cecilia watched the light shade of pink on Jason's bottom turn to a deep shade of pink. It was obvious that he was enjoying the experience. She too, was deeply aroused by the sight and feel of Jason's spanked backside, and by the sight of his bottom-hole that he dutifully kept turned up and visible. Yes, he was a good boy. She was training him well.

She felt his penis pressing into her thigh and the familiar burning sensation between her own legs. He was sweating with arousal. He had behaved well, and there was no need to lay any extra swats across his bottom with the belt. Now it was time for the reward, for both of them.

She stopped spanking, ordered him to stand up, tore open a condom package, and quickly slipped it on him. She then lay on her back and drew him to her. He entered her and started thrusting vigorously, the heat from his spanked bottom giving him that extra stimulation for a really special orgasm. Oh, this was good, it was really good. As he thrust into her, over and over, Cecilia gasped with pleasure, her body completely covered in sweat. She had her orgasm, but grunted "more...more...more". She dug her fingernails into her lover's swollen bottom; somehow knowing that would be enough to get another orgasm out of him. Again he pumped semen into the condom as he pushed in and out of her. The bed squeaked and tapped the wall as the two lovers burned out all their stress and energy in that exquisite round of love-making.

Finally, just as it was starting to get light outside, Cecilia and Jason did manage to get to sleep. It was a quiet, snowy Sunday morning, perfect for sleeping in. Cecilia cuddled in Jason's arms and fell asleep. He stayed awake just long enough to think about how happy he was at the moment. For the first time he felt at peace with himself, his life in order, thanks to the one woman on the planet who loved him and understood what he truly needed.

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