The Funeral Director

"Not bad! I think I'd like to feel this in me."

Well she didn't get her wish right away. It had been at least a year since I had been with a woman. Let's face it when your best friend is a Catholic Bishop, you just don't go out cruising bars trying to pick up chicks.

Why am I telling you all this? Simple, I didn't even get turned all the way around before I was all done.

"It's been a while I see." She said looking at the mess on her hip and stomach.

"Over a year," I replied.

"Don't worry we have all day." Then she kissed me.

We eventually started turning into prunes and adjourned to my bed. We spent the rest of the day and all night there.

The next morning we went to breakfast at my favorite diner. We took a little harassment from some of my drivers who happened to be eating there. I knew all my employees would know by lunch.

We drove to Maria's house. She packed a couple of suitcases and was soon ensconced in my bedroom. We tried to baptize every horizontal surface in the residential section.

We had a lot of time to make up for.

Maria was 36 to my 46. If I put my arms around her, she fit perfectly. If I started a sentence, she could finish it for me. We were that much in sync.

We were together six months when we decided to make it permanent. She sold her house and moved in completely with me.

Bet you thought we got married.

Well that would come later. You see we didn't want little Tommy jr. to grow up without a last name.

It was another four months before we tied the knot.

Maria was as big as a house then she walked (wattled) down the aisle. She was so big that I was worried she might deliver before the, "I do".

Our friend the Bishop teased us at the alter, "I have a baptismal font set up in the rear of the church. Just in case."

He married us anyway.

Angelo was my best man and Maria's brother gave her away. It was a great wedding. We honeymooned in Hawaii for a month.

I had Milly on call to fill in for me if needed.

The only downer to our trip was a phone call from one of my guys. Angelo and Mr. DiTucci were killed when their car was struck by a hit and run driver.

Because of the resulting fire my services were not needed.

Tommy Jr was born one day after our wheels touched down at home. He was named Thomas Angelo Gino Steel.

We didn't need to use the Jr. unless his mother was mad at him.

We're trying for a sibling for him.

To be explicit I think I hear Maria calling me now.