The Game Ch. 02

"Wh... what? What happened? Why aren't you...?" she stammered as one of her hands came round and eased between us, obviously hoping that I had merely 'slipped out' temporarily.

"What the... what's wrong? Didn't you...?" she began to ask but, by that time, I was already easing myself away and lying down alongside her, feeling utterly defeated. Naturally, she wanted to know what had gone wrong and, equally obviously, she was entitled to an explanation – but I couldn't find one right then.

Part of it, no doubt, was the familiar fear. Despite the advantages of the present circumstances, the fear that I'd lived with for the best part of 30 years wasn't about to just vanish as quickly as that. But there was, of course, something more; in the throes of orgasm, she'd cried out similar words to those she'd reported using with Greg the previous night – and I'd suddenly become convinced that she was imagining that she was with him again. I felt empty inside; devastated, unable to think clearly and, of course, somewhat shamed by what I saw as my failure.

Almost instinctively, I suppose, Jeanie enfolded me in her arms to offer succour and comfort but, when she went to speak, I said; "No... please... don't say anything," and she was good enough to hold her peace.

I'd thought I was tired, but that feeling had left me. Instead, well... can you imagine what it might be like to be lost at sea – to have a lifejacket to keep you afloat, but only a tiny light and a pathetic whistle to attract any possibility of rescue? That was how I felt at that moment. It was, to say the very least, a time to keep my mouth shut; instead:

"You didn't have to fuck him!" I said.

"What?" and Jeanie was suddenly wide awake and staring at me in complete shock.

"You didn't have to," I repeated, "...and you didn't have to let him cum inside you!" I said without even thinking.

After a moment of shocked silence she glared at me and, emphasising every syllable, rasped; "It was your idea! And it was you that set me up!"

"For dinner!" I insisted, ignoring the voice in my head, screaming that I was wrong and that I needed to cut this out – now! But my mouth was running away with me. "The rest was supposed to be pretend, Jeanie! You weren't supposed to leap into bed with him. That was just for us... in our heads!"

"But... I...." she began, but I wasn't even listening.

"If you hadn't been so hot for him...."

"I was not!"

"You were eyeing him up the first time you met him!" I insisted.

"It was you that...."

"And it was you that sat in the fucking lounge every night so that he could find you," I shouted and, at that, her mouth snapped shut – shocked, angry and lost for words as I went on; "You went into his bedroom of your own accord... because you wanted to! You did everything you could to show him you wanted him... because you wanted to! You let him fuck you... on top... underneath... from behind... whatever he fancied. Because you fucking well wanted to!"

She went to pull away from me, but I held on to her, saying: "And you let him dump his load in you! You could have stopped him... at any point... throughout the evening, Jeanie. But that wasn't what you wanted. You wanted Greg as soon as you saw him, didn't you? You wanted him to fuck you! You wanted to feel him shoot his seed in you... you wanted him to make you pregnant! Was that really his idea, Jeanie? Or was that...?"

"No! Don't you dare!" she yelled, loud enough to shock me into silence. Her face, as I could see when she pushed herself away from me, was streaked with tears, but there was now a blazing anger in her eyes.

"You fucking hypocrite!" she said icily, "You were the one who wanted all the thrills while I took all the risks! You were horny enough to fucking-well explode when I told you what had happened. And now... because of your own hang up... that's right, I said 'hang up'... about having proper sex, you're trying to put all the blame on me!"

Although I tried to interrupt her tirade, Jeanie was in full flow as she almost leapt out of bed and hauled her dressing gown on to conceal her nakedness.

"Everything that happened last night was exactly what you wanted to happen," she said, and it was obvious that she was only just managing not to sob as she spoke, "Everything! Except for Greg coming inside me... and I swear to God that I hadn't even thought about it until the first time it happened. After that... it didn't seem to matter. And let me tell you something... I'm not some ditsy... dizzy blonde. I know exactly where I'm up to with my menstrual cycle and I know there's virtually no chance he could have made me pregnant! But I'm going to make absolutely certain of it anyway!"

"Why didn't you say...?" I tried to break in, already feeling deflated and beginning to realise how stupid I'd been.

"You ought to know why!" she exclaimed. "I felt a man cum inside me for the first time in my life and it was sublime... it was real... it was fantastic! And I wanted to have that same feeling with you... because I love you! "And then the tears – great, big droplets of tears – began to pour down her cheeks; but still she wasn't finished:

"Do you want to know something? Until last night I thought it didn't matter about not having children. I understood what you told me about your family, but I've also found out about a test called 'amniocentesis,' and there're others, too. It's something they can do in the first few months of a pregnancy... they can tell if there's any signs of Down's Syndrome. So there's no reason why we can't at least try.

"I'm twenty-seven! Do you hear what I'm saying? Twenty-seven! My clock's ticking and I want to start a family... I want to start a family with you! Last night I took a load of raw seed inside me for the first time in my life... and let me tell you something; even though I knew it wasn't going to happen, when I heard Greg say he wanted to put a baby in me... it gave me one of the biggest thrills I've ever had in my life!

"Oh, Jeanie...." I said, not knowing what else to say as she wiped the tears away, gave a very loud sniff, took a deep breath and, with determined calm, went on:

"It isn't going to happen right now... you can be absolutely certain of that... but I need it to happen very soon. I need to get pregnant... I need you to give me a baby... soon."

"And if I can't?"

"You can... and you will. I know you will!"

"But if I really can't?" I persisted, knowing that I really shouldn't be asking.

"I'm going to sleep in the spare room tonight," she told me. "I think it's for the best if we just get a good night's sleep and talk again in the morning. We're still tired and we're still too emotionally charged for this." But, as she reached the door, I still couldn't leave it alone.

"What will you do? I mean, if I can't... or won't...?" She stopped in the doorway and turned to face me.

"They're two different things, Love," she answered quietly. "If you genuinely can't... then we can always try IVF... or something. But if you won't... well, that's a different matter. Greg doesn't know who I am, where I live, or anything else about me... but I've got his phone number."

Then she quietly closed the door and left me to stare at the blank whiteness of the ceiling.