The Game Ch. 08

And then she spoke.

"Aunt Sara, I can't believe this happened. I feel so angry and ashamed. I am not even sure what did just happen, but I am so sorry you were there." Her words were softly spoken and carried such regret in them that my heart threatened to break. But also there was that smoldering anger in my heart, and her words seemed to ignite it again.

"Rachel, I love you. It really was not your fault. Chad drugged us." I said.

"I know." She said looking down at her feet. "But why would he. I don't understand. I all but threw myself at him. I would have fucked him without the drugs. Hell that is why I was there."

I said nothing. It was brave of her to admit that she was out to get laid. Most of us won't admit that even when it's true. We prefer to tell ourselves that sex 'just happened' or 'I was really drunk and it felt good' or whatever other line of bullshit we tell ourselves when our glands take over the decision making process.

Why were we as a people so hung up about the need to get laid? It's only like the most basic human drive that exists. I wondered if the world would not be better off if as a species we accepted rather than denied these feelings.

I took a deep breath and said, "Rachel Chad is a fucker and stupid beyond words. He is also insecure about himself as cool as he pretends to be. On some level he believes that is the only way for him to get sex." This had a ring of truth to it, but I also felt there was something else. Something neither of us yet understood.

"Yeah I guess so." Rachel replied.

"Do you feel guilty?", I asked her. The silence that followed was the longest of my life. In a sentence I had laid it on the table. This was what it was really all about. Guilt was the cancer that would destroy this young woman and our relationship if we let it.

"Yes." She replied honestly. "I know I shouldn't. Or at lest I tell myself I shouldn't, but I do. I feel regret and guilt."

And there it was: admission of self awareness and truth. The guilt was no longer an internal cancer, but rather an external enemy to be fought and beaten. There was hope.

"You are right, you shouldn't. But you will." I said knowingly.

She looked at me with a hint of the radiance that once lived behind her eyes. Yes there was hope in them, for both of us.

"I can't believe that I let myself go like that. I mean I should have known better. Even when I was following Chad through that door I knew I shouldn't, but ….." her voice trailed off and I remembered that feeling at the door in my own heart. The wanting and desire so strong it blocked out all other thought.

"I know Rachel, it was the drugs. It did something to us. Made us….."

"Horny beyond rational thought?" she finished for me.

I smiled and said, "Yes that about sums it up."

Then she asked me something that surprised me. "Did you cum?"

I remembered the feeling of wanting to cum. It was like climbing a mountain of illusion. Every time I could feel like I was almost at the top, the mountain grew. I would never peak.

I shook my head slowly to the question and said, "No. Did you?"

She mimicked the shake of my head and said, "No. I mean I wanted to at the time. God I needed to. But it was like I couldn't get there. I wanted to. God knows I was horny enough that I should have cum if the ceiling fan kicked on, but I couldn't. It was….. It was…. Horrible."

She had summed up my feelings exactly. We sat in silence for a minute considering. Finally Rachel spoke again. "The thing I dread most is going to work."

I had considered this aspect of the situation peripherally, but did not want to confront it until Rachel had. There seemed no reason to add this to the pile of issues we faced at the moment.

"Will you go back?" I asked almost sure of the answer.

Her face hardened. "Yes. That fucker is not going to keep me from doing what I love." Then her face fell. It was like a revelation hit her hard in the gut. "My camera!" she cried. "My camera is gone!"

I remembered the pictures she had taken earlier in the evening that was somehow a million years from where we were now. She had put it behind the bar of the club for safe keeping.

For a moment I thought she was ready to get dressed and go get it right this second. I was about ready to begin arguing with her about the folly of that trip, but she got there mentally before she had uttered a word. Her face fell as if someone had died. Her camera was gone.

* * * * * * * *

We talked for another two hours and continued to drink brandy. It may seem strange to think about talking and drinking brandy after the night we had had. But that is exactly what we did, and it felt wonderful.

We rehashed the night over and over again, each time remembering how we felt and trying to pin point the moment we lost control. Over and over again we shared how we felt at each point in the night. Several times we fantasized about pitching the boys off the staircase and watching them splat like the bugs they were on the dance floor below. But no matter how many times we told the story it always ended in the same place. We were used by Chad who had progressed from "asshole", to "major asshole" to "asshole of the universe" to "evil fuck" by the end of the night.

And this of course was good for us. We still did not have the stomach to laugh or joke about the events of the night, but we might get there, eventually. And that was good too. It would not destroy us. We would survive.

By 3 AM neither of us was ready for bed although we were tired. We both feared the dreams that may visit us, but also we did not want to break the bond we had formed as our talisman against evil. As long as we talked and drank brandy, we were safe from the world and most importantly ourselves. Neither of us wanted to let go of that feeling.

But all good things must end, so I took Rachel by the hand. Reluctantly she stood knowing it was time to sleep. I led her down the hall way toward our rooms. Both were on the left, mine first, then hers. I stopped at my door way and hugged her against me.

"Good night young lady. Try to get some rest. You need it." I said.

"Thanks. You too." She said and kissed me gently on the cheek.

We parted and I entered my room. I took off my robe and slipped into a t-shirt and then between two cool sheets.

I was drifting toward sleep when my door opened slowly. I rolled to face Rachel and she slowly walked quietly to the edge of my bed. She pulled up the sheet and slid in next to me. She was naked and warm. "I don't want to be alone." She said.

I understood and pulled her close to me. Her fingers found my shirt and I allowed her to remove it. It was not sexual, just a desire to feel safe and loved. I needed it to, and it felt right to have her next to me. I held her to me feeling her heart beat against my breast. I stroked the smooth skin of her back and she shivered.

I kissed her forehead and said, "Sleep well Rachel."

She murmured already going down toward sleep. I closed my eyes and followed.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The next morning I awoke first. I slipped from the bed and donned my robe. I made coffee and was well into my first cup before Rachel joined me in her robe.

"Sleep okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, but I'm a little sore." She said stretching.

I nodded. I was also a little sore, but we both had had quite a workout the night before. I was sorer from the running than from the sex and I assumed much the same for Rachel.

Rachel took a sip of coffee and sighed, "So why is it again that I can't just go out and get laid like a normal 18 year old chick. I mean, you know dinner, a movie, sex on the couch or in a bed. Why is it again I have to be drugged or date raped or whatever the hell just happened last night."

I laughed although it really wasn't funny. "Rachel if you still can think about sex after last night, I am sure there is hope."

She shook her head but smiled a little. "I know can you believe it? I think that drug must still be in my system because after all that happened, I still had dreams of sex and woke up horny."

As Rachel poured her coffee, the door bell rang.

We both looked at each other unknowingly and I shrugged and I moved toward the door.

I turned the knob as Hell waited on the other side.

* * * * * * * * * * *