The Gang Goes to a Conference

The gang was gathered at The Cheesecake Factory waiting for Penny to take their order.

"Hey. So you guys ready to order?" Penny asked finally.

Sheldon was obviously annoyed. "Since we come in every Tuesday night at six o'clock and order the same exact thing, and it's now six oh eight, I believe your question not only answers itself but also stands alongside such other nonsensical queries as who let the dogs out? And, uh, How are they hanging?"

Penny frowned at him. "Okay. So, the usual, with extra spit on Sheldon's hamburger."

"Penny, a moment? Do you have plans this weekend?" Amy asked.

Penny shrugged her shoulders. "Oh, gee, Amy, I'm sorry, I'm actually pretty busy this weekend."

Amy frowned. "That's too bad. I was hoping you could be my plus-one at the Institute of Interdisciplinary Studies' symposium on the impact of current scientific research on societal interactions."

"The what?" with a confused look on her face.

Leonard chimed in. "It's an annual science conference. We've all been invited to speak."

Penny nodded, obviously uninterested. "Oh. Oh, okay, well, you know, like I said, I have plans, so..."

"Do you know anybody else who would appreciate an all-expense-paid spa weekend at a four-star resort in Big Sur?" Amy asked.

Penny shook her head. "No, I really..." She paused. It just hit her what my was saying. "I'm sorry, free what? Sorry, what, what?"

"I think her weekend just opened up," Leonard said sarcastically.

"You know, it is going to be difficult, but I'm going to cancel my plans so I can do this for my bestie," Penny said with as much sincerity as she could muster.

*****

The hotel was beautiful. The group couldn't help but admire their surroundings as they stood in the lobby. Then a tall, gorgeous black man appeared appeared before them.

"Bernadette?" he asked.

Bernadette's face lit up. "Oh, my God, Glenn!" The two hugged. The top of her head barely reached the bottom of his ribcage.

"Great to see you!" Glenn said as they stepped apart from each other.

"Are you here for the conference?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm doing a global warming panel."

"Oh, good for you. Uh, Glenn, this is my boyfriend Howard."

"Oh. Nice to meet you." Glenn reached out and shook Howard's hand.

Glenn's hand completely swallowed Howard's. "Hi. Ow. Hi."

Glenn looked down at Bernadette, getting an eyeful of her ample cleavage. "You're a lucky man. Bernie's a great gal."

Howard nodded, completely intimidated. "Yes. Bernie sure is."

Glenn excused himself. "Well, I gotta run. The panel's tomorrow morning. It's called, 'Remembering Snow: A Look Back'."

"I'll try to catch it," Bernadette said beaming.

Howard leaned into Bernadette as Glenn walked away. "Please tell me he's your gay cousin."

Bernadette shook her head. "No. He was one of my professors in college."

Howard took a deep breath. "Oh! That's a relief."

"Then we went out for a year." Bernadette grabbed Howard's hand, completely unaware he was stunned beyond belief. "Come on, let's check in, so we can take that 'nap'."

Raj whispered in Howard's ear. Howard shot his friend a look. "No, it's not necessarily proportional. Shut up!"

The door man arrived at Howard and Bernadette's hotel room. Howard reached into his wallet. "That green bag is Dr. Cooper's. Here's an extra five. Make him wait." He closed the door and turned to Bernadette. Bernadette pounced. "Oh. Right to the nap, huh? Okay? Uh, so, this Glenn guy. You say you went out with him for, like, a year."

Bernadette was rubbing her body against Howard's. "Do we really need to talk about my old boyfriend now?"

"No. I guess not." Howard paused. "What is he, like, six-four, six-five?"

"Six-seven." She pulled back. "Is something bothering you?"

"I'm just thinking. If you had sex with that guy, I mean, there's nothing I can do here," he said pointing at his groin, "that will make any kind of impact."

Bernadette looked at him sympathetically. "Howard, it's not a contest. I love you. I want to be with you."

"Yeah, great, love you, too, but, if it were a contest, I wouldn't have a chance, right?"

Bernadette shook her head. "If you must know, yes, he was, um, larger, yes. But that doesn't mean it was better than what we have." She lied. Glenn was fucking huge. And she loved it. He fucked her brains when they were dating, no doubt about that. Just the thought of him made her wet. "He was actually, uh, too big." That part was true, kind of. Sometimes when Glenn had his cock shoved up her ass it was painful. Sometimes. Most of the time it sent her into a frenzy.

Howard held an "L" to his forehead. "Yep. Loser." He paused. "I just never figured that a guy like me going out with a girl like you would ever have to compete with a guy like that."

Bernadette's mood changed. "Wait a minute, a girl like me? What's that mean? Are you saying you don't think I'm hot enough to go out with a guy like Glenn?"

"No! No, I'm saying exactly the opposite," Howard stammered.

"I'm too hot to go out with a guy like Glenn?" Bernadette screeched.

Howard paused. He knew he was screwed. "Yeah, let's go with that."

*****

There was a knock at Penny and Amy's hotel door.

"Hey, Howard. What're you doing here? Shouldn't you and Bernadette be taking a nap"?" Penny asked.

Howard hung his head. "Can I stay here tonight?"

Penny was shocked at the question. "What?! Why, what happened?"

"Well, I'm a complete and total ass according to Bernie, and she's hungry for black cock if you ask me."

Penny's eyebrows nearly flew off her head. Then she nodded her head. "Oh, yeah, well, I can see that,"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Which part?" Howard asked.

"Oh, uh, yeah, nothing," Penny said shaking her head. "Why don't you stay with Raj?"

"Because he's only got one bed, and that'd be weird."

"And sleeping with us wouldn't be?"

"But then I could say I slept with both of you," he said grinning.

Penny shook her head. "You're a sick little man." Howard just smiled and shrugged his shoulders. She turned towards Amy. "What do you think, Amy?"

Howard chimed in before Amy answered, "I'll sleep on the floor."

Amy smiled and shook her head. "Not necessary. Penny and I are perfectly comfortable sharing a bed."

"We are?" Penny asked in a surprised tone.

"Of course, we're best friends."

"Oh, right, right, the blog."

Amy held up a finger. "Word of warning, though. I'm prone to night terrors, so if I wake up kicking and screaming, don't panic. Just pin me down and stroke my hair, and I'll be fine."

*****

Later that night there was a knock at Leonard and Sheldon's door. Leonard climbed out of bed and answered the door to find Penny standing there in her barely-there pajamas.

"Hey, can I stay here tonight?" Penny asked.

Leonard held a finger to his lips. "Shh-shh-shh-shh. Sheldon's asleep. What's going on?"

"Well, Howard's a complete and total ass and is in my bed, Bernadette's hungry for black cock, and no matter how much you stroke Amy's hair, she bites."

Leonard was confused. "What?"

"Never mind. Can I stay here or not?"

"Uh, sure. So, how do you wanna do this?"

Penny pointed at Sheldon in his bed. "Well, I'm not getting in bed with him."

Penny awkwardly climbed into Leonard's bed. It wasn't long before the added rustling woke Sheldon up.

"Please tell me you're not having coitus," Sheldon asked annoyed.

"We are not having coitus," Penny stated flatly.

"Can you guarantee that it won't happen at any time during the night?"

"Yes."

Leonard quickly chimed in. "No," he said with a mischievous smile.

*****

There was a knock on Bernadette's door. She answered the door in her bathrobe. It was Glenn. She had called him and asked him to come to her room.

"Hey, what's up, Bernie? Everything okay?"

"Oh, everything's fine now," she cooed. "Come on in."

Glenn entered the room and looked around. "So where's your boyfriend?" He turned around to see the bathrobe Bernadette had been wearing on the floor at her feet. She was wearing a lacy white bra that was straining to constrain her 34DD breasts. She also had on a matching garter belt, g-string, and hosiery that led down to shiny black stilletos.

"I booted his butt out. I was hoping you might beat me with that big black nightstick you carry around in your pants," she purred as she moved closer to him.

A grin spread across his face. "My dick's been hard ever since I saw you in the lobby this morning," he said as he peeled his shirt off, revealing his broad shoulders and six-pack abs.

"We can't have that," she said looking up at him while she unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants.

His pants fell to the floor. The bulge inside his underwear was more than obvious. It ran up and leaned to the side, almost popping out just above his hip. "Oh my goodness! That looks uncomfortable, she said with a twinkle in her eye. She grabbed the waistband of his boxers and slowly pulled it down, until his nightstick popped out at her, showing itself in all its glory.

Her knees went weak. It was even bigger than she remembered. It was nearly a foot long and looked almost as thick as Howard's puny wrist. She could see the veins running around it pulse with his every heartbeat.

"Oh my," she said breathlessly.

She slowly reached out and tenderly wrapped both of her tiny hands around it as she stared at it. The size of his stick made her hands look like little doll hands. Glenn gave a low growl as she began to stroke its length.

She dropped to her knees before him. His club nearly beat her on the head. Unlike most blowjobs she had given, where she sat back on her haunches, she had to rise up to full height from her knees to be face level with the object she so desired. He could feel her warm breath. She flicked her tongue at the tip. She swirled her tongue around it while she held it's shaft. She pulled it down and spit twice on it before she began to stroke the thickness with both hands. Glenn lightly moaned at her touch.

She moved in closer. She studied her prey. She opened her mouth as wide as possible and swallowed the bulbous head of his mast.

"Fuuuuuck!" Glenn moaned as she took him in as far as she could before she started to gag.

It wasn't long before she was holding him with one hand while the other was buried under her g-string in her snatch. His huge hands held the back of her head helping her keep time.

"Yeah, you like that? You miss suckin' on my big black cock," he growled as he impaled her face.

"Mmmmhmmm! Mmmmhmmm!" she moaned.

He finally grabbed both sides of her head and pulled her off his rod and up to her feet. "'Nuff of that," he said. "Get those panties off," he commanded. Bernadette happily compiled, dropping the lacy material to the ground and kicking them off her feet. "Good girl," he said with a crooked smile. "Now for some fun."

He grabbed her tiny body and lifted her off the ground. His muscles rippled as he spun her around like a pinwheel until her quivering cunt was in his face and his pole was in hers. He held her tight while she wrapped her legs around the back of his head. He roughly buried his face between her legs and made several quick, hard flicks at her raging cunt with his tongue. She squealed in delight. Then she once again opened her mouth wide and sucked him in as deep as she could.

*****

Penny could feel Leonard's thick knife stabbing her in the back as he cuddled close.

"Why don't you go sleep in Sheldon's bed?" she said over her shoulder to Sheldon's now empty bed.

"Fuck that!" Leonard protested. "I'm perfectly comfy right here. If you don't like it then you go over there."

"What if he comes back?"

"That's just a risk you'll have to take," Leonard said with a giggle.

"Goddamn it," Penny moaned. "We're not fucking tonight! Will you get that thing out of my back?!"

Leonard gave an evil chuckle. "No can do."

Penny sighed. "Balls! I'll tell you what. If it'll get you off my back, I'll give you a blowjob. But that's it!"

Before she even finished the sentence, Leonard was flat on his back and his Superman boxers were down around his ankles. His stiff pole was pitching a tent under the covers. "Okay, if you insist." Even in the dim light, Penny could see his white teeth shining bright through his wide smile.

Penny slid her head under the covers where it was pitch dark. She had no trouble finding her target though. She grabbed the pulsing hard flesh by its shaft and hovered her head over it. Leonard's heart raced in anticipation.

"Fuck it! Let's get this over with," Penny thought to herself. Without any pretense of love or foreplay, she opened her mouth and swallowed him whole, taking him into her throat with the first gulp.

Leonard practically jumped off the bed. "Holy shit!" he cried out in surprise at the sudden all-out pleasurable assault on his manhood.

*****

Raj was just settling in to watch Bridget Jones Diary when there was a knock on his door.

(Knock, knock, knock) "Raj?" (Knock, knock, knock) "Raj?" (Knock, knock, knock) "Raj?" Raj opened the door to find Sheldon standing there in his robe. "I need to sleep here tonight."

"Why?"

"Howard is a complete and total ass, Bernadette's hungry for black cock, Amy bites, and Penny may or may not have coitus with Leonard."

Raj shrugged his shoulders. "Okay. Come on in."

*****

Leonard's room was suddenly filled with light as the door to his room swung open. It was Raj.

"Hey, Leonard, Sheldon kicked me out of the room, gave me your key."

"Penny's here," Leonard said in an annoyed tone, pointing to the middle of his bed. Raj noticed the large bump in the covers moving up and down. Raj gasped and leaned into Leonard to whisper in his ear. "Jesus!" Leonard barked in a low tone. "Fine, you can watch. But be quiet!"

Raj sat on the edge of what once was Sheldon's bed and watched the sheets in the middle of the bed rise and fall in a steady rhythm.

It wasn't long before Raj had his boner out in the open and in his hand. Leonard couldn't help but notice Raj's rod was similar to his own, thick and long.

Raj moved over to Leonard and whispered to him once again. "I don't care! You can try and fuck her. Maybe you'll have better luck than I did. Just get that thing away from me!"

A smile from ear to ear crossed Raj's face. He lightly clapped his hands together like a little school girl would if she had been told she could go ahead and open her Christmas presents. He moved around the bed to the opposite side, the side Penny was laying on. He slowly raised the bed sheet until he spotted Penny's toned thighs and heart shaped ass.

By this time, Penny had her hand inside her shorts. Her thumb pressed on her raging clit as she slid three fingers in and out of her quaking cunt. The cool air caused by the bedsheet being raised felt good on her ass. She didn't give it a second thought.

What did get her attention was a set of hands grabbing her silky shorts and yanking them down. Her face jumped off of Leonard's cock. She spun her head and lifted the covers enough to see who the hands belonged to.

"Holy crap on a cracker! Raj! What the fuck?!"

He gave a shy smile, shrugged his shoulders, and waved his cock at her. Penny took one look at it and her mood suddenly switched from annoyance to lust.

She thought about it. "Fine. What the fuck?" she said as she started to scoot the bottom half of her body off the bed.

"Fine? What the fuck? Where was that when I wanted to fuck?!" Leonard asked annoyed.

"Do you want a blowjob or not?" Penny asked as she pulled off the covers.

"Yes. I'm sorry. Yes. Please continue," Leonard answered as if he had just been scolded by his mother.

Penny placed her feet on the floor and lifted her ass in the air. Her silky shorts fell to her ankles. She kicked them to the side. Raj grabbed her powder blue boy shorts panties and yanked them to the ground. These joined her shorts off to the side.

Penny spread her legs. Raj slowly slid between them. He held his rod steady as he moved in closer. He touched the tip to her puffy pussy lips. A shiver ran up Penny's spine.

Raj paused. "I'm about to fuck Penny! I'm actually going to stick my cock in her dreamy pussy! What a great country!" he thought to himself.

He pressed against her soaking flesh. The purple helmet of his brave soldier slid through her hungry gates with ease. He slowly pushed forward until he was balls deep. Her cunt was warm and velvety soft. It was heaven.

Penny gave a long, low, animalistic groan as Raj sliced through her. It felt good. It felt really good! Leonard placed his hands on the back of her head and pulled her down. She opened her mouth and took him in once again, this time sucking on him with pleasure and not as a task, while Raj began to happily pound at the slit he never thought he'd feel.

*****

Howard lay there in what was once Penny's bed deep in thought while Amy finally slept silently in the bed next to him. He thought about what he had said and what an asshole he had been. Bernadette was right. It was a choice she had made to be with him, even though he was quite sure his ship didn't ripple her waters the way Glenn's did. He decided it would be best to apologize to her tonight and not wait until the morning. He thought if he played his cards just right he might even get laid tonight.

He slipped out of the room and slid down the hallway. As he approached his hotel room he heard what he thought was Bernadette shouting "Oh-my-gawd! Oh-my-gawd!" "Oh shit! Somebody's broken in and is assaulting her!" he thought.

On the other side of the door, Glenn was plowing through Bernadette with his 12" blade like a mule through a field. It felt like the tip of his cock was going to shoot out her mouth at any moment. Bernadette was blanketed by his hot, sweaty body, his muscles flexing with every move. Her words were truncated by every dive of Glenn's throbbing cock into her tiny body. She was in the middle of her third orgasm while Glenn still had not blown his first load.

"How do you like that you white, Catholic cunt? How you do like my big black cock fucking you?" Glenn snarled menacingly.

"Oh-my-gawd! Oh-my-gawd! I-fucking-love-it! Don't-stop! Don't-stop!"

"I hadn't planned on stopping, you fucking cunt slut! I'll stop fucking your cunt when I'm good and fucking ready!" he said over the sound of skin slapping against skin.

"Oh! Oh! Ohhhhhhhh!" Bernadette clawed at his back as she exploded with another orgasm. Her pussy convulsed around his beefy tool. He could barely feel the contractions.

The door flew open.

"Bernadette! Bernadette! Are you..." Then he spotted a pair of milky white arms and legs protruding out from under a large black mass. "What the fuck?!"

A startled Glenn stopped his thrusting and looked back at a stunned Howard. He looked back at a flushed Bernadette, then back to Howard. "What da fuck?" he asked.

"H-H-Howie?" Bernadette panted as Glenn began to climb off her. Bernadette quickly pulled the sheets over her naked, sweaty body.

"What the fuck?!" Howard repeated.

"It's not what it looks like, man," Glenn said.

"Well, it looks like you're fucking my girlfriend!"

Glenn shrugged his shoulders. "Oh. Okay. Then it's exactly what it looks like."

"Howie, I can explain," Bernadette pleaded.

"You can explain a large black man, who just happens to be an ex-boyfriend, fucking your brains out? This should be good," Howard said in a sarcastic tone. Then he looked at Glenn. It was the first time he was really getting a good look at just how massive Glenn was in every way. He was in awe. And scared.