The Gap

Chapter 1

Waiting for a vaccine against influenza in the surgery. The waiting room isn't crowded, four other people there as well. My eye catches the gap. I look and quickly glance away, ostensibly reading my paper. I take another quick glance rapidly returning to my paper. Quiet stirring below. Another glance. Damn, caught by a cold eye knowing that I am staring at the gap. Eyes down to paper in embarrassment. What do I do now? What have I got to lose? If I am thwarted again, what's the worst that can happen? I'm only looking and could be looking at something else if challenged. Damn it. I take another look avoiding eye contact. The gap is tantalising, soft, slightly tanned, and smooth with a note of white beyond.

I look up. Caught again like a rabbit. But the face has softened. A hint of a steady smile at my face. I return to the paper. It could be a mistake. But I look again this time at her eyes. She is still smiling at me. I look again at the gap. Whilst my eyes are on the gap I break into a smile myself. I brave it and look up. She's still smiling at me. She lifts and rests her elbows on the back of the chair. The effect is to make the gap slightly wider.

She is subtle, not attracting the attention of the others in the waiting room as she takes in the room around her before returning her look to me. She notes me crossing my legs.

At that moment one of the nurses comes out and calls her. "Mrs Anderson?" Without looking at me she gets up, gathers her belongings and disappears with the nurse.

Wow, what a delightful moment. Would a woman around 50 wearing a skirt, low heels, a royal blue cotton shirt buttoned to the collar and a button undone at her breasts revealing a plunge bra holding each breast delightfully apart to show concentrated cleavage and the slight lift on each side, do it accidentally? Or, as I wanted to think, intentionally, to attract the likes of me so that I would give her all the attention I could muster to attract hers.

That was my dilemma and, of course, I wanted to come down on the latter.

Now just at that moment I was called by the other nurse on duty for my vaccination. She was experienced and fast and I was out her door in an instant only to literally bump into the Gap at the same time. This time she smiled as we both reached the exit door. We both wanted to do the courtesies together. Finally I held the door open for her and she went through first. As I followed she paused in consideration as I made my way through.

We were already dancing to each other's tune.

"That was quick and painless eh?"

"So you were in for the flu vaccine too?" I replied.

"Yes I didn't bother last year and I did go down for a week. I don't ever want to repeat that again."

Commiserating as we walked to the car park, I stuck my neck out.

"I'm just going for a coffee. Would it be impetuous to ask if you'd like to join me?"

Turning toward me even more purposefully, "I agree it is very impetuous but the answer's yes, I would be delighted."

We crossed the street to the nearest café. We found a small table in the corner and sat opposite each other. I then realised it was self-service and asked what she would like and joined the short queue. I watched as she took off her coat and placed it over her seat back. She hadn't done up that button! Glancing at me she smiled in return for my attention.

With two large latté's I joined her. We passed commentaries mainly on our shared surgery as well as polite interchanges about the doctors and staff.

"Ian, I know something about you already so you don't really need to introduce yourself."

"How come?" I asked, rather astonished.

"The nurse who gave me the vaccination."

"I need to have a word to the practice about patient confidentiality. Did she give you an account of my medical history too?"

"Ian, she offered it after saying that unfortunately you weren't on her list today. And no she did not go into your records."

"Who else did she offer info on then?"

"Oh no one. I didn't ask about anyone else. Oh Ian I am sorry I seem to have exposed myself rather haven't I?"

I could have commented then about her beautiful exposure as opposed to the one she was admitting to but decided not to yet. Instead I just waited and relaxed at the shifts in our interchange.

"Perhaps you would like to say who you are since I seem to be an open book."

"I'm Jane and I live round the corner and I'm married with two sons and I work independently as a proof reader for publishers."

"Ian, aren't you a bit young for getting the vaccine. I thought it was for the likes of me and older."

"Well thank you for regarding a 37 year old as young but my job necessitates my getting the jab. You don't look old enough either if I may say so. But enough of our reasons for being at the surgery today. Tell me more about yourself Jane."

"Before I do Ian I want to ask you a question. What made you invite me for a coffee just now?"

"What made you accept Jane?"

"Mine first Ian."

"Well I can be polite or more direct. Which would you prefer?"

Pause on her part.

"Direct please Ian."

Glancing down. "In a word. The Gap. But then your smile returning my stare." She did blush.

"Aren't you the naughty one Ian?"

"I wondered Jane, did you leave that button undone intentionally when you dressed this morning or was it just an accident?"

"If you must know I felt like being a bit of tease this morning before I came to the surgery."

"Who for Jane?"

"What on earth can you mean?"

"For the nurse or us in the waiting room?"

"Fuck you Ian. Now you're really are impertinent." She blushed even more.

"I'm sorry Jane but you did agree to my being direct."

"I'm finding this all a bit embarrassing now Ian."

"I am sorry. What would you like to do Jane? Do you want me to go?"

"No I just find it very public here. Actually I need a stiff drink." It was about midday. I suggested the pub nearby where it would be quieter. She agreed and put her on coat and we walked out.

At the pub I chose with her acquiescence, a sofa in the corner away from the bar. Few people were in the pub. She wanted a stiff brandy. I chose a whisky and got her a double. She kept her coat on even though it was fairly warm and cosy. I thought that might be the barriers going up. She was facing away from the bar toward me. She took a large swig of the brandy in one go. I could see her eyes welling up as she swallowed. Suddenly she wept almost uncontrollably in front of me.

I took a risk and touched her arm. She didn't demur and let me continue to touch and then hold her arm lightly. She wept for a good minute or two. Slowly she came round as her tears began to stall.

"I'm sorry Ian, I hardly know you and here I am subjecting you to this outburst. You don't need it." She finished the brandy in one more swallow. She looked calmer. I asked if she would like another.

"A great idea. Thank you."

Returning I found she had removed her coat, still revealing the gorgeous gap. She saw me momentarily glance but chose not to comment. I was much closer to her than in the café and was once again taken by the softness and delicious swell.

"Ian, thank you for being understanding and not trying to rescue me."

"It felt like it was near the surface anyway." She nodded.

"I don't know if I should burden you with this, but would you like to know the reason for my crying?" I nodded this time. She placed her hand in mine.

"Actually it's a number of things. For a start I have seen you twice before at the surgery but you never noticed me before. You did touch a nerve about the nurse, but not because of what you might think, though it did make me wonder. But actually it's much worse than that." She paused.

"It's my husband. Do you really need to hear this Ian? Are you ok with it?"

I gently squeezed her hand and she took that as a yes.

"Well we've been married nearly twenty-five years with two children who've fled the nest and are living with partners with their own lives."

I waited for the usual. . . . Younger woman etc but no.

"Actually (god, don't I repeat myself) it's not what you think. I can't still believe it – I think I'm still in denial. Ian he's changed his sexuality and is going off with another man whom he's known for years."

She shed another tear but remained in control this time. I had taken the liberty of having both her hands in mine and she didn't withdraw.

"I used to wonder about our sex for ages. There was love there but no passion. Thinking it was me. But spicing it up made no difference. He couldn't even get it up latterly. His coming out to me explained it all. Part of me felt betrayed but then I realised that it wasn't about me and my sexuality and that made me feel better. The worst thing has not being able to tell anyone and realising I would have to get a life myself. I didn't realise as well what a lot of homophobes we had as so-called friends. That's been terrible I can tell you."

"Jane I can assure you that our world has changed a lot in recent years – the homophobes are in a minority these days."

"Not in my neck of the woods Ian. But it does mean I will choose my friends with more care in future."

"Jane it wasn't a rejection of you. It's your husband who's changed. You don't fall into the classic midlife story. "

"No Ian that's a real consolation. Thank you."

"Was the way you dressed today the first time?" She acknowledged that and added,

"Well you noticed me today, more than in the past."

"I sure did. The key is that you can still pull if you want to. I'm sure I wouldn't be the only man to be tempted by such a view."

"So why was it so tempting Ian?"

"Well, as I recall when I first saw you the view is tantalising, soft, your slightly tanned yet smooth and there's a hint of your bra supporting you."

"Oh Ian, I am sorry for biting you off earlier and accusing you of being impertinent."

"Well Jane thank you. I really would still like to know if it was an accident or intentional."

"You really are incorrigible Ian aren't you? But no it wasn't an accident."

I just couldn't help smiling, though this time it felt with her, not at her.

"Well it certainly had a positive result Jane."

"Perhaps you would kindly explain to this rather sheltered woman Ian."

"I spend my whole life looking at, thinking about, loving and I shall say it, fucking with women. It means I do tend to look at women objectively until and if I get know them. Then whether it gets really sexual depends on how I get on with them. If not, then the initial sexual attraction passes unless I get a come on from the woman. If that happens then that often gets me responding anyway. For example, your smile did it for me in the surgery even before we spoke."

"Quite a declaration Ian."

"So Jane, it wasn't an accident and look what happened! You had the effect you might just have intended."

So Jane, where do we go from here?