The Good Wife: Resubmission Ch. 02

As for my indiscretion, Gavin won't know. He can't, unless he comes here. I'll put the collar on in the car on my way to his house and act the part. I'll act satisfied when he tell me that I've been good. I'll smile and beam as though I had worn the collar all day, as if I had suffered the indignation and humiliation of having my office see me wearing a dog collar with a tag that reads "Whore." Gavin won't know.

For a moment, paranoia begins to take hold. Is he here? I scan the office, raising slightly to see through the window into the maze of cubicles. No, I don't see Gavin. I don't see Lydia. Nothing. Could someone here be watching me for him? That's insane, I tell myself, but I still look. The office is alive and active as it always is during the day. The steady flow of people to different cubicles, to the shredder, to the closet, to the bathroom... One of the women is on the phone, one of the guys glances my way, is he looking at me? Is she staring at me, discussing me on the phone?

STOP!! I almost shout out loud. I'll go crazy this way. Gavin can't possibly know. He doesn't have anyone here watching me. It's a small affair, it's not the Watergate conspiracy.

Caught in the Act

I stayed later at work in order to just drive straight to Gavin's house. He wanted me there at six, too much time to leave right from work, but not enough time to go home to shower first. Anyone familiar with upstate NY can tell you, the drive from Albany to Palenville then to Kinderhook is over a hundred miles, fuck that.

I get to Gavin's right on time, the collar now in place around my neck, and Lydia greets me when I knock on the door. Seeing her brings a smile, a coy smile, I feel like I'm in high school staring at my crush. I can't help it, I feel my face redden and I Look down. She's in another sun dress, no shoes. It's low cut and she's not wearing a bra. The material is thin and I can see the outline of her nipples against the material.

"Hey." She smiles warmly, but hesitant, distant "Come in."

I hope that she leans in for a kiss or grabs my hand, something, I need the contact. But she walks up the stairs, no kiss, no touch, nothing. I can see the leash and butt plug in one of her hands, the toys for tonight.

"Put your clothes in the box, hurry up, Gavins waiting." There was something in her voice, a tone maybe, that put me on edge. My mind went back to the idea that Gavin might know that I didn't put on the collar.

I undressed quickly, slipping out of my clothes and folding them neatly in the box. I tried to put the idea that Gavin knew behind me, to forget, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. A dread was coming over me, that feeling of inescapable dread. It's the kind of dread that you feel when you're a kid in school, a failing mark on your report card, and your mother waiting at home. You know you're in trouble. I had that feeling.

The air is cold, or is it me? I'm naked, waiting. Lydia slips behind me with the leash, clicking the metal in place.

"Down." Her voice cold, devoid of the familiar tenderness.

Lydia drips the lube onto my waiting ass, massaging the liquid in with a finger, then sliding the butt plug in almost in one push. I gasp and start to flinch away, but Lydia pulls tight on the leash, holding me in place. I push back into the butt plug, a gasp escaping my throat despite the taut leash.

"No." She snaps, yolking the leash back and bending down, pointing her finger in my face the way you would a dog, "No." she repeats, "Don't pull away from me ever again. Understand?"

"This whore understands." I answer quickly, eyes down.

There's definitely an edge to her voice. I want to ask what's wrong, but I don't dare. Her eyes are cold and angry, I've never seen her like this before.

"Good, let's go." She loosens her grip, I can breathe again.

Lydia leads me up the stairs, walking right through the living room, towards the back of the house. Every step for me is miserable, a panic runs through me. He knows, he knows, he knows - a mantra running through my mind. I'm frantic, almost dizzy, thinking about what Gavin will do. Each step that brings me closer to Gavin fills me with a greater sense of dread.

"Oh good," I hear Gavin but don't look up, "Our little whore is here."

Lydia leads me right to Gavin.

"Sit." Again, her voice is cold and commanding, not the soft prodding of the last two nights.

I sit, still not looking up, afraid that he'll see right through me or maybe I'll see that mixed look of rage and disappointment. Gavin's hand brushed through my hair slightly, gently.

"Did you do as you were told? Did you leave the collar on?" his voice was too gently, too relaxed.

I panicked, I could feel my heart thrumming in my chest. What do I say, what do I saywhatdoIsaywhatdoIsay... My mind seemed to race and freeze all at the same time. He knows, he knows he knows he knows. Oh god, he knows. "Yes." I hear myself lie, shrinking in on myself, afraid.

"Good." I could hear the smile in his voice, "Go put her in the shower."

Lydia walked past me, tugging on the leash, "Come."

I followed her into the master bathroom, a medium sized room with a large shower stall against the far wall.

"Get in there." Lydia held back the curtain, leading me by my leash into the shower, "Now sit."

I sat facing the wall of the shower, the leash slackening as Lydia folded the shower curtain back, tucking it in on itself, exposing the whole shower.

"Turn around and face me." Lydia said from behind me, I obeyed, still keeping my eyes down, a sliver of hope that I hadn't been caught in my lie starting to blossom in me.

Lydia leaned down, her face inches from my own, as she unclipped the leash from my collar.

"Good." Gavin said, walking up behind Lydia, "Now look at me."

I looked up, hesitating for a moment to look into his eyes, then meeting his gaze. He stood in front of me fully clothed, Lydia beside him, pressed close against his left side in the tight bathroom.

"Good girl, now open your mouth." He said, beginning to unzip his pants, "Open up wide and stay that way."

I did, waiting for his cock, ready to take him in my mouth and throat. He pulled his cock out, it was still limp though slightly engorged, starting to get hard.

"Look at me." He said, a cold command.

My eyes snapped back up.

"Good." He smiled a wicked smile, "Now stay just like that."

He moved slightly, coming closer, standing at the edge of the shower. Gavin shifted just a bit, then a warm, almost hot blast hit me in the chest then arched up to my mouth. I made a noise, a gagging and spitting noise and turned away, spitting the urine from my mouth. I spit again and again all within a few moments, without ever having though about it. It was a reaction.

"No." he boomed and as quickly as I had turned and begun to spit, Gavin yanked me back up by my hair. The pain was fiery as he pulled my hair, yanking me back into place and holding me up straight, I did my best to stretch, to ease the tension on my hair, my hands shot up to his, holding the fist that held my hair.

"Put your fucking arms down and open your fucking mouth." He was standing over me, my hair firm in one hand the other hand closed just as tightly around his cock. His grip was tight, the flaccid head poking out of his fist, red and engorged, holding back the piss he intended for me.

I settled back down, shaking, still arched up, my scalp screaming from the yanking and pulling.

"Now open your fucking mouth."

I did.

I almost sighed as his grip on my hair relaxed. Gavin let go, stepping back, then the blast of piss hit me, higher this time, on m chin then arching into my mouth. I squinted and closed off my throat. The hot liquid filled my mouth and spilled out down my chin and neck, down my chest then spreading across my legs, pooling in my lap and slowly trickling between my legs. It was warm against my cunt, it almost felt good. The noise was ridiculous, the same splashing wet sound of a man pissing into a urinal. Gavin stepped closer as the stream began to lose its force, diminishing, he couldn't arc it into my mouth any longer, the stream slowly fading. It stopped. I opened my eyes just in time for Gavin to shake his cock, throwing droplets of piss onto me.

"This is what lying whores get, pissed on." He says, taking a step back, tucking his cock back into his pants and zipping, "You're nothing but a lying piss mop."

I freeze. He knows, dear god, he knows. My face is red, I can feel it. Tears well up, I want to bring my hands up, to hide my face. I disappointed Gavin. I disappointed him again. I want to cry. What the hell is wrong with me.

"Now get the fuck out of my sight." I can see the frustration and disappointment on his face, "Go home and don't come back here."

"No." I shouted/cried. "No, please."

"Awww, give the little cunt another try." Lydia smiles down at me, "Look at how pathetic she looks, how can you turn that away."

"She's a lying bitch and I'm not putting up with it anymore."

"Please, I'm sorry, it won't happen again, please." The words string together, I'm begging without even realizing it, a stuttering and drooling thing. Lydia is right, I'm pathetic, god, how pathetic.

"Tell me why I should let you stay. Tell me what you want from me."

"I'll be good, I'll be a good girl, I promise." I edge forward, leaning on the edge of the tub, I reach out for his foot, holding it in my hands, I bend my head, please.

"I believe her." Lydia says, "Give her another chance."

"She still has to tell me what she wants." He lifts the toe of his shoe in my hand, "Kiss it and tell me what you want from me."

I bring my lips to the top of his shoe, kissing, it's a salty taste, I kiss it over and over.

"Tell me." He almost shouts.

"I want you to fuck me." I didn't want to say it out loud, I didn't want to voice it, but there it is. "I want to be used, I want to feel you in me. I want to be yours."

"That's what you want?" Gavin steps back, "You want to fuck?"

"What a little whore." I can hear the smile in Lydia's words.

"I thought you wanted more than just a quick fuck, but if that's what you want, I'll make it happen." Bending down, Gavin grabs a handful of my hair, yanking it back hard, "Go away and come back tomorrow night, same time."

"Get her out of here." He says to Lydia, leaving the room.

"Come on sweetie." Lydia says, taking the leash and leading me from the bathroom.

On the landing, still wet with urine, I begin to dress, the leash and collar coiled neatly in the box. The collar no longer in my possession, a loss of trust. I feel the disappointment, I feel it from Gavin, I feel it in myself. "I'm sorry." I breath, still struggling to hold back the tears.

"It's ok baby." Lydia coos, smiling warmly, "But I think you might want to think about this and prepare yourself, you know Gavin, he'll give you what you want but..."

She's right. It's never cut and dry, he'll have something planned, he'll give me what I want, but not exactly as I want it.

I walk to my car, the cool breeze reminding me that my hair and neck are still damp with urine. The wild emotional spikes, the ups and downs, the high and low. God, it's like I'm 17 all over again. Then I think, Tom. Oh, my Tom. I hadn't thought of him at all. I hadn't given him a thought, I left him in that box with my clothes. I shed him like a cheap garment and tossed him aside.

I never had such a low in all my years with Tom, he never made me feel like I deserved to be used as a urinal... but he also never gave me ecstasy, I never felt a high with Tom as I did with Gavin. The steadiness was something I needed at one point, something I cherished, and still do. But I crave the high, and even, in order to appreciate the high, I cherish the lows. In that bathroom, kneeling in front of Gavin and Lydia, piss flowing into my mouth, running down my chin, followed by my begging, I was reduced to my purest self - a wanting and needy whore. In that moment when I was reduced to nothing, I could have had any thought, any idea to hold onto to lift me from that low. My mind could have reminded me that I'm a successful and educated woman, I could have thought of Tom and put all this behind me, I could have thought of my career, but no, I thought of only satisfying Gavin.

My mind went to him. My every thought was Gavin. I still love Tom, please, please, please, know that. I love Tom and if I had to choose, Tom would win every time, but Gavin excites me. My thinking and rational heart will always be Tom's, my hunger and animalistic desires, however, lie in a darker area, a place where Gavin alone reigns. Of course, I come to this understanding of those events later, much later, after I've had time to process the whole of it all, after plenty of time was between my current self and the me that was sitting in my car, damp with urine, crying.