The Greatest Force Ch. 08

"How long is the Great Wall of China?"

"About 13,000 miles."

"Is it true that the Great Wall is one of the only manmade creations you can see from space?"

"No, not true."

"What else can you see from space?"

"A shit-ton, Alec. A shit-ton."

"Do you wanna go up in space one day?"

"Would you be coming with me?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Then yes."

There were few things Alec loved more than sleepy, early morning talks. I would be the only sleepy one, actually. Alec would be wide awake and brimming with questions, looking down at my head in his lap, my mouth open, drooping to the side thanks to gravity.

"What's 3 thousand times 412?"

I took several seconds to answer. I felt an eyebrow twitch.

"1 million, 236 thousand."

Alec twisted the leaves of my hair around his finger.

"What's the capital of South Africa?"

"Pretoria...Bloemfontein...and Cape Town." My words were groggy.

Drowsy.

Slurred.

"What? South Africa has 3 capitals?"

"Yes. They divide the government branches into 3 separate locations."

"Oh...interesting..."

I yawned wide and sighed, nuzzling my face into Alec's thigh and turning my face away from him.

"Mmmmmm..." I smiled with closed eyes. "You always smell so good..."

"And you always tell me how good I smell." Alec laughed. I giggled quietly and wrapped my arms under his legs.

"Jett..." Alec lightly palmed the grooves along my back, running his fingertips through the ridges of my spine, curving upwards around my shoulder.

"Hmmm...?"

"You're comforting."

I took time to process his words.

"I never get tired of you. You're the greatest person I've ever known."

I slowly opened my eyes and closed them again.

"I'm sorry," I thought. "If I'm the greatest person you've met, I am so sorry."

"There's so much I want to tell you." I said quietly.

Alec reached outward to turn my head towards him. "Then tell me."

"I can't."

"Why not?" he begged.

"You'll get mad at me."

Alec let go of my face and slumped back. "Then don't say it."

I turned around again with open eyes and slipped a hand under my cheek, staring at nothing.

----

The walk back home was the calm before the storm, I was aware of that. I took advantage of how wonderful the cold, subtle air felt against my bare arms and how delicate and effortlessly captivating the dew drops on the drooping trees appeared to be that morning. I distracted myself from what I knew was coming and used everything I could see and feel to keep me calm.

I turned the corner and could see my house.

But look --! I thought to myself. The sky behind my house is so beautiful this morning, isn't it? A gradient succession of gold, green, grey, and a deep blue above. Wow, are early mornings in California breathtaking or what?

I began to walk slower.

The birds aren't even awake yet. The sound of nothing is such a brilliant sound. No people. No barking dogs. Well...one barking dog...

I approached the fence of my house.

Damp wood...I always liked how that felt. I wonder who made this fence.

I walked up to the screen door and looked straight at it. I squared my shoulders and reached for the handle.

"You'll be okay."

I slipped behind the screen door.

"You'll be fine. It'll be fine. Why are you worrying? There's nothing to worry about."

I twisted the doorknob, sending a crackling noise on its way around the house. I waited to hear a voice, but it was silent.

"Mom?" I called, slowly opening the door. My voice rang through the house. I made my way inside and looked around the kitchen. The cabinets were flung open. They had definitely noticed the missing booze.

"Jett, is that you?" My mom called from the family room.

I froze and looked in the direction her voice was coming from. I walked over and saw my parents lounging on the couch, a grey and dingy sight. My dad was reading the newspaper with his glasses at the tip of his nose and his mouth hung open. My mom was lying down, her head resting against his arm.

"Your friend is waiting upstairs." My dad grumbled.

"What...? Who?"

"What other friends do you have?" My mom sneered. "Parker."

I was about to speak, but changed my mind. A frown found my face and turned into a look of confusion.

"Well, go on then." My mom said exasperatedly.

I bounded up the stairs and pushed open my bedroom door.

"What are you doing here?" I said immediately.

Parker was going through my iPod.

"Dude, some of this stuff is 10 years old. It's almost exactly how I gave it to you!" He marveled. I walked up to him and snatched it out of his hand.

"I asked you a question."

"I told your parents I took their alcohol."

The same look of confusion from earlier came over my face. "Why did you do that?"

"I know what your dad would've done if he knew it was you." The corner of his lip twitched. "He told me you two were going to spend a long night together..." he looked around in embarrassment. "I didn't know it was like that until he said that, I thought-" Parker stuttered. "I mean I thought he just hit you and stuff, I didn't-" he stopped himself.

"Well, this mess is because of you anyway so...am I supposed to be thankful or something? I don't really understand what your aim is, here." I rudely jutted.

"I know, I know. I gave them money to make up for what you -- I mean I took. Well, it's not my money, it's my dad's, but you know." He took a seat on my bed and stretched out on his back. "God, I remember playing in here." Parker looked at the table beside my bed and lifted his head, intrigued by something. "Hey," he pulled Alec's photograph from under the lamp, "what's this?" I jumped on him and snatched it out of his hand, but I was too late.

"Aw, you keep a picture of him on your nightstand? That's cute." He chuckled, inches from my face.

"Get out." I purposefully annunciated my words.

"Okay." Parker straightened himself up and sighed, making his way out. He stopped at the door. "But I can't promise I won't come back." He attempted to joke.

I grimaced and shut the door in his face.

----

As always, I ended up back at Alec's house during midday. We spent a couple of hours cleaning up some messes I had missed. We got on all fours and scrubbed the kitchen tile with what I could've sworn were horse brushes. We picked shards of glass out of the grass in the backyard. We reorganized the mantelpiece. We rinsed Parker's blood off the sidewalk (Alec didn't know that bit).

"Hey..." Alec looked around. "A photograph is missing."

I pretended to not know what he was talking about. "What? Which one?"

"...it..." He looked at the empty frame. "That's so weird."

I shrugged. "Maybe someone liked it."

"It was a picture of me, though."

"You are handsome, you know."

Alec grinned. "You've been acting different lately."

I raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

He turned to me. "I don't know...you're just more..." he searched for the right word. "...caring."

My eyes glinted as I looked at him. A smile curled at the edge of my lips. I nodded, acknowledging his observation. I waited awhile before speaking. "I feel like kissing you." I tended to the picture frame I was re-hanging.

"Kiss me."

"Me?" I put down the frame and pointed at myself with wide eyes. I looked around the room. "Really?"

Alec giggled, a childlike glimmer in his smile.

"Well, gee!" I pretended to fix my hair out of shyness. "You sure?"

Alec walked over and slid his arms around my back, kissing me widely with a grin. I smiled and hummed in approval, not touching Alec, holding my hands in the air at my sides. Alec furthered his kiss and his smile left. The next kiss was stronger and fuller, making sure to take time. My smile turned into a frown. I kissed him back, savoring his quiet gift.

"Mm." I muttered accidentally. "Hm." I explored the entrance of Alec's mouth with my tongue.

Alec guided his hands under my shirt and up my back; enough to make chills travels up my spine.

"Mm. Mm." I struggled to get my hands under Alec's waistband. As soon as I made pressured contact, Alec jumped.

"Oh, fuck-" He broke his kiss and stepped back.

My eyes widened for a moment, but then I understood.

Alec shook his head. "Jeez, sorry, I'm really sore from last night."

I smiled. "It happens."

"This is normal?" Alec winced, holding a hand over himself.

"Yeah, it used to happen to me when I was new to sex." I got close to him and slipped my hand into his pants again, gently holding him. I made a face when he made a face. "Does that hurt?"

He nodded, holding my arm. I lightly massaged him in my hand before leading him to the couch.

"It usually lasts a few days, but you'll be fine." I shrugged. "You need baby oil."

Alec motioned towards the downstairs bathroom. "There's a bottle in there."

I lightly jogged to the bathroom and pushed some bottles around in a cabinet until I found a little bottle of the magic substance. "Yup. Perfect."

I situated myself at Alec's legs and pulled down his bottoms. I put them in my lap to use as a bib.

Alec lied down and put his hands on top of his head, watching my every move.

"Your first lover taught you this?"

I laughed dispiritedly. "No. Definitely not."

"Oh..." Alec caught on. "You had to learn on your own, then?"

"Yeah." I shrugged. I held the bottle upside down and let the baby oil find its way to Alec's aching friend. I set the bottle down and nimbly rubbed the oil in, making sure to watch Alec's face to see where it hurt more. I deeply massaged his inner thighs and hips, making him close his eyes and drop his head. I slid myself between the backrest of the couch and Alec's side and propped myself up on my elbow, looking at Alec while rubbing baby oil into his soft, sore penis. He pushed his forehead against my chin and breathed heavily. Impulsively, I pushed Alec's head up with my dry forearm so I could kiss him.

Alec chuckled. "You know, some would call you a sex addict."

"Being addicted to you is like second nature." I kissed his forehead and buried my face in his hair. The same, sweet citrus.

Alec's voice was as velvety as the fingers he used to guide my hand back to his pain. "I'm not complaining."

The phone began to ring as soon as I slid my hand under Alec's neck and started kissing his ear. He reached his arm back and lifted the phone off the stand.

The caller ID rang in a robotic voice. "Call from: James. Astor."

Alec stared at the phone while I lipped him down his face. "That's your dad." I said.

He stared at it a while more before answering. "Hello?"

I could hear what his dad was saying.

"Alec? Oh, good. You're alive. Here's your mother."

"Alec, how is the house? Are you keeping it clean? Do you water the lawn?"

"The house is fine, Mom..."

"Good. Are you seeing your therapist? When was the last time you went?"

I kissed Alec along his jawbone. I ran my oiled hand up his stomach.

"I don't remember...it was a long time ago."

"A long time ago? What are you, crazy? You're not taking your medication? Are you trying to get us put into jail for murder or what? Don't take the phone from me -- hey -- James - "

"Hey, take your meds, Alec. And you have to see your therapist every Tuesday. It costs 2 grand every week you go and every week you don't go, so go. Do we have to make them pick you up like last time? Is that what you want?"

Alec had a small pout. A reactive face. Hurt. Probably because of his parents' lack of interest of his feelings and lack of kind tone.

No "How are you doing?"

No "Are you feeling okay?"

No "We miss you."

The last time they called was probably a very long time ago. Maybe close to a year.

"Sorry...I'll go tomorrow." Alec sighed loudly and dug a hand into the purple skin above his heart. I kissed the tips of his shoulder.

"Okay. Bye."

No "I love you."

His father hung up.

Alec held the phone at his ear and his lip quivered ever so slightly before a large, round, quick tear fell down his cheek. I took the phone out of his hand and threw it onto the coffee table. I positioned myself on top of him so that we were face to face and he was inside the perimeter of my arms. Then, with a serious, aggressive, authoritative voice: "You don't need them."

Alec's sad face stayed a couple of seconds, until he began to nod. He covered his face with his hands and cried.

----

A couple of days passed until it was time for Alec to go to his first therapy session in several months. I went with him to his first, and the few after. Each session was 45 minutes, or longer if required, but Alec always came out the very minute his minimum time was up. I always waited in the lobby -- something I really didn't mind because the building was extremely fancy and served you endless amounts high quality coffee and funny little finger sandwiches at the café. They also had a joint library, and that was where I always ended up while waiting for Alec to exit.

Each time I went, I would sit down on a grand, forest green, corduroy seat with a cup of black coffee and return to the page I left off on in a newly translated version of Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Each time I went, Alec would slither out of his therapy room, holding the corner of the wall, latching onto the deep blue wallpaper like an octopus climbing up the side of a ship. He always looked intensely troubled when exiting, and looked around the lobby as if people were watching him and judging him and inside were crawling into his mind. There were usually around 30 people in the lobby, widely spread out due to the huge size of the room, but Alec was always able to find me instantly if I was in the lobby and not the library.

One day, after his session, I was filling up another cup of black coffee when Alec hastily approached me and wrapped his hand into mine, nuzzling half of his tiresome face into my back while I emptied a packet of sugar into the cup.

"Hey," I spoke through teeth that were ripping open another packet of sugar. "Was it any better this time?" I picked out a red coffee stirrer and turned around, leaned against the counter, and pulled Alec into my arms. He took the straw out of my hand and put it in my mouth and laughed a small laugh through his reddened under eyes. His smile disappeared and his eyelids fluttered. A silent "no."

Then, I kissed Alec in public for the first time. I took the stirrer off of my lip and leaned in slow, waiting to see if Alec objected, then kissed him brightly when he made no protest. He didn't kiss back, and had an unbelieving look across his face.

He blinked excessively. "Oh."

I smiled shyly and rubbed my thumb along his cheekbone. The skin around his eyes was irritated from rubbing away tears.

"I never thought you'd do that." He said softly.

"You gentlemen need to be more considerate of the people around you." A middle-aged woman approached us. "That was very unnecessary."

I stuck the straw back into my mouth and smiled with my teeth. "Fuck you."

Alec choked on pure air the very second he heard me respond. He grabbed his neck and looked away, choking and gasping and squinting and laughing. The woman shook her head in disapproval and didn't move.

"That was very disrespectful." She began to lecture. "You are such a shame."

"And you're disgustingly ignorant." I shrugged with open arms.

"I am going to get the lobbyist to order security down here if you do not show some respect, young man."

I stood up straight and faced her dead on. Alec pulled my sleeve. "Jett, don't."

"If you got a fucking problem, there's a therapist right down that hall that'll listen to your shit for ten bucks. Please, I beg you." I stirred my coffee and motioned it to her in salute. "Get the fuck away from us, I ask you kindly."

The woman's mouth dropped open and she crossed her arms. But lacking the words to respond, she teetered away and looked back at us as she walked.

"Holy Hell, Jett." Alec coughed. "That was hot."

I took a long sip and nodded once. "I'm glad my anger turns you on."

"Jesus..." He shook his head and laughed. "Christ."

I grabbed a lid for my coffee and tested it out with another sip.

"What's that?" Alec reached for the book on the counter. "Oh, someone forgot to put a book back-" He started to walk towards the library.

"No, no!" I grabbed his arm and brought him back. "I took that. I'm reading it."

"You know it's a library...so you check books out with a card to borrow them and stuff..."

"I know, ugh, I know. But their sign up fee is like 200 bucks and I just wanna read the fucking book. I'll give it back to them, they won't even know it's gone. There's like a million books in there and the only employee is an 80 something year old guy. It's fine."

Alec furrowed his brow and looked at the book. "Crime and Punishment...?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I've read it a million times. But this library has this translated edition that I couldn't find ANYWHERE and I can't pass it up. Dostoyevsky is a Russian author and the book was written in the 1800's with 12 different parts so that - "

"You're the greatest quality of therapy anyone could get," Alec cracked up. "You're such a nerd."

"Hey, I like reading." I bugged my eyes out. "Books are my life. I have no shame."

Alec bit his lip through a smile and jokingly punched me in the jaw.

"Let's go home."

----

I searched for my toothbrush while Alec dipped himself into a hot bath.

"So what did she ask you about today?" I ducked my head under the sink, rummaging around bottles of cleaning solution.

"About Cara, mostly. She always tries to do this thing where she speaks for me and tries to tell me what I'm feeling, but I don't think she's very accurate."

I unlatched a couple of cabinets. "What about Cara, exactly?"

"Just..." Alec lapped water onto his chest. "I don't know...like if I still miss her. Just stuff like that."

I turned to him. "And do you?"

Alec looked at me. "Well, I don't miss Cara. I mean...it's just..." He rubbed his face. "It's hard to explain."

"You can try."

"I don't miss her. I'm so embarrassed it happened - everything that happened during that time. I was so stupid... such an idiot...I was so blind. I don't know why I liked her so much." Alec picked at the grooves of the swirly tiles on wall. "She used to make me feel good about myself, even if she was lying through her teeth. That was all it took."

I turned around and nodded, ruffling through another cabinet. It occurred to me how similar Cara and I really were. That Parker was right. Cara said whatever it took to make Alec feel good about himself, and in the beginning, that was what I did too, just to get in bed with him. I winced. "But I don't do that anymore, so it's fine, right?" I thought. "I mean what I say now...that counts, doesn't it? Are Cara and I truly that much alike?"

"What are you looking for?" Alec chimed.

"Toothbrush!"

"There's a new one in the downstairs bathroom. I accidentally dropped yours into the trash bin."

I thanked him and skipped down the stairs, passing the kitchen on my way. I did a double take at the dinner table and stopped with my hand on the bathroom doorknob.

Sitting on the polished marble top were two new cases of prescription medication.

----

Note to Reader:

Sorry that the new installments take so long to be posted. Truly, I am. Thanks for being so involved and enthusiastic - your emails mean a lot. A lot! A lot a lot a lot. A lot.