The Hardheads

xx

Apart from work my time separated from Sarah was pure hell. I still loved her like crazy, but this fucker somehow had managed to drive us apart effortlessly. But I was determined not to crawl to her doorstep, begging and crying. The only way to solve this was for her to get her head out of her ass and to decide for me and against him. I would have to wait that out. If it didn't happen at all? I had no idea and the prospect terrified me.

I knew that there were entry-level positions available at my company and I briefly thought about recommending him for one to solve the whole shitty situation. The problem was that I'd have to vouch for him and it was a safe bet that he'd somehow manage to fuck things up. But getting my wife back would probably be worth the small inconvenience, my position in the company was safe enough to survive a thing like this untarnished. The main reason that kept me from doing it was that I wanted Sarah to actively dump him. I wanted her to decide against him and for me, regardless of his current situation. I wanted her to get her head out of her ass and sort out her priorities. Solving Martin's job and accommodation issues would just postpone the problem. She needed to fully understand who he was.

I knew for certain that she didn't regard him as long-term relationship material. I was also convinced that she hadn't slept with him. She just wasn't the type for that. But on some level, I already regarded her commitment to him as cheating.

We had both dug our heels in and neither of us contacted the other in any way. Apart from one message I sent to her every day, just saying "He's still there?", to which she invariably just replied "Yes." The evenings were boring and full of anxiety and self-doubt. Had I done the right thing? Should I just have kicked him out physically? No, that would have just strengthened her motherly instincts towards him. Had I exaggerated? No, I didn't think so. My home was my sanctuary and even if it was her property she had to respect my wishes in that regard if she wanted us to live there together.

Although on a rational level I trusted her to remain faithful, jealousy was starting to drive me mad. I couldn't sleep, read or watch TV anyway. I kept thinking about them all the time. Were they cuddling? Were they laughing together? Were they having a good time? Were they kissing? Did they do the groceries together? Did they cook together? What did they talk about? This should have been time I spent with my wife and he was stealing it. These thoughts were driving me insane.

One evening my friend Andy called me.

"Hey Eric." There was a lot of noise in the background. He was obviously in some club or pub.

"Andy, hi."

"Eric, everything okay with you and Sarah?"

"Ah, long story. It's difficult."

"Okay, I don't need the details. You should just know that she's with that Martin asshole at the 45 club."

"What? Seriously?"

"Yeah, sorry."

"What are they doing?"

"Just dancing and having a nice time."

"Thanks for the heads-up."

"Any time, man."

I was out of the door in less than 0.3 seconds and broke the sound barrier on my way to the club. I scanned the crowd like a hawk and finally found them on the dance floor. They were dancing slowly and were busy grinding their bodies together. He even kissed her briefly on the mouth while I physically felt the hate running through my body.

"Hey Sarah, long time no see." I tried to sound totally nonchalant, but she knew me well and totally froze in shock.

"Eric. It's not..."

"Surely it's not.... Please use condoms at least," I said in a sarcastic tone, just turned around and left.

"Eric!" I faintly heard her behind me.

On my way home a message appeared on my phone.

"You drive me soo mad. I'm feeling guilty for nothing."

'Yeah, nothing, sure,' I thought; and lacking a witty reply, decided not to answer.

She didn't contact me again afterwards. Of course, I still sent my daily "He's still there?" messages, followed by her "Yes."

xx

My anxiousness grew steadily and a few days later I just ran out of patience. I was absolutely unable to stay in that damn hotel, I needed to know what was going on. This had to end, one way or another. So I decided to just go home and confront them. It was still my home officially, I had a key and every right to be there. Maybe I could try to talk sense into her again.

The house was dark, the only source of light was the flickering TV. For some reason, I was as silent as possible when I opened the door and entered the house. I wanted to see what they were doing when being unaware of my presence.

There they were, in front of the TV, snuggled together, fully clothed, but looking totally comfortable. He was sprawled over the sofa, she was lying on her side with her head on his belly, being dangerously near to his crotch. They looked at ease with each other, like a happily married couple. In short, seeing this just about killed me on the spot. I was so mad that I was barely able to take a photo while they still hadn't noticed my presence.

"So that's it, I suppose."

She nearly jumped out of her skin and even shrieked a little. He was way calmer, as if he had expected something like this all along.

"Eric! You scared the hell out of me."

"He wins. I don't have the energy any more. I'm done."

"What are you talking about? This was nothing, really. Like at the club. Oh, you asshole. You make me feel guilty for nothing. Oh, Eric, really. It's just..."

She was babbling nonsense now.

"Stop, Sarah. You're right! It is like at the club! You FEEL guilty because you ARE guilty! Whether you have actually had sex yet is irrelevant. You have chosen him over me."

"Eric, don't be..."

"He's right, honey," Martin interjected.

"Don't call me honey!"

"I'll just pack a few things and then I'll be gone," I said.

"Eric. This has been going on far too long now. We have to resolve this."

"You're right. It has been going on far too long. He's living here for eight weeks now. You're totally ignoring me and my pleads to choose me. You're ignoring that we are married and that I should come first."

"Eric, he's just living here."

"Yes, against my wishes."

"I know, but still he's just a friend."

"A friend with whom you go on dates. With whom you're snuggling in front of the TV."

"Oooooh, come on, that's nothing."

"Would you think it was nothing if it was me with another woman?"

"It's not the same thing."

"You're still not getting this, are you?"

"No. I'm still refusing to join your silly game."

"Okay," I said dejected. I didn't have the will to fight any longer.

"Eric, please..."

"I'll be out of here in no time."

"Eric, this is silly. You're just being stubborn. I won't let you rule my life."

Martin was grinning smugly all the time.

"No, you'll just let Martin rule your life instead! Just look at him. Look at that smug grin and tell me this is nothing."

His grin vanished as she turned around, but it was too late. She had seen him and looked a bit confused. I hoped it was starting to penetrate her thick skull, but I was afraid that it was too little, too late.

"Martin?" I faintly heard behind me as I quickly gathered some clothes. After a few minutes, I returned downstairs.

"Eric, he's sorry for behaving like this."

"But not sorry enough to leave, to get out of our lives. This is going exactly as he wants it to."

"Eric..."

"SARAH, WAKE UP!" I was shouting now. I was desperate. I didn't know how to reach her.

"Don't shout at me." Okay, that was a mistake, she hated that. But I was at the end of my wits. Dejectedly, I placed my key on the table.

"Be good, okay?"

"Eric?" She seemed at least a little unsure now.

"Bye..."

"Eriiic..."

But the door was closed already, in more than one way. I admit that I was crying on the way back to the hotel.

"plz come home we need to talk. this is getting way out of hand" said her next text message. Well, she couldn't even be bothered to call.

"It's over." I just answered. Still no call from her. Amazing, how quickly he had been able to drive us apart.

xx

On the next day, I didn't send my daily status message. I had given up on that, I had given up on her, on our marriage. Instead, I visited a lawyer friend.

"Eric, you're sure you want to do this? She probably hasn't cheated, you said that yourself."

"I know. I talked with a friend about the whole affair and he laughed about it, telling me that Martin had complained that I had ruined everything by preventing a last coupling with her. The last memory he had of being with her will now always be the time when they were interrupted by her mother years ago. I tried to laugh with him about it, but that wasn't the point anyway. I was always certain that she wouldn't have sex with him. It is just not her to do something like this. That was never the problem.

"The problem is that cheating is not just a sexual act. She has chosen another man over me. I need a wife that's totally committed to me. I need to be her first priority, like she is mine."

"I see."

I separated our accounts. The house was hers anyway, we didn't have a lot of assets, we were both working and had no kids. This would be a clean split. Easy. The problem was, it was anything but easy. It was totally destroying me. I missed her like hell and life without her just wasn't something I looked forward to.

xx

A few days later she finally had the grace to call me.

"Hi honey." Wow, she sounded quite different; soft and gentle.

"Sarah."

"Eric..." she suddenly started to sob, followed by open bawling. I patiently waited until she had recovered. She obviously had received the papers. I knew what she went through, I had already had my mourning period.

"He's gone."

"Good."

"Can we talk?"

"Sure."

"At home please?"

"He's really gone?"

"Yes, I've kicked him out for good. Finally."

"Yeah, finally."

"I'm so sorry. Is it too late?" She was still sniffing a bit from time to time. "Have I already lost you?"

"Sarah..."

"Eric, I'm soooo sorry. I've been so stupid. I was just a hardhead. It won't happen again, I know who he is now."

"What?"

"Eric, honey, I've made a terrible error of judgement. I've talked to his ex-girlfriend."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. She had a lot to talk about. It seems he rather brutally dumped her. She told me he had inherited a nice sum from his grandpa. She was excited and happy about it, but he reacted weirdly. He quit his job, his apartment and dumped her on the same day."

"What? HE quit his damn job?"

"Yeah, seems so," she said sheepishly. "It seems this was the day he decided to pursue me seriously. He could live on his money for a few months. Eric, he's such a pig, he planned all of this. He lied to me and I fell for it like an idiot. I've told him I never want to see him again. He wasn't exactly happy and didn't want to believe it but my bitch slap caught his attention."

"Ha-ha, great."

"Sorry for not believing you."

I had to smile. That sounded quite good.

"Will you come home, talk it over with me, spank my ass and then make love to me all day long?"

"Sounds like a plan."

And that's what we did. We talked for a few hours. I gently slapped her behind once, just as a symbolic gesture, which she awaited smiling impishly. And then we made love. I won't repeat the whole discussion, but basically she had regarded the whole thing as just me being stubborn and wanting to make the rules. Whereas she was just trying to help a friend. She didn't really believe how much I detested this guy and simply regarded him as some kind of puppy that she had to take care of and that can't be taken seriously. Only upon receiving the papers it had dawned on her how important the whole thing was for me and how it must have felt to walk in my shoes. She apologized profusely and spoiled me rotten for weeks to come.

And Martin? For a while he just vanished. Then he seemed to set his sights on Andy's wife Carla. Bad idea. Andy is 2.05 meters tall and full of muscle. He's calm, helpful and nice if you're a friend of his. But let's just say he also has a dark side that you better stay away from. Martin was quite severely injured while being mugged shortly afterwards and the perpetrator was never caught. Everybody knew who had done it, of course. He disappeared permanently shortly afterwards. This might look like a good solution from Andy's point of view, but I still preferred mine. Sarah had actively decided to dump him and to commit herself to me. Carla had been spared that decision. I still prefer my way, but I'm glad that Andy has chased the asshole away.