The Hot Tub Gets Hotter

Meanwhile, I told mom about some juicy 'hearsay' that I'd heard during my months at the restaurant. Much of it was about both those husbands and a certain shady club downtown that had some 'odd entertainment' in the back. For those of you that ever went to New Orleans clubs around Lake Pontchartrain, you know what I'm talking about.

When mom's now ex-husband heard about that little factoid, he grabbed his attorney and ordered him to settle at any price. My mother started up with her 50/50 request before I stopped her and said that 75/25 would be fine. They grabbed that deal and ran out. We were left holding the bag, albeit a bag with three quarters of their total property. That three-fourths included his inheritance, too.

My mother was overcome. She never dreamt it would all go so quickly or that we'd get three-quarters of the goodies.

I was feeling kind of good too. Here I'd been kicked out of my flourishing business, losing my best girl in the process. Then I had a chance to get even, and I got more than even. After going head-to- head with him and his chrome-domed buddy, I now had his wife as my own and his friend's wife too.

Both women sold the homes that they got in divorce arbitration and loaded up the truck and moved. No, not to Beverly [Hills], that's another channel. We moved to Utah, not that they condone polygamy any more (or less) than they used to. Somehow I ended up married to both, with one a Nevada license and the other a genuine Utah one. Don't ask about how we filed our taxes, either...

We continued a torrid three-way love life. It was only tame when I was exhausted by those two insatiable women, which was often. We also had to slow it down when their tummies got too swollen, which was for three months every year. We eventually planned things so that one of them would conceive in July, the other in January so that they could tend to the babies' and my own needs. Eventually I got mature enough to see the pregnant wife as sexy as the slender one. By the time they each had their fifth (and last) child, we would do it right up to and including delivery day...

In the finest Utah tradition, we ended up with a houseful of 'young ones', stopping at a reasonable ten. Even with all the money the two of them got in divorce, we weren't sure if it was enough, given college and everything.

So, I returned to work, getting my little dream sandwich notch right in downtown Salt Lake City. It wasn't a McDonald's or anything, but it brought home just enough to keep the heat on over the cold winter. Of course, I also kept warm huddled between two of the hottest mommies in the country, even if one of them had a swollen belly. Loved them both, loved them all...