tagErotic CouplingsThe Jokes on Me

The Jokes on Me

byBenLong©

Dear Reader, for the second time I'm taking a stab at something that's not my usual story line. I hope you enjoy this April Fools Joke.

Dave glanced at the clock on the dashboard for the third time since he'd left work 10 minutes previously. The normal 25 minute drive was still going to take 25 minutes, which meant that no matter how fast he drove he was still going to be 15 minutes late, after he'd promised Lena he would be on time. With a sigh he pushed the button on the steering wheel and, when Siri responded, he told her to call Lena.

~

Lenore was her full name, named after none other than the famous beauty in Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven." His mother in law had been a Professor of English Literature, which explained the somewhat odd name. Along with the adornment of the unusual and famous moniker on his future wife, she'd also always insisted on calling her by her full name. Most of the rest of the world just called her by her nickname "Lena."

Whether she was Lena or Lenore was neither here nor there right now, as for probably the 15th time in their 20 years of marriage he was going to be late for their anniversary dinner. His work schedule had included working weekends for virtually forever, it seemed normal to him by now, but it wasn't always easy to get away on time.

March 29th, their actual wedding date, was a Thursday this year. Most years they celebrated twice by doing something special on the day of their anniversary and then again on the Sunday following. Every few years their anniversary actually fell on Sunday and they only celebrated once. But some years, like this one, that Sunday was April 1; April Fool's Day.

The very first time it happened Lena had surprised him with an April Fools' gag Anniversary gift, and now the gag gift was part of the unwritten tradition regardless of whether that Sunday was April Fool's Day or not. The best part of celebrating twice was that it usually including a hot and passionate second session of Anniversary sex. That the gag gift was almost always sexually related, was a given.

Although always a joke gift, the gag didn't have to necessarily be worthless. One year he'd presented her with a very large, very black, dildo matching the almost universal myth that black men are well hung. They'd played with the monster, finding she could successfully take it in her inflamed pussy; and to his chagrin she actually loved it and the feeling it gave her of being so full. It became one of her favorite toys, alone - on her own, or with his help.

Another year he'd found and presented her with an absolutely repulsive (at least he thought so) sex tape of a hugely obese woman that would "take it" anywhere. He'd never forgotten the lines on the cover: "Even her belly button is an orifice." It hadn't done anything for him, he'd bought it because it was so repulsive, and thankfully it hadn't done anything for Lena either. They'd actually put it in and started watching it once, but in short order had taken it out and moved to something that aroused them both. They'd both used that as a playful threat over the years: "Do what I want, or I'll tie you up and make you watch that horrible movie." That they'd thrown the movie out almost immediately didn't matter - it was the threat that counted.

Her best gag was the year she'd told him she'd "set him up" with a friend that she was going to share him with. For several months she'd questioned and teased in their lovemaking, asking about which of her friends he'd have the hardest time turning down; which of her girlfriends did he think had the nicest boobs, which would he most like to fuck, would he ever consider a threesome and if so, with whom? It seemed she'd never pass an opportunity to entice him with the thought of one of her girlfriends as they were making love, forcing him to think about others. "Do you think Mary likes to be on top like this?" or "I'll bet Sara likes it doggie style too, her big titties hanging down for you to play with." Finally, he'd spilled the beans, confessing that her girlfriend Melinda he'd always thought to be the hottest, that if he had to be on an uncharted island with someone besides her, Melinda would be the one.

Breaking the ice, confessing that he did find at least one of her girlfriends, or the wife of one of their mutual friends, as sexy enough to arouse his ardor had turned out to just be the start. He'd always worried about making Lena jealous, but when she seemed to enjoy his confession, it had actually opened up their discussions for more honesty. Lena also admitted that occasionally she found someone through her work travels and client presentations, seminars, or trainings, interesting; mutual acquaintances or perhaps just seeing some random stranger somewhere that she found sexually appealing. He didn't need to confess that her admission of attraction to someone else was arousing to him, she always ended up with an extremely hard cock to play with.

On the particular April Fools night of her greatest gag they'd gone out to dinner, taking a taxi so they could both drink. Their actual anniversary date was almost always celebrated at home; almost always involving new lingerie, sex toys, videos; an anything goes sexcapade between spouses. As usual, when going out for their Sunday anniversary date, Lena had chosen what she wanted him to wear and then dressed herself to the nines. Sexy as hell, she had teased him beyond mercy all night long with what was going to happen when they got home. They both used innuendo's in their words, her hand on his leg as often as his was on hers; bending forward to give him a view down her dress to her naked bra-less breasts, whispering how she couldn't wait to get alone where she could suck his cock and they could fuck into oblivion. Dinner done, they called for a cab, but when it arrived, Lena pulled him aside and told him she had a surprise for him: she wasn't going home. At the last minute, with the cab already sitting and waiting, she told him, "Your surprise gift is that I'm not going home with you. I've made arrangements with Melinda, she's home in bed waiting for you." He knew his eyes had bugged out, his mouth had dropped open, and he'd found himself tongue tied. He'd argued (with his prick practically jumping out of his pants at the thought and telling him not to argue) that he didn't want to cheat, that he really didn't want to sleep with anyone else, but she'd been unrelenting. "It's not cheating if I know about it. I've thought about this for quite some time, and I know you have the hots for Melinda. She's agreed to fulfill your fantasy, and she's home in our bed waiting for you."

His mind was befuddled by the champagne they'd had at dinner, which had been preceded by two glasses of wine as they'd waited for their table. In the end he'd blindly gone along with it, stepping into the cab and leaving Lena standing on the curb, blowing him a kiss, and telling him to have fun with a smile on her face. He'd gotten home to a quiet house, noting from outside as he walked up that, surprisingly, the light in their bedroom was on. Walking down the hall he'd called out, not getting any response, and finding out why when he opened their bedroom door. "Melinda" was naked and waiting as promised, stretched out in the middle of the bed. After all the teasing and his mind being befuddled at the thought of his wife's hot and sexy friend waiting for him, he'd been totally blown away to find that Melinda just happened to be a blow-up doll, complete with a name tag and note saying she'd do anything he wanted with no questions asked. He cracked up, knowing he'd been totally had -- that Lena had been working on this gag for months. Lena arrived home half an hour later, only to have him partially get her back as he was naked on the bed with his cock buried in Melinda's blow up mouth. They'd laughed about that one for years, even sharing the gag and laughs with a few good friends.

One good thing from that year had been that all the questions about "who would you like to do it with" had opened the door for discussing some of the things outside of "normal" that really turned them on. He'd always loved hearing about Lena's previous lovers; over the years she'd regaled him time and again with stories of losing her virginity, giving her first blow job, the first time that her cousin had gone down on her, and the like. The one thing above all else for Dave, although he had wondered what sex with many of her (or their) good friends would be like, was to admit that the thought of Lena with another man really drove him crazy; crazy with lust, but always crazy with the thought of Lena being fondled, and in his most outlandish fantasies, fucked, by someone else. Once she found out about his fantasies of Melinda, the questions of "what about Melinda, what would you really like to do with her if you had the chance," had expanded to include other women that he found attractive.

Lena hadn't at first wanted to admit to him when she found another man attractive or enticing but, as that changed, he always pushed to get her to be more explicit about what she'd like to do with someone else. She loved to hold or play with his cock when she'd talk about sucking someone else's prick or fucking someone else as he always got extremely hard, especially if she got specific with names.

"So," she asked once as he'd just been sliding his cock into her wet and warm pussy, "you'd like it if I was spreading my legs for Sean and it was him sliding his big, hard cock into me right now?" Sean was just the latest name that they'd been discussing on a somewhat regular basis, a co-worker of hers who she'd admitted was quite handsome and if she could date someone, he'd be the one. He'd practically exploded in her as she'd continued to talk about him, telling how she'd love to suck him off, how good his cock would feel in her, how much she'd like to please him with her body. That he was black, and she had a couple of times mentioned that he'd had some tight pants that really showed off his package and was perhaps big like her black dildo, didn't hurt the fantasy either.

She didn't mind sharing her fantasy lovers with him; she got the pleasure of his ultra-hard cock in return.

Over the years she'd described to him again and again what she'd like to do with certain friends, some more than others. Lena had always loved fellatio; the feel of a hard cock in her mouth, the way she could drive her man crazy with her lips and tongue, the way she could make him beg, the power she had over him. It had almost become a ritual that when she was sucking on him that she'd pull off and tease, talking about what it would be like to be sucking on her latest fantasy date (whose name changed from time to time as she met someone new that struck her fancy); describing how big she thought his cock was, or perhaps how he'd shoot so much that she couldn't swallow it all. It never failed to get him harder when she did this; consequently, it had become standard sex play for them. She'd always gone along, thinking of it as teasing, as foreplay, never really thinking too much about it until one night, she did.

She was right in the middle of loving on his cock with her mouth when it dawned on her that maybe he really was serious about her being with someone else. She pulled off, holding his cock upright with her hand, tantalizing it with her tongue momentarily when she said "What would you say if I came home and told you I'd really had an affair?" His groan and the throb of his cock were his answer. Later, as they were cuddled together, she said: "Do you want me to have an affair?" He'd hemmed and hawed, but she didn't let up until he answered. "Would you really like me to let someone feel my tits? Or finger my pussy? Or for me to suck their cock?"

The blood had been pounding in his head when she asked this, realizing that she wasn't just asking from a foreplay standpoint, but really asking if he wanted her to fuck someone else. That the idea was a total turn-on for him he'd never admitted outright to her, but now, with her asking directly, he couldn't deny it. His simple "yes," croaked out of his throat, was the hardest thing he'd ever said. Their talking and fucking that night had gone on for hours. Dave repeated over and over that the thought of her fucking someone else was an ultimate fantasy, and if she wanted to, she had a green light. In return, Lena had gone on and on about who could be a possible fuck-buddy. She didn't have to understand it, but she certainly got the benefit whenever she teased him like that.

It had been a Halloween costume party where it started.

Dave had dressed as a Cowboy Sheriff complete with a big shiny star, a six shooter and a ten-gallon hat. Lena had dressed as an old west hooker; a bar girl, complete with her long legs covered with black, large-mesh, stockings. A feather boa had been wrapped around her neck, the black lingerie body stocking unusual compared to her normally professional attire in public. He'd seen her wear such things for him in the privacy of their bedroom and thought it was ultra-sexy, but barely fit for public consumption. A French cut bottom had left the bottom half of her delectable ass bare, although no more so than if she'd been wearing her bikini on the beach. The nearly sheer bustier had a deep vee that dropped down between her breasts; the form fit made it obvious she had no bra on. Almost see-through, it was only the black pasties that kept her nipples from showing, although in the right light it was obvious to any observer they were seeing just exactly that -- her bare breasts with strategically placed pasties. She'd been hot, of that there was no doubt. That every man in the place had drooled over her he'd also known, as most had outright commented at least once during the night on how hot she was. He'd seen everyone, men and women alike, at one time or another follow her with their eyes. That other men were drooling over her sexiness had been a huge turn on for him, he'd loved every minute of it.

She'd played the part of the hooker quite well; teasing and flirting with virtually every man at the party for most of the night.

It was approaching the end of the evening when he looked around and didn't find her. The liquor had been flowing quite freely for hours, and he wasn't thinking exactly fast or straight by that time. Realizing Lena must have gone to the toilet, he started down the hall looking for her. Turning the corner towards the toilet, his eyes lighted on Lena just stepping into the bathroom, her hand adjusting her top a bit as she disappeared. Curiosity as to where she'd come from crossed his mind as he hadn't seen her ahead of him and she didn't appear to have been going down the hall. He didn't see her look at him so had no idea whether she'd seen him or not. Moments later their friend John stepped out of the bedroom directly across from the bath, looking up at Dave with a bit of surprise on his face. Dave stopped and moved aside to let John pass in the hall. "Gotta love costume parties, eh? My God your Lena's sure dressed as a hottie," John had laughed as he'd stepped up to him. "You're one lucky S.O.B., I don't think there's a man in the place that wouldn't pay to spend the night with that sexy hooker tonight!" Dave laughed and agreed and said that although they might want to pay for her, he got to take her home. John chuckled and slapped him on the back as he walked by.

"Can I come in?" He questioned through the locked bathroom door.

"Just a second," Lena answered, the door coming unlatched a moment after he heard the toilet flush. Stepping into the room, she turned back to the mirror, leaning over and touching up the makeup on her face, her half-bare ass cheeks prominently displayed; the bare skin of her cleavage visible in the mirror. That his hot and sexy wife had practically nothing on to keep her from being naked wasn't lost on him. He momentarily ogled her bottom and exposed cleavage in the mirror before stepping over and taking a pee. Washing his hands while Lena finished touching up her makeup he asked, "You about ready to go home?"

"I am if you are," she answered, turning and planting a hot wet kiss on him, her hand sliding down to stroke his cock, "because I definitely need to be fucked."

5 minutes later they climbed in the back of a cab; about the only thing said to the cabbie was the address before they began making out like teenagers instead of the old married couple that they were. Their hands were all over each other, and although they had a cab driver in front, it didn't keep him from putting his hands anywhere on Lena, or from her putting hers on Dave. Her hand was on his cock almost immediately, squeezing and rubbing, while Dave slid his inside her bustier confirming what he knew he'd find - her nipples hard and wanting. His other hand ran down to her ass, sliding inside the bottom and pushing it to the center of her butt, exposing her naked globe to his touch. Whether the cabbie could see, or was even trying to pay attention in the rear view mirror, neither of them seemed to care. Pushing the bustier out of the way Dave bent and sucked her exposed nipple, eliciting a squirm from Lena in response. He slid his hand from her bare bottom, to her bare hip, to the edge of her outfit in front. Slipping a finger inside the panty, he found her pussy hot and wet underneath. Lena was normally a bit more conservative when it came to public displays of affection (or more), but this time her legs parted allowing him quite easy access. His finger easily found her clit, slipping not just inside her panty but inside of her. She was indeed ready to be fucked.

The cloth of her costume slipped easily back in place over her bottom, without drawing too much attention, while Dave paid the cabbie - or so he thought. The cabbies knowing smirk and a "Have a good night!" told Dave he must have been at least aware of their shenanigans. It didn't matter; they'd never see him again.

Inside the house, they didn't even make it to the bedroom. Lena was ready and willing, and they ended up on the front room floor, mutually peeling each other's clothes. Lena pushed Dave onto his back and climbed on top almost immediately. She was normally one that appreciated lots of foreplay; the occasions where she was raring to go without were few and far between. Tonight, Dave assumed that her skimpy and sexy dress and the leering attention of so many men must have gotten into her head, which was perfectly OK with him.

He was partly correct.

They'd both cum but she was still seated on top of Dave with his semi-hard cock inside her. She was leaning down, almost lying on him, his hands filled with her bare breasts. He rolled her hard nipples between his thumbs and fingers, and it may have been her "Ummm, I like that," which triggered his mind. He really didn't know why, when suddenly the last hour went through his mind in complete clarity. He'd fondled her bottom in the cab, pushing the costume to one side. He'd slipped his fingers inside her panty, inside the lacy cloth and into her wet heat, fingering her pussy. She'd been exceptionally wet, exceptionally aroused. Sliding his finger out of her pussy he'd found and played with her clit --almost getting her off in the taxi. He'd slipped the other side of her top aside, exposing her bare breasts, playing with her nipples... her bare nipples. Going further back in his mind, he saw her stepping into the bathroom, but he hadn't been following her down the hall; she'd been coming from somewhere else, and she'd been adjusting her top. Why then? Moments later John had stepped out from the darkened bedroom across from the toilet.... Dave swallowed, a lump in his throat, feeling his recently shrinking cock rapidly expanding again inside Lena, rising to... rising to... his imagination? But, was it? "Lena?"

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byBenLong© 14 comments/ 20850 views/ 18 favorites

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