The Killers: A Love Story

"I chose wrong. I have no excuses and I am truly sorry."

She stopped and looked at me sadly. She said, "The guilt crushed me. No matter whether you ever found out about it or not - I would ALWAYS know about it. It completely shattered my image of myself.

"Then, to add to my humiliation he paraded me around like a trophy afterward. I suppose with what I had just done I deserved it.

"The following day we were forced to work together like we always did . It might have been a little icy but we had a job to do.

"Then I took off to have dinner by myself when we were finished with the client.

"I purposely chose a restaurant in another hotel because I thought he would never find me there.

"Of course that was a challenge. So hunted around until he found me. And then he plopped himself down at the table like he owned me.

"He gets off on power and he was testing me to see how I would react.

"I wanted to dump my soup over his smirking head. But it was a very public place. So I decided to just sit there and call his bluff.

"You know me. Civilized to a fault.

"That was a mistake because a buddy appeared shortly thereafter and the shithead immediately started bragging.

"I just sat there quietly seething. I was planning on getting even as soon as the friend left."

At that point I interrupted and said, "I overheard the friend talking about you when I was in Chicago.

"He said you were totally in love with the guy and that you two were fucking regularly."

She grimaced and said, "He only wished.

"What actually happened was that he followed me back to my room and tried the same thing. I even flirted with him a bit to encourage him to do that.

"But this time I was locked and loaded and waiting for him. So as he started to paw me I reached down and squeezed his balls like I was making lemonade.

"You could hear him screaming all over the hotel. I laughed at him, shoved him out in the hall and locked the door.

"But the fact remained that I was stuck with him until we finished the engagement."

I said, "I know all of that. Except for the nutcracking part. I saw you trying to disengage.

"That would have probably worked in your behalf when we had the conversation that we needed to have when you got back from Miami."

She looked relived and said, "Then you obviously read what I sent him after the fact. Did it sound like I was in love with him and fucking him regularly?"

I nodded my head "no" with an ironic smile on my face.

She continued with, "You also know that I planned to stay in a different hotel on that last visit, just to reinforce my position vis-a-vis him and me.

"I actually thought you would never find out. And of course I never knew that you knew

"I'm telling you the truth and I am certain that you believe that!!!"

I knew that what she was saying was true. I had read their message trail probably a thousand times over the past six years. And every possible connotation I could put on it matched what she had told me.

But I had another question. It was actually the only relevant one. Or would have been if we had been able to talk when she got back from Miami.

I said, "How could you treat me in such an even-keel fashion after the fact. There was not the slightest hint of guilt. That was my main concern. Since you are such a good actress how could I trust you not to lie to me again?"

She frowned and said, "One part of me wants to tell you to just get a grip.

"Obviously, I acted toward you in the way that I did – and it was a very difficult thing to do – in order to insulate you from the consequences of my bad judgment.

"I knew that you would be hurt no matter what the actual intent was. And so I put it all on me. It was easier to do that because I KNEW that I would never let it happen again."

She stopped and looked defiantly at me. She was daring me to doubt her.

She was able to put her feelings into a box since she never intended to let it happen again.

That was Janet to a "T".

She might be small but she is as tough as adamantium. She could sell normal for as long as it took.

I was still not sure how I felt about the deception. But it was not an issue after what came after it.

She read my thoughts. Her glance softened and she took one of my hands in both of hers.

She looked searchingly into my eyes and added, "All of that aside, the part of me who loves you to distraction and has always loved you, just wants to tell you that I would never betray you again and that I would spend every day of the rest of my life reassuring you of my commitment.

"And there will never be a need to lie to you like that again. I got an object lesson from that night – which I will never forget. And it has stood me in good stead for the subsequent six years.

"I know that I suffered from too much foolish over-confidence where men were concerned. But NOW - once burned twice wary.

"For the past six years I have turned down every potential suitor because I felt like I owed it to you. Even though I knew you thought that I was dead and that I would never see you again.

"I know that sounds insane but it was part of my personal penance. And if you don't believe that check it out at the Base."

Thanks to Major Rafferty I didn't need to do that.

She sat back, looked at me with a crooked smile and said, "So take your pick. Which answer do you like?"

I smiled back at her and said, "I'll go with door number two.

"More relevantly, that other woman was somebody named Janet Witger. She died five years ago and I've barely gotten to know Janey Winslow.

S

"ix years is a long time. And I think that Janey Winslow has learned a few things in the meantime.

"I know you are not the same person."

She proceeded to give me a smoking-hot glance. And she rubbed her bare foot up and down on my leg communicating promise.

She said with absolute sincerity, "I know what it feels like to lose the one thing in life that is important to me and it will never happen again!!!"

I had already guessed the general circumstances of her untimely demise. But I needed the details just to lay the pain of the past six years to rest.

So I said, "What happened in Miami?"

She said, "Two FBI Agents greeted me at the gate at MIA. They hustled me into a car. Apparently they had been monitoring the guys we were going to meet.

"We drove for a while and they transferred me to a van with a lot of surveillance equipment in it.

"The Special Agent in Charge was inside. He told me that they knew everything that I was doing.

"I told them that I wasn't doing anything except what I was contracted to do, which was to set up the financial structure for a couple of new corporations.

"I added that I had only recently gotten the proof that I was dealing with organized crime.

"I think I alluded that I knew there was a problem the day before I left.

"At any rate I told them that they could have my evidence.

"They told me that as far as I was concerned the only way I could prove that I wasn't involved would be to wear a wire into the meeting.

"They had me in a rock and hard place. So I agreed.

"Unfortunately the Cartel had a frequency scanner set up. That caught me almost as soon as the meeting started.

"Since my cover was blown the FBI busted in and there was some shooting.

"I was shot in the forearm and hand. Whit was outright killed and all four of the Cartel members at the meeting also died.

"The FBI people visited me in the hospital and laid out my options. I could go to jail, since what I was doing was illegal even if I didn't know it.

"Or I could testify and enter witness protection. They said that either way you had to think that I was dead in order to keep you off the Cartel's radar.

"And that they had already taken that step by telling you that I had died.

"That revelation nearly ACTUALLY killed me. You get on an airplane one day and fly out of your happy life and into a nightmare. I wasn't close to being prepared to cope.

"I cried for hours while they worked on me."

She said, "My Grand Jury testimony brought down a major drug syndicate and locked up a lot of Columbians. T

"hose people were so enraged that they would have killed both you and me in very creative ways. If I had not been killed in the raid.

"And if the Cartel ever suspected that you were still my husband they would have made an object lesson out of you just to get the point across to anybody else who cooperated.

"So I had to be very publically dead. That's why it was all over the newspapers down there.

"The FBI understandably couldn't arrange your death someplace else without making everybody suspicious. It would be far too coincidental.

"In reality, I was fortunate that I had been severely wounded. It provided a convincing cover story."

She wordlessly turned her right arm over and there were a couple of large puckered scars on her forearm and another on the back of her hand.

Chills went up my spine at the thought of her precious flesh being torn by bullets.

She added with tears in her eyes, "I was there in the background at my own funeral. Your grief almost killed me."

"They initially relocated me to Albuquerque. But I had to find a job.

"They had an opening here at Huachuca. So given my background and abilities the Marshalls placed me here.

"I have spent six years in a world that didn't include you. And it was the worst six years of my life.

"I don't date. I only socialize with the other women. And I only do that to keep from standing out.

"I changed my appearance to try to throw anybody who might be looking for me off the scent.

"It is a lot easier for a woman to do that than a man you know. Just grow your hair out and change its color. The tan and the blue eyes make me look more English than Italian now."

Then she stopped, looked at me flirtatiously and said, "Do you like the new me?"

Perhaps the world's dumbest question.

I looked at that beloved face and said, "I loved the old you and now I adore the new you. Your coming back into my life is a miracle and I am never letting you out of it again."

She gasped and said, "But you have to. The same conditions still apply. I can't have anything to do with you without jeopardizing my cover and both of our lives."

I said, "Leave that to me. Simple question, do you want to be my wife again?"

She studied my face. Janet is a strong and intelligent woman. And she is no fool. The intensity of her gaze was intimidating.

She said, "I betrayed you with another man and then I caused you the pain of my death. Why in the world would you want to be with me?"

I said simply, "I love you. I have always loved you. From the moment we met you have been the other half of me. You fill in all of the gaps and make me whole. And you have given me all of the devotion a man could ever ask for from a woman.

"Our marriage was the happiest time of my life."

It is as easy as that.

"The fact is that, even though I had already read and understood the context of you fucking the guy and saw your response I might have had trouble accepting it back then.

"But that is a moot point now, since I have had to deal with six years of living without you thinking you were gone forever.

"The woman who I thought betrayed me has been in a sealed casket for over six years. So there is a massive firewall built into my psyche between what you did then, and the person who is sitting across from me now. You are essentially a brand new woman to me.

"I just met Janey Winslow. I know that she is not the Janet Whitger I used to know. She looks different. And she has had a different set of life experiences up to this point.

"Which no doubt have shaped her current attitudes toward her choices and responsibilities.

"You can learn a lot about yourself and life in general if you are carrying around six solid years of grief.

"We both underwent trial by fire. So in my mind I am dealing with a new woman who just happens to resemble my dead wife.

"And I want her to be mine forever. It might be an attitude that is shaped by your sudden resurrection but too much water has passed over the dam to feel otherwise about any past indiscretions.

"I know why you are in WITSEC. I realize that you didn't have a choice.

"I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't do this to us if you had any other viable options. Accordingly, any hurt I experienced was just collateral damage. I'm a tough enough guy to just accept that and move on.

"So like I said, I am mourning a dead wife. And I want this new woman who I just met to replace her.

"Are you willing to do that? It would mean that we would start our marriage over from scratch."

She looked at me with the most amazingly touching expression on her face. It was pure joy and relief.

She said, "From the bottom of my heart."

___________________________________

Two days later I called my contact Charlie from the operations center of the NETCOM/9th Army Signal Command.

That led to a frantic three week debriefing session while I explained to them where all the holes were.

Then they wrote me a big check and I went down to the DMV over on Charleston Road and picked up my new driver's license.

I stopped at the rented Base post office box to get our new passport, credit cards and social security paperwork.

Sarah and Buster were waiting for me when I got back to the RV.

Over the past three weeks Janey Winslow had abruptly terminated her employment with the Army and disappeared to parts unknown.

There was a record that she had might have moved to Maine but there was no forwarding address.

The record of her participation in the WITSEC program had disappeared completely - like it never happened. And her supervising Marshall had been reassigned.

Janey Winslow was now as much a ghost as Janet Witger.

It was one of my easier exploits. The Justice Department has an almost undetectable command injection flaw in the code of its human resources portal.

Maybe someday I will have my company tell them where it is.

It took some time to find exactly the right set of identities. But once I found two that worked it was a matter of a few seconds to steal them.

William Westin was on Air France 447 when it went down in the mid-Atlantic. He was 37 at the time. His 38 year old widow Sarah Westin died in a car accident in Cleveland that same year.

I have to admit that took a little time to make Janey disappear from all of the government records.

But bumping me off was a piece of cake.

I had to trust exactly one person. Then again, my little brother was always somebody who I could count on.

And of course, the company that my brother was forced to take over after my unfortunate passing was still making money hand over fist.

So he had a big financial stake in keeping me dead.

Accordingly, one death notice and a covert conduit into a Cayman account later Bill Westin, his wife Sarah and their dog saddled up their luxury motor coach and hit the dusty trail out of Tombstone Territory.

It was no coincidence that the theme from the Magnificent Seven could be heard playing in the background as they rode into the sunset..

Epilogue

We were sitting under the canopy on the deck of our Hylas 70 at the Porto di Bacoli Marina Dock. It was one of those classic late summer days in Campania. The sun was hot and the sea breeze was refreshing.

We were in Naples because we had been doing a tour of the Falerno wineries and we were sampling a bottle of Falerno Del Massico which has a pedigree that dates back to the famous Falernian wines of ancient Rome.

It had been almost ten years and we have stopped looking over our shoulder.

I set tripwires in various government and commercial systems that would alert me if anybody investigated Bill, or Sarah Westin.

But there has been nary a peep so far. And if there ever is I have a million rabbit holes we can disappear down.

We live in Cortona – and yes - I know that's a cliché thanks to Frances Mayes.

My brother has grown the company to a point where I don't worry about money. And an Italian Hill Town is the last place that anybody would expect the dearly departed Dave and Janet Witger to be.

We own a big boat that I berth down in Civitavecchia and we spend most of our time visiting every interesting, or historic place that we can think of in the Mediterranean.

And every day of our life together just gets better and better.

At 54, Janet is as beautiful as she was at 23.

And she still turns the heads of every male in the room. This is Italy after all and Italian men appreciate a smoking hot woman of any age.

But it was never her gorgeous body that attracted me. It was her powerful intelligence and her sense of values. And those have only gotten stronger as she gets older.

Although she is still coquettish she has deepened into a person who has an astute understanding of what it means to be a human being.

You grow up a lot in sixteen years. And spending six of them thinking that the other person is forever lost to you will mold your marriage and life's perspectives into something approaching wisdom.

I never questioned her love for me. And now I don't question the decisions she makes.

You always know in your heart when you are right, or wrong. Sometimes it takes strength to act on that knowledge. And Janet is strong enough to do that. There will never be a problem.

And as for me? Well maybe I finally understand the plan.

Shit happens. And when it does you either start shoveling. Or it buries you.

Carpe Diem isn't just a local saying. It's the way to take control of your destiny. Keep that in mind the next time you overhear somebody in a bar.