The Knowing Ch. 05

"Jaan" she whispered into his ears. She could feel herself rising to meet him, her climax impending. She looked into his eyes, holding his face steady in her hands.

"Say something." He said to her. He pushed faster and faster, his tears falling directly onto her lips now. She licked them off and they watched each other. Jaan waiting, and Santos unsure of what to do. They came at the same time starring at each other. After he climaxed Jaan pulled out of her, exhausted, and upset, but he clung to her, resting his head on her chest and pulling his body tight to her. She knew now how he felt, and he knew now she may not ever say it back. Santos held him just as tight. Weren't they too young for this? Maybe she would be better off letting him go, letting him fuck other girls freely and leave her alone. She would never be able to give him what he wanted, though she might've wanted to.

Now she stared at him. Katey Cerra's name still tight on her lips. Jaan looked at her.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know I see you two together a lot."

"So?"

"Well, she likes you Jaan."

He stared at her blankly for a moment, then licked his lips and took in a deep breath, "So."

Santos sat straight up. "OK... so... you don't care that she wants you to be her boyfriend?"

"No, I mean she's cool."

"She's cool?"

"Yea, I mean- Santos don't do this- We have a lot of the same friends, we hang out sometimes- she appreciates the team."

Santos stared at him a bit and then laughed, "She appreciates the team?"

"Yes."

"She appreciates you Jaan, she wants to be with you."

"Is that a problem Santos?" he was egging her on now, and she knew it. She had never allowed them to be what Jaan wanted and now he was going to throw it in her face.

"So if tomorrow you and I start holding hands in the hallway what happens to Katey?"

Jaan looked at her confused, "Is that what you want?"

Santos shrugged, "I dunno, I'm asking you."

"Nothing would happen." He said

"So you would just continue to let her follow you around, and hold your hand and kiss you."

"You've told me, and let me know, more than once that you don't give a fuck." Jaan said, his voice was rising, and he moved his body away from her slightly.

"That's not true Jaan!"

He scoffed, "That's not true! You can barely tell me what you want from me. Wait, the only thing you can tell me is how you want to be fucked and where, but if I ask you for anything more suddenly you want to act like you don't understand."

"What?" Santos threw off the covers and stood up, she wanted to scream.

"Forget you Santos, I wouldn't be with you in any serious way right now if you asked or if you begged, or if you got on your knees and sucked my dick."

Santos was shocked. "What?"

"We fuck." Jaan was standing now too, he had righted himself back into his shorts and was looking at her menacingly.

Santos was confused, where was all this coming from. How had they gotten here? "What is going on Jaan?"

"You were right all along, we could've never gone public. What the fuck are people going to say when I start hanging around with you?"

She backed up from him. She was shocked, Jaan had never spoken to her like this before, and she was unsure of why he was suddenly so angry with her. Santos had given Jaan plenty of reason to be angry with her over the years, but he had never once looked at her or talked to her like this.

She was quiet. "I don't know Jaan. What will people say?"

He laughed at her, "Look, whatever, this was. It was fun, but we don't have to do this anymore."

Santos was shocked. She stood in front of him silenced.

"Look, I'm over this. I'm over you."

Santos could never remember what happened after he said those words. In her mind she figured she had yelled back at him or started to cry. Really, all she did was pick up her backpack from his living room table, pull his hoodie off her body, walk out into the cool fall night and ride her bike home.