The Last Library Ch. 04

The fear of being alone again twisted her guts and locked up her body in ways nothing else ever had so she put it off.

Eventually, her guilt started to turn into self-loathing and she found herself avoiding the increasingly confused man. Day after day, they would go patrolling, but the easy camaraderie that had developed grew frayed at the edges. At night she would block his mind out of hers as soon as they re-entered the house so that she didn't have to face his worry and consternation and cried herself to sleep.

She had to tell him, but she just couldn't.

***

Mera braced herself against the bookcase and hugged her knees to her chest. She couldn't put it off any longer. If she tried, she would break and never let him go.

She shook her head violently. "That's not the problem! Well, it is, but it isn't! I lied to you, Ashur! I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it. I told myself that I needed your help so I could put it off for a few days, then you got hurt and I could put it off for longer. But, after a while, it got easier and easier to ignore, and then I started feeling guilty and wrong, but I'd been putting it off for so long that it was getting easier and easier to keep the lie going!"

She watched his face waiting for the thundercloud of hate and anger to roll across his features. There was no way she could blame him for not forgiving her since she was having a terrible time forgiving herself.

She stopped babbling when she felt him tap her nose. That was not the action of someone who was angry. Her eyes grew wide and she gaped stupidly at his outstretched hand. It took the confused woman a moment to realize the significance of his gesture and was still coming to terms with it when he drew her to her feet.

Mera's worries grew worse as they made their way back to the house. Rather than be drawn back into her own thoughts, she was hypnotized by his silence. She could see in his face that he was thinking hard, but she kept his thoughts out of her own mind. If he was raging at her mentally, she wouldn't be able to take it.

Finally, they made it back to the house and her heart melted a little when he explained his feelings. She knew that he liked her as a person but his admission of friendship was more than she had expected and she felt brave enough to open her mind to him once again.

His arguments for staying to train her in combat nearly swayed her and she desperately wanted to tell him yes, however, now that the rush of her confession was fading, her mental and emotional control could start to take over again. As she lined out her objections, she felt his acceptance of their situation too. Even while proposing it, she felt him understand that their situation was impossible.

Dinner was a silent affair; neither of them feeling the urge for conversation. As they sat stiffly on the couch, she tried to think of all the things that she wanted to say to him. Not endearments, but simple discussions between friends that she would miss once he was gone, but her mind remained blank; locked into immobility by her sorrow.

Unfortunately, her growing sense of loss was starting to lead her down a dangerous path and she might have taken the first steps then and there if he had not made his request for one last night together. Frantically wanting to stave off her depression, she happily agreed and reveled in the care, compassion, and soft movements of his lovemaking. She shared his desire to make the experience last and her first orgasm of the night was a gentle buildup that leisurely made its way from her core to her toes.

Lying on his chest a few minutes later, his slowing and steady heartbeat under her ear proved to be a balm to her own heart. She would miss him as a friend and lover and did her best to imprint this moment into her memory.

She might have happily fallen asleep like that, but his returning erection woke up her playful side. Deliberately pushing away any last vestiges of sorrow for the night, she decided to enjoy herself to the fullest; teasing his lust until she was certain that he was about to blow before plunging him into her ass.

The rest of their evening was a series of hard and blasting climaxes for her until she thought her mind would break from the pleasure and she begged him to finish. When he did, her body decided it could take no more and she collapsed into welcome oblivion.

***

Mera woke blissfully the next morning to the wonderful feel of his fingers through her hair and the smell of his body in front of her. She was still curled up in his arms and felt strangely safe and protected in his embrace; something she had not felt in several thousand years.

That thought and the sadness that slipped its way through his mind reminded her of what would happen in a few hours. Her own unhappiness welled up behind her eyes as she described the events that would precede his departure.

Afterwards, they lay together, trying to absorb as much of the moment as possible before its inevitable ending. Mera leaned away as Ashur made to roll onto his back. Remembering the feeling of safety she had enjoyed listening to his heartbeat, she rested her cheek on his chest once again and let her mind and eyes wander. The deep rumble of his small laugh and his voice felt good.

"You'll probably spend a lot of time watching me from the viewer, won't you?" he asked.

Allowing her own small laugh, she started to answer him while her gaze began to drift over the items on his dresser. Then they stopped and she squinted at what lay on top of one of the piles. Its cylindrical shape looked vaguely familiar.

"What is that?"

Realization hit her like a punch in the gut and rage flooded her mind.

"What is THAT?" she shrieked.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?"