The List

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Sometimes it's hard being the only black contestant.
4.1k words
4.51
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Part 1 of the 4 part series

Updated 09/22/2022
Created 01/05/2004
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"What am I doing here?" Carrie thought to herself as she put away the last of her clothes. She listened as her new roommates chatted cheerily, and gave her bag a final zip. As she shoved the bag under her bed and stood up she brushed off her hands and found the two beautiful blondes staring at her. She pushed her newly weaved hair behind her ear and smiled at them warily.

"So, I just took a chance and I auditioned and here I am!" Courtney exclaimed to Hunter. Courtney shook her hair off of her shoulder and gazed curiously at Carrie. Hunter turned to the mirror and picked up her brush and started to stroke her hair as she told her story that was identical to the other sixteen women in the house. She gave herself a dazzling grin and then turned to Carrie.

"What about you? Where are you from?" Hunter probed.

"I just moved here from New Orleans, but I—" before she had a chance to continue, Courtney squealed.

"I love New Orleans! Mardi Gras is the best! I was just there this winter! Ohmigod! Did you have a fun time or what growing up there?"

"It was pretty fun," Carrie sighed. It was just too much of a hassle to try and explain to people what it was really like to live there. Not to mention the fact that she had only gone to college in the city, and not grown up there. But no one seemed to want to hear it. Not everyday was Mardi Gras, and the flying roaches alone made the city unbearable! But here she was in the mountains of Colorado and not quite sure where this new adventure was going to take her.

"How did you end up on the show?" Courtney's eyes searched hers. She seemed to be the leader of the two.

"I moved out to L.A. to become a waitress." Carrie joked, but the blank looks told her that her joke had been lost somewhere in the empty space between their ears.

"Huh?" Courtney scratched her head.

"I'm joking, ladies. I want to be a broadcaster, and I auditioned to get my face out there, and have people see me."

"But I thought we were all here to find true love," Hunter blinked at Carrie.

"Well, that too," She said lamely. "It would certainly be a bonus if that was to happen." She smiled and turned away to hide the fact that she was rolling her eyes at this silly woman. Please, as if anyone ever found love on these crazy television shows! Carrie wanted to laugh out loud.

"This is going to be so much fun!" Hunter giggled, "It'll be just like when I was living in the sorority house!"

"You were in a sorority too?" Courtney and Hunter hugged each other.

"What house were you in?"

Carrie wandered away but heard them exclaim the fact that they were in the same sorority at different colleges. She padded down the hallway and marveled at the plush carpet under her feet. The richly decorated house was beautiful and tastefully decorated, mostly in blues and beiges, but it was a little cold and impersonal feeling. It was certainly bigger and better looking than the apartment she had left behind in L.A. She smiled, shook her head and muttered to herself once again: "What am I doing here?"

* * * * *

Just two months ago her roommate had told her about a reality show that was casting in the L.A. area.

"The List," he intoned, "sounds mysterious."

"What's the hook to the show?" Carrie asked as she sipped her coffee and read the sports section.

"Um, it doesn't say, but you are guaranteed at least $2,500 if you are cast on the show."

"Really?" she snatched the paper out of his hand and quickly scanned the ad. "Hey, the audition's today!"

"Do they need a stunningly handsome gay man to mix up the plot of the show a bit?" he waggled his dark eyebrows and she laughed.

"No, but they are casting women 19-29. I'm that age!"

"You aren't really thinking…" he trailed off. "You are thinking about it aren't you?"

"Can you give me a ride, Ash? Please?" she batted her eyes. "If I get this I can pay you all of that back rent I owe you!"

"Get in the car!" he pointed a finger out the door, "I could use the money!"

Carrie ran to put her best suit—and truth be told--her only suit and combed her hair back into a rather severe ponytail. "Not bad," she whispered to herself, before she stepped away. Ash whisked her across town and before she could comprehend it all, she was interviewing with the casting directors and told to wait for the second round of interviews in the afternoon.

"I can feel it Carrie, this is your next big step!" Ash squeezed her hand and grinned.

"I just want to get my face out there so that I can maybe get a decent job." She chewed a hangnail, and felt butterflies flutter in the pit of her belly.

"No, I have a feeling about this, this will make you famous." Ash looked like he was as nervous as she was. "You are going to explode!"

"God, I hope not, that would be messy!" They laughed together and looked up, startled by a woman calling her name. "Wish me luck, Ash," she gulped and put on her best smile.

"You don't need it Honey, you are going to knock them dead!" Ash patted her hand and sat back. "Do your thing, Girlfriend!"

When Carrie appeared at his side, he looked expectantly at her. "So?"

"They'll call me after the background check and let me know." She had said.

"Oh," he breathed. Ash was clearly more disappointed than she was.

"I'm sure we'll hear something soon." It was her turn to pat his hand. They waited with baited breath for the next two weeks, then another two weeks passed and then finally a total of six weeks had passed and there was no word. One Saturday morning, as Carrie got ready for work, the phone rang and she picked it up while trying to tie her shoes.

"Hello?" she grunted into the phone.

"Carrie Jones, please," the voice on the other end had said.

"This is Carrie," she said sitting up straight and breathing a little hard. Somehow she knew this was the call. "How may I help you?"

"My name is Janna, and I am with the show The List that you auditioned for several weeks ago."

"Yes, of course." She let out a long breath. Had she been holding it long? She couldn't remember.

"We are pleased to tell you that you have been chosen to be among the 16 girls in the cast—"

"No, way!" Carrie whispered. "You're kidding me right?"

"We would like to have you report to the airport two weeks from today. We will give you your destination then. Please read your contract and confidentiality agreement carefully, then have it notarized and sent back to us by Friday, if of course you agree to do the show.

"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Carrie's voice threatened to go out of control.

"We hope to hear from you within the week, Carrie," The voice said.

"Yes, you will!"

Carrie hung up the phone in a state of shock, and then she started screaming. "Ash! Where are you?" she ran out of her tiny bedroom and burst through his door. "I got it! I got the show!"

Ash sat up slowly and grinned sleepily. "You did? Honey, that's fantastic!"

"I leave in two weeks and I don't have any idea where I am going, but I am going somewhere! This is so awesome! I have no clue of what to pack! Ahhhhh! There is so much to do before I leave!" Carrie jumped on his bed and hugged him then stood up and did a little dance. "I'm going to earn $2,500! This is the single greatest day in my adult life!"

"Let me know what has to be done and it will be done! My Carrie Bear is going to be famous!"

Carrie felt a wave of homesickness and began to miss Ash terribly by the time she had found the kitchen which was full of the other thirteen women who made up the cast of the show. There were blondes and brunettes and red heads, but Carrie could tell that her looks set her apart. She was the only African-American in the cast, and everyone knows how well the black contestants do—or how well they don't.

"Hey, here's Carrie!" one of the women shouted over the others. She was tall with long dark hair and quite beautiful, but then, who of these women wasn't? She waved Carrie over to the group and patted the barstool next to her. Carrie smiled gratefully and took the spot.

"Thanks so much," Carrie took the woman's hand and shook it.

"My name is Collette." The woman reminded her and the passed a plate of cheese and crackers to her. "We are all just trying to get to know one another before we have to become bitter enemies and fight each other tooth and nail for the mystery man."

"Hey, everyone, I'm Carrie, I came here from L.A. and I'm pretty sure you know why I am here." Everyone laughed at that and we all fell into various discussions of some sort. Carrie struck up a conversation with Collette who she found out was from Seattle originally, who lived just a few blocks from her in L.A., and who was a fitness model and a writer working on her first novel. Carrie told Collette about her secret obsession with Billy Joel and Phil Collins and told Collette about her ambition to be a broadcaster. They had a great time together laughing and getting to know one another, but suddenly, the mood turned somber.

The casting director of the show walked in to the room followed by Courtney and Hunter. When the missing two ladies finally joined the rest of the group, they were given a briefing about the show, what they were to wear, what they were allowed to do on and off camera and what would happen if the rules were broken. They were given their wireless microphones, shown the confessional booth, and hour and a half later, the women were dismissed to get even more acquainted with each other and to get themselves ready for tomorrow, when they would begin filming the series.

Carrie sat at the dinning room table reading through the packet of information that each of the women had been given and sighed. How was she ever going to remember all of this? She heard a stage-whisper of a voice from the other side of the doorway and strained to listen in on the conversation.

"You know she's here just to add some diversity," the voice was saying. "The black ones never make it past the second round."

Carrie stood up from her chair and walked to the doorway where a foursome was standing listening to a tall, buxom, blonde speak. Two of the women, and Carrie was glad to see that they were Courtney and Hunter, rolled their eyes and smiled at Carrie. The tall woman turned to face Carrie and stared her down with the coldest green eyes Carrie had ever seen.

"That's funny," Carrie said deliberately, "'cause the bitch never wins, either."

The others laughed while the woman drew herself up and hissed "It's true you know!"

"That the bitch never wins? I know."

Carrie walked away and gathered up her things and headed to her bedroom with shrieks of laughter following her out of the room. She got to her room and threw herself on the bed and debated whether or not it was worth having a cry about what had just happened when Courtney and Hunter walked through the door.

"Carrie, the way you handled her was awesome!" Hunter began.

"It was nice to see someone take her down a peg or two," Courtney finished. "She is not very nice."

"Thanks, guys. I hate to make an enemy the first evening here, but--"

"You totally didn't start it." Hunter sat on the bed and patted Carrie's arm in a show of support. "You did the right thing."

"Totally!" Courtney agreed. She grinned and gave Carrie a little wink.

"Man was she pissed when you walked out of the room though!"

"I think she wanted to spit fire at all of us because we laughed at her."

"I'll tell you what," Hunter said. "She is not a future friend!"

Carrie laughed merrily and hugged her roommate. "You guys are so sweet to come in here and cheer me up like this!"

"That's what friends are for, Carrie," Courtney shrugged her shoulders and opened her dresser drawer. "Let's get some sleep, Girls. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow."

The next morning, Carrie woke after Hunter and Courtney were up and gone. She selected her clothes carefully and when she was satisfied that she looked presentable with her natural looking makeup and her hair brushed into a low ponytail, she headed down the stairs to the dining room where the daily breakfast meetings were held. She carried her microphone in her hand and paused at the door to take a breath. From now on her life was going to be recorded for everyone to see.

"Please, Lord, just don't let me make an ass of myself in front of the world," she prayed. She squared her shoulders, gave her head a little shake and let herself into the room full of women that she had only met yesterday.

"Carrie!" Collette was saving an empty seat for her and waved her over enthusiastically. "You look great!" She said as Carrie sat down.

"Thanks, I hope it isn't too casual, though." Carrie looked around the table and it seemed that the others had gone to the bother of making sure they looked good too. The woman who had been so nasty to her last evening was sitting a few seats down in a light sundress glowering at Carrie.

"Hum, seems as though you have made a friend," Collette commented softly as she passed Carrie a plate of scrambled eggs.

"Yeah, well, you can please some of the people some of the time," Carrie shrugged.

"I heard about what she said last night." Collette clucked her tongue. "That was terribly immature of her."

"Yeah, but it's tr—"

As Carrie was spooning out a helping of the hash browns the door opened and in walked Sunny Scott, former soap star trying to turn movie actress. She took a moment to glance around the room and then spoke in a clear though somewhat childlike voice.

"Aright, Girls! If you do not have your mic on you may want to put it on now, as we are set to begin taping the show right this minute." She waited while the ladies fumbled for the microphones that they had brought down with them but were too self conscious to wear right off. All of them, that is except for the woman with the cold green eyes. Of course she had hers on. "Overachiever," Carrie muttered under her breath. Collette chuckled quietly and then waited for Sunny to start speaking.

"We're ready now?" Sunny looked around the room and when all of the heads nodded back she welcomed them and gave them a bright smile. "We are so glad that all of you are here! You have been chosen from thousands of women from across the country who all wanted to meet the man of their dreams through the magic of television and with the help of our team of matchmakers. This morning we have a very special surprise for you, we have brought the dream boat himself, Grant, to the house."

There was a flutter of gasps around the room as the women hurried to tidy their hair. Carrie glanced at Collette and smiled.

"No need to worry dears," Sunny was patting a petite redhead's shoulder. "We have placed an appropriate formal dress for each of you in your rooms and we want you to head up there now to put them on. When you are ready, you are all to meet in the foyer and we will escort you to Grant. You have fifteen minutes to get yourselves ready. Starting--now!"

As if an imaginary shot had been fired, the room cleared in record time as the women dashed away from their seats and ran up the stairs to their rooms to change into the waiting dresses. Carrie looked mournfully at her plate and followed the others out of the room. She hadn't even had a single bite.

Somehow, in the thirteen minutes that Carrie was left she'd made herself look amazing. The black fitted bodice of the dress was made of satin and the skirt of floor length black tulle that was layered until it was opaque. When she slipped it on, the dress fit perfectly. She pulled her hair into a chignon and put on the black slippers that were waiting by her bed. She grabbed a dark berry colored lipstick, and applied it carefully and lastly put on a pair of dangly earrings that her mother had given her for her college graduation, five years ago. She gave herself a dreamy smile in the mirror and gathered up the frothy skirt in her hands. She ran out the door and down the stairs with Courtney and Hunter at her heels and when they reached the bottom of the stairs the others were already waiting. There were dresses in all colors of the rainbow and every woman was shod in a dress that fit her like a second skin. All of the ladies looked elegant in their attire, but the nervousness of all of them was palpable.


"Ladies, we are now ready to find out what this wonderful man is like, follow me and we will go to meet him."

The women chatted quietly and nervously amongst themselves as they were led from the house to the back yard which was an open valley with pines around the perimeter. There was a large blue and white tent set up a way down into the valley and the ladies were stopped a hundred feet from the flap entrance of the tent.

"Grant is inside the tent, waiting to meet each of you for just five minutes," Sunny smiled brightly at the ladies then made her face the picture of sincerity. "In that five minutes you can say what you would like to him, but remember, girls, this is your first impression on him. And needless to say, first impressions are probably the most important of all. Good luck to each of you." She turned her back on the women and went to the tent while the women were placed in random order by a production assistant. Carrie was placed near the end of the line between a petite redhead and a petite brunette. She smiled at them and started to make small talk, but finally gave up when they women seemed only to want to talk about what he might be like.

Luckily, the day wasn't terribly hot. Carrie closed her eyes and let the sun warm her shoulders as she waited for her name to be called. She tried not to think about the breakfast that she had left behind and definitely tried not to think about the fluttering in her tummy. She smoothed and re-smoothed her hair and hoped that she wouldn't faint from the lack of food or the fright or even both.

After an hour of waiting, her name was finally called. Carrie looked to the last remaining four and smiled. "Wish me luck," she said.

When she arrived at the flap of the tent, Sunny stopped her and made sure to repeat the rules to her. She was to visit with him for five minutes, she was to make an introduction about herself, and then they could chat for a few minutes. At the end of five minutes she was to say goodbye and nothing more, did she have that? Good. Sunny pulled back the flap of the tent and Carrie stepped into the warm enclosure. It took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the light difference, but when she did she saw the most gorgeous white man she had ever seen standing to her left. He was at least 6 feet tall and well built with wavy black hair and clear green eyes that seemed to see right into her. She gulped and felt her mouth go dry. There seemed to be a spark that jumped between the two of them. And they stared at one another for what seemed an eternity. Then she gulped. Don't be silly, she chided herself.

"Hello," he said as he took her hand. "I'm Grant, pleased to meet you, and you are?" I'm going to marry this man. She thought to herself. Stop it! You are just here for the money, you know there is no such thing as love at first sight!

"C-Carrie," she stuttered. What is wrong with me? She thought. She took a deep breath and smiled at him. "I'm Carrie from L.A. and I want you to know that--" before she could get anything else out, her stomach growled audibly. Grant looked shocked, but Carrie even more so. "Oh no!" she cried. Then she threw her head back and started to laugh. He laughed with her and then took her hands.

"I'm so sorry!" Carrie said as she wiped her eyes. She had been laughing so hard that they had watered. "I didn't get a chance to have breakfast!"

"That was the most original ice breaker of the morning!" Grant howled. Now even some of the crew was chuckling along good-naturedly.

"Well, that kind of blew anything I was going to say." She said when she finally got her giggles under control. She smiled up at him and his eyes twinkled.

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