The Long Road Back Ch. 06

"It's like silk." I said softly as Hawk moaned as if I had burned him. I moved my finger over to his nipple and gently brushed it with my nail. Hawk moaned louder this time and I knew he liked what I was doing. I don't know what made me think of it, I had never done it before, but I remembered his mouth on my breast and wanted to do the same for him. Leaning forward, I ran my tongue over his nipple then slowly drew it into my mouth.

"Oh God Crystal," Hawk moaned holding me against his chest while I worked my magic. Then suddenly it was as if he couldn't take anymore. He pushed me away from his chest and back down onto the blanket. "I'm sorry baby, but I can't wait. I need to touch you, I need to taste you, I need to sink myself into you." Without a word, he pulled my pants and bikini bottoms down over my hips and legs, throwing them over with the other clothes. Then he stood up and quickly divulged himself of the rest of his clothes. I stared up at him. He was a little longer and thicker then Danny, but other then that I thought he was perfect.

He moved me so I was lying with my legs towards the dying fire and slowly moved between them until his face was inches from my vagina. I closed my eyes as I felt his fingers open me. I felt his tongue touch me and cried out in pleasure. He did the same thing again then moved his tongue over me as he pushed one then two fingers inside me and slowly moved them in and out.

"Oh Yessss." I cried pushing myself against him, trying to bring him even closer to me. "Please baby, please." I moaned.

He seemed to know what I needed because his tongue moved faster over me and he slipped another finger inside me pushing hard.

I screamed out in ecstasy as my orgasm washed over me. I pushed my hips up against his face and pulled at his hair trying to get him even closer to me. I held onto him as it washed over me, almost as if I was afraid if I let go he would disappear.

Suddenly his mouth and fingers were gone, replaced by something else at the entrance to my body as he moved up over me. He braced himself on his hands on each side of my head. "I can't wait baby, I've got to have you now." Then without another word and a forward thrust he buried himself inside me. I screamed out in pleasure as I started coming again. I was so lost in my own pleasure that it took me a moment to realize he was moving inside me, moving hard and fast. He was breathing raggedly against my ear, saying all the things a man says to a woman in the heat of passion. I wrapped my legs around his waist and moved with him trying to match his rhythm. He pushed me into two more orgasms before he succumbed to his own and buried himself in me holding himself still as he emptied himself inside me crying out my name. Finally he collapsed on top of me, trying to catch his breath. I wrapped my arms around him and just held him as I drifted off to sleep.

We made love two more times that night, each better and more powerful then the first. Finally I fell into a deep sleep made from satisfaction and exhaustion. As the first rays of sunlight moved over the horizon my eyes snapped open. Hawk was above me and I realized he was moving inside me once again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. "I can't get enough of you." He said softly kissing me as he kept his thrusts long and slow.

I matched his rhythm my eyes never leaving his. Suddenly I knew I needed more. "Hawk please." I begged running my nails down over his back. He seemed to need it as much as I did because he suddenly increased the power and force of his thrusts. It wasn't long before each of us went over the edge again.

"OH GOD Crystal. I love you." He moaned as he emptied himself in me.

I stilled for a moment. Then relaxed, I figured he was just saying it in the heat of passion and didn't think any more on it.

Afterwards, we quickly got dressed, packed up everything then hand in hand walked towards the parking lot. When we got to my car, I threw everything in the back seat and turned to look at Hawk. "I want to see you again." He said as he kissed me softly.

"We can't Hawk. I need to go home to my husband. I will never forget last night, but you have to forget me." I brushed my hand over his cheek.

He nodded. "You're right." Suddenly he put a piece of paper into my hand. "If you ever need me, call." He kissed me once more quickly then turned and walked away. I watched him get on his bike, start the engine and pull out of the parking lot before I looked down at the paper in my hand. I let it slip from my fingers and watched the wind blow it a few feet away. I stood mesmerized for a minute watching it, before I ran over and picked it up. I threw it in the glove box never looking at it, and thought to myself. "Just in case." Then I started the car and left for home.

Once again I was pulled out of my memories, this time by my brother's voice. "You know you guys can go get a hotel room later. Right now I want to know where my sister has been for the past seven years." Hawk and I both blushed as if we had been caught with our fingers in the cookie jar. He leaned over and kissed me gently.

"Yea I'm kind of curious on what happened after I left you that day."

I looked down. I didn't want to think about the events that happened after that. I wanted to remember Hawk's touch. But I knew everyone wanted to know. So I took a deep breath and continued my story.

"After that day everything pretty much went back to normal. Danny came home from his business meeting and told me how much he loved me. Yada Yada... I thought about Hawk a lot over the next few weeks but forced myself not to get his number out of the glove compartment and call him.

I knew something was wrong about six weeks after the day at the beach when I woke up and had to race for the bathroom. At first I thought I just had the flu. But when I went on for a week straight, I figured something was up. While Danny was at work I went to the market and bought a home pregnancy test. It had dawned on me on the way home that day from the beach that Hawk and I hadn't used any protection, but when I did the math I didn't think I was in my fertile period so I forgot about it.

After Danny left for work the next day, I took the test. As I looked at the results I realized my greatest dream and worst nightmare had come true. I was pregnant. I made an appointment with the doctor the next day to have it confirmed and when it was I went home in despair. How was I going to tell Danny? He knew it wasn't his, he couldn't have kids. We had even gone in a few months before and had some tests taken to see if maybe the problem had corrected itself over time. Unfortunately it hadn't. Danny was still sterile.

I was restless the rest of the day and very quiet over dinner. When Danny and I were sitting on the couch later during our usual us time just holding each other, he nuzzled my ear. "What's wrong honey?" he asked kissing my ear softly.

"Um...Danny, there's something I need to tell you." I said moving slowly out of his arms.

"What is it baby?"

I closed my eyes, afraid to look at him. "I'm pregnant." I slowly opened my eyes.

At first he looked happy. "A baby...my baby...." He reached down and put his hand on my abdomen. Then it was as if reality had just struck him in the face. "Wait a minute." He stood up and looked down at me. "How can you be pregnant? I can't have kids. The doctor said so."

"I....I....I..." I couldn't think of anything to say.

Danny reached down and grasped my arms in his hands. "If you're pregnant, I know damn well it isn't mine. When did you do it Crystal?"

I looked up at him, fear and shame in my eyes. There was hurt in his eyes, hurt and anger. I cringed and cried out in pain as his fingers dug in to my arm. "When?"

"While you were in London, It was only one night." I cried.

He suddenly let go of me as though he had been burned. I looked up at him but all I could see was hurt in his eyes. "Get out of my sight." He growled.

I jumped up and quickly ran into the bedroom, slamming the door behind me and throwing myself on the bed. I heard the front door open and close then the sound of Danny's car as it fired to life. "Oh god, I had betrayed him in the worst way. What had I done?" I cried to myself as I cried into my pillow. "What had I done?" I took a deep breath and continued talking almost in a monotone, not wanting to remember what came next but having to face it.

"I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew I felt Danny slowly pulling my clothes off and kissing each spot he bared. "Danny?" I called out reaching for him and slowly opening my eyes.

He grabbed my hand softly and kissed it then moved up over me, it was then that I realized we were both naked and I could feel his arousal pressing against me. "Danny?" I asked again suddenly afraid.

"It's okay baby, it's just me." He crooned against my ear. It was then that I smelled the liquor on his breath.

"No, Danny not like this." I said trying to move out from under him.

He just held me down with his body. "Not like what baby?" He kissed me fervently pushing his tongue into my mouth. I tried to keep from puking as I tasted the liquor he had drunk that night. He forced my legs apart with his hips and forcefully pushed himself into me. I screamed out in pain but he didn't seem to notice or care, he just picked up a hard, ruthless rhythm." Tears swam down my cheeks but I ignored them. I didn't see anyone else in the room, I just saw my memories. "He took me savagely, almost ruthlessly, not caring about my cries or my pain. I raked his back with my nails trying to get him to stop but all he did was hold my hands over my head and push himself into me harder and harder. I tried twisting away from him but he just held me. Finally I let myself go limp, hoping that maybe if I complied he would get off faster. Whether he noticed or not I don't know. All I know is with every thrust inside me I cringed in pain. I was sure he must have torn something, it couldn't hurt that bad otherwise. After what seemed like hours but may have only been a few minutes, he tensed above me and I felt him fill me. I relaxed, thankful that it was over. I felt him release my hands and I moved them tentatively down to his shoulders. Then I looked into his eyes and wished I hadn't. There was fire in them, fire as I had never seen before. There was anger and lust and somehow I knew my ordeal was far from over.

I knew Danny wouldn't hit me, he had never hit me and I knew he wouldn't start now, not even as angry as he was. I felt him start to move slowly in me again and cried out at each thrust. His semen cushioned it a little but I was still raw and the friction hurt. He reached up and tenderly cupped my face in his hands. Leaning down he kissed me gently. "I love you Crystal. God help me but I do."

I tried to smile through my tears but it was hard. "I love you to." I whispered, cringing at each slow thrust.

Suddenly the smile of tenderness left his lips and he thrust rakishly inside me. I cried out in pain and I think I blacked out. When I came to, he was tense over me and I felt him filling me again. I thought it was over, I prayed it was over. He didn't move, not to leave me, not to move inside me again, he just lay over me looking down into my eyes.

He leaned down and kissed me softly again and began to speak. "You're pregnant. I can accept that. We'll just tell everybody that the baby is mine. I won't ask you to get an abortion. I know you don't believe in them and neither do I."

I opened my mouth to say something but he put his finger over it. "I'm not finished yet." I was just gonna ask what about his dad but thought better of it. The fire hadn't left his eyes. "As I said we will tell everybody that the baby is mine. I will sign the birth certificate and accept the baby as mine. I will give it my name." I relaxed against him and wrapped my arms around him. I knew he hadn't forgiven me but maybe we could still work things out.

I tensed up when he grabbed a clump of my hair, he didn't pull, he just held it and looked down at me. "If you ever mess around on me again, I will kill you. Do you understand?"

I looked up at him, as if trying to determine if he was joking. Suddenly he pulled my hair so hard it brought tears to my eyes. "Do you understand?" I cried out and quickly nodded. He moved his face close to mine. "If you ever try to leave me I will hunt you down if you do it before the baby is born. If after the baby is born you try to leave me I will make sure you never see your child again. If you take off with him/her I will hunt you down and take him/her away so you never see him/her again. Do you understand?" This time I nodded quickly.

He took his hand from my hair and slowly moved out of me. I cringed in pain but didn't say a word. When he lay beside me, he pulled me protectively into his arms. "Your mine Crystal and I always keep what's mine.'

Everyone around me was restless; there were murmurs of rage and contempt. I felt Hawk's muscles tighten against my head. I closed my eyes and ignored them I had to get this out while I could.

"Danny never touched me again after that night. After a while I figured out that he was screwing his dad's secretary. But I didn't care. Several times I would sit in my car and look at the number Hawk had left me. Several times I started to dial it then hung up Danny's words ringing in my ears.

At the end of summer, I went back to school. Spending as much time as I dared over at either Nancy or Amy's house but always making sure I was home before Danny and had his dinner ready and on time. He acted as if nothing had happened. We still had our time together at night where he would hold me and tell me he loved me but he never tried to make love to me again. When we would go to bed, he would kiss me goodnight then roll over and go to sleep. Danny went with me to a few doctors' appointments and was there the first time we heard the baby's heartbeat. His eyes just lit up.

When the baby started moving, Danny would hold his hand to my stomach and exclaim how strong the baby was and that he was sure it would be a boy. He was right. I went into labor in the middle of the night, and we barely made it to the hospital before John decided to make his appearance. We named him John after Danny's grandfather and Michael after Robert.

At first everything was good, it almost felt like old times again, Danny still wasn't touching me but by then I didn't' care. I put all my love into John. Then suddenly Danny just seemed to back away, he would glare at John when he thought I wasn't looking. I got to the point where I would get up in the middle of the night to check on John to make sure Danny hadn't done anything to him. Danny's father was suspicious when he found out I was pregnant but Danny just told him that apparently the doctors were wrong. Paul doted on John, buying him his first baseball and bat and taking him to the park.

John was about six months old when I saw Hawk again. I was walking downtown heading to the mall when I heard someone call my name. Turning around I looked at Hawk as he crossed the street towards me. He didn't even glance at John at first; his eyes were locked on me. He asked how I was doing and we talked for a couple of minutes when John suddenly got fussy.

It was then that Hawk noticed him. "Hey little guy," He said leaning down and stroking John's small face. He looked at John for a minute then stood back up and looked at me. "He's not...I mean we didn't..."

I knew what he was trying to ask and I wanted to scream out yes he is your son. Take us away from here. But Danny's voice broke into my thoughts and the words he said screamed out at me. So I blinked back tears, looked at Hawk and said. "No we didn't, he's my husbands."

Hawk looked at me suspiciously for a minute then smiled. "Okay, good. I mean I didn't even think about protection that night and when Amy told me you were pregnant I kind of wondered."

I froze for a minute; Amy told him I was pregnant. Then I relaxed, Amy didn't know about Hawk and I being together, I called her the next morning and told her that I had woke up and Hawk had walked me to my car. She seemed to buy it. Plus Amy didn't know that Danny couldn't have kids. "Yea well you don't have to worry; I started my period the morning after I left you so all is good." I couldn't believe how easily the lie slipped from my lips.

He seemed to sense that something was wrong because he quickly put his arms around me. "Crystal, are you okay? I mean if he is hurting you or anything."

I wanted to cry, I wanted to bury myself in his arms, but when I thought about never seeing John again I couldn't. Hawk couldn't protect me, no one could. So as much as I wanted to bury my face in his chest and cry my heart out, I didn't, instead I pulled back and pasted a smile on my lips. "No Hawk, everything is fine."

He looked at me suspiciously for another minute then let me go. "Okay." We talked for a few more minutes then he left and I went back to my shopping. Amy told me 2 weeks later that Hawk had left town.

The next four years seemed to fly by. I watched as John grew from a baby, to a cute little toddler to a bubbling happy little boy. I got my degree and everything seemed to go great in life. That is until about 2 weeks ago.

Danny was off on one of his business trips. He was due home the next day. What I didn't know was that he had finished up early and had taken an earlier flight. I guess from what his dad told me from the letter he sent him was that he was going to try to patch up our marriage. That he didn't like living like two strangers.

It was dark and Danny was tired, he should have stopped at a hotel for the night but he was in a hurry to get home. According to the police report, he fell asleep at the wheel and swerved into the oncoming lane. He never saw the semi truck coming. He was killed instantly.

I had just put John to bed when I got the knock at the door. I answered it and there were two police officers standing there. "Mrs. Anderson?" The younger one asked.

"Yes." I replied fear suddenly curling in my gut.

"I'm sorry to tell you this but your husband was killed in a car accident tonight."

I didn't know what to say, I just stood there and stared at them. I wanted to cry but couldn't, I wanted to jump for joy but couldn't do that either. I just stood there in shock. Danny was gone. I didn't know how I felt about it.

"Mrs. Anderson, are you okay? Is there anyone we can call for you?" The younger officer asked touching my arm.

It was like I was in a trance and suddenly came out of it. "No...No...I'm fine. Thank you."

They nodded and left and I closed the door silently behind them. I walked into John's room, picked him up and carried him to my bed, I fell asleep holding him in my arms.

The day of the funeral was bright and cheerful; of course it didn't match my mood. Everybody embraced me and I tried to act like the grieving widow, but I couldn't cry, I hadn't cried since the officers told me he was dead. I was dead inside.

After the funeral Danny's father walked up to me and pulled me away from the other mourners. I thought he was gonna tell me how sorry he was, instead he just pierced me with a stern look and asked. "John isn't Danny's son is he?"

I was shocked, how had he known? I just stared at him for a minute, and then said. "No sir, he's not."

Paul nodded. "You have a week to pack up your things and get out of the house." Then without another word, he turned and walked away. I wanted to rail at him; I wanted to tell him that it was my house to. But I couldn't, he had just lost his son and I couldn't do that. So instead, I moved back over to Nancy's. When I told her what Paul had said she nodded and said John and I could come stay with her until we decided what we wanted to do.