The Long Road Back Ch. 08bysexygirl76©
Chapter 8: My Knight in Shining Armor?
Hawk followed me back to mom's house. When we arrived, I wasn't surprised to see Robert's car in the driveway. "That didn't take long." I said as Hawk and I walked up the walkway with his arm around my waist.
"She must have called him as soon as I left." He replied.
I just shrugged. "I don't know." I opened the door, and then stepped into the house. "Mom, Jeff, we're home." I called.
"We're in the living room dear." I hear mom call back. I looked at Hawk then led him towards the living room. John was on the floor playing with his train, mom and Jeff were on the couch, while Robert and Suzanne were sitting on the loveseat. Everyone turned to look at us as we walked into the room.
John dropped his train, and then ran to me. I gathered him up in my arms holding him close. "Are we gonna live with daddy?" he asked looking over my shoulder at Hawk. "Grandma said we were gonna live with daddy."
We stepped farther into the room while I glared at my mother. She didn't look the least bit abashed. "Yes sweetheart, we are gonna live with daddy." I sat down in a chair, holding John on my lap while Hawk sat on the arm. "We are gonna be a family."
"YAY!" John cried hugging me close.
"Would you guys mind keeping John for a few days?" Hawk asked looking over at my mom.
I looked at him in shock. "What?" We hadn't discussed this.
He just looked at me gently. "Relax. I've got a small 2 bedroom house, but the second bedroom is cluttered with junk. Plus we are gonna need to get him some furniture." He said pointing at John. "I'm sorry but I don't exactly want him sleeping with us, and I'm not gonna have my son sleeping on the couch."
I looked at John sitting in my lap then nodded. "You're right." I looked over at Mom and Jeff. "Do you guys mind?"
"Of course not." Jeff said coming over and pulling John out of my arms. "Hey John would you like to spend a few days with grandma and I?"
Jeff looked over at mom, and then turned to look at me. "I would like to if it's okay. Can I mamma?"
I wanted to scream no, that I want you with me. Instead I just smiled. "Of course you can sweetie." I brushed a lock of hair off his face. "When you come home you will have your own room. Do you like that idea?"
John seemed to think about that for a minute. "Yea I like that idea." He hugged me quickly, then Hawk, then ran back over to play some more with his train.
I laughed as I watched him. Then Hawk leaned down to whisper in my ear. "Does that mean we can go now? I want some time alone with you."
Oh god, he was gonna want to make love as soon as we got home. I felt a shiver of fear. I tried to think of reasons to delay our leaving but finally just stood up and nodded. Then suddenly I thought of one. "I can't go yet. I don't have any clothes or anything packed. Everything is upstairs in my room."
Mom suddenly jumped in as if she knew what we were talking about. I wanted to kill her right there in the living room. "Why don't you run upstairs? Grab a change of clothes. I can pack up your things tomorrow and you and Hawk can come pick it up." I glared at her but if she noticed she gave no sign.
Unable to come up with another excuse I sighed. "Okay. I'll be right back." I kissed Hawk quickly then ran upstairs.
I packed a small bag, with a change of clothes and toiletries. Then I stood looking at my room trying to think of some reason to delay going back downstairs. Finally I knew I had delayed all I could. I turned back towards the door and jumped as I saw Robert standing there looking at me. "You scared me." I said sitting down on the bed.
He looked at me for a minute then closed the door. "Sorry." He said with his back to me.
I felt worry all of a sudden. "Robert?" I asked softly.
Robert turned to look at me. There was worry in his eyes. "What are you afraid of Crystal?" He asked looking at me.
I forced a laugh. "What makes you think I'm afraid of anything?"
Robert crossed the room and sat down on the bed beside me. He reached up and touched my face gently with his hand. "I'm your big brother Crystal. I know you better then practically anybody. When Hawk suggested mom and Jeff keep John for a few days you panicked. I don't think anyone else noticed but I did." He put his hand on my shoulder. "Plus, I don't know what Hawk whispered in your ear, but you looked like a deer caught in headlights. I know you, I know when you are afraid and you are afraid." He smiled softly. "Actually let's be honest about this. You aren't afraid, you're terrified, talk to me."
I felt tears fill my eyes and tried to lower my head but he just held my head in his hands. "Talk to me Crystal." His voice was soft but also I felt like he had given me a command.
I looked into his eyes. "What if I disappoint him Robert?" He looked at me questioningly. "I haven't been with anybody since Danny...since he..." I choked on a sob and Robert pulled me into his arms.
"Since the night Danny raped you." he said against my ear as he held me.
I nodded against his shoulder as I cried. My body shook with my sobs. "I'm scared Robert. What if I can't be with anybody now? When Hawk touched me up at Widow's peak all I saw was Danny laying over me. Forcing himself on me." I lifted my head to look into his eyes. "What if I can't love Hawk the way he wants me to?"
Robert pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and gently wiped my eyes. "All you can do is try Crystal. If you start to see Danny again just force yourself to look at Hawk. Force yourself to know that it isn't Danny. I know it will be hard. But you are a strong person. The strongest person I know. If anybody can come back from this it's you."
I looked into his eyes and felt an overwhelming amount of love for my brother at that moment. "Thank you." I said softly kissing his cheek. "I don't know what I would do without you."
He gave me a wry grin and kissed me back on the cheek. "You would live a very lonely existence." I just laughed. "Now...Gather up your stuff and come downstairs. The man you love and loves you is waiting for you." He stood up.
"I will. Thanks." he kissed my cheek again then left the room.
I took one more look around my old room. Then I grabbed my duffel bag and sighed. "Here goes nothing." I said to myself as I walked to the door. I quickly left the room, closing the door behind me.
"I'm ready." I said a few minutes later as I reentered the living room. Hawk quickly stood up from the chair where I had been sitting. A huge smile was on his face.
"Thanks again." Hawk said turning to Jeff and mom. "You have no idea how much this means to me."
As Hawk and I moved towards the front door, I distinctly heard mom say. "Oh I think I do."
Once we were outside, Hawk followed me to my car. "What about your motorcycle?" I asked.
"Robert said he would drop it off later or tomorrow."
"Oh, okay." I replied, then unlocked his door and moved over to the driver's side.
The drive to Hawk's place was quiet. I could feel his anticipation, while all I felt was fear. A fear that increased the closer we got to our destination.
We pulled up in front of a single level house that looked more like a cottage. Hawk hurried me up the front walk, and then was so impatient it took him three times to unlock the door. I could no more then glance inside when suddenly he swept me up in his arms. "Hawk, you're only supposed to carry me over the threshold after we're married." I protested.
He silenced me with a kiss, as he carried me into the house, kicking the door closed behind him. "So sue me, I wanted to feel you in my arms." I just barely got a quick glance at the room off to the right before he took me to the end of the hall and into his bedroom.
There was a queen sized bed taking up about a quarter of the room, with a small nightstand sitting next to it. A lamp was sitting on it with a light colored scarf covering it. There was a slight amount of light coming in through the closed curtains.
As he carried me over to the bed, I tried to look more at the room. There was a fireplace against one wall, with a dresser against the other. Suddenly I didn't see anything else of the room, as Hawk lay me back on the bed, moving his body over mine. "I have dreamed of this so many nights." He murmured against my neck. "I have dreamed of having you here."
I moaned and started to close my eyes when I saw the mirror on the ceiling. "Hawk, why is there a mirror on the ceiling?"
Hawk moved away from my neck to look above him then looked back at me. "Don't know. It came with the house." Hawk went back to caressing me.
Quickly without me realizing it, he slipped my shirt off over my head then attacked my breasts with his mouth through my bra. I moaned, as I watched his head move over me in the mirror. I shivered as I felt him undo the front clasp of my bra then slip the material from my skin.
When my breasts were open to his gaze, he looked at me for a minute then gently ran his finger over my skin. "I have dreamed about touching you again ever since I rode away that day." He said huskily as he lifted his eyes to mine. "You have no idea how hard it was not to turn around and go back that day I left you." He smiled at me tenderly then lowered his mouth again, this time taking my nipple gently into his mouth and sucking on it.
I closed my eyes and reveled in the feelings he caused for a moment. Then suddenly everything went wrong. Hawk moved his hand down to the snap on my jeans, pulling it open, and then sliding down my zipper.
I held myself still, forcing myself to relax as he slipped my jeans and panties down over my hips, then down my legs, leaving kisses in his wake. I kept my eyes closed as I heard him pulling off his clothes. I lay as still as I could, trying to control my breathing, trying to control my fear.
I heard Robert's words running over and over in my mind but they were jumbled and I couldn't make them out. I could see Danny's snarling face in my mind and cringed when Hawk's mouth touched me. He didn't seem to notice; he just licked me gently then slowly pushed a finger inside of me.
Suddenly the fear took over; I thrashed around on the bed, pushing against him. I was trying to get him as far away from me as I could. I started screaming as I pressed hard against Hawk's shoulders and kicked out with my legs. All I could see was Danny's face as he forced himself into me hear his laugh.
What I didn't know what that Hawk was sitting on his knees looking at me in surprise. He had pulled away quickly when I pushed against him. He seemed to know I was lost in some memory cause he quickly covered my body with his, trying to gather me into his arms.
The only problem was that this sent me into a deeper panic then before. I felt his cock resting at my entrance and squirmed to get away. "NO...NO...please not again, don't hurt me anymore." I cried, trying to push him away.
Hawk just held onto me, holding me in his arms as he crooned in my ear. "It's okay baby. I won't hurt you." He said over and over against my ear.
I didn't hear him though. I heard another voice in my head. "Your mine Crystal, I always keep what's mine."
My eyes flew open but there was no recognition there. I think I was glad I couldn't see Hawk's face because suddenly his eyes were full of fear. Not of me but for me. He held me closer, trying to get me to calm down trying to show me with his body and his heart that I was safe.
Unfortunately when he moved closer, his cock slid an inch inside of me. I screamed and fought even harder to get away. "No...No...I ....No...Danny...please don't hurt me again."
Hawk flinched and stiffened for a split second. Then suddenly he pushed me onto my back and held my arms over my head. "Crystal; damn't stop it. I won't hurt you. I'm not Danny. I'm Hawk." He screamed at me as I continued to thrash and scream.
Finally his words seemed to penetrate my mind. Suddenly Danny's voice and face were gone. All I saw was Hawk leaning over me, holding my hands above my head, his body straddling mine as he breathed heavily. "Hawk?" I asked tentatively. He nodded. "Hawk?" I asked again, a little more bravely. Again he nodded. Suddenly I burst into tears. "Oh God Hawk, I'm so sorry. I...I'm so sorry."
Hawk immediately released my hands which went up around his neck as he pulled me against him. Holding me, crooning in my ear as I cried. "Shhhh...It's okay...I won't hurt you." He rubbed his hand up and down against my back.
I cried against his chest. I couldn't seem to stop. But he just held me. Held me as if he would never let go. "Do you want me to stop?" He asked against my ear.
At first I didn't know what he was talking about. I looked up at him. "Stop?"
He reached up wiping a tear from my cheek. "I won't touch you if you don't want me to. It may kill me but I will stop right here and now. I know what you told us that night but I don't think it really sunk in how much he hurt you."
I looked at him. I could see the anguish in his eyes. I could feel how much he wanted me against my thigh. I knew how much it was killing him to hold himself away from me like he was.
A part of me screamed yes, I want to stop. I can't do this. But there was a much softer voice, a softer voice saying that if I don't get passed this now, I may never get passed this. I heard Robert's voice in my head telling my I could do this. That I was strong.
I knew Hawk loved me, but how long would he stay with someone who was scared to death to make love to him. I loved him; I didn't want to lose him. I had to get passed this. Somehow I knew Hawk could get me passed this.
Leaning forward, I kissed him very gently on the lips. Then I repeated the words I said so long ago it felt like it was another lifetime. "Hawk, make love to me."
He looked at me. He searched my eyes. He could see the fear that still lingered there, but I knew he could also see the determination.
He kissed me softly then slowly pushed me back onto my back on the bed. He moved over me ever so slowly and gently. He settled himself between my legs, but didn't move to enter me or do anything. He held himself up on his arms, looking down at me. "Are you sure?"
I closed my eyes for a minute. Forcing the fear down as far as I could. When I opened them I could see the love and tenderness in his eyes. "Yes...Make love to me."
He leaned down and started kissing my neck. Slow, closed mouth kisses. I ran my fingers through his hair. "I'll go slowly." He said against my skin.
I just nodded. I forced myself to keep my eyes open. To watch him above me in the mirror. I watched him move his mouth all over my neck then ever so slowly move down to my breasts.
I tensed for just a minute but it was enough. He stopped, lifting his eyes to mine. I saw the question again. I knew somehow I would continue to see that question until this was over.
Strengthening my resolve, I nodded again. He moved his mouth down over my breast, taking the nipple back into his mouth. He didn't touch me in any other way, just suckled at my breast like a baby. I moaned, and started to close my eyes then forced them back open.
Over the next hour, I had to keep forcing myself to keep my eyes open as pleasure continuously flowed through me. Every time he moved to a new place, his eyes would meet mine. The question was there. The question I would answer yes to before he would go on pleasuring me.
It was there as he moved to my other breast with his mouth. It was there as he kissed my stomach. It was there when he took me in his mouth once again. This time he used his tongue inside me instead of his fingers. I writhed around in ecstasy, panting and pulling him ever closer to me until I felt like if I didn't orgasm I would break into a thousand pieces.
He moved his tongue out of me and replaced it with his finger. He held it at the opening just barely penetrating me. He looked up at me once again. Once again that question was there.
This time I didn't nod. I didn't care about pain; I didn't care if he hurt me as Danny had done. I needed him and I needed him now. I pressed up with my hips and gasped as I felt his finger slide into me. He moved it in and out a few times before I felt my world shatter.
I screamed out in pleasure as my orgasm rolled over me. He slipped a second finger into me while his lips attacked my clit. I could feel my orgasm building once again and cried at the intensity of it. He rode me through two more orgasms before he moved back up over my body positioning himself once again at my entrance.
He held himself still. So still I looked up into his eyes. This time there was no question. There was determination. Determination as I had never seen it on his face before. He closed his eyes, then taking a deep breath, pulled away from me until he was lying on his back beside me.
I leaned over him. "Hawk?"
He opened his eyes looking up at me. They were so full of raw passion I wanted to back away but I forced myself to stay where I was. "Why?"
He reached up stroking my sweat coated hair back from my face. "You are such an innocent. You really don't know."
"I brought you pleasure." He smiled but it looked forced. "That is good enough for me."
I looked down at his cock. It was hard and throbbing. "But what about you?"
He looked down at himself full of need, and then dropped his head back to the pillow closing his eyes. "I'll take care of it later."
I looked at him confused. Why had he stopped? Didn't he want me anymore? "But why Hawk? Why can't I take care of it for you?"
He opened his eyes, looking at me. "You really don't know. You really don't understand."
"I won't take you? I won't do to you what he did. I won't take you like he did. I won't take you in the position he did. All that will do is cause you pain. I can't bear to cause you more pain."
I saw the pain in his eyes, the pain of holding back. The anguish of unfulfilled need, of wanting me but not willing to hurt me as Danny had done. I knew then that he still wanted me. He wanted me more then ever. That was the problem. "But this is causing you pain." I protested.
He laughed sourly. "Yea well I'll just deal with it. I won't cause you pain again Crystal. It kills me to see you recoil from me in fear."
It was then I realized just how much Hawk did love me. That he was willing to give up his pleasure to keep me from pain. I felt tears spring to my eyes and tried to blink them back. Not sure why I did it, I slowly reached down and wrapped my hand around him. He gasped out loud and thrust up with his hips. I looked at him but his eyes were closed.
Looking back down at my hand, I slowly moved it up and down over him. I wasn't sure I was doing it right, but from the moans he was making I assumed I was. I had never done this with Danny, he wanted all or nothing. Soon his hips were rising up to meet my hand.
I kept up the slow strokes not knowing that at this point I should move my hand faster to get him off. Suddenly, Hawk's hand covered mine; he stilled my hand in his. I looked into his eyes. "Did I do something wrong?"
He smiled as he gritted his teeth. "No baby. Nothing. But...I need more."
I hated to see him in such pain. "What can I do baby? What can I do to erase the pain in your eyes?"
He looked up at me. Well you can keep doing what you are doing. Just move your hand faster." He showed me how. Then he stopped. "Or you can take me into your mouth."
I looked at him in shock. "In my mouth?"
He laughed which seemed to release a little bit of the tension. "Yes baby, like I did you. Didn't you ever take Danny in your mouth?"
I shook my head slowly. He reached up with his free hand and stroked my face. "You really are an innocent."
I looked at my hand still holding him as he held his hand over mine. I lifted my eyes back to his for a minute then slowly lowered my head. I heard his intake of breath as he realized what I was about to do. I dipped out my tongue and barely touched his hard flesh. Hawk moaned loudly as I touched him. "Take it in your mouth baby." He growled softly.