The Long Road Ch. 02

"Wow. It feels like the proverbial load was just lifted of my shoulders. You can't possibly know how much your continued friendship means to me, especially now."

"So, was that the all-important thing you had to do?"

"No, that was just the warm-up."

"Gee, thanks." He said sardonically "So what is this big thing you have to do?"

"I want to come out at work."

Erik stared at him for a moment, caught totally off-guard. He never expected to hear that, especially with the homophobic ass-wipe of a supervisor Jay had. Coming out to him was one thing, but coming out at work? What a can of worms that's going to open. I wonder if Jay knows what he's letting himself in for. Erik mused.

"Think about this a moment. I'm all for whatever you want to do, but how do you think Hicks is going to react?"

"I know how he's going to react, which is why I'm going to the EEO office first to discuss the situation. I'm also going to request a transfer, maybe to your department, or one of the other field offices."

They talked long into the night before the nurse politely but firmly informed Erik that visiting hours were over. The two of them had formulated a plan of action. By the time Erik left, Jay felt good about his decision to come out and knew it was the right thing to do. He also knew it wouldn't be easy, and there would be repercussions he would have to deal with, but if it made Kyle happy, that's what mattered most. He totally understood where Kyle was coming from. He hated the fact that he had to keep his relationship with Kyle a secret, even from his best friend. Well, no more. He was coming out of the closet with a vengeance! If people didn't like his coming out, or couldn't handle it, tough shit. Screw them. A big smile lit up his face when he envisioned Kyle's reaction to his coming out. He'll be ecstatic. Of course, he'll want to celebrate in typical Kyle style - getting his brains fucked out. But first he had to carry out his plan....

Chapter 19

Okay, Jayson. Let's talk." Doctor Foster began.

"Talk about what?"

"About what happened to you."

"I was kidnapped, raped and beaten over and over again. You know that."

"Let's back up a bit. Tell me how this whole thing got started."

"Do I have to?"

"Do you love Kyle?"

"More than anyone or anything else in this world or the next."

"Do you want to be able to be intimate with him again?"

Jay thought for a moment. He really did, but he wasn't sure if Kyle would have him back. Despite what Kyle said when he came out of the coma, he didn't think it was going to happen. "I don't think that's going to happen."

"Why?"

"He's not going to want me back because I cheated on him."

"Jay, Kyle understands that the only reason you did what you did was to protect him. He loves you and wants you back. He's said so many times."

"I wish I could believe that."

"It sounds like you don't want to get back together with him."

"I do, more than anything. It's just that with what I've been through, how can I possibly make love to him now?"

"Why can't you?"

"I don't know. Whenever I think about sex, I get sick to my stomach and throw up."

"That's because of what you've been through. You haven't dealt with the rape, so thinking about sexual intimacy makes your stomach do flip-flops, and that's why I'm here. We, together, are going to get you through this. I won't lie to you. It's not going to be easy. There are questions that have to be answered that you're not going to want to answer. There are experiences that you are going to have to relive, no matter how painful they are. But it's absolutely necessary if you want to have a future with Kyle. Do you trust me?"

"Yes I do."

"Then let's get started. Tell me about your relationship with Kyle. How did the two of you meet?"

"Doc, I've never felt this way about anyone in my life. Kyle is -- was -- my entire world." Doctor Foster ignored the 'was' in his statement. "When I was a junior field agent, I was helping investigate the disappearance of two very high-profile federal lawyers, Robert and Angelica Matthews, Kyle's parents. I was looking at a bookshelf in his room when he came up behind me and asked if I was looking for anything in particular. I made an excuse about looking for the bathroom, noticing the bookshelf and wanting to read a couple of the books. He lied back on the bed in a very provocative position and offered to let me borrow the books." He gave a quick laugh at the memory. "He was hard as a rock and I could tell he wanted it, which made me hard. I said sure, but I needed to use the bathroom. I needed to get out of there before I did something I shouldn't. When I came back out of the bathroom, he was laying spread-eagled on the bed, face down as if to say 'Want this? Come and get it. It's yours for the taking'. I gave him my business card along with the standard lame-ass 'If you think of anything else, call me' line. I didn't see him after that for several years until we ran into each other at the Rainbows and Triangles bar. I acted like I was a little drunk, even though I only had one beer, and was trying to play darts when I stumbled. He caught me, held me then kissed me on the forehead. My face felt like it was on fire. I told him I needed to go home. He wouldn't let me drive so he drove me home."

"Then what happened?"

"He half-carried me into my bedroom, laid me on the bed, took my shoes off then kissed me again on the forehead. As he started to stand up, I grabbed his head and pulled him back down, kissed him on the lips and asked him to stay. He said something about me being too drunk and that he wouldn't take advantage of me in my condition. I told him okay, but at least let me hold you until I fall asleep, which he did. When I woke up the next morning, he was still there lying next to me, having only taken off his shoes and his belt. I spooned up against him. Are you sure you want to hear all of this crap?"

"I'm sure. Please continue."

"Okay. He must have felt my hard-on because he undid his pants and slid them down, then undid my pants, pulled my dick out and placed it up against his asshole." Jay suddenly got caught up in the memory...

"That feels so good. I've wanted you to make love to me since the first time I saw you." Kyle turned over and began to kiss Jay deeply. Suddenly he broke the kiss, got up and took his clothes off. Jay quickly followed suit.

"He lied down on top of me and began to kiss me everywhere. He was like a wild animal. It was almost as if he never had sex before." His voice trailed off.

"Okay, so he actually initiated the sex, not you?"

"Believe me Doc I wanted it just as badly. He beat me to it, that's all. Anyway, he started kissing down my chest and stomach then started sucking on my nipples. You're absolutely sure you want to hear this?"

"Yes I am."

"Why?"

"I'll explain later. What happened then?"

Jay blushed. "He started sucking my dick and balls for a few minutes. I was in total heaven. Kyle was the absolute hottest guy I ever laid eyes on. I was so in love with him that I didn't know which way was up. Then it happened."

"What happened?"

"He grabbed a condom out of his wallet, put it on me, straddled me and lowered himself down onto me. I have a pretty big dick and he took every inch of it inside him. No one's ever done that to me before. It was the most incredible thing I've ever felt, with the exception of the orgasm I had inside him."

"And what was that like?"

"Indescribable. Mind-blowing doesn't even come close to describing it. I've been with other men before, but none of them ever came close to making me feel the way he did."

"How was it different from the other men you've been with?"

Jay thought about that for a few moments. "It's hard to put into words. It was like the other guys wanted me to hurry up and get it over with, but with Kyle, he wanted it to last forever. It seemed like we were the only two people in the universe, like we were made specifically for each other and no one else."

"Was this Kyle's first time?"

"No. If I remember correctly, it was only his third or fourth time. By gay standards, he was still a virgin."

"I see. Continue."

"There's not much more to tell. We both came at the same time and he collapsed on top of me. I stayed hard for a few more minutes before finally going soft and slipping out of him. He rolled off me and we fell asleep in each other's arms. So why did you want to know all of this?"

"What did you tell me a few minutes ago about having sex?"

"That is was indescribable."

"No, before that."

Jay was silent for a moment. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

"Didn't you say a few minutes ago that thinking about sex made you throw up?"

Jay thought hard. "Yeah, I did."

"But you're not throwing up now."

"No" Surprise colored Jay's tone of voice.

"So what has changed?"

"I don't know." Jay responded, puzzled.

"I'll tell you what changed. You were no longer thinking about the present, but were reliving one of your most cherished memories."

"You're right, Doc."

"So what are you feeling now?"

"It's kind of weird, but I feel happy."

"Good. I want you to remember this feeling, and your first sexual encounter with Kyle. You'll need it later on in our sessions."

"Why's that?" Jay asked, apprehensively.

"Because you're going to experience a lot of negative feelings and emotions, and remembering how it was the first time with Kyle will help lessen those negative feelings. Let's move forward in time, to the morning you and Kyle were caught kissing in the FBI parking lot."

Jay was silent for a few moments. "My truck was in the shop getting new brakes installed so Kyle had given me a ride to work. I had a pretty ordinary day then he picked me up after work and dropped me off at the car place. I picked up my truck and went home stopping by Arby's to pick up dinner."

"That's not what I'm asking."

"I don't understand." Jay replied, his brows furrowing.

"I'm referring to what happened before you got out of the car that morning."

"Oh, that. I kissed him and got out of the jeep." He said, evasively.

"According to Kyle, it was more than just a kiss."

Jay gave a small, embarrassed laugh. "Yeah, we did kind of get carried away a little, especially when he started rubbing my crotch."

"And you grabbed his butt, according to what he said."

"He wanted sex, as did I, and we probably would have done it right then and there."

"That's what he said."

"Sexually, Kyle's like the Energizer bunny...he keeps going and going and going. He can be insatiable at times. I remember one night we did it seven times, and he still wanted more, but I was totally exhausted. All I wanted to do was sleep."

"It sounds like the two of you had the perfect relationship."

"Oh, we had our arguments, just like any other couple, but they were few and far between."

"So what happened when the two of you argued? Did it ever get physical?"

"Never, well, actually it did once." Jay responded quietly, eyes starting to tear up.

"Why don't you tell me about it?" Doctor Foster said quietly.

"It was That Day."

"That day?"

"The day he caught me cheating on him."

"What happened?"

"He walked in while I was cheating on him. He pulled the guy off me then threw him out of the house. I lied on the floor for a couple of minutes then I got up and tried to explain what was happening. He punched me in the stomach and told me to get my fucking ass out. It was the only time I ever heard him say any form of that word."

"I noticed that you keep referring to the sexual encounter as cheating."

"That's what it was."

"Okay. You told me that Kyle was your entire world and you loved him more than life itself. If that was true, then why did you cheat on him?"

"I didn't have a choice."

"No? Everyone has a choice. You didn't have to have sex with him."

"But I did have to."

"Had to, or wanted to?"

"Had to."

"Explain why you had to. From what Kyle told me, with him you were always the insertive partner. But yet with your other partner, you were the receptive partner."

"I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE!" Jay shouted, really pissed off.

"Why not?" Doctor Foster insisted.

"I got an email saying that if I didn't want anything to happen to Kyle, I had to call this guy. When I did, he told me that I had to let him fuck me or else I'll never see him or hear from Kyle again. In order to protect Kyle, which I would do even if it cost me my life, I had to submit to him."

"Why didn't you go to the FBI or the cops?"

"They wouldn't have helped. My supervisor is extremely homophobic. If he found out about me and Kyle, it would have been the end of my career. The local yokels would have had a field day over the pathetic FBI field agent that couldn't protect his secret boyfriend."

"Okay, so I guess you really didn't have a choice."

"No, I didn't. I keep telling you that. Why won't you believe me?"

"Oh, I do believe you. I have all along."

"You could have fooled me."

"You've been fooling yourself."

"Huh?"

"You keep maintaining that you cheated on Kyle. Cheating is when a person willingly has sex with another person that is not his or her spouse. You were an unwilling participant, were you not?"

"It was the only way to protect him."

"So you submitted to the other man to save Kyle from harm, strictly out of love for him?"

"I thought you understood that." Jay said, puzzled.

"I do. I'm trying to make you understand that it wasn't cheating. It was doing what you had to do in order to protect Kyle."

"I guess you're right."

"So let's not refer to it as cheating again. Okay?"

"Whatever you say, Doc."

"Get some rest. We'll talk again tomorrow. Oh, and by the way, according to Agent Hunter, sexual orientation is in the FBI's non-discrimination policy, so your supervisor could not fire you on those grounds." Doctor Foster left Jay to mull things over in his mind.

Okay, so technically I didn't cheat on him. But how can I convince Kyle of that, and not just him but everyone? I'm sure all of our friends and his family would just love to see me drop off the face of the earth. He rolled those thoughts over and over in his mind until he fell asleep.

Chapter 20 Jay was awakened several hours later by a knock on the door. "Come in." he yelled.

Kyle cautiously opened the door and asked if he could come in. The memory of Kyle's last visit to his hospital room from when he was stabbed returned. He turned on his side, facing away from the door. "Why, so you can scream at me again about cheating on you?" He asked with a trembling voice.

"No. I understand now why you did what you did. You only did it to protect me. I'm sorrier than you will ever know about how I treated you, never giving you the chance to explain. I love you, Jay, and I want us to be back together. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me for the way I acted and treated you?" There was no doubting the sincerity in his voice.

Jay turned over onto his back and held out his arms. Kyle rushed into them and held onto Jay like he was the only thing in the world that mattered to him, which in truth, he was.

They remained like that for what seemed like hours, when in all actuality it was only twenty minutes. There was a knock on the door and Doctor Foster entered. "Gentlemen, forgive the interruption, I need to talk with Jayson. Kyle, would you mind leaving us alone for about an hour?

"Not at all, Doc" He looked at his watch. Five o'clock. "Can I come back?"

"Sure" said Doctor Foster.

"Okay, I'll just run down to the cafeteria and grab a bite to eat."

Just as he was sitting down to enjoy a leisurely meal he heard a familiar voice from the past. "Hi, babycakes" He felt arms surround him from behind and a tongue being inserted into his left ear. Only one person ever called him 'babycakes'. He jumped up and tore the arms from around him. "What the hell do you want?" he asked his former boyfriend Corey.

"Oh, I think you know." He said with a lewd sneer on his face as he moved in to kiss Kyle and reached around to grab his ass.

Kyle pushed Corey away from him. "Yeah, I know what you want, and you're not getting it, not now, not ever!" He growled.

"Excuse me, but I think you have forgotten what I taught you in high school. You are a Twinkie, and as such you are supposed to get fucked in the ass as often as possible, and suck as many dicks as possible. Speaking of which, when I get you home I have about two gallons of cum in my balls that I'm going to shoot deep into your ass. When you walk past people, they're going to think they're next to the ocean from the sound of all that cum moving around inside you."

"I don't think so! There's only one person who I will ever even consider barebacking with, and that person most definitely is not you!"

"So you're thinking now? Damn, but that's gotta be painful. Twinkies aren't supposed to be able to think. They're nothing more than living blow-up sex dolls, but that's neither here nor there. I think it's time I took back what's mine"

"What do you mean? What's yours?"

"I took your cherry, so you and your ass belong to me, and I'm going to take them back."

"Like hell you are. I belong to myself, not you, and my ass belongs to someone else." he said in a voice filled with venom. Corey advanced on Kyle in a threatening manner. "I'm not the shy, naïve seventeen-year-old virgin you took advantage of back when I was a junior in high school. I'm not afraid of, nor am I intimidated by you anymore, so if you want what's yours, you've got your trusty left hand."

"Ah, but my hand doesn't make me see fireworks like your tight, hot ass does."

"I see. It's fireworks you want? Fine, Tell you what. You get it up and I'll tie a bunch of firecrackers around it and light 'em 'cause that's the only fireworks you're going to get out of me. There's absolutely no way in hell your dick is going to be anywhere near my ass again, ever. I mean it."

A hospital security guard had just finished paying the cashier for his dinner and turned around in time to see Corey advance on Kyle menacingly. "You little fucking slut. You've obviously forgotten who's in charge here, so I'm going to have to teach you all over again." He punched Kyle in the stomach as hard as he could, knocking him to the floor. Corey stood over him and licked his lips, then said "So, you want to do it the hard way, huh? Fine with me. I've found that I like it rough. I'm so going to enjoy it when I get you home where you belong. We're going to have some fun. Oh, and another thing. I don't use any lubricant anymore. It's much more satisfying to stick it in dry. My sister just had a baby, so I'm going to go say goodbye to her and my brother-in-law then I'll come back and take you home. Don't go anywhere." The last sentence came out as a warning.

As soon as Corey hit Kyle the security guard dropped his tray and ran towards them, calling over his radio for backup. "Code 55, main cafeteria. Code 55, main cafeteria."

Kyle's foot shot out in a vicious kick to Corey's groin. He doubled over in pain and fell to the floor next to Kyle, who spat in his face. "Damn, I've wanted to do that for a very long time. You want it rough, how's this?" He stood up and kicked him in the groin again as the security guard pulled him away. "Calm down, son. It's over."

Within a few minutes, the police arrived. As they took statements from Kyle and the security guard, Doctor Foster arrived just in time to see a handcuffed Corey being led away. "What happened here?" He asked the security guard.

"I had just finished paying for my food when I heard an argument behind me. When I turned around I saw that guy over there" he nodded towards Corey "punch a kid really hard in the stomach. That's when I called for backup, not that it was needed. Kid over there" he jerked his head in Kyle's direction "landed as sweet a kick as I've ever seen right to the balls of his attacker."