The Long Way Home

Nick's Note: While I may write about my erotic interludes with a variety of women, I am not promiscuous. I do not 'hunt' women, visit brothels, or solicit streetwalkers. My stories cross a time line of thirty years or so, and my relationships with the ladies in these stories have lasted for any number of years; one in particular has continued off and on for the last twenty-five. I had the honor of being allowed to carry one of these true friends to her grave. All of these beautiful ladies know that all they have to do is call, and I will be there, as a friend. However, with that being said, if one calls wanting my body, I'm always early.

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It was early Sunday morning of the long Labor Day weekend. El and I were headed south out of the eastern part of Iowa. Headed south to hot water, clean clothes and a good meal for me, a bath and probably some wax for her.

We were both covered with the sandy dirt of the campground. I could feel it in the creases of my skin; like extra fine sandpaper, slowly working its way in. I could see it on El's paint, laying in clouds across her tank, changing shape with the light, a line of it on her speedometer glass, trapped against the bezel.

It promised to be a hot one, just like yesterday, but it was cool now, the dew still heavy, and the sun barely up. El and I seemed alone with earth and sky for the most part, so I gave her some leash, and she ran with it, wound tight, begging for the other gear I'd promised but never delivered, reining her in as we approached small towns and their limits, exhaust popping her complaint.

She never asked for much, did El. Just for me to hang on and to let her run. Her usual complaint being that I shut her down or was too long from her.

Some thought I had gone off the deep end with El. I've noticed that these are the same people that can't see or even look for an unspoken thought or desire in the faces of their loved ones or friends. I feel sorry for them. Over the years, I've learned that you can help, but you can't make people feel; they have to find their own way; they have to find their own salvation.

We crossed the line into Missouri at a small toll bridge on the Des Moines River. A four-lane highway is being built across the river now; you can see the new piers from the tollbooth. I'll miss this bridge, the toll taker always wanting to talk, never caring if you have to dig for change, asking your health, wishing you safe journey. Progress isn't all it should be.

Missouri is a 'helmet law state' so I always stop at the small gas station on this end of the bridge, get gas, on or off with the helmet, and smoke. I've earned a nodding relationship with the owner over the years, and he doesn't care if I loiter when it's cold or raining as long as I don't block the pumps or the door. On the southern run, I always get coffee, hunker down and lean back, catching the heat reflected from the block of the building and watch the big rigs cross the bridge silhouetted by the rising sun.

As El and I continued south, I let my thoughts drift around the curves of my mind, thinking about stories and poems, things I need to get done, things said or implied, sometimes silently singing, or listening to El's song, and then it came to rest on Maggie.

I had met Maggie and her husband Jim up in Sturgis about seven years ago; camping next to them, we just seemed to hit it off even though they were both at least ten years younger than me. Sharing whatever we had that the other needed, doing the rides together; Needles Highway, Crazy Horse, Devil's Tower; watching all the crazy shit go down in the campground at night, gambling in Deadwood, and whatever else took our fancy. I met them up there every year since, even rode home with them; spending the night at their place in K.C. before heading across the state to my home. Until two years ago, anyway.

Maggie showed up alone that year and only stayed part of the one day. Jim died that January. Maggie looked used up; no tears left, and in a monotone told me that she was only there to spread his ashes and wanted me to go with her, that it was one of his wishes. I followed her to the western approach to the Badlands and watched her offer him to the winds on the grasslands.

As I watched her head east, I couldn't ever remember feeling that much pain for a fellow human being.

I stopped on my way back from Sturgis, she wasn't home, and so I left her a note to call me. She never did. I tried calling her from time to time, but the phone just rang. I let it go.

Maggie kept crossing my thoughts as El and I headed down the road, just wondering how she was, wondering why I never heard from her, wondering why I never tried to contact her again.

El and I hit Hannibal, stopping for gas. I remembered hearing that the northern east/west highway was a good run across the state, so for grins I checked my map. I thought, 'Fuck it', I'd know how she was and be done with it. El and I headed west for K.C.

It was a good run until we got past Chillicothe where we caught some hard-hitting rain. I had to slow down for a chance to guess where we were on the road with the passing cars kicking up spray and coating the inside of my glasses. I finally stopped under an overpass and put on goggles as much as I hate them; feeling like my head is in a fishbowl, like I may as well be driving a cage.

It rained all the way to the interstate and sporadically into north K.C.

I pulled up to an overgrown yard, flowerbeds choked with weeds, and soggy newspapers littering the driveway. Maggie answered the door in a robe, very pale, almost ashen, hair a mess, dark circles under her eyes. Gone was the girl that had to have makeup to leave the campground, had to brush out her hair at every stop, always wanting to look her best. She just walked away from the open door, didn't even say hi.

She had given up. I won't describe it.

I followed her into the kitchen, found her smoking, drinking coffee, table littered with crap.

"Is this one of Jim's last wishes, Maggie?"

"Aw fuck you, what do you care? Nobody else does, why should you?"

"Don't hand me that. You only had to call. I would've listened. I would've cared."

She snorted at me.

"You know, it doesn't have to be like this Maggie. I know it hurts. I know it hurts so fucking bad you want to die. But you don't have the guts to do it quick, do you? I didn't either."

She finally looked at me. I gave her a small smile and nodded at her.

"Yeah, me too, Maggie. Come on, get dressed, let's get you out of here, get something to eat."

She came out after awhile, dressed in jeans and a blouse, no makeup, but she had brushed out her hair.

We took her truck to a Denny's, where she mostly stared out the window and pushed her food around, until I kicked her in the shin.

"Yeah, I'm still here. I never knew you were this ignorant to people. Now look, I'm paying for this crap, so eat up. Now."

We talked on the way back to her place. She told me that Jim's parents didn't want her around, didn't want the reminder, and didn't care for her to begin with. Told me that she had no kin, no one to fall back on. She couldn't find it in her to start over. She quit her job, lived off the insurance, and just waited.

We spent the night talking. I listened to her talk about Jim and their plans, held her when she cried, tried to make her feel that I understood her pain and that I cared. I told her a little about Annie, how friends found me and helped me on my way.

The sun found us still talking.

"You know I can't just leave you here to start this all over again, don't you? It would make me feel better if you'd stay with me for a spell. I've got the room, and the price is right, so go pack up some stuff and we'll be on our way. We'll take your truck, you can come back to this whenever you want, ok?"

Maggie hesitated and started to object claiming she'd be a burden, that she was ok now, that... I stopped her with one word, "Bullshit." She got up to pack.

I walked around the house, making sure stuff was turned off, and made my way to the basement. Jim's bike was down there; front end and frame twisted, scarred and dented tanks and fenders; looking just as sad as Maggie. I found Jim's ramp and got El loaded and tied down, listening to her complain about bondage. A neighbor kid was shooting hoops a couple doors away, so I walked down and struck a deal with him and his dad, cash in advance to cut the grass, pull the weeds and collect the mail and papers. We traded numbers in case.

Maggie had four suitcases and a bunch of smaller bags waiting with her by the truck when I got back.

"You know, this isn't a world cruise." I was sorry as soon as I said it, she ducked her head and started to retreat. "Lighten' up girl. I'm just screwing with you. Get your butt up there and I'll pass it to you. Come on, times a wasting."

It was close to 8pm when we finally made it to my place. I moved some stuff around and got Maggie settled in the spare bedroom, showed her where stuff was, and made sure she knew that this was home and didn't have to ask.

She helped get El down, and just for grins I dared Maggie to pull her in the garage. She hopped on, lit her up, looked back, and with a big grin, shot gravel all over me. El sounded happy. Damn women.

Maggie came to my room in the middle of the night, crying. I let her get in with me and I held her as she cried herself to sleep. She woke once calling for Jim and I just held her tight and whispered that it was ok; over and over; that it would just be ok.

I let Maggie sleep the next morning. I sat drinking coffee and when the time was right, I called work. I usually carry a couple weeks vacation over every year; the boss seemed surprised when I told him I was taking two weeks; seemed even more surprised when I told him it was for family matters.

Maggie acted embarrassed when she came in the kitchen later, and I probably made it worse by asking her if she slept well, but hell, that's what a friend is for. Right?

We spent the day doing the grand tour of the area. Pete's Inn, where we had breakfast, and the closest shopping mall, which is about twenty miles from my home. I knew the last was a bad idea from the start; but a tour guide can only point out trees, livestock and wildlife so many times...

I found myself in the makeup and women's clothing sections of a department store trying to convince Maggie that she was prettier than she needed to be, but she didn't buy into it; and then a supermarket where I was told to be quiet, push the cart, and look domesticated.

To say the least, it put me off my feed for the rest of the day; well, at least until Maggie did her home cooking routine; then I kind of figured humping groceries isn't all bad.

Hell! I don't know who I'm trying to kid. We had fun.

I snuck in a call to Connie; a friend who has been like a sister to me over the years and has helped me over some rough times; explained the situation to her and got an invite to her house for tomorrow.

Maggie and I watched the fire after dinner and talked into the night. She had more she wanted to get rid of and I let her. It was late when we finally said good night.

I woke up the next morning and Maggie was in bed with me again. She was beautiful in her sleep. Her hair slightly disheveled, lips slightly parted, breasts slowly rising and falling, the covers outlining her ample curves, a shapely calf and foot exposed...

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't tempted because the proof of my temptation was plain to see. I'm just lucky; no, Maggie was just lucky; maybe we were both lucky, that my normally small conscience also gets big at times.

Shaking my head and groaning inwardly, I got out of bed without waking her, got dressed and got the hell out of there before either item deflated.

I was giving El her belated bath and talking to her about Maggie, when Maggie came out to the garage carrying a thermos of coffee. She didn't look embarrassed this morning; instead she had a puzzled look on her face.

She helped me dry El without me asking, and we made small talk about the weather, sharing the coffee from the thermos cap.

"Who were you talking to when I came in?"

"El. She was telling me that she thinks you're pretty, and that she got a big kick out of you shooting gravel at me the other night."

"Well, I think you're pretty too, El. Does Nick think I'm pretty?"

"I think you're beautiful. And when you're ready, you'll see that other men think you're beautiful too."

"Do you think I'm desirable?"

"Hmmm. Now that's a damned if I do, damned if I don't question if I ever heard one... even though I answered one question, I'm going to plead the fifth. I will say that I didn't ask you to come here to jump your bones..."

"You could've fooled me. I saw you when you got out of bed."

"You mean you saw me when I got out of 'my' bed, not the one you were given, don't you?"

"You didn't kick me out," sticking her tongue out.

"Aw, Maggie, I don't want to hurt you. I just want you to be... your old self, and I sure as hell don't want to do anything that would make you hate me later. If you want to share my bed at night when you're lonely, that's ok with me. Just make sure... that... I dunno... I... I just don't want to lose your friendship and have you wish that I'd never shown up at your door. I may as well just say it. I find you very desireable Maggie. I know why Jim loved you. I know why Jim still loves you."

I saw a look come over her, and thought 'now you went and stepped in it, you bonehead', but she surprised me, only letting a couple of crocodile tears go with a hint of a smile. I wiped the tears away with the towel I was holding, leaned towards her and kissed her on the cheek.

"You hungry? We need to start thinking about getting our act together; I've got someone I want you to meet. A real good friend of mine, I think you'll like her."

"No, not really; but I want to shower if we have time."

"Take your time. I'm going to finish up out here and I'll be in."

I was sitting in the living room, staring out the window, not thinking about anything in particular when I sensed movement. Turning my head slightly, I saw Maggie walking towards her room with a towel wrapped around her head wearing a long t-shirt that ended about mid-thigh. It was wet in places and clinging to her body, outlining her shape. I caught just a hint of a nipple, and a tantalizing glimpse of the small of her back curving to her butt. I whistled to myself and closed my eyes, trying to wish away a growing erection. I was congratulating myself on my success when the thought, 'I wonder if she was wearing panties', made me start all over again.

Connie had invited some of her friends over. She had made a cake and a bunch of girl food for a regular tete-a-tete, or council of war, depending on your point of view. Being the only male there, I went with the latter.

I've never figured out why women do it, and I've never seen a group of women not do it... talk about you while you're in the same room; yet act like you're not on the same planet.

The 'ladies', most of whom I've seen passed out drunk or flashing their tits at biker events, acted like Maggie was a long lost rich relative of some sort that had just been rescued from the wilds.

I remembered Harley Race saying, 'discretion is the better part of valor'; thought that was sage advice, especially from a pro wrestler; conned Connie into bringing Maggie back to my place, and made a hasty exit.

I shot the breeze and ordered the new gears I had promised El, had a couple of beers and lunch at Pete's, and went home and split firewood.

Sitting on the back steps, drinking a beer and smoking some herb, feeling the contentment that only hard, sweating labor can give me. With the sun below the crest of the hill, my home is in near twilight; submerged beyond the cares of the world; quiet, peaceful, solitary joy...

Loud music and women's laughter invades, making me smile.

"Oooooh, Nickyyyy! We're home!'

More laughter. A window opens letting out more music. The screen door slams. A bra sails over my head and lands in the yard.

Maggie sits down next to me, slurring her words, "Goddamn I'm glad I got that off. You spend too much time alone. Gimme a drink. Gimme a hit too. Come on, you're bogartin' it. Fuck if I don't feel good."

I complied with her wishes, and turned when I heard the door again to see Connie with a sheepish look on her face carrying three beers.

"If you had told me it was that kind of party, I would've stayed, Connie."

"It just kind of evolved, Connie said with a smile, it just kind of evolved."

"Whatcha been doin' while I was away, Nickyyy?"

"Splitting wood."

"Splitting wood? Hey Connie, I tried to get Nicky to split me with his wood, but he wouldn't do it, whaddya fuckin' think about that? You think he's gay or something?"

Connie spitting beer through her nose and choking is what she thought about it.

Shaking my head, I walked out in the yard and got her bra and hung it on the deck railing, told them I'd be back in a minute and went in the house.

I got a pot of coffee going, closed the window and started a fire. I came back out with a cold bottle of peppermint schnapps and a couple more joints.

"No fucking way. I gotta go. Maggie, don't forget we're going shopping tomorrow. 11 o'clock, Ok?"

"Go? We just got here. Oh. Yeah, right, tomorrow."

"I'll make sure she's up. Thanks Connie, I owe you...big time."

"Uh, yeah. Well, see yas later. Have fun."

Maggie got to her feet, did a little dance move over to Connie and gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

I sat back on the steps again and Maggie followed. We sat sipping schnapps and smoking, neither one of us talking much.

"I'm not really drunk."

"Is that right."

"I'm catching a good buzz, but I was just acting. I see that acting drunk won't work either."

"You act good. I was convinced. You're right, it wouldn't have worked."

"What will?"

"Come on, let's go in. I'm getting cold."

I helped her up and put my arms around her. I looked into her eyes and acted like I was going to kiss her. When she tilted her head back, and closed her eyes, I went for it.

Sweet lips. Sweet hungry lips. Sweet hungry lips and tongue. Sweet hungry lips and tongues; bodies tight together, hands and arms moving over each other in a frenzied, squeezing search from head to asses and points in between.

I broke from her with a gasping, "Come on," and we walked to the door with my arm around her shoulders and her arm around my waist.

I knew in my heart that I shouldn't have kissed her. I thought that maybe it would be a good way for both of us to know if sex was in the cards. What I mean is that, for me, if kissing Maggie felt like I was kissing my mother, I would have tried to back out of the situation even if Maggie acted like she wanted more.

I hate mercy fucking. To me it's degrading. I don't want to be the one with, 'I'm doing you a huge fucking favor. I don't feel anything for you, but I guess I'll give you some dick, if I really have to', in his soul. I know right away if it's being done to me. I think other people know when it's being done to them. It's why I never frequented prostitutes. I'd rather masturbate; at least my fantasy has passion for me.

From Maggie's kiss I knew that if this was going to be mercy fucking, it would be one of us begging for mercy later.

It was me. Maggie rode me hard and fast, putting me through my paces. She took us through every curve of her body and mine over and over again, pushing my limits, petting me, talking to me, screaming herself when I exceeded her expectations, urging me on and on. I consider myself lucky that she didn't put me away wet.