The Lustful Truth Ch. 02

I can barely open my eyes. I see something glowing beside me, but it's fuzzy, blurry. I rub my right eye, open it, and squeeze closed my left. It's a clock. It's 4am. Where the hell am I?

Oh shit. Oh shit, you have to be kidding...

I pick my head up and look around the room. I'm still here, in the hotel room. It's very, very quiet. I turn my head to look at the person right beside me and... he's not there. I get up, rub my eyes again and stumble to open the bathroom door. Nothing, no one. Christian is gone.

I put my back to the wall and slide down it until my ass is sitting on the floor. What the fuck did I do? What the fuck didwedo? He's getting married tomorrow. Shit.

I get my stuff together, find no note in the room and no messages on my phone. The bill is paid at the counter, so I leave and walk the seven blocks back to Penn station in these fucking heels. I get on the train to Bayshore and feel sick; too much wine. Too much fucking an almost married man. Too much kissing the man that I...

Too much.

He said love. He said he loves me, he said that's what's been wrong with him. He loves me and wants to be with me. Where is he?

I get off the train and into my car and drive to the ferries that'll take me over to Fire Island. Where the wedding is. Where I'm staying at a friend's summerhouse while these festivities take place.

It's early June, and the weather today is slightly cooler than the rest of the week has been. I stare at the water for the whole ride, thinking about almost nothing except how water and boats do nothing for hangovers or guilt. Finally we're at Atlantique. I get inside the house, find my beautiful border collie Reef well taken care of, sit outside with him for a half an hour, then lie down and sleep.

By the time I wake up, it's mid-afternoon. The sun is shining, the air is perfect and I can hear the waves crashing just down the walkway. I'm supposed to be at Matthew's Restaurant in twenty minutes for the rehearsal dinner; it's in Ocean Beach fifteen minutes away. I don't care. I ruffle through the bag I had my friend Jessica drop off for me and pull out some shorts, a sports bra, a t-shirt and some socks. I drink a glass of water, and find my running shoes on the floor near the door. I see a note that Jessica left me saying how she'd see me on the mainland in a few days. I have the house to myself.

I grab Reef's leash, and throw it over my shoulder; he doesn't need it, but just incase I get stopped it'd be better to have it. We walk out the door to the beach and start jogging. He stays right beside me. I feel better and better with each step, and can feel my legs working extra hard in the sand. Reef just trots along, running through the water, running in circles around me, and all I do is laugh. By the time I make it to Ocean Beach, I feel great. I'm thoroughly exhausted and exhilarated at the same time.

I turn around and begin the jog back, and start walking when I'm a little out from the edge of Atlantique again. I take my shirt, shoes and socks off and jump in the water real quick to cool down. I'm just getting out of the water when Reef takes off running to the house. I start yelling and running after him, hastily grabbing my stuff off the beach. I get up towards the house and can't hear him anymore; I start to panic. I round the corner of the house and see Reef. Jumping. On Christian.

I stand there, speechless. It takes a minute for him to look up, and takes even longer for his gaze to make it to my eyes. I'm half naked and soaking wet. He smiles, looking almost like he's smiling despite himself. He looks restrained.

"I thought I should see you before the restaurant. I didn't want to leave it to chance, how I would react to seeing you," he grimaces. "And I wanted to see if you actually made it. If you decided to come at all."

"I'm here," I say, "I came."

"I see that."

I stand there staring at him. I can feel the wind begin to move and shudder from the chill. I'm mortified to feel my nipples start to tighten, standing in my sports bra, so close to being exposed. I cross my arms.

"Why don't we go inside," I begin to say, "or do you have to go? It's late, you should be at the restaurant already."

"My Aunt Mary's flight got in late. Everyone's just hanging out at Matthew's, the party isn't really starting now until four." He shuffles his feet, shifts his gaze. "I can stay for a bit."

I move past him, calling for Reef, and open the door. I tell Christian to head upstairs, that I'd be up in a second. I walk to the end of the hallway and go into my room. I'm about to take my sports bra off when I feel him looking at me.

"Excuse me," I say, the discomfort in my voice obvious to both of us.

"What? You weren't so modest last night," he chuckles.

"Not funny," I respond. "We were drunk. We weren't thinking clearly."

"Really?" he asks.

I stare at him.

"Really," he sighs.

He backs out into the hallway; I can hear his flip-flops on the stairs.

I pull my sports bra off and throw on a t-shirt. And a sweatshirt. Just to be safe.

I evaluate myself in the mirror. Of all times and places, after all the running on beaches and jumping in oceans I've done in my life, this is the time he chooses to show up and see me in the aftermath. The night after fucking, the night before getting married to another woman. It's slightly humorous. Slightly.

I leave myself as is.

I get upstairs to the kitchen where he's sitting at a stool against the counter and see that he's helped himself to a beer. He's got a second one in his hand that he opens and hands to me. I take it and barely mumble a thank you.

"Bells..." he starts saying.

I laugh. Bells is what my grandfather had shortened my nickname to when I was a teenager. From Bella to Bells. Only a grandfather would shorten a short nickname. Only a grandfather would give you a nickname that had no relation to your real one. Only Christian knew why I was called that.

"Bells, stop. You look miserable."

I glance up at him.

"Stop it, don't do that. I don't want to see you like this. Let's talk..."

"About what?" I say. "Let's talk about what? About last night? About me, about you? Your fiancée? Or the party for the two of you that I now have," I look at the clock "officially twenty-four minutes to get ready for?"

He looks down at the floor. I can see that he's squeezing his beer.

"There's nothing to talk about, Chris," I say. "Just go. I'll see you at Matthew's."

"I don't want it to be like this, I don't want you thinking..."

"You have no idea what I'm thinking," I say. "None at all. Everything's fine, really. I'll see you in a little while."

He looks at me, first puzzled, then resigned. He looks as if he's about to say something, then stops himself. He takes his beer, kisses me on the cheek as he passes, and walks out the door.

I breathe.

I make it to Matthew's only twenty minutes late. Considering the wait for the water taxi, I have reason to be proud. I walk around the bar, greeting, hugging, kissing familiar faces hello. There are people here who have been drinking for hours now. I waste no time getting myself involved.

I see Christian and his fiancée in the corner of the restaurant, smiling, laughing and nodding their heads as people stream by to congratulate them. My level of nausea reaches new heights as she turns his head to kiss him for a picture. I want to hit her.

We sit for dinner, talking more and more loudly as more and more alcohol is served. Within an hour, I feel I've made significant headway catching up to the people who have been here longer. An old friend, Matt, sits himself beside me, takes my hand and kisses it.

"I haven't seen you in a long, long time Bella."

"Hello there, Matthew. How've you been?" I giggle, his hands still holding mine.

He smirks and gives me a once over. "Apparently not as good as you, but I've been okay."

I look down at the floor and blush. Matt is a hot guy, and I am drunk at Christian's rehearsal dinner. I give him the once over back and say, "It looks like you're doing very well from what I can see."

He smiles and kisses my hand again. I laugh to the floor and look up in time to see Christian glaring at me from across the room. I turn to Matt, continuing the conversation. He's on Wall Street now, involved in his fathers investment firm. He attended Columbia after high school, and I'm relatively sure after a large, charitable monetary donation from his parents, and was considering Harvard law after that, but changed his mind. I'm thinking bullshit the whole time. Matt Powers spelt his last name wrong on the SAT's. Incase you're wondering, you learn how to spell power in second grade. Harvard law was bullshit.

I tell him about my own career, as a professional get-byer. I have no idea what I really want to do, so I get by by just being really good at whatever it is that's in front of me. He laughs. He smells good.

I order another drink as he continues talking about what else he's been up to since high school. I can feel Christian's eyes on me as I continue to laugh and flirt, continue to let Matt put his hand on my arm, my leg. He talks about an upcoming trip to Spain and how he's considering tagging Italy on for the fun of it. I ask if it's a business trip.

"No, no. No business there. Just relaxation. Fun. Good food and no work. Have you ever been overseas, Bell?"

"Nope. Not a good flyer" I laugh, embarrassed. "I panic on planes."

"Well that's no good. Maybe I can ease your mind," he says.

I look at him, puzzled. "And how would you do that?" I ask, smiling.

"Maybe you could come with me."

I blink and begin laughing.

"Matthew Powers, I haven't seen you in ten years and now you're asking me to go away with you? Overseas? Are you crazy?"

"No, not crazy," he laughs. "Just an idea. There's a whole villa in Spain, you'd have your own room and everything. And if we go to Italy, you can have your own room there too." He smiles. "I like your company, Bella."

You like my ass is what I'm thinking.

I excuse myself to go to the restroom. As I stand up, Matt puts his hands around my hips and tells me to hurry back. His hands move around to grab my ass and he pulls me towards his face before letting me go. I smile. As I walk away I see Christian staring.

I get to the bathroom, splash my face with water and look in the mirror; I'm flushed and starting to get very tipsy. I do the drunken laugh into my reflection, wipe my face and go back out. A hand grabs my wrist and pulls me out the door of the restaurant.

"What the f...." I begin to say, trying to pry the fingers off my wrist.

It's Christian.

"What the hell do you think you're doing in there?" he demands.

"What amIdoing in there?" I sputter. "You're askingmewhatI'mdoing in there?" I stare at him, open mouthed. "I'm enjoying the night before your wedding, Christian. I'm enjoying your party. Taking it all in." He's fuming.

"Matthew fucking Powers, Bell? Matthew fucking Powers?" His face is red. I can see a vein bulging out of his neck.

"What fucking difference does it make who it is? It's none of your business who I talk to in a bar, Christian, especially notthisnight atthisbar. Most especially not after last night."

He stares at me, grabbing my wrist even harder.

"I don't give a shit what youthinkhappened between us last night, Bella. I will not sit around watching Matt Powers think that he's taking your ass to his hotel room tonight to have you. It's not fucking happening."

"I am atyourrehearsal dinner Christian," I whisper furiously. "You are getting marriedtomorrow. I don'tthinkanything happened between us last night. It's obvious by you being here, going through with this thatnothinghappened."

"You think last night was nothing? Really, Bella? Nothing?"

I look in his eyes, and I see a solid mixture of anger and hurt. I open my mouth to speak, but he suddenly throws my arm back down to my side and walks away.

"Whatever you want. Do whatever the fuck you want."

I stand there for a few seconds, speechless.

I spend a few minutes collecting myself, then go back inside. Christian's planted himself next to his bride-to-be. I plant myself back next to Matt.

"What took you so long, gorgeous? Thought you might have left."

I laughed. "No, just stepped outside for a minute. Where were we?"

Matt and I sit there laughing and flirting for what seems like hours as I watch Christian out of the corner of my eye. Finally, him and his fiancée stand to go.

"Goodnight, everyone," she says with bright, shining teeth. "Thank you all so much for coming tonight. Christian and I have an early day tomorrow, so we're going our separate ways tonight to get some rest. See you all in the afternoon!" she exclaimed excitedly as people started clapping and yelling.

I watch, frozen, as Christian nods his head to the room and walks out the door.

The rest of us mill about the bar for another hour or so, slowing down the drinking as our speech gets slower with it. Finally I yawn and break the news to Matt that I am going home. He tries to get me to stay with him; I politely decline, but promise to spend time with him tomorrow at the wedding. It's obvious from his face that he had anticipated spending a different kind of time with me tonight. I just smile back and say goodnight.

I decide to walk the beach back instead of take a water taxi. I have too much to think about, and had too much to drink. Motion via water would not be good right now. I go to the edge of the ocean and make my way back west. I have no idea what to do. Christian is getting married...today. I won't see him again until he's about to say his vows. My chest hurts with the thought of it, the pressure and constriction overwhelming me and I begin to cry. Involuntarily, uncontrollably crying, then sobbing. Somewhere inside me, I can feel a breaking, a splintering of something. I crouch to the ground, wrap my arms around my knees, tuck my head down and cry. I'm losing him. I'm losing someone I never had.

Just when I think I can't take it anymore, I smell him, then feel his arms around me. He sits in front of me, wrapping his arms and legs around my body, putting his face in my hair, whispering to me that it's okay, that everything is going to be okay. My body keeps shaking as I cry, and it almost hurts more to hear him whispering such empty promises. I fight for what seems like forever to gain control of my emotions, stumbling a few more times over sobs before I feel like I can look up and see his face. I pick my head up, look into his eyes. There are tears.

I put one hand on his face, both hands on his face. I don't care where we were, I don't care who sees us, I don't care what it will do to me tomorrow. Tonight, I have to have him; I have to be with him tonight.

He puts his hands in my hair and we stare into each other's eyes for a moment before we pull ourselves together, his soft lips touching mine. It's slow and soft, and feels like it lasts forever. He pulls back to look at me, my eyes, then my mouth, and I can see his tongue imagining what it wants from me. I stare at him, my tears still wet on my cheeks. He wipes them away with his thumbs, then brings his mouth back to mine. His hands in my hair feel as if they want to pull me through him, as if they're trying to bring me closer to what's inside of him. My tongue skims his lips, then the inside of his mouth. I hear a deep growl from inside his chest and lose my breath at his excitement.

We hear voices coming down the beach, and we both freeze, terrified of who it could be. They pass, some young teenagers, laughing as we watch them swagger on by.

Christian looks at me. "Not here," is all he says. I nod my head and he helps me up. We hold hands as we walk the short distance to Jessica's house, and at one point, he pulls me tight under his arm and buries his face in my hair; I can hear him breathing me in. I smile.

He moves me in front of him as we approach the door to the house. He puts his hands under my shirt, and slightly into my pants. They grab onto my hipbones and he pulls himself into me; I can feel his dick against my ass and lose my breath for a second. I put the key into the door with my right hand, and with my left hand reach behind me to feel his dick. I hear him lose his breath this time, and he brings his mouth to my neck and bites me. I cry out slightly and he does it again, so I grab his dick tighter and he bites me harder. He quickly turns me around and pushes me against the door. He grabs my wrists and pins them above my head and stares at me. His gaze falls to my mouth as he speaks.

"The best part about last night," he says, putting both of my wrists under his left hand and moving his right hand under my shirt and into my pants, "was watching your face...every time..." he moves a finger to my clit and rubs, "I did something to you."

I gasp and close my eyes, then exhale, strongly, loudly, trying to feel my legs, my whole body un-centered by the feel of his fingers and the smell of his body. I open my eyes and see him grinning, the look of lust in his eyes so strong it makes me ache.

"The best part about last night," I struggle to say, "was watching you watch me."

I run my tongue along my lips, his eyes catching the movement, and he moves his mouth to mine and bites my lower lip. I try and pull my hands down but he holds them, effortlessly, above my head and laughs softly at my struggle.

"You are mine." He moves his mouth next to my face and I can feel his breath in my ear, "You belong to me. You can't stop me from doing..." he whispers as he moves a finger inside me, "anything."

I struggle to breathe as his mouth moves to my neck and his fingers move back to my clit. I arch my back and he presses his mouth to mine, my head hard against the door. I bite his lip and he pushes harder into me, his dick pressing up against the side of my stomach. I moan softly and feel him smile.

He lets go of my wrists and I bring them down and brace myself against the door with one arm, the other trying to get the door open. He's kissing me, framing the doorway with his hands when I finally feel the door give way. I move myself backwards, still kissing him and he follows without moving his mouth away from mine. He closes the door behind him, and Reef is at our feet, jumping and licking at us and we break apart and laugh. I pick up a bone and throw it down the hallway, watching that Reef chases it. I turn around and Christian is staring at me, not laughing, not smiling.

"Tell me," he says quietly, moving across the hallway to where I am, wrapping his arms around my waist and putting his face in my neck, "when did you get so fucking sexy? How did I miss this for all this time?" He bites my neck softly and I moan.

I turn my mouth to him and lick his lips softly, looking him in the eye as I back away. He looks from my eyes to my mouth, where I leave the tip of my tongue resting on my bottom lip. His fingers grab onto my back and I can feel his dick pressing against his pants with my leg. He grabs my ass and lifts me up, wrapping my legs around his waist, furiously kissing my mouth, biting licking, sucking. One hand is grabbing my full ass, the other is tangled in my hair, gripping and pulling me back so he can kiss my neck and my chest. I pant and moan as the sweetness of his tongue is mixed with the sharpness of his biting.

He moves himself into the bedroom and kicks the door closed behind him. The sliding glass doors to the deck are open and we can hear and smell the ocean. He kneels onto the bed and slowly lowers me down underneath him. My hands find his belt, then his button, then his zipper and he moves himself to help me get him undressed. I pull his boxers off next and even in the darkness am still taken by how big his dick is.